Parachutes
by reincarnatedcrazybutterfly
Summary: Bella is an angel of death but she hasn't always been. She used to be someone's guardian angel – that is until, that someone turned immortal 108 years ago. A match made in heaven? Or will Death conquer all?
1. Shiver

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Twilight _nor do I own _Coldplay. _

**Parachutes: Death & all Her Friends**

**Summary: **

_Bella is an angel of death but she hasn't always been. She used to be someone's guardian angel – that is until, that someone turned immortal 108 years ago. All chapters set to Coldplay Songs._

_This is set in Twilight time frame but is an AU. It's already December and all the vamps are still vamps. Bella however is an angel of death and of course all the crazy rules that go with it._

_The only POVs in here would be Bella's and Edward's._

_This story unraveled itself when I was listening to Coldplay's new album, Viva la Vida or Death and all his Friends. All the chapters will revolve around a song of theirs though not necessarily found on their new album._

**Please remember that it's better if you listen to the song (check the chapter titles) while reading. Sometimes I put all the lyrics, at times only snips. Each chapter really would be based on a song – seriously.

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**Chapter 1: Shiver**

_**September ? 1918**_

_So I looked in your direction,  
But you paid me no attention, do you? _

A white shadow hovered over a young man with bronze hair who was oblivious to her as he sat in front of his desk writing. The shadow ghosted over in front of that man and moved her face an inch closer to the man'. She saw the man's brow wrinkle and she knew of his worry.

She tilted her head and stared at him with unblinking brown eyes then with her transparent hand she touched the man's face in an attempt to soothe him.

She let out a sigh and as if from response the man suddenly looked up from writing as he somehow felt something. Brown eyes widened as green eyes met hers. She could see. She could see everything about him. She could see every thought, every dream, every need, and every want. She could see his soul.

The hand she withdrew contemplated on touching him again but the man shook his head then looked back down to his writing.

Those green eyes couldn't see eternal brown ones staring at him. They couldn't see the pink full lips that were slightly opened in wonder. They couldn't see the long wavy mahogany hair that curled at the ends as they kissed the floor. They couldn't see the pale skin that stood out from the darkness of the room. They couldn't see that there were feet off the ground. They couldn't see the feathers rustling from flight.

_  
I know you don't listen to me.  
'cause you say you see  
straight through me, don't you? _

The white shadow tilted her head and sighed once more. She flew behind the man and bent to whisper on his ears but decided against it. She knew he would do right even without her.

_On and on from the moment I wake,  
To the moment I sleep,  
I'll be there by your side,  
Just you try and stop me,  
_

She continued to hover and watch as the young man ran a hand through his hair, yawn, stretched, then walked over to his bed. She watched him go under his covers and close his eyes to sleep. Floating just above him she stared at his beautiful face then descended to lay beside the man and continued watching him like always for sixteen years.

_I'll be waiting in line,  
Just to see if you care.  
_

She whispered good thoughts into his ear and stroked his hair though she knew he would never feel it but someday he would. And she would wait for that. As she watched him sleep peacefully she looked on lovingly.

_  
Did she want me to change?  
But I changed for good.  
_

She smiled as she watched his dreams. He wanted to know if he needed to change for someone she somehow couldn't see. She would eventually see that person as days would go by but for now she watched on.

_And I want you to know.  
But you always get your way,_

She then whispered peaceful things to him as well as build him up to be strong for what she knew was coming. She knew that even though her small voice could reach him, she could only go as far as plant seeds and suggest. Whether to water them would always be _his _choice.

No matter what he chose, she would never leave him. Even through the darkest night, she would stay with him. Beings like her had too much love to bear grudges or any ill feelings. She would never leave him.

There was no doubt that beings like her loved their keepers. But hers was a love that was starting to cross boundaries – not that it was forbidden.

She hummed with her voice like chimes as she rubbed his arms. She knew he couldn't really feel it but she wondered if he could.

_  
I wanted to say,  
Don't you Shiver? Shiver, Shiver  
_

The humming stopped abruptly when she felt him shiver a little and worry quelled from her eyes. She drew one of her large white wings closer until it covered the young man's body.

She started humming again and saw that the he relaxed his features and drifted to tranquility once more.

But there was something troubling her. She knew of what was to come the following days. He was going to need all the strength he had. But no matter what happens, she would wait for him.

Wait.

Because she could no longer see past what was going to happen after those days have passed. She would wait because she knew he needed her.

She would wait because she needed him as well.

_  
I'll always be waiting for you,  
So you know how much I need ya,_

She would do anything for him but there was only so much she could do. She has been watching him for all his life and she has loved him all those sixteen years. Yet…

_  
But you never even see me, do you?  
_

There was a chance, she knew, that they could meet but again – _always his choice._

_  
And this is my final chance of getting you.  
_

Ever gently, she caressed his face and marveled at how warm he felt. She wondered what he thought of her if he could really feel her. Yes, she thought. She would wait for him. Always.

_  
Sing it loud and clear.  
I'll always be waiting for you.  
Yeah I'll always be waiting for you.  
Yeah I'll always be waiting for you.  
Yeah I'll always be waiting for you, for you  
I will always be waiting for _

At times, she would think of how different it would be if she was something else.

_And it's you I see, but you don't see me.  
And it's you I hear, so loud and so clear.  
I sing it loud and clear.  
And I'll always be waiting for you,_

Of course, those were only errant thoughts that she casts away casually. Beings like her have unconditional love that it was okay for having this one-sided love.

Someone like her entity was capable of being content to such great extents that to simply be given the opportunity to watch over someone as special as he was to her, was more than enough.

She smiled widely and kissed his forehead.

"Sleep well…"

_So I look in your direction,  
But you pay me no attention,  
And you know how much I need you,  
But you never even seen me.  
_

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**AN: This is shorter than what I usually write but the theme is heavier than ever. I promise that what this story might lack in length, it makes up in depth. I hope you like this. I've read some good "Bella/Edward is a guardian angel" and some "angel of death" AUs but Coldplay's "Shiver" made me think of this. So allow me to try my hand at this. It gets better, I promise.**

**Tell me what you think and if you have Coldplay songs to suggest, PM me or add it to your review. I will push through with this story if I could get ****5 reviews****. So I really want to know what you think.**

**Oh, to those who've read it, I just recently finished "Silent Reverie." I'm nearing the end in "Silence, the Loudest Sound" and "Black Silent Lilies" is in the drawing board. (Whoa, I sense a pattern in my themes…hmmm… interesting…) **

_**Margaux**_


	2. Death & All His Friends

**AN: Rewritten. Parts in bold were the ones added. - Margz

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**Chapter 2: Death and All His Friends**

_**December 1, 2008**_

_All winter we got carried  
Away over on the rooftops  
let's get married  
_

_Clang, clang, clang!_

My brow knotted the tiniest bit in irk as the whole of the perimeter stirred from the vibrations emitted by the clanging of the giant bells. I was broken from my reverie. I waited for the infernal noise to drown out so I could have silence once more.

Snow.

Peering from my arms, I saw snow. I lifted my head leisurely, slightly breaking my effigy position. I was sitting on a rooftop with my head half buried in my arms that were wrapped around my knees. My wings were automatically folded over my figure as I pondered.

With my unblinking eyes I watched as a small white crystalline flake landed on my pale palm. Snow was supposed to be cold.

I couldn't feel it.

I couldn't feel anything.

Winter... cold and dead... white...black...

Each season, I was assigned a place. This summer I was in Alaska... During fall I was in Canada... you may perhaps say nothing has changed much...

Cold. Dead. White. Black. Many people were suffering. I wouldn't be surprised if they came to me, not I to them. _Just be patient... I'm coming for you..._

_All summer we just hurried  
so come over, just be patient, and don't worry  
So come over, just be patient, and don't worry_

I extended my wings and shook it. I watched as the white blanket that accumulated flung in all directions unveiling black that rivaled the night sky.

I continued to watch with my head slightly tilted, as some of my feathers joined the snow – black against white.

Though I didn't need to blink nor close my eyes, I closed them and took an unnecessary deep breath. Once I opened them, I leant forward with my palm against my thigh to push myself in a standing position. I let my hair whip around my face as I looked down and scanned the scene from ten floors up.

**Taking light steps forward, I stood over the ledge with my bare feet teetering. I knew that the wind blew low though I couldn't feel it. **_**I knew because the small black bells that were tied with velvet around my ankles rang with it. **_

**These bells were what I was identified with. Even before… though now they bore a new meaning.**

_**A warning.**_

With exaggeratedly slow movement in desire to delay, I turned around until my back was completely facing the edge.

With one final sigh, I closed my eyes and allowed gravity to take over as I took a step backward.

When I felt the rush of the free fall, I opened my eyes gently. My eyelids were drooping as I gazed nonchalantly at the sky. I saw an endless gray with flecks of white swirling in a giant spiral.

I also saw glints of black as some of my loose feathers joined the gray canvass.

Slowly…

I remember.

My wings weren't black before.

I wasn't even gray.

I was white.

…Whiter than this snow.

**My eyes lazily darted to focus on the silver glint that peeked out from the velvet on my right ankle. I averted my eyes at the same pace back at the sky. **

**I used to be free.**

As soon as I sensed I was nearing the ground, I tucked my arms to my side and flipped my body face down as my wings spread out allowing me to glide smoothly.

I remember.

I remember what I used to be.

I remember what I used to do.

Even more importantly, I remember him.

It's so green here. Even with the snow, this place looks so green – too green.

_Like his eyes._

I shook my head and shrugged the thoughts away. I can remember everything but I can't feel anything.

What made my job difficult was hearing... hearing minds of those who were to see me...

Predictable. Minds around me never change. No desire to fall into the same graves they dug... no desire to lay buried in those graves...they plead... they beg... they bargain...

_No I don't wanna battle from beginning to end  
I don't want a cycle of recycled revenge  
I don't wanna follow Death and all his friends  
_

But then...

They realize that escape was welcoming.

_And in the end  
We lie awake, and we dream of making our escape  
_

Once I saw my destination, **with my cuffed foot**, I perched gracefully on top of a monument situated in front of the building, my wings folding closer to me.

There was only one thing that I could feel or rather, I only had one thing I was allowed to feel.

And that was death and this place had an especially ominous feel that lingered in the air.

Looking up, I read the name of the place.

_Forks General Hospital_

I glided in easily through the wall and ignored the call of death that whimpered along the corridors. There was only one who was to die at this given moment.

Only a very small cry called out to me.

A call I had to answer as I always did for a little more than a century. I came to send that soul.

_Clang, clang, clang!_

So you could hear the giant bells from here too?

I sighed.

As the bells tolled once more signaling the eighteenth hour I knew it called out to me.

It was time to work.

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**AN: Hello my darlings! I'm pretty sure if you've read the summary that you know who's talking here. So, what do you guys think? Just a reminder though, each chapter will have a Coldplay song that's related to it. The titles of the chapters are the song titles themselves. Thanks for reading! Edward might appear in the next chapter…we'll see. ^^**

**Oh and yes, this happened during Twilight. Since Stephenie Meyer didn't really specify the time frame, let's assume that it happened this year and that it's their second year in Forks already. Thank you.**

**I'll update if I get 10 reviews.**

**Love you all, **

_**Margaux**_


	3. No More Keeping My Feet on the Ground

**AN: READERS! BEFORE you read this chapter, kindly re-read the previous chapter as I've rewritten it. I added important details that would be found in the succeeding chapters. Oh and I've written June in the first chapter when it should've been SEPTEMBER. I apologize sincerely. Thank you. - Margz

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**Chapter 3: No More Keeping My Feet on the Ground**

_**September ? 1918**_

_Sometimes I wake up and I'm falling asleep  
I think that maybe the curtains are closing on me  
But I wake up; yes I wake up smiling_

Feeling a streak of warmth on my face, I opened my eyes at a leisurely pace to be greeted by the sun's warm kiss in all its brightness. I looked at the clock and saw that it was past eight and I knew that I have allowed myself to sleep longer than usual but I was feeling especially weak right now.

I gathered myself then walked over to my window and drew the curtains even farther open. Today had an especially ominous feel in it. Each day I felt my heart was heavy. Father was ill and mother was tending to him and it would only be a matter of time when it would be my mother's turn. I have wanted so desperately to offer any service that I could give yet my sweet mother wouldn't let me.

I was not oblivious to these things. That was what kept me up all night – yet… yet last night all my troubles went away with but a cold touch.

Surely, people would question my sanity - I _have _questioned my sanity but at times I felt that I was never alone… but in a good way.

Amidst the dreary feeling of today, I could not help my mouth from curving upwards as I remembered that I dreamt of her again.

_  
Sometimes I feel the chance is surprising  
Surprisingly good to be moving around  
So I wake up; yes I wake up smiling  
_

I… could not fathom who the beautiful creature was. I could not even as much as have a glimpse of her glorious face. But there was whiteness and everything felt good with just her mere presence. The faint sight of her placates all the strife and trifles.

If only I could meet her.

_  
So what? I feel fine  
I'm ok; I've seen the lighter side of life  
I'm alright, I feel good  
So I'll go and I'll try to start moving_

I could not comprehend what compelled me to shiver involuntarily yet I felt a pleasant sensation – as if someone was touching me… soothing me… calming my nerves… That's why I can wake up to mornings like this amidst the gloomy feel. It is because of her.

_  
Sometimes I wake up and I'm falling asleep  
But I've gotta get going  
So much that I'm wanting to do  
But I wake up smiling  
_

There would be times that I would wake then wish myself to close my eyes to perhaps escape and dream again – dream of her. Yet I would feel a push – a sudden impetus to move and go on with life. Each day I felt I have gotten stronger in my will. I could not understand how. Yet each day I was filled with newfound resolve.

_  
And this could be my last chance  
Of saving my human sense  
And this could be my last chance  
No more keeping my feet on the ground_

I had a feeling that from today everything would change – that I only had a few more days to wait. I felt the despair and grief that hung overcast our household yet I had to be strong.

_  
Sometimes I feel the chance is surprising  
Surprisingly good to be moving around  
And I move; I wake up smiling  
_

I have known that it was luck and unidentified grace that helped me manage to move right now. I haven't been feeling well though I wish it would go away for I fear for my mother. I fear for my mother to grieve even more. So I try to hold on as much as I can. I have also known that I am going to become weaker and weaker for the days to come but as my body grows weak my mind grows stronger.

What was I preparing my mind for? I shook my head at that thought and just focused on the brighter side of things. Even from impending doom I could not but help and feel that each day I was growing closer to _her. _Would I meet her in death?

How things may be I knew it was inevitable. My life was going to end. Surprisingly, I wasn't afraid.

I wasn't afraid of death._  
_

Almost instantaneously, I felt the same cold draft hover around me and I felt at peace once more. I found it unfair that I could feel all this and not see what causes it as I have tried time and time again to catch whoever or whatever this feeling came from.

All I know for sure that this was my saving grace.

_  
_I felt that today was my last day of normalcy. My last chance at life… but I would not hinder myself from the inevitable. I would not keep my feet on the ground to prolong it. I would let it happen.

I wasn't afraid of death.

_And this could be my last chance  
Of saving my human sense  
And this could be my last chance  
So no more keeping my feet on the ground

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_

_  
_**AN: I'm happy that people are responding well to this story. Thank you! If you have Coldplay songs you would like to suggest, tell me in your review. Oh and I only put my disclaimer on the first chapter so don't sue me, okay? I've always wondered why there's a need to put that when everyone knows that fan fiction is nothing but fan fiction that even James Patterson reads them. **

**I know you guys know who was narrating. The next chapter would have the same person narrating, don't worry. I know you'll like that. So guys, give me feedback! And I promise to update as soon as I can. I hope I can reach 45 reviews on this. You guys have been so wonderful. Thank you. Oh and again, tell me about songs you'd think would be great. If you could pm me the lyrics it would be a great help and I promise to credit you guys. Thanks again!  
**

_**Margaux**_


	4. Death Will Never Conquer

**AN: Thank you Stefaniieh, debbie-lou and (thanks for the lyrics!) for your song suggestions. You'll know when I'll use the songs. :)

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**Chapter 4: Death will Never Conquer**

_**December 1, 2008**_

_If sweet death  
Should ever conquer me  
Let me know  
Boys, let me know_

_Clang, clang clang!_

It's six already? My brow furrowed as the deafening sound rang on as I covered my sensitive ears. I was broken off from a sudden flash of hazy memory. I was fairly surprised that I was able to unearth that memory that went days before my hundred years of night.

It was a memory of three days before my twilight. I wasn't afraid of death? I sighed. Of course I wasn't.

I was not a monster that time.

But right now, no matter how good my adoptive father sees me, I am nothing but a monster. Through all the sins that I have done I don't think I'm that brave of death right now.

Who was that I dreamt of? I was again surprised that I was able to recall a dream. A dream… I have forgotten what it was like for I haven't been sleeping for quite some time.

That blurry haze of white and mahogany haunted me all day but I knew of no one who bore that profile.

I shook all thoughts away then proceeded to park my car. I was going to fetch Carlisle today as Rosalie was working on his Mercedes.

As I stepped out of the car, I was suddenly taken aback as I heard chimes. Of course there were dozens of chimes that hung all around different rooms of the hospital. The chimes I heard had a distinct sound.

_If you hear him coming  
Won't you let me flee  
Let me go, boys, let me go  
_

They were… lighter than… air? Yet they sounded richer than golden chimes… They jingled in steady rhythm unlike the erratic spontaneous ringing of the other chimes. Wait. They weren't chimes… they sounded more like tiny bells. Listening closely, I heard that the bells slapped into something soft as they rang… it was like they were tied to mobile appendages… with… velvet.

As I walked inside the hospital, I heard it louder and at once I felt a shiver. _I never shiver. _The shiver I felt was unusual like it bore a rise of familiarity yet it bore something that was more dominant – a _warning_.

I suddenly felt the same ominous feel that I felt from the memory. I felt death in the air. Right now I was very reluctant to think of death because of my immortality. I knew I have lost my soul years ago. Yet if I did have a soul as Carlisle believed it to be, I knew I lost my chance at heaven. A small part thought that I have repented long enough yet still… I was a monster… I was death itself when you think about it.

_One day  
Death is gonna conquer me  
I'll be down  
Where the waters flow  
I hope sweet Heaven  
Is a place for me  
Let me know  
Boys, let me know  
_

Hesitating, I followed the sound of those bells. I tuned out all the thoughts and did my best to ignore the stares I had grown accustomed to. As the sound drew closer, the ominous feeling grew more intense.

_If sweet death  
Should ever conquer me  
Take me down  
To some place below  
If you hear him coming  
Won't you set me free  
Let me go  
Boys, let me go  
_

I took a moment to scan the hospital. It really did have a gloomy atmosphere and many were torn from asking for death to end their suffering or feel fear from ceasing to exist. The cold was getting to the people.

_If you hear him comin'  
Won't you say for me  
That I just  
Don't want to go_

I continued walking and thought that I fought the same battle. Yet right now the victor was fear.

_Wait._

I stopped abruptly as I heard a tiny voice from the sea of thoughts. I tuned everything out and saw that it came from a mind of a dying girl.

I found the girl's room at once and saw that the room was empty apart from her. Carlisle mentioned this girl and said that she was going to go soon. The girl was barely six and her parents were in anguish as they held each other while talking to Carlisle.

Her eyes were shut tight. But what drew me to her was what she thought awhile ago. I hid outside and continued to peek as my eyes grew wide when she spoke out what she thought.

"I heard you coming. Your bells gave you away."

Who was she talking to? There was no one in the room.

From her mind I heard a sound a thousand times lovelier than the bells.

"Yes. Those were my bells," the voice said and I looked again but I couldn't see who she was talking to – who that voice belonged to. This wasn't possible!

"You've come for me." the little girl stated. It wasn't a question.

"Yes." the voice in her mind said.

The girl was dying…could this possibly be…I shook my head. Impossible.

"Take me then." The girl said bravely. She wasn't afraid of death? I suppose it wasn't hard to believe because she had been waiting for a long time to end her suffering. I could see from her thoughts that she was good. She had no reason to be afraid of death. She was going to heaven.

"Open your eyes," the voice commanded softly.

And I gaped at what I saw at the exact same time as the girl's eyes fluttered open. My mouth hung and my eyes bulged as my breath caught. I froze.

From the girl's eyes I saw…

I saw a deity who looked physically like that of a seventeen year old. She had long dark brown hair that was braided at the end as it kissed the floor in its length. Her dark locks were slightly disheveled as there were loose strands that fell on her face and shoulder. Her skin was pale – I believe, even paler than mine! And it stood out completely from her black with bluish undertone dress that was draped around her body.

Her face was so beautiful. She had a heart shaped face with defined cheek bones and full lips. She looked beautiful even though no color painted her face which held an emotionless mask. Her eyes, unblinking held the knowledge of time and sharp intensity. They were swimming in emotions carefully hidden behind the brown. Her mouth remained closed in a tight line.

But what would really catch your eyes were her ebony wings. The wings that came from her back were so dark and blacker than night, blacker than soot, blacker than my kind's eyes when we thirst.

As she walked forward, I could hear bells once more and I found that there were tiny black bells that were tied in black velvet ropes around her ankles.

I knew that she could be no other than Death herself.

I saw one more thing that stood out from the black. A glint of silver – half hidden on one of the velvet ropes on her right ankle was a silver cuff – a shackle.

She was bound.

I stood frozen as I knew that I was about to witness Death take a life. Yet why was there familiarity?

Then suddenly a white shadow apparition crossed my mind from memories past and I gasped.

The moment that gasp escaped my lips, the black figure turned her head sharply at me then I saw the same shock spread on her face.

I knew her.

"You could see me?" she asked obviously rhetorical. As soon as she said that she began to materialize standing near the foot of the bed. I could _see _her now – not only in the mind of the girl but for real.

I remained as stoic as a statue.

The silence was broken when we heard a flat line. The little girl was dead. Death's eyes flickered momentarily to the little girl then touched her heart then she looked back at me.

"You can see me…" she said slowly. I couldn't move.

Never taking her eyes off of me, she took a step back towards the window.

Gathering all the will power I had, I willed myself to move a step forward towards her.

She took another step back.

"You shouldn't have seen me, Edward," she said and I felt a sudden delight when she said my name.

I took another step towards her as she poised to leave.

"Wait!" I shouted but in a blink she was gone leaving a sole black feather on the floor, her bells tinkling after her.

I bent down to pick up the feather and I felt a whiff of her scent on it.

Without a second thought, I leapt out the window as fast as I could to go undetected and followed her scent.

She was the one I dreamt about.

I didn't know why but I felt deep in myself that I had waited for this moment – waited for her.

I didn't know death could conquer me a different way.

_If sweet death  
Should ever conquer me  
Let me know  
Boys, let me know

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_

**AN: Yes, Edward finally saw Bella. I wonder how that would turn out. Stick around to find out. So what do you guys think? Are you excited? It would be awesome if we could reach 55 reviews but if not, you're still be awesome. Oh and I'll update "Silence the Loudest Sound" very soon. Parachutes is easier to update because its shorter while Silence demands really long chapters so its harder. Thanks again!**

**Oh right, if you're into anime like Prince of Tennis and Deathnote, check out Lady-von-Strife whose reading this story as well. Thanks!**

**I've also updated my long overdue Draco & Hermione fan fiction, "Saving the Gashlycrumb Tinies" which has dark themes and lots and lots of death and murder. Nyuk Nyuk. Just in case you're interested. It's based on Edward (_ I know! ) _Gorey's illustrated children's book "The Gashlycrumb Tinies" which is really eerie and morbid just the way I like it. :)**

_**Margaux**_


	5. 42

**Chapter 5: 42**

_Those who are dead are not dead  
They're just living in my head  
_

Without second thought I jumped off the window after praying very fast for the little girl's soul and flew not really minding which direction.

I was seen.

I looked down below and saw a river and I panicked.

I saw my reflection.

I _can_ be seen!

My panic grew to greater heights when I remembered who it was who saw me.

It was him.

It's been more than a century when I last saw him and aside from the changes brought on by his inhuman state, he looked the same.

He was still my Edward.

I shook my head. He wasn't _my Edward_ anymore. He wasn't the same boy I've watched for seventeen years of his life and I wasn't who I was before. I'm a black angel now. I still guide souls only I guide them to their death. I am death.

_And since I fell for that spell  
I am living there as well  
Time is so short and I'm sure  
there must be something more  
_

But right now I had to go before I become one of the fallen. I knew it was futile to escape that now that I've seen _him_. I was going to become a _fallen._

I can no longer hear Heaven's call. It's starting. Edward should've died that day. Edward should've been with me in heaven but he didn't. Something unexpected happened and I was paying the price.

How could I face him now?

_Those who are dead are not dead  
They're just living in my head  
And since I fell for that spell  
I am living there as well  
_

I felt someone was following me. I looked back and saw him speeding towards me at blinding speed. My eyes grew in alarm that I coiled myself then sprang forth with immense velocity.

_Time is short and I'm sure  
There must be something more_

_Please don't follow me._ When I looked into his eyes I saw a century's worth of memories of pain and suffering. I could hear his thoughts slightly again and I was compelled to be at his side but I can't. He won't forgive me.

_  
_  
_You thought you might be a ghost  
You thought you might be a ghost_

Het thinks he's been turned into a monster. He thinks he's death himself. He thinks so lowly of him. He's… he's suffering… I felt my wings get heavier and my bells ringing erratically.

Guilt.

I was guilty.

His eyes were empty and held loneliness – they weren't even green anymore.

_  
You didn't get to heaven, but you made it close  
You didn't get to heaven but you made it close__  
_

Oh Edward, if it weren't for me you'd be in heaven now. you should've been… I should've… I… I'm sorry Edward…

_You thought you might be a ghost  
You thought you might be a ghost  
You didn't get to heaven, but you made it close  
You didn't get to heaven, but you ohh ohhh.  
_

I remembered as I peeked into his recent memory that he remembered me – well, my former being. He remembered seeing a white shadow. I was that shadow. I was his angel. I dread to think what he felt when he saw his angel blacker than night.

I knew he realized I was death. Was that the reason he's running after me? Was he running after death? But the real question would be would I even bring death upon him if he asked?

Run away, Edward. This isn't the smartest thing to do. But its funny because, I was unearthing a feeling I've learned to suppress all these years.

I couldn't fathom what that lost feeling was right now but it was deep and going deeper.

He looks as beautiful as he was when he was human – more so if I was allowed to say that.

As I thought about my options, I hadn't realized that I have entered a thick forest and it was snowing really hard.

"Wait!" I heard him say, his voice like the velvet that were wrapped on my ankles. And like before while on the hospital, I felt a yank on my right shin.

This time it was stronger.

It wasn't good, if he ordered or even merely requests I would not be able to run away. So I propelled myself further darting through trees and dead vines.

"Please, stop." He requested. I was completely yanked back by an invisible chain as I stopped midway. This was bad, very bad. For beings like me who were called by certain people, a request was greater than a command.

Because I was stopped up in the air, the sudden force made me fall and crash on several trunks until I fell to the ground with a loud thud.

I fell face first on the ground and I winced as I felt that one of my wings that covered my body as well as my cuffed ankle broke. I couldn't bleed as I had no blood but I had bones and they hurt immensely.

I straightened up and curled my good wing over me and I felt dry scratches all over my body. I bit my lip to keep from screaming as I rubbed my ankle.

"Dear Lord, are you all right?" came a frantic velvety voice.

I looked up and saw golden eyes swimming in worry and astonishment and saw that the man who bore them was crouched at my side.

For the first time, Edward could see me.

I stared at him with my mouth hung. He was really seeing me. I traced his face with my eyes, analyzing every detail. He looked so perfectly beautiful. His face was angular and smooth. His eyes were still the same smoldering ones.

He still had that messy bronze hair that I used to run my hands on. Something I knew I couldn't feel anymore.

Wait.

_Wait._

My eyes grew wide at my epiphany.

"Are you hurt?" he asked and his question affirmed my hunch.

He touched my ankle ever so gently with his frozen hand and my wince at that confirmed it more.

I felt pain. Not only pain, I felt the soft wet dead grass beneath me. I felt the cold snow on my skin. I felt his ice skin.

_I could feel._

I watched as he withdrew his hand then looked at me with utmost concern

"Please say something," he pleaded.

I opened my mouth and continued to stare at him.

"I…I…"

"You could start with your name," he said kindly then he smiled and I couldn't help but smile back.

"My name is Bella," I found my voice.

His smile grew wider, "Bella," he said his voice like a caress when he said my name, "That's a name so fitting."

I just looked at him, unblinking.

"Bella, why is it that I feel as though I know you? And you said my name back there so I assume that you know me?"

"Of course I know you…Edward. I've known you for seventeen years and I have thought about you for more than a century. I could never forget you. But now I have to - "

"Don't," he said but it came out it a question.

No, please don't order me to stay, please.

"Edward I have to – "

He shook his head, "No. Don't leave. Stay please," he said almost pleaded.

I could already feel chains tied to my silver shackle as he said the sealing words.

"Edward, now I cannot leave you," I whispered as I looked into his eyes. I knew he was technically dead but only his body die. I was turning into a fallen and I was bound once more. I wish _I_ was dead.

_Those who are dead are not dead  
They're just living in my head, ooh._

_

* * *

_

**_AN: _So I won't be able to update until next week so enjoy this chapter and ponder on. :) Thanks for the reviews and the song suggestions.**

**Thanks for the lyrics to some songs !**

**Margaux**


	6. Things I Don't Understand

**Chapter 6: Things I Don't Understand**

_How tides control the sea  
And what becomes of me  
How little things can slip out of your hands  
How often people change  
No two remain the same  
Why things don't always turn out as you plan_

The moment I saw her plummet to the ground I sped off towards her. What could've caused her to stop midair? She was going so fast I was afraid I was going to lose her but then she fell.

I saw everything. I saw her fall face first on the cold hard ground and I heard a crack. Worry washed over me as I thought that she must've broken something. Then my heart ached for which I still had no reason to enlighten me with when I saw her crumpled on the ground.

I watched as she winced when she moved her wings. I saw one of the black wings bent in a bad way and I knew it was broken. I saw her good wing fold over her scratched body in an attempt to shield her from more damage. I watched as she rubbed her right ankle with her pale small hands and the action revealed the silver band that encircled that ankle. She bit her lip and I knew she was in pain.

I didn't know why but I was immensely compelled to come to her and see how she was. So I crouched in front of her and asked how she was. Her expression was…not expected.

When she looked at me with wide brown eyes, she looked like I had confirmed her worst fears but there was something else… something that was far more dominant… there was disbelief… and curiosity…

When I reached out to touch her damaged ankle, I almost withdrew it as she felt ice cold – even colder than me I think. She winced once more and I pulled my hand away immediately.

My concern grew tenfold and I was very anxious and confused from everything I was feeling. It was bad enough that I can't hear her thoughts. What was going through her head? I can't understand. This has never happened before.

"Please say something…" I pleaded.

She continued to stare at me then she opened her mouth and tried, "I…I…"

I could sense that this was confusing for her as well so I decided to make things easier for both of us.

I smiled at her and asked for her name.

I didn't expect her to smile back at me but it was the most beautiful image I have ever seen. Her smile seemed to brighten her lovely face. Then she answered in her voice that was nothing less than heavenly.

"My name is Bella."

Bella… Italian for beautiful…I smiled wider.

"Bella," I repeated," that's a name so fitting."

She just stared at me with unblinking eyes.

"Bella, why is it that I feel as thought I know you? And you said my name back there so I assume that you know me?" I asked her.

Her answer shocked me.

"Of course I know you…Edward. I've known you for seventeen years and I have thought about you for more than a century. I could never forget you. But now I have to - "

"Don't," I said unsure. I was still processing what she had just said. And I didn't want her to leave – _ever. _I don't even know why that is so.

She looked at me with frantic eyes but I felt that I couldn't… couldn't bear it if she left.

"Edward I have to – "

I shook my head, "No. Don't leave. Stay please," I said almost pleaded. Then suddenly I felt as if I heard chains linking then she looked at me with half-lidded eyes.

"Edward, now I cannot leave you," she whispered and I grew even more puzzled as ever.

_  
These are things that I don't understand  
Yeah these are things that I don't understand  
_

"I don't understand," I said as my brow knit.

She looked down and I saw her frown. It wasn't right. A deity like her shouldn't feel sad. I followed her gaze and it landed on her ankle, which was…cuffed.

"Bella, who are you bound to?" I asked her while promising myself that I would hunt whoever that was.

She didn't answer.

"Bella?"

She looked up at me still unblinking and whispered, "I can't say." Then she attempted to push the velvet over the silver when I noticed her wince once more.

"You're hurt. Let me help you."

She said nothing.

"My father is a doctor, he'll help you. I'll take you to our house. You'll be safe there."

At the mention of my father, I saw the teensiest pucker on her forehead but it lasted for only a second.

"Please Bella…please let me help you…" I pleaded once more desperate to rid her of pain.

She looked at me with a softer expression, and then she fainted.

Worry coursed through my body as I instinctively caught her. She looked so fragile and her small slender body was cold. She was so white and it was emphasized by her black dress. Could she be the one I dreamt of? But in my dreams she was clad in white.

Shaking off my thoughts, I knew my priority was to keep her safe and tend to her pain. I didn't know if other people could see her but I had to take precaution. I had to run her home as fast as I possibly can.

I took off my scarf and wrapped her damaged wing. I untied her velvet bindings and rewrapped them over her broken ankle. I tried to remove her shackle but no matter how hard I tried it wouldn't budge. So I left it there, carefully lifting it up and tying it securely so it won't bang against her ankle.

Lastly, I shrugged my jacket off and wrapped it around her over her wings as gently as I could. She didn't stir not once. In one quick motion, she was in my arms – lighter than air. I was taken aback suddenly from the proximity of her brown locks and I got intoxicated from her scent.

It wasn't anything I had ever smelled before. But I was certain that it wasn't human. She smelled… like frozen spring… if that made sense. She smelled like ice… cool…. She smelled like she was frozen upon blooming…

My eyes darted down to her partially opened mouth as she let out a soft sigh. I felt…warm… this was all very confusing to me. Different surges of feelings and emotions are awakening as if she was suddenly stimulating every nerve I had all at once. Who _is_ she? Who is she to me? Why does she feel all too familiar yet I have no recollection of her? _What_ is she? She is Bella but who is _she?_

I shook my head rapidly dismissing all my queries and after shifting all of her to my left arm, I called Carlisle using my free hand.

He answered on the first ring.

"Son, where are you? I heard you jump off and run," came Carlisle's concerned tone.

"Calm down, dad. I'm… I believe I'm in my meadow… listen, I can't really explain the specifics as I'm confused myself but I'm sorry, I won't be able to drive you home."

"Okay Edward. I trust you. Run home as soon as you can. See you then," he said then I hung up.

I put the phone back in my pocket then took one last look at Bella. She was still fast asleep looking lovelier and lovelier by the minute.

As I ran her home my mind was racing. I was very much perplexed. She's death. That I knew. But through all the people I've seen die… whether by my hands or not… I have never seen her.

Did I steal their lives? Because I brought death upon them, that it wasn't their time – was that the reason I didn't see her? Or is it because I was meant to cull their lives? So would that make me the same as her? Am _I_ the same as _her_?

_Am I death as well?_

I shook my head.

No.

Look at her – look at me! We're both not humans yet we are different. But we both bring deaths only hers is a full time occupation…? But judging my nature… it too could be my full time occupation if I wanted to.

Ah this is so vexing!

_(I can't) and I can't decide  
(wrong) all my wrong from right  
(day) all my day from night  
(dark) all my dark from light_

I need answers. Why then was I able to see her? Why does she know me? How could she have known me for seventeen years before my twilight? Why is it only now that we met? Why was she in my dreams? Why was she as white as snow in my dreams? Why was she death? Why did she leave me then? Why do we exist? If I could die would I be fetched by the likes of her?

Or was I able to see her because it's written that I am to die at that time?

No, it couldn't be. She ran. She ran away from me. But maybe she didn't want to deliver my demise?

Damn it, this is all too damn frustrating! I don't understand I don't understand…

_  
How infinite is space  
And who decides your fate  
Why everything will dissolve into sand  
How to avoid defeat  
Where truth and fiction meet  
Why nothing ever turns out as you plan  
_

When I ran her home it was good that only Esme and Carlisle were home. My siblings were out hunting and we won't be expecting them until tomorrow.

_Edward's home! _My sweet mother exclaimed as I heard her open the door.

_I smell something different… I don't hear a heart beat but I hear breathing… Edward brought something…alive? It's not human… but… it's not one of us…_Carlisle thought.

Esme opened the door before just as I stepped in front of it and I saw pure shock registered on her kind face. Beside her, my father, held the same look. They were both speechless when they saw the woman on my arms.

Bella shivered and my parent's expression melted into that of concern.

"Get her inside, quickly!" Esme said urgently. I strode inside and quickly laid down Bella on the couch as gently as I could.

Esme rushed upstairs and I heard her opening her cabinet and searching for blankets and towels while drawing a hot bath. Carlisle however went to look at Bella.

"She has no pulse… I hear no blood flows in her… yet she breathes…it's a little staggered. Is she in pain?" Carlisle asked me. He brushed some strands of hair off Bella's face and noticed the scratches. "Did she fall somewhere?"

"Yes, she fell… she fell from fifty feet and slammed face first on the cold ground. She's… I don't really know what she is. I'm confused myself. But she has a broken wing and ankle."

Carlisle nodded then examined Bella's ankle first and her wing.

"I need to have these x-rayed. Carry her to the examination room."

I nodded at him. I knew they were all confused yet worried – both him and Esme but like me, all questions had to take the back seat. Bella's injuries were top priority.

Carlisle worked fast and without question. After confirming that Bella's left wing and right ankle were broken, he bandaged them.

"She…probably has to stay grounded for awhile. I can see that she's recovering quite fast and I could only assume that at this rate, she would only need a few weeks or less."

_Now, please shed some light Edward. _

I sighed as I carried her up my room and laid her down on my black leather sofa. Her body was small enough that she fit there but I would need to get a bed for her.

Esme came in and draped a warm red blanket over her sleeping form.

"Her name is Bella… for some reason, she knows me… well, her exact words were that she knew me for seventeen years of my life and has thought about me for more than a century…" I whispered.

"Incredible. That is tantamount to saying that she knows you even before you were changed," Carlisle exclaimed.

"Yes, I suppose," I agreed.

"But do you know her, Edward?" Esme asked.

I thought for a while, "For some reason… it feels as if I do… she's been… in and out of my dreams… but she was… all white then…"

Carlisle was about to ask some more when Bella stirred.

"Hmmm…" came her heavenly voice.

I was about to touch her but Esme beat me to it. She was by her side as she stroke Bella's dark locks.

"What is it sweety?" she asked in her motherly voice.

Bella's eyes fluttered open then her eyes widened and in a flash she was at the other end of the room looking frantic.

Her eyes flashed from Esme then to Carlisle then to me and they were brimming with question.

I stepped towards her slowly and knelt in front of her.

"Bella, shhh… it's okay. You're safe. They're my parents – Esme and Carlisle," I said softly. She winced at the mention of Carlisle's name. I wondered why.

"Bella, Carlisle treated your injuries. You're in my home. You're safe."

She rubbed her ankle then looked at Carlisle in awe with her unblinking eyes.

Carlisle cautiously walked towards her with his hands held out. "Please stay still. You're still healing."

Bella just kept looking at him then spoke softly, "Thank you."

Carlisle grinned at her, "You're welcome dear."

It was Esme's turn to come forward. "You must be cold."

Bella shivered, "Cold?" she said bewildered.

"I drew a hot bath for you so you could get all warmed up," Esme said kindly.

"W-warm?" she said still confused. I was becoming more and more frustrated not being able to read her mind.

Esme nodded, "Come with me dear." Then she touched Bella's exposed shoulder. Bella jumped.

Bella looked at her still unblinking, "You're…cold."

"And so are you, so please come with me," Esme pleaded.

Bella gave a soft nod then Esme helped her up.

"Edward," she called my name then turned her head to look at me.

"Yes, Bella?" for some reason, hearing her say my name made me very attentive to her.

"T-thank you," she said timidly.

I smiled at her, "Please, think nothing of it."

I watched as Esme led Bella to our bathroom and heard clothing come off along with the bells followed by a gentle splash and running water.

No words were spoken.

I followed Carlisle to the porch. We sat down and began talking.

_Who is she Edward? And how did you find her?_

I shook my head. "Here's what happened. I went to fetch you when I heard bells. I followed the sound and I was led into the room of the little girl you told me about."

Carlisle raised a brow, "The one who was terminal?"

I nodded then I continued telling him the events that transpired.

_These are things that I don't understand  
Yeah these are things that I don't understand_

(I can't) and I can't decide  
(wrong) all my wrong from right  
(day) all my day from night  
(dark) all my dark from light

When I was done Carlisle looked as confused as I was. "So, she's Death?"

"I think so…"

"But now… she's bound to you?"

What? She was bound to me? "I'm sorry, did you just say she's bound to me?"

Carlisle eyed me speculatively, "Yes Edward. I believe she is. She said that 'she can never leave you' and you told me you heard the linking of chains. She's bound to you."

I was… angry with myself. "But… how? That's not right. No one should be bound by anyone."

_I have a theory. _Carlisle thought.

"What is it?"

_Do you believe in angels? _He thought with a smile.

"Angels?" I repeated and suddenly all the pieces seem to fit.

* * *

**AN: I'm sorry for the long update but after my exam (Thanks for those who wished me luck!) I had volunteer work to do for our Human Exceptionality class wherein we had to help out with the Christmas program of the kids from the institution that we went to. Makes me want to consider taking up special ed. So, I'm sorry! I'll update tomorrow or the next day. Happy Holidays!**

**Again, the chapter title is the song title. I claim nothing but the plot. **

**Margaux**


	7. Now My Feet Won't Touch The Ground

**Chapter 7: Now My Feet Won't Touch the Ground**

_Let me go boys let me go  
Push my boat from the highest  
cliff to the sea below  
Rocks are waiting boys rocks await  
Swoop down from the sky and catch  
me like a bird of prey_

"How are you feeling now, dear?"

I jerked back a little like I did before but on a more minimal scale as a warm maternal voice broke through my thoughts.

I composed myself and looked at the beautiful woman reflected on the mirror of a giant Victorian style dresser. She was smiling at me showing her dimpled face that made me doubt her stone cold skin was anything but granite. As I looked at her golden eyes and her…warm smile… I couldn't help but smile back.

I guess that was answer enough for her as she nodded and smiled on. She was Esme… the woman who lost her child… the woman who jumped…

I looked down at my hands and let my smile falter. I remembered her… or at least someone I knew remembered her…

I looked at the mirror but I didn't focus on my reflection. I focused on the woman who was smiling at me as she brushed my long hair.

It felt…

It felt different…

I felt…

Pleasant…?

As I reveled in the pleasant brushing sensation her motions did, I let my mind wander.

I was confused that was a given. I was very confused yet I knew almost all the answers to enlighten me. But the feelings… all these feelings… they were… _overwhelming me. _I've never felt _anything _other than death for a century. And seeing Edward… all my senses… it was as if one look from him has unearthed every feeling denied to me… as if they were only sleeping… only to be awaken…

…_By him._

In a week's time, I'll become a fallen.

_Now my feet won't touch the ground  
Now my head won't stop  
_

I closed my eyes for the first time letting Esme's brushing soothe me and think back at what happened an hour ago.

An hour ago I woke up to see three pairs of golden eyes stare at me with concern and my initial reaction? Panic.

I panicked. Why? Firstly, because they could _see _me and they weren't human – they weren't alive. Now you scoff at me and say, you must've seen dead people all the time being death and all. I have to correct that misconception. I don't see dead people.

I see dying people.

I am Death but I guess I won't be delivering souls of late anymore – at least not _subtly. _I would only be called if it were necessary. Someone else must've taken my place already.

I shook those thoughts away. I am so distracted right now. Back to my initial reaction, I was scared for another reason.

I knew Esme.

And most of all – I _knew _Carlisle.

When I saw him – I felt a dreadful feeling. Something I should never ever feel and something I would never have felt when I was what I was before.

But it was a fleeting feeling and was instantaneously replaced by something else – something not as terrible but still dreadful.

It was wrong and not of my angel nature, white or black, to feel grudges.

But feeling… angry wasn't very nice either. Carlisle didn't deserve it. So I dismissed all those thoughts. Never in all my… existence have I felt any negative thought ever since today. The first was guilt then the hate… then the anger…and back to guilt.

Now I felt…

Sad…

Sad and confused?

Carlisle… I would have to… talk to him somehow…

I saw it. I saw through his eyes that he felt it. He felt guilty when he saw me. He shouldn't but he did and I would have to talk to him about that.

Then I saw Esme and I was shocked to see her, actually see her. I only saw her from a tiny memory – a memory of someone I brought death upon.

And of course, all thoughts melted away the moment Edward spoke. I still couldn't get over the fact that it was really him who was speaking to me – it's really true that he can see me, talk to me…touch me.

And there he was… reassuring his former guardian angel – taking care of his guardian angel. It wasn't…right…? I thought with uncertainty.

I was his guardian angel. He never saw me then. When he finally saw me, he saw me as death. Now, I'm not really either. I was fast becoming a fallen. Soon… I would lose my wings.

_You wait a lifetime to be found  
Now my feet won't touch the ground_

"Bella dear, what's the matter?"

I was once more broken from my reverie and I looked at the kind woman who was looking very concerned. Her eyes bore what I cannot avoid for long.

_Questions._

I opened my mouth to answer her but just looking at her eyes, feeling the sudden gentle touch on my shoulder… the encouraging smile….

Hot liquid flowed down my cheeks – and it was… uncontrollable…

I couldn't even decipher what I was feeling right now among the throng of emotions that just surged. I don't know… _I don't know…_

The feeling intensified when Esme suddenly knelt before me with both her hands on my cheeks, wiping my tears with her cold thumb.

"Bella, Bella, what's wrong honey?" came her lilting voice that sounded like bells.

I couldn't answer her, I just wanted all the confusion to stop – all the questions to stop.

The door burst open and in went Carlisle and Edward looking alarmed and worried. Edward's hands replaced Esme's in a flash and I was caught in his gaze.

"Bella! What's wrong? Why are you crying? It's okay we're here! What hurts?" he asked frantically then he turned to Carlisle. "Carlisle, can you check her injuries?"

It was then that I found my voice just as Carlisle made his way to touch my wing.

"N-no, I – I don't feel pain. I'm sorry it's just… all these feelings – emotions are returning to me and I feel so overwhelmed and I don't know this emotion that has just resurfaced. I don't -…" I tried explaining through my breaking voice but the emotions were too much.

Edward sighed in relief and gave an understanding smile. "I see, let's walk through it. Can you describe what you're feeling?"

"I feel… I feel gratuitous… towards… towards Esme… and warm… and content… and … happy… and I think … awed… but sad at the same time… it doesn't make sense! I'm just really very thankful and warm…so warm…but why am I crying?"

Edward gave a soft laugh and I saw Esme and Carlisle smile a little. "This happened all the time that Esme was brushing your hair, is that correct?"

I nodded.

"You feel touched, Bella. You feel touched from the gesture. It happens all the time whenever someone does a simple or unexpected nice gesture to make someone smile or happy."

Esme grinned at me and stroked my hair. Carlisle gave me a big smile.

"That does summate my feelings. And… I guess it's new to me…" I agreed.

Edward cocked his head to the side and his brow twitched. "New?"

"Yes, I never felt it before." I stated clearly. It was true.

"No one ever did anything for you?" He asked.

I shook my head. "When Death knocks on your door, you don't really invite her in."

I saw him look… silently outraged. His mouth formed a thin line.

Silence.

"I… I suppose you have more questions for me." I broke the ice.

"We do but only if you're ready. Please do not feel pressured," Edward said his voice sounding like velvet.

"But I want to. It's the least that I could do from all the help you've given me," I said meekly.

"Think nothing of it Bella," Edward shook his head then smiled a familiar smile. He sat beside me and took me hand in his and that made my mouth twitch.

Carlisle and Esme were content with standing. Of course they were.

I looked down at my feet and sighed as I started.

"My name is Bella and yes, I'm Death – but I haven't always been." I said as I looked at Edward.

"If you remember, Edward, I told you a while ago that I've known you for seventeen years of your life and have thought of you for almost a century."

He nodded at me and listened with perfect patience.

"Those seventeen years… were your human years," I sad slowly.

Esme gasped and Carlisle nodded in acknowledgement. I knew he had a theory, which might just have been right.

Edward spoke up, "How could that have happened?"

I smiled at him, "Do you believe in angels?"

Edward chuckled then gave a knowing look at Carlisle who gave a soft chuckle as well. I was right. He had a theory.

"I guess it's not that hard to believe," Edward answered.

"Good. Because I was your guardian angel, Edward."

Then recognition gleamed in his eyes. "That's why you're so familiar, you're the one I kept seeing in my dreams."

I half-smiled at that. I was happy that he somehow caught a glimpse of me from before but I was sad because it wasn't who I was now.

"So you looked out for me for all my human life?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Then what happened to you? I'm making a guess here but did you leave me the moment I was changed?"

I lifted my unblinking eyes and looked out the window.

"Bella?" he prompted.

"Yes."

His hand gave my hand a soft squeeze and I could sense that his brow was furrowing.

"Then how?'

I closed my eyes and frowned, "I… I can't say…"

"Bella, 'can't' or 'won't'?"

I didn't answer.

"Bella…" he said as he put his finger under my chin and tilted my face to him. I opened my eyes but shifted my gaze away from him.

"It would upset you," I said simply.

"We can handle it."

I took a deep breath and looked at him, "They say that depending on the level of connection formed between angels and their _protected_, as you're called before, that we become mirrors of who they become."

"So when I was turned into a …vampire… you became…Death?"

I could see thoughts forming on his mind that I needed to stop right away. "I knew I shouldn't have said anything. I told you it would upset you."

I noticed Carlisle looked away.

Esme touched Carlisle's arm.

Edward said nothing.

"I'm sorry."

Edward shook his head and grabbed my shoulders. "Bella… don't… don't apologize. Please."

"But your upset."

He dismissed it, "Then where were you after that? Why did you leave me?"

"I… guarding you… wasn't…. my duty anymore."

"Bella, did you become death because I… I am a creature that brings death as well?" he asked seriously.

"Yes."

"But still, why did you leave -?"

I looked into his eyes and cut him off, "Would it have mattered? You only knew of me today. You only saw me - really saw me just now. And besides… I wasn't bound to you anymore that time… I was bound to duty. I was bound to deliver souls."

"So you were chained to becoming death because I was turned into a monster?" he said angrily.

"If anything, I'm the monster here. You still had the choice. For me it was all I lived for."

"But still you've changed because of me!" He yelled. Carlisle shrunk by the minute.

"Edward, please calm down. I regret nothing." I said while I stole a glance at Carlisle. Edward took the hint.

"I'm sorry. Bella, why was I able to see you then?"

"You weren't supposed to," I answered honestly. He wasn't. It was the truth.

"Then why?"

I knew the reason. No, I knew the possible reasons but none were pleasant for him.

I didn't answer. I couldn't.

"Did you come here to bring my death?" I was shocked. He almost had it right.

"Edward… you know… before… when I was your angel, I… was deeply attached to you and I guess that it formed an indelible bond between us. Maybe it's the same reason that you could somehow see me hazily in your dreams. Maybe part of that is why you had the possibility of seeing me again. I also think that your… power accidentally led you to see me."

"But I heard you, I heard your bells. I followed the bells and then I saw you."

That was…odd…"Then I have no definite answer. Maybe it's because it's time we saw each other again. Maybe it's written." I trailed off. Now the two reasons I knew were coming clearer and clearer.

Edward sighed, "This is all still confusing. But Bella, does that mean that once we've changed our angels become death?"

I shook my head, "No. It all depends on the connection. Some go back to heaven. Some guide other people. Some turn… evil…some immediately becomes a fallen and rarely… some turn into me. Death."

"Wait, wait a moment. Evil? Do you mean devils?" he asked even more confused.

"Demons, evil spirits… that's a possibility."

"What's a fallen?" Esme asked.

"A fallen is just that - a fallen angel. It means, they are angels who walk on the face of the earth like normal people. They lose their wings. They lose direct communication with the higher beings. Some become immortal. But commonly, they become human because usually the cause of being a fallen is falling in love with humans. It's true what they say that some have traded their wings for love," I explained.

"So are you still death?" Edward asked.

"I still have the ability but I'm going to lose my wings in a week's time."

"What does that mean? Are you…are you a fallen?"

"The process has started," I said simply.

"When did that start?" he asked.

I looked directly into his eye, "The moment you told me to stay."

"I'm very sorry Bella, this is all too much to comprehend…" he admitted.

"I'm sorry if I can't explain very well."

"I know that you're apprehensive from sharing some things with us but I wish you'd trust us more," he said softly.

I touched his hand, "I do. I trust all of you. But there are things better left unsaid. All you need to know is I have no regrets and I bear no grudges."

"But you're doing things out of force. You never did anything just for yourself."

"Edward," I said as I touched his face. "I had the privilege of watching over someone as good as you and now I am given that chance once more only now you can actually hear me, see me…listen to me…or not…"

"You're bound to me," he said. It wasn't a question. I dropped my hands and stared out the window again. I didn't want to answer once more.

"It's true then," he muttered.

"I will answer more questions in time but for now please be content with what I have shared so far."

Esme and Carlisle nodded. "It's perfectly all right. We'll leave you alone for now. You need to rest." Carlisle said.

Esme gave me a hug, which surprised me again. When she pulled out she kissed my cheek and went out silently, following Carlisle.

Edward rose to leave but I caught his hand.

"Would it be selfish of me to ask you to stay?" I asked.

He smiled at me and sat back on the black sofa. I sat beside him.

"Edward, I'm sorry if I left you even more confused as it is. But I just want to thank you for your kindness." I said shyly.

He smiled at me, "You took care of me for seventeen years, and I owe you more than this."

I looked down.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry for everything as well."

"What are you sorry for?" he said looking at me absurdly.

I looked up at him, "I'm sorry that I just watch you change and never back to you."

"Bella, there was nothing you could've done to prevent me changing into this," he argued.

"I know but I just watched it happen…"

"Stop. Just stop. It happened, it's over. But I do have a question for you."

"Anything." I replied quickly.

"It was you, wasn't it? It was you who prepared me – prepared my mindset to survive," he pressed.

I ducked my head but gave a half-smile.

"I knew it. Thank you. But Bella… why didn't you come back to me?" he asked softly.

"I was afraid," I admitted.

"Afraid of what?" he tilted my chin to let my eyes meet his gaze and I saw through his golden eyes the burning curiosity and worry.

"Afraid of you being disappointed in me… afraid of seeing your pain…"

"You're incredible," he mouthed not taking his eyes off me.

My brows knit in confusion, "Why so?"

"You're so… good." he said.

I chuckled, "Well I do have the wings to prove it." I immediately regretted saying that as I remembered I had black wings.

He cupped my cheek, "Hey, hey, why the long face?"

"It's so easy to forget who I am when I'm with you."

He chuckled, "Well…that's…that's pretty flattering, I guess."

I smiled at him.

"Bella, I am curious…"

"About what?"

"Well, you seemed genuinely surprised when Esme said you were cold and when she mentioned 'warm'. Why is that?"

I sighed, "It's because… when I became death, almost all emotions… all feelings left me. You could say I was selectively numb."

He nodded, "What is it that you're not numb about then?"

I shifted uneasily. Again, I didn't want to share this.

He held my gaze again, "Please tell me?"

"I could only feel… death… feel the call of death… it's the only thing…"

He looked appalled but adjusted his expression when he noticed my discomfort, "But before you could…?"

"Yes. When I was your angel, I could feel you but you couldn't feel me."

"Okay, one last question."

I waited.

He smiled his crooked smile I was fond of, "What's with the bells?"

I laughed and he laughed with me.

There were a lot of things I had to clarify – a lot more things to explain but I was very hesitant to say them.

I'm happy that Edward could see me and that I could feel again and that I won't be delivering souls that much but there was one thing that keeps nagging at the back of my head.

Place two mirrors facing parallel with each other. The reflection is never ending right? What if both mirrors represented two sets of eyes?

What if both sets of eyes were both that of Death_s'…_?

That's right. Plural. _Deaths._

What would happen then?

Death signifies an end.

Could two ends that meet break the reflection?

Whose reflection would break?

Vague. I know. But it's the only thing I'm willing to share. The only answer I'm willing to give. All I'm focusing on now is how my feet won't touch the ground the same way.

_  
Singing now my feet won't touch the ground  
Now my head won't stop  
You wait a lifetime to be found  
Now my feet won't touch the ground  
Now my feet won't touch the ground_

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**AN: I know a lot of you are very confused but Bella's keen on being secretive and I don't want to give out everything yet. I promise more questions will be answered in the following chapter. But at least, Bella left a hint. :)**

**Same as always, the Chapter title is the song title.**

**Happy Holidays!**

**Margaux**


	8. Life is for Living

**AN: Shaelove, I keep trying to put your username here for the past chapters as a thank you for pm-ing me lyrics to Coldplay songs but whenever I check it doesn't appear when published which is weird, I'm sorry. Thanks again! As always, chapter title is the coldplay song for the chapter. Twilight and Coldplay, i don't own.  


* * *

  
**

**Chapter 7: Life is for Living**

**Edward**

There were a million things I wanted to ask the mysterious creature who was sitting two feet away from me. But she was clearly very hesitant to divulge her secrets so I won't force her and I found a distraction anyway.

Bella was laughing.

I couldn't help but smile and feel elated as I heard her charming tinkling laugh.

"Bells? Well it's a funny story actually that has something to do with my name," she said, and then I watched as her brow puckered in concern as her gaze lowered.

"What's wrong Bella? I mean if it's about my question, if it's too personal you don't need to answer it," I said a little hurriedly.

She shook her head rapidly while raising her hands in front of me, "No, no, it's not that," she said.

I felt my eyebrows meet, "Then can I ask what it is?"

She half-smiled, took a deep breath and fixed her brown eyes at mine and held it, "I was just wondering… if the doctor is busy?" she said slowly. Then just like that her face was a blank mask yet again. She kept doing that, showing an emotion then quickly concealing it.

The first thought that entered my mind was if she felt hurt or ill, "I don't think he's busy. Do you feel anything? Are you in pain? Do you want me to get him?"

She shook her head, "No, I just want to… talk to him."

Then it dawned on me why. Even if my mind was focused on decoding Bella, I could still hear the minds around me and I felt sick when a voice trying so hard to remain hushed made its way to reach me. It didn't take Jasper to know that Carlisle was feeling positively horrible right now that not even Esme could soothe him.

I felt like such a…such an ass for lack of better words… when I remembered the things I said and how insensitive I was. Of course Carlisle felt appalled at himself. Now that he knew what Bella was and how she came to be… and how I lashed out how mad I was that Bella became that way because of my transformation.

I was going to berate myself more when I felt a hand over mine and as I looked up, I saw piercing eyes filled with eternal understanding.

"Let me talk to him," she said while offering a half-smile.

I smiled back, "Okay. He's in –"

"– study?" she said still smiling. Then she poised to stand up to which I immediately reacted to by positioning myself behind her. She might stumble from her bad ankle.

She chuckled, "I'm fine. My ankle's healed. Not totally, but what do you know? I heal fast!"

I looked down and touched her ankle, "Are you sure?"

She nodded, "Yes, watch me." I watched as she took a few steps and I never saw her wince once.

"Okay, you do seem fine…how about your wing?"

She spread out her ebony wings and flapped the bandaged wing a bit then she winced. My hand reached for that wing on impulse.

She squinted an eye, "Well, so much I can say about that. I guess it's walking for me for a little while longer. I wonder how that's like?" she said jokingly.

I couldn't help but grin at that, "I see you have a sense you humor."

She laughed then her face was all serious, "Clearly, you don't read the papers. Of course death has a sense of humor. Who dies while peeling potatoes?" she said matter-of-factly.

I chuckled, "You have a point there."

Then she shook her head, "No, that's not a good joke. Death is not a joke as much as life is not a joke," she bit her lip guiltily, "Not a good joke at all."

"How does one die anyway? Do you choose who? Do you decide how?" I asked curiously.

Again she shook her head, "No. you die because it's your time. Death waits for no one."

"So you're saying that if one came out alive from a life threatening predicament, then that's not escaping death?" I asked.

"You can't escape death. If it's your time, it's your time," she said simply.

"Then what about us? We're technically dead, right?"

"Yes. You're dead. Death is just a stage to go through. You passed it already. You died but you can still exist under certain circumstances."

"Is that so?"

She fixed her eternal eyes at me and answered slowly, "Yeah…"

She was talking in riddles again. She clearly does not want to give more that what is needed.

"Edward, I know you have more to ask but I really do think I should talk to the doctor."

I nodded, "Okay, do you need help?"

"I think I can manage, but thank you for off – Whoa!"

She didn't finish because she was up in my arms. She stared at me baffled.

"Walking is overrated, not when you can fly," I said while smiling sneakily.

"But I can't fl – "

"Yes, you can't fly right now but I can…in my own way that is. I'm fast enough that we're almost flying,"

She crossed her arms, "Show off. But thank you I really can man – "

She didn't get to finish because in a split second we were at the foot of the stairs.

She sighed, "Why do I even bother?" then she smiled. "Thanks, you're right. You're very fast. Now please put me down and let me finish my sentence please. Thank you."

I chuckled, "Well, I should probably leave you to it and give you as much privacy as you want." Then I set her down gently.

"No, I want you to listen," she said suddenly serious again.

With her gazing like that at me, all serious, I was dissociating again.

"Edward?"

I jerked, "Oh sorry," I cleared my throat. "Anyway, I'll… still listen from upstairs…if that's what you want."

"You're going to know one way or another."

"Good point once more." I said before knocking on Carlisle's door.

_Come in Edward and I did hear. Let Bella in, don't worry, I've… been meaning to talk to her as well._

Carlisle said with his thoughts. So I opened the door and looked at Bella.

"Well, he said to let you in so I'll be in my room," I said to which she nodded then walked inside. I dashed back to my room, sprawled on the sofa and shut my eyes as I listened to their conversation. I knew this was going to be hard for Carlisle but I knew that Bella was there to reassure him.

…

* * *

**Bella**

_Now I never meant  
To do you wrong  
That's what I came here to say  
But if I was wrong  
Then I'm sorry  
I don't let it stand in our way  
As my head just aches  
When I think of  
The things that I shouldn't have done  
But, life is for living  
We all know  
And I don't wanna live it alone_

Edward was asking too many questions again and I can't blame him but I have to take care of another matter here.

I entered the large study quietly and I saw Dr. Carlisle Cullen stand up at once when he heard me come in. He put on a smile and gestured for me to sit down. "Hello Bella, please, take a seat," he said kindly but his eyes were filled with sadness. I knew I should smile back at him but I… couldn't… I opened my mouth to say something but settled on giving a nod then sitting on a chair near him.

I… I couldn't look him in the eye… so many emotions are rushing…some familiar…some I couldn't even put a finger on.

He broke the silence, "Bella, how are you feeling? I heard you're ankle is almost healed up."

I gave a small smile but my sight was still fixated on my hands, "Yes. I heal fast apparently. Thank you again for tending to me."

I felt him nod, "That's good to hear." I merely nodded in response.

Then he sighed and reached to touch my hand to which I pulled away in surprise. I bit my lip feeling terrible from doing that.

He retracted his hand and I felt his gaze on me. "Bella…" he started softly.

I looked up at him, "No, I'm sorry doctor. I'm ashamed of my action just now, please forgive me."

He shook his head and looked even more in pain. Again I felt even more terrible.

"No Bella, don't apologize, please. Bella… I can't even begin to express how sorry I am for causing you to live such a life… I really am sorry Bella. Please don't hold back on my account and just please say anything you please and I'll take every bullet. " the doctor pleaded.

I knew how bad he felt. I knew he was blaming himself for everything. He shouldn't and I knew the angel heritage in me had boundless unconditional love, patience and understanding but being able to feel again brought so much… so much to ponder on…

"Doctor Cullen…" I started.

"Please call me Carlisle," he said softly.

"Doctor Cullen…." I said and he sighed. "Being able to feel again after a century's worth of numbness makes me feel unwanted emotions… negative emotions that would never even cross my mind when I was who I was before… emotions that even if I could feel now, I don't want to feel."

"It's perfectly understandable to be honest Bella and feel what you're feeling," he said gently.

"I know but I don't want to upset you after your kindness…"

"Bella…please, don't worry about my feelings. I want to know how you feel, please," he begged and I sighed.

"How do I put it… my…let's say I have a heart. My heart is telling me to feel upset at you for many reasons…to be angry with you… to loathe you… to blame each and everything on you…even my mind thinks that it's normal to do so and human logic says it is understandable. But I'm not human and I know better. I may feel those things, I may wince whenever I see you but I don't mean them. And I don't want to feel them. They are just fleeting feelings. Doctor, I bear no grudges," I said slowly but with conviction.

"I appreciate your kindness Bella but each time I look at you, knowing what you were, knowing what you became, knowing how Edward struggles and how he tries his best not to, I feel guilt Bella."

"Can I ask you something doctor?"

He looked confused but nodded, "Certainly."

"Are you happy?"I asked seriously.

He was taken by surprise from the question and I let him stew with his thoughts. I waited patiently as he thought then he met my gaze and answered, "I know it's not always easy and that we have special needs and complications…but… being with my family… saving lives…or just helping others… yes, I would say that yes I am happy."

I smiled at him, "Then that's all I need to hear. I know you feel guilty but I do know you don't regret what you did. Though you might think that creating Edward was out of selfishness because you were lonely and that his mother wanted you to save him using any means possible, I can't begrudge you that. Not when I know how you really felt about that. Not when I know the real reason you did that."

He looked at me astonished and confused and said nothing.

"The moment I first saw you doctor, during my guardianship of Edward before, I knew what you were. And I knew what you were capable of doing. I never judged you even if it was possible for me to do so then. All I saw whenever you walk in front of me is what I'm still seeing now. You are a good person through and through. You changed Esme because you saw her as your wife, the love of your life. Not out of pity, and not just to save her life another way. You changed Edward for a different reason than what you believe. You changed him because he was your son. The way you look at him, the way you cared for him, you did because you saw him as your very own son. He is your son. You saved your son. You may not be his biological father but out of the countless people you've seen that could've been your son you picked him. How can I be upset at that?"

"Bella… what you're saying are all true. Every word of it. But my happiness is not an excuse for you to just treat it lightly, not when my action led you to experience a hard life." He pressed.

I shook my head. "How do you know it's hard?"

"I'm sorry for assuming, it's not right but it is hard to believe that you don't feel remorseful after being numb to everything except the call of death for a century."

"That's right. I felt _nothing. _It's only now that I could feel. Sure looking back, thinking of my existence as Death, it looks miserable, and I should feel miserable but the thing is right now, I'm not the same Death anymore. I'm freer and I could feel. Would I spend my first day of feeling again on things hurtful and things that are now in the past? I bear no grudges."

I watched as the doctor took everything in. I have put things behind me. There were more to think about and watch out for.

"Bella, I just want to ask something but you don't need to answer if you don't want to but if I hadn't bitten Edward… what would've happened?" he asked seriously. I hesitated but I didn't let it show. This man was a masochist!

"Do you really want to know, doctor? You know where the question is heading," I said simply.

He nodded and held my eyes with his sad gold ones," I really do."

I sighed and looked away, "When I was guarding Edward… I could hear all his thoughts… I knew all his feelings…his dreams… and I also knew the choices that were laid out in front of him every second of his life and knew the outcomes of each choice. During his last days, I could no longer see such choices and from that moment I knew he was going to die. And he did die."

"Bella, you're avoiding the question…"

I took a deep breath and faced him, "Okay, I'm sorry for that and I'm sorry for what you're about to hear. Carlisle, Edward even then was a good person."

He swallowed and looked down slowly, "I took heaven away from Edward." He was right. Edward was going to heaven.

"You see, some questions are better off unanswered," I whispered as I reached for his hand. "Carlisle, don't feel bad. It happened because it happened. I'm sure what happened was what was meant to happen. We don't really know that Edward was meant to die or cease to exist if you may. Edward doesn't regret being changed. I know that. You know that. Sure it doesn't take much to know that he struggles but who doesn't? We're here so we must have a purpose."

"To be honest, the first thought that I felt when I saw him was how this was my fault that I couldn't do anything to prevent him from being changed and go through a lot of ordeals…suffer… but when I look at him and see him look at me, I see no blame in his eyes. Well, no, he blamed himself that I became Death but clearly we both know it's not. So you see blaming would get us nowhere evidently. The fact that we feel guilt and initially see the fault as ours proves how pointless pointing of fingers is. No one blames anyone other than himself. No one is mad at what they came to be. The only mad feeling is how we feel for what happened to the other. Clearly everyone accepted each of their own circumstances."

He nodded as he mulled over what I said, "You're right," he agreed. "It's not good to dwell in the past."

"That's right especially now that you've changed for the better," I said.

Carlisle raised his eyebrows, "Changed?"

I smiled, "Yes. You're happier now."

He chuckled, "Why? I wasn't happy before?"

"I never said you weren't. You should see yourself right now. If you thought your hair was golden before, you should see your golden glow."

He laughed, "You do have a sense of humor."

"That's what I heard," I smiled.

"But I am curious though."

I eyed him, "You're always curious."

"That's true but you mentioned before that not all become, well, an angel of death when one becomes one of our kind…"

"I know where this is going and I honestly don't know the answer Carlisle. There is a possibility that your angel became like me or Esme's did too but we don't really know."

"I see, but how is that different for your case? Why did you become an angel of death?"

I looked him square in the eye, "That's easy. It's because I love Edward. I always had, and I always will."

He looked at me with a funny expression then broke into a grin. It was my turn to get confused.

"What? It's true."

He chuckled and ran a hand on his golden hair.

"What's funny?"

"I'm sorry, it's not polite to laugh at that. It's just… it's so… honest. You said it unhesitatingly and seriously."

I said nothing. What was the big deal? All angels loved their guarded, well, I did cross the line of loving to a different lev - …_oh._

If I was a human, I would be blushing madly right now.

"Bella, correct me if I'm wrong but from my knowledge, angels are kind loving beings and that they hold love for everyone and everything."

I nodded, "Yes. Angels hold unconditional love."

"So would it be safe to assume that all angels love their, speaking from your terminology, _guarded_?"

"Yes, yes that's again true."

"Then what makes you different? You said you became an angel of death because you love Edward so that would mean that since you said all angels love their guarded then all angels would become like you when their guarded change to become a vampire," he said. He was on to something.

"Well, attachments are different." Like me for instance, I was very attached to Edward. So attached that I became a very close mirror of what he is now.

He smiled a knowing smile, "Okay, I have my answer. Thank you. But I do have another query, if you don't mind. Just one more."

I nodded, "Okay."

"You said you knew what I was, could you see other beings as well?"

"Of course. I see your kind everywhere and I see other beings that are deemed mythical and I know there are more that I don't even know of. But I can't see beings like myself, white or black. Fallens, I could see but that's the closest that I ever saw that's angelic. Oh and only fallens can see us as well," I explained.

"That's fascinating!" he said, his eyes lighting up. I knew he wanted to know more but he wasn't going to break his promise so I would permit him to ask one more question.

"How do you know all these? Where do you get your knowledge?"

There it is. I smiled. "Everyone was born given the seven heavenly virtues, only, for us, it comes natural to us. Our gifts were sort of magnified a bit because it's needed for us to guide and guard. Hence our knowledge is vast. We would only ask and the answers find us someway somehow. That's how we know our duties. But now that I'm becoming a fallen, well, getting knowledge wouldn't be that easy anymore."

"I see, thank you for sharing your knowledge to us. It's refreshing and I want to know more but as your doctor, I don't want you wear you out. You need to rest and recover," Carlisle said with a smile.

"Thank you too for your hospitality and for your care," I said. "It's refreshing for me as well, having to finally talk to others other than myself. I didn't even think this was possible."

He patted my arm and it felt… nice and sweet… "Well, it's a good thing that you've never actually felt the feeling of loneliness. You had Edward when you were his angel and you were numb when you were Death, so it's good that you didn't feel it. It's a painful feeling. I should know, right?"

I laughed, "Yes. See, I told you you've changed."

Carlisle laughed. "Well we have you now, and you have us. Unless you think that a coven for an angel is not a fair trade," he teased.

I merely laughed. This arrangement was great.

Then someone knocked.

"Oh, that must be Esme. Come in dear," Carlisle called out.

Esme went in and smiled at us, "I'm sorry for barging in but I bumped into a very _very_ baffled looking Edward carrying a funny expression on his face saying he… needed to run for a bit…or hunt…and that he would be back soon."

Edward left? I wonder why? Something I said must've affected him somehow. I wonder what?

Carlisle grinned at Esme who beamed at him… they shared a knowing look. What was that?

Now I'm the one with questions!

* * *

**Edward**

_Bella loved me? Always had and always will? Angels loved their guarded but differ in attachments… what does that mean?_

_Bella loves me?_

I kept on running and shaking my head at my thoughts.

_

* * *

  
_

**AN: So there you go, a longer chapter for you guys! Thanks for supporting this story and leaving such awesome reviews. Watch out for the next chapter to know why Edward, in a way, is freaking out and Bella gets to answer more questions and meet the rest of the Cullens. I'll update as soon as I can. I'll update much **_**much**_** sooner if a lot of people want me to so bring on the reviews! It would be lovely if I could reach 120 reviews. If I do, I'll update by Friday at the earliest. If not, well, I'll still update soon. Thanks again.**


	9. White Shadows

**Chapter 9: White Shadows**

_When I was a young boy I tried to listen  
And I wanna feel like that  
Little white shadows  
blink and miss them  
Part of a system, I am_

So there I was staying still as a statue on my black leather sofa while listening to Carlisle and Bella's conversation. And here I am, running away.

I stopped running as soon as I've reached my private sanctuary…_my meadow. _Though it's covered in snow from the season's greetings I lay down on the cold damp white carpet and watched the snow fall on me. It's true what they say that no two snowflakes look alike. I could easily picture all the crystalline cuts and details of each ice slate and catch them one by one without destroying them.

I took a deep breath, opened my eyes and in a swift movement I was sitting upright holding out my palm facing upwards as I let the crystal fall gingerly on my hand. As I examined it I reflected on some of the things Bella said to Carlisle while deliberately avoiding one little thing she said to him. I would save that for last.

I shook my head and watched as snow scattered in different directions from each swing then dropped on the white carpet. I might've looked like a big black dot on this white sheet because of my dark clothing and from that thought I immediately remembered Bella. This must be what she felt like all the time. The only black against the white. I shared her sentiments in some way. Being what I am, I've always felt that I wasn't meant to exist. No matter how hard we pretend to blend in with human life, we could never be. We would still be what we are no matter how we try to cover it. We are vampires and we are death.

I sighed and balanced the snowflake delicately on my finger as easy as touching a bubble without bursting it leisurely. The only thing that differentiates us from Bella is that we had the privilege of a choice. We could easily choose to let our primal urge take over and satiate our burning throats but we chose not to. We chose a compromise of still being what we are, predators but decided on preying on _tofu._ But Bella… she had no choice. It was death or nothing. It was her job, her duty, her life.

And what really gets me thinking is that I live and complain about my existence but for Bella… she accepted it. Though she admitted that looking back now that she could feel again that it was a miserable life and job, she still accepted it. I guess…in a way, we're luckier than Bella so who were we to complain?

_If you ever feel like something's missing  
Things you'll never understand  
Little white shadows  
Sparkle and glisten  
Part of a system again_

I shifted my attention to the snowflake resting on my finger and watched as I could see each color sparkle from its spectrum as the light hits it with my heightened vision. I watched as it glistened. It reminded me of my dreams which were coming back clearer and clearer. I am sure it was Bella I dreamt about when I was still human. She was like this snow, glowing, sparkling and white. _Beautiful. _

Scratch that. She still is. No amount of death or her black wings could ever make her a dark shadow. She had too much light in her to be darkness.

I shivered. To my cold skin, this snow is nothing but it is enough to give me the slightest shiver like I felt from her touch. I knew before that I felt this same shiver. Now I knew it was her. She was the white shadow I kept seeing, hovering over me. She was the calming presence I felt, the reassuring touch I craved… and she was mine.

I blinked.

She was mine. That was a fact. She was my guardian angel and once upon a time she lived for me. I scrunch up my face from sudden anguish. Yes, she was mine…but it was because I was her duty. I know she is bound to me once more for some reason she won't say but its duty bound once more I'm sure.

I shook my head.

Why do I even bother if she was bound to me or not? Why do I even bother to feel that I don't want her to be mine just because she has to? But why don't I want her to be unbound to me?

I sighed. Is it because I've never been a fan of living a life with boundaries, restrictions, or duties? Is it because I thought it was wrong to be forced to live with circumstances you never had a say in?

I twirled the snowflake gently, my ice skin preserving it.

Maybe.

But what was really bothering me was Bella loving me.

Love. I knew what love is. I've read all kinds of definitions and explanations. I've watched countless films and shows depicting this. I've seen pictures, paintings, sculptures, and even acts emulating this emotion. I see it each moment Carlisle looks at Esme… how Esme looks at him back… I see it each time from my siblings… and I've felt it from them and experienced it as I show them I love them back.

I know that the love I have for them was a whole different thing that they are experiencing with their better half and how I convinced myself I didn't need that kind of love. But all my ideals, my beliefs are changing…

It's because of my white shadow.

Bella.

_  
All this noise, I'm waking up  
All this space, I'm taking up  
All this sound is breaking up  
Ohhhhhhhh_

Though I could hardly comprehend all the cacophony of feelings and emotions that course through me, pulsating and demanding, I knew it was somewhere there. Now I have a much better question.

Why do I care to know if Bella loved me because she was designed like that, to love – to love unconditionally or if she loved me because it was really her loving me? Why do I care to know if she loves me from her _own _accord?

Angels always loved their guarded. That's what she told Carlisle. But she mentioned attachment variability. How deep would the attachment be for a guardian angel to become an angel of death? Why do I care enough to think that her attachment to me was so great that it led to her transformation?

_Maybe you'll get what you wanted  
maybe you'll stumbled upon it  
Everything you ever wanted  
In a permanent state_

Such arrogant thoughts! How could I wish that? Or worse, how could I wish that her love transcended past duty for me that ending up as death was a price she willingly paid? How could I even think about being happy with the idea that she loves me?

I wasn't worth it.

Before I was just a normal young boy who listened to his parents and tried to do good. But that was it. I was just an ordinary boy who died from an illness. Nothing special. There was nothing special in those seventeen years that I could remember. I remembered almost nothing. The only memories I could recall were of my mother and that was when she was dying, my painful transformation and just recently… my dreams of Bella…

Now, I'm even more unworthy of her love. Because she became a mirror of who I am – a being capable of being lethal, she became death. I was a monster and she was death.

Ah! Why do I even care if I deserve her or not? If anything, I _owed _her. I owed her a lot. But for me to think that she was mine?

I shook my head once more.

Technically, I just met her. What is she to me? What am I to her…?

I closed my eyes and let the snowflake drop. I trained my senses to follow the flake's plummet and hear it fall on the white carpet but it never did. Instead, I heard it drop on something closer than the ground. And I also heard…bells.

I opened my eyes and saw her crouched with her knees bent in front of me and I was taken from her beauty. She was facing sideways from me so I was able to see that she was wearing a black backless long dress with long sleeves. The material was jersey from what I could tell and it clung to her body beautifully and made her white skin stand out. I could see why it was backless as her ebony wings protruded from her back were big and curved around her. I heard tinkling once more and saw that she tied her velvet strewn bells laced around her ankles that peeked out a slit on her dress. She was not barefoot but wearing black strappy heels that went well with her velvet strapping.

Her hair swished and my eyes trailed from the long dark locks to her milky neck to her tilted delicate face. Her mouth was slightly parted and her chocolate eyes were half-lidded, emphasizing her long lashes that framed them as she examined her faced up palm. On her palm was my snowflake.

I stared at her unabashedly, racking my brain for words…any words to break the deafening silence. I could stay and watch her like this forever without moving but part of me wanted to reach out and touch her, hear her silky voice.

Then I found my voice.

"Bella…" I said my voice rough and she turned her face slowly to face me, unblinking, unreadable and I lost my voice once more.

We held our gazes for quite some time when she shifted her sight away from me and back to her palm. She half-smiled.

"You have an eye for detail. This is the prettiest snowflake from what I've seen today," she said, her voice so soft and barely above a whisper.

I grinned. "I beg to differ. I see a snowflake that far surpasses any beauty I've ever seen."

She looked back at me and cocked an eyebrow, "Oh? I am certain this is it. Can you point it out then? I wish to see it."

"Ah, my dear, that would require a mirror for you," I said sheepishly.

She just stared at me, then looked down at her palm again and played with the fragile white crystal absentmindedly, the corner of her mouth turning downwards. I made her frown once more.

"Surely you don't mean me. Snow is white. I'm not white," she said slowly.

I was right before. Though she admitted she has accepted her fate, it didn't mean she couldn't feel sad once in a while.

"Look here Bella," I said while catching another snowflake.

She looked at my palm and watched curiously, a question on her lips.

I continued. With my free hand, I took out a titanium fountain pen I borrowed from Carlisle. I then carefully placed the tip of the pen on the flake, attempted to warm it a bit, just enough to let ink flow by rubbing it with the driest portion of my jacket and let the ink coat the flake.

When I was done, I presented my product to Bella's curious gaze as she looked up at me waiting for an explanation.

"Snow is white, right Bella? But right now, what do you see? What color do you see on my palm?" I asked her.

"The snowflake is black now from the ink, but I don't understand why you did that…" she answered.

I smiled at her, "You're right that the snow is black from the ink but its still snow right? And what's the color of snow again, Bella?"

Then enlightenment shone in her eyes as she smiled brightly, "Snow is white."

I nodded, "Yes. See? No matter how we change the color of snow, underneath all the colors in the world, snow would still be naturally white. Snow would always be white. It just is. And so when I say you're the loveliest snowflake, you say, 'I know Edward. Thank you.'"

She laughed and the sound of bells rang in the air once more. She met my gaze and smiled shyly, "Thank you Edward."

I shook my head, "You didn't say it right," I teased.

Her brow puckered a bit in mock coercion but her smile never left her face, "Do I have to?"

I chuckled, "Yes."

She laughed again then fixed her face into a serious poker expression, "I know Edward. Thank you," she said in a dead pan manner and I couldn't help but laugh because she made her voice deep as she tried to imitate mine.

She laughed with me but then met my gaze once more. "But seriously, thank you."

I ran a hand through my hair then shrugged, "Just telling the truth. Lying is bad right?"

She chuckled, "Yeah but that's not what I'm thanking you for."

I adjusted my position so that I was lying on my sides facing her with my head propped on my elbow. "Then what?"

She looked down shyly and made patterns on the snow, "Thank you for seeing my light," then I stopped breathing as she looked up at me with her eyes swimming in emotions, a corner of her lips turned upward.

I fumbled for words, "Oh, that…well, I ah…"

Then she looked away and concentrated on something far away.

"What's wrong?"

She sighed, "I feel more death around me…"she whispered.

I was immediately concerned, "What do you mean?"

"I should rephrase. I feel more dead are around me. Are you expecting visitors?" she asked not looking at me. Then I heard them.

I half-smiled at her, "No. But we are expecting the rest of the family home."

She faced me with eyebrows raised, "There are…more of you…together?"

I smiled at her, "Yes. Bella, let's go back. I want you to meet my siblings."

She tilted her head, "Siblings?"

I grinned, "Four of them."

Then she smiled, "Your smile is so warm when you say, 'my siblings.' I would guess they are special and lovely. Yes, I would love to meet them."

I grinned wider and stood up quickly. I held my hand towards her and she took it shyly then I pulled her up. I opened my arms to her to which she grinned mischievously.

"What?"

"Oh I thought you were observant but clearly you're obtuse," she said smugly.

I was about to retort but realization dawned on me and she caught that.

"Race you!" she called out before taking off.

I chuckled, "No fair! You have wings!" then I dashed after her.

No matter what she is, she would still be my white shadow. The only white thing in my darkness.

_  
Maybe you'll know when you see it  
Maybe if you say it, you'll mean it  
And when you find it you'll keep it  
In a permanent state, a permanent state_

As I was chasing after her, I thought, maybe everything happened for this reason. Maybe it all happened so we could meet again, like this. Now that we are in our permanent state. Maybe that's why I was never compelled to find my better half before. Maybe I already did. I smiled at that thought.

_When I was a young boy I tried to listen  
Don't you wanna feel like that?  
_

When I was still human and way younger I always tried to too good and be good. I always tried to listen. I was happy I did. Otherwise, I would've driven my angel away.

_You're part of the human race  
All of the stars and the outer space  
Part of the system again_

So now I think that life, my existence is beginning to have meaning. I'm feeling like I belong…once more…

_Maybe you'll get what you wanted  
Maybe you'll stumble upon it  
Everything you ever wanted  
In a permanent state_

Now I don't think permanence is a bad thing anymore. Maybe it's what I needed. Maybe this was really written to be._  
_

_Maybe you'll know when you see it  
Maybe if you say it, you'll mean it  
And when you find it you'll keep it  
In a permanent state, a permanent state  
_

Bella was and now is still my angel. I may have lost heaven once but at least I got to keep a slice of it.

_Swim out on a sea of faces  
Tide of the human races  
Oh, an answer now is what I need...  
_

All I need to know now if I really have feelings for Bella or if they are growing fast and strong. I needed to know if the love she expressed were not of duty but of _her. _I needed to know if it was out of her duty if it could penetrate those walls and love me freely.

Most of all, I needed her to know that I most definitely care about her.

All the other questions like her existence and my existence and such seem all trivial right now and could wait or remained unanswered for all I care.

All I could see ahead from my life of darkness is her light.

But…

Would I be enough to keep her?

_Could_ I really keep her?

Those are the real questions.

_See it in a new sun rising  
See it break on your horizon  
Oh, come on love, stay with me..._

_

* * *

  
_

**AN: Hello! Thank you very much for your reviews! I try to reply to all of them so sorry if I wasn't able to reply to some. As promised, I updated! I've changed the format a bit so that the chapter won't be messy to look at. The lyrics will no longer be aligned to the center but aligned left and italicized for an easy read. Tell me which you prefer and if you also have Coldplay songs to suggest. **

**I know I said that Bella would meet Alice and the others in this chapter but I think I had to leave the chapter as it is so the meeting would be more comprehensive next chapter. =)**

**Same thing applies; the song is the chapter title. (",). **

**Next week is exams week so you're looking at a Friday night or Saturday night update next week. If you have any questions or suggestions or just want to share something, feel free to pm me. I appreciate feedback! This story is very raw and I'm still working on Bella's angel rules so if you have ideas tell me. (",).**

**Much love,**

**Margaux**


	10. Sleeping Sun

**Chapter 10: Sleeping Sun**

Flight.

I closed my eyes as I reveled the feel of the wind on my face as I opened the door. It was only now that I remembered how much I loved flying now that my senses – my feelings have returned to me. The moment that Esme said that Edward left, the indelible pull he had on me came at me with full force. The bond we had before was truly stronger due to our changed state. Before I flew I tested my wings of course. I was right. I healed fast. I took out the bandages and shook flapped my right wing a little.

Ah.

I thought before. I can fly. I walked out the door and poised myself for take-off when I felt Esme behind me.

I looked back and she carried a concerned look on her kind motherly face. I smiled at her.

"Yes, Esme?"

She smiled back and said shyly, "Bella dear, you're going to go fetch Edward?"

I only smiled in response.

She nodded, "It's awfully cold and snowing hard – aren't you cold?"

Cold? She mentioned cold so I shivered. For me it didn't really matter that I could feel pain in any form because I knew that since I was to be a shadow of who Edward is, then I would be as indestructible as him. I don't know if I'm the first to ever be this way considering almost all fallens became humans – well, shadows of humans anyway. They talk, eat, breathe and function as humans but they would always still have that angelic quality in them.

So back to the question, yes, I am cold but it's a bearable cold. So I answered, "I know you are concerned. Thank you but I can take the cold. The first of my transformation… my temperature… it's almost the same as yours."

She smiled in understanding, "I see. But do take these shoes. I can't have you walking around or flying barefoot." She said as she held out a pair of high heeled shoes. I took them gratefully without really seeing what kind they were. I never cared for wearing shoes before since I rarely walk but I guess I have to get used to the idea now.

I put the strappy shoes on. Stilettos. I knew what they were. I've watched countless women wear them, fall from them, stride with them… I think I can handle these. When I was done I looked up and saw Esme nodding in approval then she walked up the grand staircase throwing a smile at me. "Take care."

"Thank you," I replied then I stepped outside and closed the door.

A cold draft greeted me that my eyes shut automatically from that sudden icy wind. I held my hand to my face and shielded my eyes. I squinted through my shielded eyes as I scanned the scene before me. Everything was white. Snow kept falling down making a carpet of white shards to which beneath lies black ice that was invisible to a driver's eyes.

All around, there were warning signs.

I should know. I've seen this before. I've sent too many a souls of people driving around, completely oblivious to the slippery ice road that would lead to their demise.

Whether to be glad or not, I suddenly thought that it wasn't I who will hear their call at this moment. I am a fallen death. There was only one kind who I can hear now and deliver to their ends.

Only one…

I let out a sigh as the draft came to its end leaving a placid picture of slow falling snow on the white blanketed ground. I looked up and saw the sky dark with patches of gray and spots of white. I took three steps forward, sloshing holes on the laden path then I bent my knees and with one swift push I was airborne.

I looked to my left then to my right and finally face front. All I saw was snow. To a normal person he would've said that he saw the same thing. But for me it wasn't the same thing. Snow was unique – at least each individual snowflake that is. Each sparkle, each crack, each cut, and each pattern – they were different. I could go on an on about how each angle of each flake differed but they seem irrelevant right now. I used to be as white as snow but now the only similarity we hold is cold. I am cold.

I closed my eyes instead and sighed in delight from the feel of the wind on my face. My heightened senses trained to detect if I could be seen, heard or felt all the while responding to the great pull of need that came from my guarded-once-more.

Edward needed me.

From that realization, I flew full blast to where he was. I didn't need to look for him because I belonged to him now and as _his, _he only had to need me and I would be by his side in no time.

I was his.

…Not just because I was bound to him once more…no. I allowed myself to be his – even though I could escape my fate.

Twice.

I could've escaped my fate twice. And I believe I still have one more shot. _That_ I knew. _That_ he must never know.

My mouth formed a thin line and my eyebrows furrowed. Why don't I just let go? Why can't I just leave? Why can't I just leave him?

I let myself decelerate gradually in tune with the sudden melancholy of my feelings. My eyes opened halfway and I let out a soft breath. It was simple.

I love him.

I have loved him ever since he was born and it grew and grew as he grew and grew and it never died. It lay dormant for my century of numbness but it never died. It was the only thing that I being Death could not kill. I smirked at the irony. My undying love for Edward made me Death.

I shook my head and cast that last thought away. I sighed as I am now unearthing all the feelings denied to me when I was numb. Then the truth came.

I looked down on the ground and watched my black shadow cast on the light canvass below me as the truth came out.

Just because you stop feeling doesn't mean that those feelings die_. _Like being caught in a red light, you stop. You stop knowing that time will come when the light turns green again. Where you go is the thing to consider. Move forward? Or turn around?

Right now there was only one direction where I need to go. Only one. Yet why is it that I see yellow lights in front of me?

Because there were consequences – I reminded myself. This wasn't going to be the slightest bit easy. But I'm not going to dwell on that right now. No one knows but me what can or can't happen. But right now, Edward is my priority – no matter what happens to me. His needs far surpass my own.

Then across the ashen plains I saw a black dot with a flash of bronze. I smiled. There he was. He was deep in thought and he was playing with something on his hand. Then I saw it. It was a snowflake. I watched as he closed his eyes then flicked the flake away that he handled very gingerly a while ago. What was special about it?

So before it landed, I caught it and dropped as gently as I could in front of him, my bells tingling from the motion.

I examined the ice crystal over and over and saw that it had the most exquisite cut. I admit I was buying time. I knew he was troubled with something. I wish I could hear his mind like I could before but alas, I cannot anymore. I am to be his equal so I cannot surpass him though right now…he was losing more than I was…for now. Just…for now.

_Climb up your mountain  
Nineteen and counting  
You have got seven  
I have got one_

He then broke the silence by saying my name. He said it in such a low gruff voice that possessed me. But I still needed more time. Seeing that he was a black dot in white paper – as I was… I believe this is what humans are always saying that they are feeling…depressed… a feeling I've seen but not felt before.

_Blinded and hurting  
This I'm deserving  
I've got my secrets  
You only got the Sleeping Sun_

I tried to lighten the tone so I commented on his choice of snowflake. I was saddened even more from his response. He implied that I was the prettiest snowflake. How can that be when I am black? Yes, my skin was pale but for me the only time I felt white was when I was still Edward's angel…his guardian angel… not like now… not his angel of death…

_His angel of death…_

_When you've got a secret  
Then you've got to keep it  
When you have a question  
Answers will come_

Then he explained through example how I was still white. And he spoke with sincerity that I could not doubt – I could not doubt ever. It was then that I understood. We were the same he and I. We were both living with self-imposed illusions of never ending night. So it was only apt that I saw the light in his darkness…and he saw the light in mine.

That's a good sign. If he turned into a monstrosity – I fear of what I would become. I would be twice as deadly… what could be more deadly than death? _A reaper._ I would be a reaper. Death would be unstoppable. I wouldn't need to hear death's call. I would just look at a person and cull him with but a look without needing a reason to. I would survive on souls. Had Edward given in – truly chosen to give in to a life of feasting on the blood of humans… I would've survived on feasting on souls.

So it was good. He chose not to kill the innocent so I led a life of delivering souls that had the last drops of sand on their hourglass time.

I smiled. Yes. He had no reason to live a life of midnight. He is good. He has light. Maybe… there's hope for us after all.

_Running and hiding  
Taking dividing  
You've got your secrets  
I've only got the Sleeping Sun_

For decades I walked, I ran, I flew all the while just doing my duty – relied on my duty… and… holding on to the memory of him. When I chose to walk that path in my existence – yes – it was a consequence based on a choice…I was aware that we could meet and we would know where to go from there. I knew. There were different new paths that were laid in front of us now – all were choices for him to make. I could change. He could change. We both could change. We both could remain as we are. But all in all, we still had our own sleeping sun, hidden from the darkness of what we've become.

_The Sleeping Sun  
Singing  
oh oh oh oh  
ah ah ah ah_

I was about to say something when I felt it – no – them. Edward noticed my sudden change as he asked, "What's wrong?"

I sighed and whispered in reply, "I feel more death around me…"

I felt the concern from him and he asked, "What do you mean?"

Still looking away, concentrating to see if they were threats, I answered quickly, "I should rephrase. I feel more dead around me. Are you expecting visitors?"

"No. But we are expecting the rest of the family home."

That surprised me. I faced him with eyebrows raised, "There are…more of you…together?"

He smiled at me, "Yes. Bella, let's go back. I want you to meet my siblings."

I tilted my head, "Siblings?"

He grinned, "Four of them."

Then I smiled, "Your smile is so warm when you say, 'my siblings.' I would guess they are special and lovely. Yes, I would love to meet them."

He grinned wider and stood up quickly. Then he held his hand out to which I took shyly as he pulled me up. Then he opened his arms for me. He must think that I was still injured… but didn't he notice me just fly here? So I grinned impishly.

"What?" he asked, totally oblivious.

"Oh I thought you were observant but clearly you're obtuse," I said a little smugly.

Then I watched as his face changed to that of enlightenment but I didn't give him time to speak.

So I poised myself then called out "Race you!" then I took off.

I heard him chuckling behind me and saying, "No fair! You have wings!"

I smiled. I did have wings…but not for long. So I'm going to savor my last days of flight.

I was showing off a bit, I know. But when was the last time I really enjoyed just flying for myself? The answer would be never. I never flew for myself. I never had the luxury of freedom to want things or even just the feeling of wanting things for myself. So this moment here…is for me.

When I saw the mansion, I aimed for the roof. I coasted at a slow pace before I landed expertly with my left foot touching the edge of the roof first then I crouched with bent knees and propped my elbow on my knees and held my face, tilting a little at Edward who just arrived below me.

He cupped his hands over his mouth and raised his eyebrows at me, "Show off!"

I grinned sheepishly at him and shrugged, "Remember, I'm like your shadow now so your qualities are imbued in me. So by saying I'm a showoff, it could be because I got it from you."

He chuckled while shaking his head. "Anyway, what are you doing up there?"

I thought for a while then shrugged, "I just like the altitude. But hang on, I'm coming down," I said as I adjusted myself and let my left leg dangle on the edge.

"No, no. I'll come up to you," he said raising his palms forward to stop me.

"Maybe next time… I think I should go down now… it would be weird if you're…siblings found a giant black bird on their roof."

He laughed, "That would be funny though. Can't we do that?" he asked pleadingly.

I laughed while shaking my head, "No please. I'd…rather they saw me on solid ground…it's easier."

He sighed in mocked defeat, "Very well." then he looked up at me expectantly with that crooked grin that I missed and held out his arms.

"What are you doing?"

"Well, if you're coming down, well, jump and I'll catch you," he said matter-of-factly.

I wrinkled my nose, "I can fly down you know…"

Unfazed he said, "I know but come on, it's not everyday you get to catch your angel."

I grimaced, "It's supposed to be the other way around!"

"I doubt you could carry me so come on Bella, humor me – please?" Oh no. He said please.

"Very well," I answered. So I stood up then watched as he stretched his arms out grinning beautifully that before I knew it I was falling… then…

"See? I told you I'd catch you?" I heard him whisper. I looked up at him and was momentarily dazzled. He was looking at me with scorching golden eyes with that uneven smile of his. He was beautiful.

He smiled wider then he spoke, "Bella?"

I blinked then reviewed our position. He was carrying me bridal style and my arms must've instinctively wrapped themselves around his neck. I've… never had this level of proximity with him… not this way… not when it was two way…

I blinked again and smiled abashedly at him.

I didn't even realize that he started walking.

"Wait – wait! Put me down please, I can walk," I protested.

"I'm aware but I prefer you here," he answered as he opened the door.

"Edward…" I squeaked.

He sighed then let me down but his hands didn't leave my back.

"Thank you," I said and he grinned.

"Anytime," then he looked out. "They'll be here shortly. They've sensed you here though I doubt they know what you are."

I didn't know what to say so I just nodded.

Then after a minute, they came.

I couldn't contain my shock when I saw them that my eyes widened when I saw them. I almost let out a gasp. I knew them – I knew them all. At one point or another – I saw them.

Their golden eyes darted from me to Edward then back at me – scrutinizing. I just stared back in response but I knew Edward felt me stiffen.

Then the smallest one – the inky black-haired one grinned at me and made a step forward but was stopped by the tall blond muscular man who stood in front of her while holding my gaze with his piercing eyes – turning into black slits.

Edward rubbed my back and I just continued to stare.

Edward cleared his throat and talked calmly, "Everyone, this is Bella. There's no need to be alarmed," then he looked at me reassuringly and I looked up at him. "Bella, these are my siblings…" then he faced the smallest one and introduced her.

"Bella, this is –

"Alice… Mary Alice Brandon…" I cut him off with a whisper.

Everyone's eyes widened especially Edward. He placed his hand on my face and made me face him. "You – you know Alice?"

I looked away at him and my eyes drifted from one face to another, "Mary Alice Brandon… Jasper Whitlock… Emmett McArty… Rosalie Lillian Hale…"

"Who is _she? _Edward? Why does she know us?" Rosalie demanded.

"Holy shit! Is she – is she _Death?" _Emmett said, his eyes bulging out.

Jasper just looked at me intensely, his mouth a straight firm line.

"I know who she is and what she is… but I don't know why she knows you…" Edward answered then made me face him gently again.

"Bella, please explain…"

I looked at him and the horrifying scenes came back. This was another case wherein questions hold no place if one desires not to be hurt all over again.

His eyes grew shocked in alarm as he saw the fright in mine. I froze.

"Bella, what's wrong?" he shook me a bit.

Then I blinked and tried to compose myself and faced them.

"I am Bella. I was Edward's guardian angel then I became an angel of death the moment he was turned into what all of you are. During my decades of being Death… I saw all of you… I was called to send the souls you've killed…or the souls that killed you… or other souls that linked with yours in one way or the other. Forgive me for giving the… the blunt responses… but I… I think it's best that you do not know the specifics. They are irrelevant and things of the past."

"Edward, is this true?" Emmett asked.

Edward nodded, "She speaks the truth about being my angel and becoming death but it's only now that I knew that she knew you but please don't pressure her into answering all the questions running in your heads. She will answer in her time. She needs to rest," he said warningly.

I looked at him gratefully and a little guiltily, "Thank you. I will answer questions…but please… not right now. I'm sorry." I still had to find a way of phrasing my stories for them.

Alice nodded and grinned at me though she was the one who deserved to know the truth about her past the most. I had a feeling she forgot all her memories. "I understand, we all do. Though it's pretty funny that I didn't see you coming."

So she carried her psychic ability? I nodded gratefully at her.

Jasper looked at me expectantly. I looked at all of them and sighed.

"I will talk to all of you… one by one I guess… and as a group…but… could I start tomorrow? It's not that I don't want to… it's just… I feel a bit weary… my transformation is starting… and I might not be able to tell all of your stories right from the sudden rush of emotions… I'm really sorry… but if you insist, then I would do my best to –

I was cut off.

Edward shook his head and frowned, "No. She will tell us when she is ready and well rested. Carlisle will fill you in on some details we learned awhile ago but right now, please excuse us," he said firmly then he looked at me with a softer expression and smiled.

"Come on, let's go to my room. They won't bother you, I promise," he said. I felt guilty that I was requesting things now and for Edward to do that for me.

"Edward, it's okay. I think I can manage after all –

He cut me off once more by placing his fingers on my lips. Then he grinned, "No need to be a hero Bella. You need to rest and that's final."

I smiled then nodded at him then I faced his family apologetically. "I'm truly sorry and thank you." I bowed to them then started to walk upstairs when I was whisked away to Edward's room in a flash with me on his arms.

"Sorry," he muttered while opening his door. "It's faster this way."

I just nodded.

He then placed me gently on his black leather sofa then sat beside me.

I looked down, "I'm sorry Edward."

I felt a finger under my chin and found myself looking up at his ocher eyes. He looked the same way I used to look at him before – concerned.

"Please don't apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for," he whispered.

I smiled a little then looked away.

He let my face go and silence enveloped us.

"Bella?"

I turned to face him at once, tilting my head. Then I shifted a little when I realized how close he was.

"Yes Edward?"

He ran a hand through his bronze hair and half-smiled, "You were the one I always dreamt about weren't you?"

I looked down shyly, "I… guess…"

He chuckled, "Why so shy suddenly? I don't think anyone would mind if they dreamt about you."

I just smiled. "Edward, would you like to sleep?"

He chuckled again, "I don't think that's possible for me anymore."

I eyed him, "What if I told you, you could? Would you…want to?"

He thought for awhile then wrinkled his nose, "I don't know… but maybe you should instead?"

I shook my head, "No, I don't think I would want to sleep when you're awake."

"I see, so in order for you to sleep I have to sleep as well?" he asked.

"You don't have too… I don't need sleep to recover," I assured him. "I just want to know if you want to because it's been a long time that you haven't… it's a welcome peace to restless nights, don't you think?"

"True," he agreed. But I would rather you sleep instead of me. Yet I'm willing to compromise. I'll sleep if you will."

I looked up and mulled over it. "Okay."

He grinned, "Okay?"

I smiled back. "Yes. Now lie down." I stood up so he could have room to lie down.

He did that then I placed a hand on his forehead.

"There are dying people who hurt so much that I grant them their wish to die in peace so I make them sleep…to numb their pain…that's why… I can make anyone sleep… well in your case, I can give you the illusion of sleep. What I'm really making you do is to feel nothing but tranquility" I whispered to him.

He closed his eyes and smiled, "That's very generous of you."

I laughed a little, "It's in my nature. Remember that the next time you think highly of my virtues. I am designed to be that way. Who knows if I wasn't if I ended up a demon? You can't really say."

"I doubt it."

I leaned over him and placed both of my palms on either side of his face, drawing my wings closer to us then whispered, "I am a shadow of you. What you are becomes what I am. That's why I don't doubt it as well… knowing who you really are… now sleep Edward… and dream…"

As I felt a small energy within me flowing through him slowly, I could feel him falling deeper and deeper into the realm of sleep. When I knew it was just enough that he could manage on his own, I stopped then withdrew my hands from his face.

I was about to walk towards the window when I felt him grab my hand.

I faced him and saw one of his tired eyes straining to keep open.

"What is it?" I asked softly.

"Where are you going?" he murmured.

"To the window?"

He frowned and shook his head. Then he opened his arms to me. Was he implying that I…?

"Bella…" he whispered hoarsely, "When you were my angel, where do you stay whenever I sleep?"

"Beside you, silly but –

He struggled to open his eyes to look at me. His golden eyes glowed against the hazy illumination of his room. "Where beside me? How close? Why don't you show me?"

My eyebrows knit, "Well… before you couldn't see me so I thought it would be uncomfortable for you if you knew how close I would stay beside you. Most people would…"

He chuckled, "You forget, I'm not like most people. In all the years that I could sleep you were beside me if I'm correct, so why stop now?"

"If you wish it…"

"I do… I'm sorry though maybe I'm the one who's making you uncomfortable. I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do. It's just that… I have to be honest. I just don't feel right if you're not near me."

To be honest, I was too. I guess we were bonded more strongly than I thought. So I smiled then flew above him – an inch separating our bodies while my bells tinkled from the motion.

He watched me and kept eye contact with me. My hair cascaded down and dropped near his head, some to his face, his neck and his chest… I reached out a hand to touch his face surprised that he reached out one of his.

We laughed at that without breaking our gazes and continued to touch each of our faces nonetheless.

I closed my eyes and let him stroke my face shivering from his touch. I let out a sigh from how good it felt for him to touch me. When I opened my eyes, he was looking at me in wonder. I smiled at him.

"What do you do next?" he asked. And I was embarrassed because each time, before I descended to his side I would do just one more thing that might've started my attachment to him.

"I'm a little embarrassed," I confessed.

"Please don't be," he assured me.

So I smiled at him, placed both of my hands on his face while closing my eyes and leant down to meet my lips to his forehead. I never kissed him on the lips. Just the forehead though I really wanted to kiss his lips… but out of respect for him I never did.

When I opened my eyes to face him, I was surprised when I saw that his eyes were closed and his mouth was parted slightly. He gave a soft sigh then opened his eyes to meet mine once more.

"There, now go to sleep Edward."

He just looked at me then gave a short nod. I found that reaction puzzling. He was… lost in his thoughts… so I proceeded with what I usually did before.

I descended to his right side and lied down on my sides as there was little space to accommodate us on his sofa.

I wrapped an arm around his waist like it was the most natural thing to do then I drew my wings closer to us to envelope us… like before…

Then I felt a hand on the back of my head, pulling me closer to him – my head on the crook of his neck. I inhaled and he smelled so good and I was really… fascinated by… how well we fit together… maybe I was made for him and him alone? Was this why we met again? Was this why we became what we are? Or have I doomed us all?

_And you as I saw  
We're [a] piece in a jigsaw_

I shuddered.

He noticed and at once I felt him hold me tighter.

"Good night Edward," I murmured.

"Good night Bella," he answered back.

Then I looked up and watched him close his eyes, his lashes fanning his face, his mouth parted slightly… then peace finally overcame him.

I smiled and brushed a few strands of his hair off his face. I truly love Edward. I just hope that of the reasons I knew I was here for – I sincerely hope it's not the one – not the dreaded one…

_Run up the divide and  
Tip of the tongue_

But tonight like the Sabbath is rest.

We need rest.

There were more things to come.

That was certain.

I was counting on the light inside him and what light was left of me. I just hope it would be enough. I've got so many answers and so many questions to equal them. I wonder how things would turn out.

_Run round the houses  
North and the south is  
You've got your answers  
We have both got The Sleeping Sun_

The Sleeping Sun

* * *

**AN: I know I promised a Friday or Saturday update but I got tied up with school work and stuff and I also had problems with internet connections. I'm very sorry that's why I made this chapter longer. I will update in a few days time, I promise! So if you have Coldplay song ideas, pm me or add it in your review. Please and thank you! Until next time dears!**

**Much love,**

**Margaux**

**P.S. So that you guys can have an idea for next chapter, I will always post at the end from now on the next song for the next chapter and so on and so forth.**

**Next song would be – "Daylight." Edward's POV.**


	11. Daylight

**Chapter 11: Daylight**

_To my suprise,  
my daylight,  
I saw sunrise,  
I saw sunlight.  
_

I felt dull light streaming from my window so I opened my eyes slowly. I felt disoriented at once as if I had woken up from a hundred years of sleep.

Flecks of dust particles danced around the full spectrum of the soft dull beams penetrating the glass windows and bouncing off some of my sparkling skin creating a show of spirals that rivaled the white steady flakes of snow freely falling outside. Snow was sparse today and there was a small hint of sun outside… a tiny sliver of sun almost devoured by the neutrality of white.

I peered around then I stopped myself from moving when I felt a weight on my upper body and the smell of – of freesias and something else… a light scent… cool and warm at the same time… then I smiled when I realized the mop of long wavy curls of mahogany spread about where we lay and around her head like a halo. Her alabaster skin showed signs of subtle shimmer that made her look like she was glowing even from the dull light that barely passed as sunlight.

So this was what waking up with an angel beside me felt like.

She was still sleeping – her breathing slow and steady. She was at peace.

I gently brushed a few strands of hair off her face then lightly touched her smooth ivory face. Bella was truly a sight to behold to. Her pink lips were slightly open and cool ice breath like mine came out of those lovely lips. She was curled around me with her wings folded over us like a blanket. With my other hand I placed them on top of her own hand that was resting on top of my chest.

How can she think of herself as a dark creature? Just looking at her – you would see her glow with nothing but goodness.

Unlike me.

I on the other hand, I was a vile creature who killed and could kill. How can she even say that she was my shadow that what she was, was what I am? How can she even compare herself to me? Even if she was death, I knew I was still darker than her. She killed because it was that person's time. I on the other hand shortened a person's time.

But then… even a little…

She makes me hope.

_I am nothing,  
in the dark,  
and the clouds burst,  
to show daylight.  
_

Maybe there's hope for me after all…

Yesterday when she saw my siblings – everyone was shocked beyond belief. Questions, demands, threats, warnings were the flurry of thoughts that ran through their minds.

We were more connected than I thought.

The moment I asked Bella if she could explain, a shot of horror crossed her face as if she had seen the worst the world had to offer. What had she seen? Was it that bad? I seriously wanted to know.

How can someone so pure and fragile-looking be forced to face the monstrosities of the world? We were beyond placing blames now but it just wasn't right. To only see, hear and feel death – what would that be like?

I shook away those thoughts. I saw the distress in her so I set things right. I half-ordered, half-demanded that they let her be though their questions were practically screaming out of their mind. Carlisle was able to fill them in on what we knew so far and I was slightly relieved when they understood. Yet more questions arose. _How about our angel? What's going to happen to her? Is she safe? What do we do with her? How can we hide her? _And so on and so forth.

As for me? I don't care. For some reason, all that I seemed to care about – was her. She would answer in her own time. She was going to lose her wings soon and from what I've seen, it was going to be hard.

She loved flying.

Now because, as she said, she is to be a shadow of what I am – it was as if I was taking the first thing she loved for herself away from her. I hated myself the moment the thought occurred to me.

She said that _fallens _become shadows of what their _guarded _were and that the most common would be fallens trading their wings to become like their human guardeds.

And that…

The most common reason for the trade was…

…love.

I know that Bella loves me. She even said that she transformed into death because she loves me. But is she _in love_ with me? That was a whole different matter. I know that Carlisle and Esme think that she is because she mentioned attachments. She was attached to me so strongly that she chose to hold on and change for me was what they concluded. It made perfect sense for them but not to me.

Why would you give up heaven just for someone like me?

It was very arrogant to even think that. It's absurd. Then Carlisle asked me in thought, what if it was the other way around? I pondered on that…

If I was Bella's angel, seeing that she's so kind and good… I don't think it's that hard to fall in love with her. In fact, I think I am falling for her or have fallen for her without even knowing. But I wasn't worthy of her. She deserves more. She deserves heaven and if there was a way, even the slightest chance that she could have another shot at heaven, I would do anything and everything for her to get that.

Even if that would mean I would go to hell or become death or whatever…

_She's too bright for my overcast existence… _Too bright… I sighed.

I know I don't deserve her but that doesn't mean I don't want her.

I wanted nothing more but to keep her – keep the only light in my life.

I looked down at her and her wings twitched, sending a few ebony feathers floating down on us.

_Ooooh, and the sun shines,  
Yeah on this sunrise.  
Ooooh, and I realize  
Who could live without,  
Who could part without, it.  
_

She said time and time again yesterday that she can't leave me and that she would guard me once more. I was honestly inexplicably happy from that but guilt overrode that.

I glanced at the glinting metal on her right ankle peeking from her velvet wrappings.

She was bound to me - in a way I didn't want her. I didn't want her to be a prisoner - my prisoner. She deserved to be free… and only then… only then would I know if she loved me freely not just because she was designed to do just that.

If she was made for me, I hope she wasn't made just for my needs and wants. I want us to be made for _each_ other. Deep down inside me… I yearn to be made for her.

Last night… when she was walking away, I felt a pull. I felt empty when we don't have any form of physical contact. I wanted to be near her always. I knew it was ungentlemanly of me but I needed her. I needed her to be at my side. And she complied.

When she touched my face I felt at peace instantly and it wasn't only during the time she made me feel sleep – I felt it each time she touched me.

Then when she kissed my head…

Ah.

There were no words.

I wondered right away what it would feel like for her lips to touch mine…

_On a hill top,  
on a skyrise,  
like a first born, child,  
on the full day,  
on the full flight,  
if the darkness,  
make the daylight.  
_

She was my personal sun. Though I sincerely hope she's mine because she wants to be but whether she asked or not I am _hers_.

I am hers.

She owns me.

She deserved to own things, do things just because she wants to… she deserves not only to need things but to want things and get them.

She deserved to be free.

So that's what I'm ordering her to do today.

It was I who bound her by saying stay so right now, I'm going to unbind her to me and she can come with me only on her accord and I would take her with open arms.

If she wants to be with me though I still think she deserves otherwise, I would let her.

_oooo, and the sun shines,  
yeah on this sunrise.  
oooo, when I realise,  
who could I live without,  
who could I part without, daylight.  
_

And I would give her all that she deserves and more. It's time she got something back for all the things that she's done – all the sacrifices.

I was broken off from my thoughts when I felt her stir. Her wings spread a bit then her eyes fluttered open while a smile broke on her delicate lips. Her bells rang as she adjusted herself and stretched.

She looked up at me with those warm brown doe eyes and lifted herself a little, her palm pressed against my chest.

"Good morning Edward," she breathed sending a gust of cold shivers on my body in a voice barely above a whisper with her silken voice.

And just like that, my whole world brightened up – her glorious light filling all the dark crevices of my blacken existence… slowly breaking through the daylight…

_Slowly breaking through the daylight,  
Slowly breaking through the daylight,  
Slowly breaking through the daylight,_

_Slowly breaking..._

**_Bella_**

Waking up.

I've only woken up from real sleep just twice now - thrice if you count my black out yesterday at the onset of my transformation. And I've found out all too soon that sleep was a beautiful thing.

Why?

It's not because of the peace and the rejuventation from letting your body rest.

Sleep was beautiful because of the waking up part.

For the first time in my existence... I was given rest - rest for myself. And not only that, I woke up beside someone I really care about and from the way he was looking at me, the way he touched me, spoke to me - I know he cares about me too... and I'm glad.

It was... different not being able to watch Edward wake up or even watch him sleep. But I feel... somehow elated that he watched me sleep for I don't know how long but it felt nice that he... waited for me to wake up. It was nice... really nice that someone was looking out for you even for just a little bit.

Yet all good things must come to an end as the beauty of waking up has its downsides. Yes, you wake up with a fresh start of the day filled with energy. But there was another thing no one can escape from waking up to - reality.

Edward felt mt mood change. He cupped my cheek and looked at me with concern on his golden eyes then whispered, "What's wrong Bella?"

I looked up at him. "There is so much to do... so much to take care of... and so much is happening..."

He offered a smile, "Good thing we have time on our hands. You are becoming into an immortal like me right?"

I nodded.

"How does it work? So you become like a vampire like us but not really...?"

I gave a small laugh, "Well, I will become just like all of you sans the fangs."

He chuckled, "You know we don't have fangs," he said while grinning to emphasize his point.

"I know. But seriously, I won't need to feed. I won't even have venom. In my case, a fallen angel that's turning into a 'shadow' vampire... knowing your diet, I wouldn't need to feed."

"Where do you get your sustenance then?"

This was a difficult answer to give to someone so generous and giving as him. "When... you feed... the essence of the creature you feed on becomes my fuel."

"Then I guess I should feed more often," he said at once. I knew it.

I shook my head, "Too much and we'd both feel sloshy. Anyway, I think... I think It's best that I talk to your siblings as well as Esme one-on-one today."

He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and I shivered once more from his touch. "Are you sure you can do that today?"

I smiled at him in reassurance. "I'm sure."

"Well, you should start with Esme because I don't know if anyone mentioned to you yet but it's Tuesday today and we have school. Yesterday was a snow day but today... we have school and the others are going," he said.

"I'll come," I answered.

He cocked his head, "But...what if someone sees you?"

"Only the dead and undead can see me... and maybe those who've witnessed death could somehow feel my presence... and... I'm not sure but those who are dying could see me... well, eitherway all roads lead to me - death. At least at some level while I haven't become a full - blown fallen yet," I explained.

I was about to say something else when...

_So when is that Bella going to explain everything?_

_What the hell is she doing here?_

_Is she really not a threat?_

_Wow, I wonder what happened to my own angel?_

_I can't wait to take Bella to the mall!_

_I have to go to the hospital._

_I would need to buy Edward and Bella a bed._

"Bella? Bella?"

I blinked and looked at Edward. "Esme's buying us a bed?" I asked him.

His reaction was that of surprise.

"Bella, did you just read Esme's mind?" he asked incredulously.

"Didn't she say it out loud? I know my sense of hearing is as good as yours."

He shook his head, "She said it in her thoughts."

"Oh," was all I could manage.

"I guess you can read minds then," he said chuckling. But he was missing an important detail.

"I guess I can... except yours."

He laughed, "I guess that's fair... and well, I'm relieved a bit. I like privacy."

"Anyway, this would come in handy when I come with you guys."

"Yeah it would. Though I still wish I could read yours though."

"Pure chaos. But anyway, let's go. I have much to share with them."

A new day.

A new day filled with new energy and new hope.

A new day to right the wrong.

Light is truly breaking through us now - and I knew what I had to do.

I need to talk to all of them, starting with Alice.

Truth needs to get out.

_Slowly breaking through the daylight,_

_Slowly breaking..._

* * *

**AN: This is shorter. Just to get Edward's POV out and a little of Bella's. I'll update soon and we get to hear Bella's history with the others. I haven't read the reviews that much yet but I will after this. I'll do my best to reply to all of you. Thanks though!**

**Same rules apply – song is the chapter title. I still don't own Coldplay or Twilight and I doubt I would ever. I bow to Chris Martin's lyrical abilities and his oozing sex appeal. He's the coolest ever – no – scratch that. Gwyneth Paltrow is the coolest ever for being his wife and for being engaged before to Brad Pitt! Some people get all the luck (sigh)…**

**Much love,**

**Margaux**

**Next song – "Your world turned upside down."**


	12. Your World Turned Upside Down

**Chapter 12: Your world turned upside down**

_Can you hear that sound?  
I can feel it in me now  
Coming from the ground  
From my head to my mouth  
_

Flying through the hallways and corridors of Forks High School, I was bidding time… wandering aimlessly… scanning faces… looking at the abundance of life. The atmosphere was not one I was accustomed to. It was… well… _lively_ to say the least. Problems were there of course but most were trivial and shallow.

Wait. I was judging.

I don't even have complete free will and yet what freedom I had was slowly making me feel all these things I thought I'd never feel.

Truly free will was a scary thing.

I shook my head. I wasn't free. Edward held me but so far he has not asked me for anything. He let me be most of the time. I looked down my shackle glinting silver back at me as it caught light. The connection between us was getting stronger and stronger but strangely… the silver on my ankle was getting lighter.

Hmmm…

_Bella, I'm over here._

Automatically, my head snapped to the direction of that thought. It was Alice. I felt suddenly weak.

I guess I had to talk to Alice now. I took one final look at the trophy displays, my image reflecting on the clear glass visible only to the dead and dying. Looking at my reflection staring back, I remember how someone used to stay enclosed in a giant fishbowl very similar to this…

I closed my eyes and flew towards Alice's room while all the memories flooded my mind never stopping.

_Oh can you feel it start  
Like a bullet in a china shop  
Oh when you start don't stop  
When it starts you should never stop  
No  
_

Once I reached her classroom, everyone was busy… I peeked at one…_Physics? _

_Wow. You really can't be seen._

I looked up and finally found Alice grinning at me from the farthest right corner of the classroom.

_Come on, have a little fun and defy the laws of physics._

She thought then she winked at me. She was making me feel at ease for which I was very grateful.

_Go ahead. I'm bored. Why don't you hop on desks on your way here?_

I smiled at her and nodded.

I hopped on one desk balancing myself with my right foot while the blond girl…_Lauren Mallory _continued making sense out of the torques and fulcrums totally unaware that I was perched on top of her desk. I then hopped to another desk, catching myself with my toe – Alice made me wear black ballet slippers so that I could give my velvets a rest.

I continued hopping from one desk to another, while my bells rang from each motion. Alice took two of my tiny black bells and tied them to these ballet slippers I was wearing. My dress a solid gray was light and short so it was easy to move.

Then I perched finally on top of Alice's desk and bent down, my hands on my knees to level with her.

She grinned at me, while lightly shaking her head, her inky black hair moving delicately in tune with her motion.

_That beats what we've learned over the years. Hello Bella!_

"Hi Alice," I greeted back shyly. I could talk as no one can hear me in this room but her.

She motioned towards the small stool just under the window sill.

I nodded at her and sat there. She cupped her cheek with her hand with her elbow propped on her desk as she tilted her face towards my direction. She did that to make it look like she was staring out the window.

_Take your time Bella. We have plenty of that._

I smiled then looked down. I didn't know how to start.

Then I looked up and faced her.

"Alice, what I'm about to tell you is not pleasant at all…but it will enlighten you."

_I know Bella. But I'd rather be enlightened than left in the dark. You were able to tell me my full name – that was more than welcome. "Mary Alice Brandon." With that I could do research already. But of course, I would want to know what you saw first… _

I sighed. "Okay. You see, Alice… before when I was fully Death, I only need to glance at a person just to know his life history and I had an estimate of when that person will die – but remember the keyword, _estimate. _Like your visions, it's subjective. Anyway, I crossed your path when I was being called… to come get you…"

I paused and gauged her reaction. She nodded for me to continue.

_So you saw me when I was about to die then… and you had a glimpse of my past?_

I nodded. "I… don't know how to say this… but, Alice… while you were locked up in the asylum… a vampire grew fond of you…"

She blinked but she stayed silent.

"While another vampire… was called by your blood."

_Hmmm… I don't… I don't know either, do I?_

I shook my head. "No. The other still roams around but the other is dead. Anyway, to make the story short, the vampire your blood called – his name is James – set out to kill you and satiate his thirst. The other vampire – I'm sorry I forgot his name, found out so he did the only thing he thought that could save you…"

Alice looked down as she mulled over the information.

_He turned me._

"Yes. At that time, Alice, it was only a matter of time before you go. You were so weak and lived in darkness. The call of impending death was strong and I was immediately sucked in. But then, I watched you get turned and your maker was killed by James out of spite from ruining his plan."

Alice was silent for a moment and I let her until finally she sighed and managed a half-smile.

_It must have been hard for you._

I nodded, "Yes, now that I think about it would've been hard for me. I stayed all throughout your transformation. I… I saw you suffering so I gave you what little ease I could give all the suffering dying people – I made you sleep. So I guess I could be at fault if you don't remember all this. I'm sorry."

_Thank you for doing that Bella. I'm sure that I wouldn't mind not remembering my transformation but that's not what I'm talking about. It must've been hard for you to see me change… like Edward…_

Oh. I sighed and looked up the ceiling. While absentmindedly tracing the patterns I replied, "Now that I think about it… it does feel hard… because it reminded me of Edward…but again, I couldn't feel that time."

I leveled my gaze towards Alice's patient eyes.

"I couldn't feel bad, sympathetic or even mad. The courtesy I give the souls I deliver is borne from instinct to ease suffering, not necessarily from pity. Of course if you ask me now that I could feel again, I would say, I did it for pity. So that's why it's so hard for me to tell my stories and such because of the feelings – the reevaluations – the partial freedom… the influence of all is overwhelming…I might make a mistake of saying things I don't mean or mix up feelings…"

She smiled in understanding.

_That's okay Bella. You shouldn't worry too much about what people think. It's nice that you're very considerate of others' feelings but in most cases, it's easier to be just yourself. You could adjust to others - surely others could adjust to you as well. If not, then, well, you can't please everybody. Mistakes are also inevitable – frowned upon – but it happens. No one leads a perfect life._

I smiled at her.

"Thank you Alice. I'm sorry if I don't have that much light news to give…"

She shook her head and grinned.

_Bella, you told me what I've been trying to find for so long. I don't dwell in the dark anymore. Though of course I would have to prepare if we come across this James character. Anyway, you told me more than enough that I would need to trace my past and you saved me pain from the memory of excruciating pain. Sure it was not peachy but it still makes me happy just to know these. Thank you._

"Thanks Alice." I said.

_Don't thank me for this – thank me for the outfit._

I laughed. "Thanks for the outfit."

_I'd dress you up any day. Maybe when you're fully visible I could take you shopping…_

She thought her eyes lighting up. I bit my lip. Shopping…that would entail the use of their money… more generosity thrown my way…I had to get out of that.

_Okay, don't freak out. Just think about it. Jasper is waiting for you upstairs._

She said as she then faced the blackboard while listening to the teacher who just got up and started discussing something.

I nodded at her and made my way up. I felt a little lighter that I was able to tell Alice her missing memory and relieved when she took it well. Maybe this wasn't so hard after all. As I flew up to Jasper's class. Hmm… our history together… well, it's not that valuable though I don't know how he would take it… but everyone knew he was older than me so I guess it's normal that they would be baffled as to how my encounter with him was… But then… there was still something else… something that I can't share with all of them… I would tell them my encounters but this something… I have to keep for myself.

_Oh ten to the dozen  
Who does, who doesn't  
Who chooses who's chosen?_

When I found Jasper's room, the door was closed. It would be too conspicuous if the door opened by itself now would it? I scanned the hallway and spotted an open window. I dropped to the floor and walked over to the window. I peered outside and saw that it was still a winter wonderland. I checked sideways and once I was sure that the snowfall was light enough, I placed on hand on the window sill then brought my right feet up to the sill and bent my knees. I then ducked my head then brought it out. I shivered from the sharp wind that kissed my face upon impact that my eyes closed automatically. I scanned the periphery once more before pushing myself for take off.

Against the snow I glided towards Jasper's side of the building, flitting through windows and windows when I finally saw him looking bored in his Spanish class. Like Alice, he was seated at the right end of the room just near the window.

I took a moment to study him. A few of his honey blonde hair fell on his face and I saw that his teeth were clenched. I eyed the scars that marked him permanently – bite after bite after bite… they were his prominent features but I didn't see them as ugly markings… I saw them as his proof of valor and they were marks of how far he'd become. They were reminders of how hard it was to achieve peace and how power lust could only lead to strife. He then rubbed his temples and he let out a sigh because of the surging emotions in the room. He was too preoccupied that he didn't notice me.

So I tapped the window very softly.

He turned to face me with a look so terrifying that I jumped back. Once he sensed my fear he blinked then cracked a smile. I waved at him and pointed for him to open the window.

He nodded then raised his hand and charmed his teacher into believing that he felt that he needed a little fresh air. A joke we both laughed at in our minds.

Once it was opened, I snuck inside and made sure I wouldn't leave wet snow marks in the room. Then I sat crossed-leg beside Jasper who pretended to take down notes.

He glanced at me and offered an apologetic smile.

_I'm sorry about frightening you – it was instinct… and, well, you see death knocking on your window, what do you expect?_

I chuckled, "I guess I deserve that."

_Anyway, I find our encounter very odd because I am older than you. When did you see me?_

He inclined his head a bit to my direction, stole a glance then went back to pretending to listen to the teacher.

I clutched my elbow and rested my face on my palm and let out a puff of breath that a few strands of my hair shot up.

"The gist of it is that, I delivered a soul of one of your…" how could I say it without offending him?

_Victims? _He offered while his lips turned up into a smirk.

"You could say that…but her blood was the last drop of human blood you've tasted." I paused as he thought it through.

After a while he answered in thought.

_You witnessed it?_

I nodded as I moved to twiddle my thumbs.

"As Death, I am to witness the person actually dying. But don't worry, I've seen worse. I've delivered those who got severed by saws, eaten by reptiles, blown up by land mines… I've witnessed violent deaths…"

I looked up at him and found him staring at me with sympathy. Then I felt a rush of peace course through my body to combat the sudden unpleasantness that I felt when I remembered all the gruesome deaths I've witnessed.

I smiled gratefully at him. "Thanks."

_No big deal._ He shrugged.

"I heard this victim's thoughts and heard her fear… her pleading… her pain… and when her fear intensified I saw you stop midway. I saw your troubled eyes crimson with her blood but you… I witnessed you reassess yourself. Then that was the first time I saw a vampire have a sudden morality check."

He nodded. _Yes. After the war and I found a little peace from the violence, it got harder and harder to feed on humans as I could feel their terror… their pain… every last feeling that they felt and it made me feel sick. How could you kill something that could feel? But then again, my thirst was unbearable as their blood called to me. That started the great dilemma I felt that I didn't want to feel what they've felt but I can't ignore my thirst. So it's a good thing I found Alice and found a new way to live. I still struggle as you can see right now but I'm trying… I really am… it's just that old habits really die hard…_

"Want me to take care of that?"

That brightened him up as he chuckled under his breath which he hid with a cough.

_Could you really?_

I shook my head, "No. I was just kidding. But I do know where you're coming from."

He looked at me solemnly.

_That's right. You do know. You not only feel the dying's feelings but hear their thoughts as well… do some plead?_

I nodded. "Most feel fear too than at peace. It could be because they see a black angel or they're afraid of what awaits them… and yes… I've sent some to hell… which reminds me… I have to go look for Rosalie…"

_This has something to do with her fiancé…_

He was right – among others. I gave a short nod.

_Her room is not that far from here, just across the hall then to the rightmost room. The room's door is open so you could go in that way._

I nodded at him. "Thank you Jasper."

He nodded. _It's just too bad that the one thing you witnessed was my moment of weakness._

I looked at him and smiled, "Or your moment of strength."

His lips turned up at that then he went back to listening to the lecture.

Then I remembered that the door was closed. I tapped Jasper.

"Sorry, but the door's closed…but then again, I could try the window once more…"

He cut me off by standing up while raising his hand. He didn't even need to use his power when he asked the teacher for a hall pass.

I smiled at him and walked beside him.

"Thanks Jasper, you didn't have to." I told him.

He half-smiled and faced me, "Please, you did me a favor. I could speak Spanish, French, and Latin – anyway, you got me out of a boring lecture. So thanks."

I laughed.

We walked at a slow leisurely pace and he sent me waves of calmness. I knew he sensed my anxiety. Rosalie's story was the hardest to tell.

"Hey, you're walking," he said as he glanced down at me. I was really short compared to him.

I shrugged. "Better get used to it, I suppose."

Then he stopped walking.

I looked back at him and saw him looking at me speculatively.

I tilted my head, "What is it?"

"You feel sad," he stated.

Oh. I looked down.

"Can't you keep your wings somehow?" he asked.

I shook my head then looked up at him and smiled, "No. But it's okay. It would be weird if people saw me with wings especially black wings like mine."

He nodded then we continued to walk.

"Bella?"

"Yes?"

"Why did you hold on? I assume that with what I know – with what you told Carlisle, Edward and Esme about the attachments and the different turn-outs, well, it seems you had a choice to make. Is that true?"

I think it was pretty obvious by now why I held on and became death and why I'm changing now.

I stopped walking and looked him in the eye. "I had a choice – yes – but for me… there really was no choice." _He was my choice. I chose to love him more than what is required of me. I love Edward too much to let go of him even in his permanent state – even if he was a predator…even if I became death. I chose him. _

Jasper nodded and said nothing more while I flitted beside him. Then he stopped in front of a classroom and looked at me.

He smiled, "We're here. Rose is feeling anxious and a little impatient…"

"I better get to it then."

He chuckled then walked back. _Just go for it. She'll listen. _

"Thanks again," I called out.

Without glancing back he threw a wave back at me as he walked back to his class.

Then I peeked inside the room and spotted Rosalie looking at me with a blank expression in the middle of the back row. There was an empty chair in front of her and she motioned for me to sit there. I took one last study of her expression and found it unreadable. Her golden hair hung loose at her back and her red lips were set into a straight line while her ocher eyes followed me.

_I'm not mad at you Bella I'm just apprehensive from before. _

Then her features relaxed as she gave a tiny smile.

I nodded at her and flew straight into the chair. I positioned myself by sitting on the desk facing her, my feet up on the seat.

I crossed my legs and placed my hands on either side of the desk to steady myself.

Then I faced her and she looked at me expectantly.

_I heard your conversation with Jasper…and I know this is about Royce._

I nodded sadly at her.

She flipped her hair then rested her face on her right palm that was propped by her elbow on her desk then she nodded for me to continue.

I took a deep breath and looked directly in her eyes.

"Rosalie, I saw you… because I too was called to send you," I started then paused measuring her reaction.

Her brow furrowed the slightest bit then she nodded once more for me to continue.

"I came to you the moment you started walking past Royce King and his cronies… and I saw everything…"

I watched as she closed her eyes and her teeth clenched.

I continued, "I'm sorry if I couldn't do anything to help… if, I just stood there watching and I couldn't even feel sympathy then. I just watched and waited for you to die. But now that the emotions are returning, I feel horrible." I said my eyebrows met and I looked at her apologetically. I watched her get beaten… abused… degraded…

I watched Rosalie and she was clenching her fist and trying her best to calm down. I gave her a moment before I continued.

I looked out the window and saw the leafless tree outside, cold, stiff, laden with snow and dirt – a couple of branches torn and crumpled…

Then I looked back at Rosalie and watched her sympathetically…_Just like her. _I looked up and remembered her image during the aftermath of Royce King's drunken stupor. She laid on the cold snow covered dark street illuminated by a solitary lamp post… her image was that of white, gold, black and red… her hair that was perfectly coifed before became strewn all over her – the golden tones faded that of dirty mop of yellow littered with blood, gravel, sweat, liquor and body fluids… her body barely covered by her tattered dress showed slivers of her white skin held patches of black and blue with dripping red… I couldn't even see her face as it kissed the ground… she was twitching…wheezing…waiting for me… she didn't even cry… she just laid there…waiting…cold…broken….

I decided to continue once she was calmer, "I bent down to make you sleep and ease the process… but before I could even touch you… you were whisked away."

She opened her eyes and looked at me with knowledge.

_That was the time Carlisle carried me away._

I nodded. "I followed while trying to find a moment where I could send the prayer before you could be turned but no moment presented itself… so I watched you get turned."

She sighed then nodded.

_I could get why this was hard to tell for you. I know I'm one of the most stubborn in this family and the one most quick to react. Any story involving Royce hits a nerve. Thank you for telling me though. But then you mentioned you remembered me when you sent someone to hell and frankly, I'm a bit worried…were you to send me there?_

I shook my head, "My story is not yet done. Rosalie, I met you twice."

She looked at me confused.

_What do you mean?_

I looked directly at her, "I was called to send the people you've killed."

She smirked.

_Oh._

I offered a half-smile. "Yes, _oh. _I should just leave it at that…"

_Wait, you've seen it all, didn't you? You've seen how I murdered them._

I nodded. "That was a nice gown."

She smiled.

_Thanks. Ah, well. At least I still got my vindication. But I am curious as to what happened to my angel…_

"That I can't say."

_I know. Thank you Bella, for letting me know. But can I ask and its okay if you don't answer… is Emmett's story a bad one or does this still top your list for today?_

I smiled and shook my head. "My encounter with Emmett was brief and not as dramatic as yours but pretty sad all the same."

Then I thought for a while. "Oh, I guess I was wrong...I met you thrice..."

_Okay. He's at the room next door. I'll come with you. The door's closed there._

"Thanks."

Then I walked beside her as she asked her teacher for a pass then we walked out of the room and she opened the door and asked for Emmett.

Emmett stepped outside and greeted me then he chatted with Rosalie a bit while I stared away to give them some privacy.

_Who must, who mustn't  
Who rests and who runs out_  
_Don't ask that question  
When your world's turned upside down  
Oh when your world's turned upside down  
_

There was a secret I can't tell… it involved the souls denied to me… and the blacken ones… and all boiled down to what I can do right now. Their union was looking more and more of fate rather than coincidence… we were all connected in a web. As I looked at them, I saw it. _I could get the souls denied to me back… but at a price… and I could get Edward's chance at heaven back but that entails a sacrifice….and there was just one more thing…_

_I can it feel sink  
I said I'd never do that again  
Oh can you catch it now?  
Oh like a bullet in your mouth  
Like a balls and a ball of chain  
Spark on another rain  
Oh, can you hear that sound?  
I can feel it in my mouth  
Oh  
_

"Coming Bella?" Emmett flashed me a grin bringing me back to reality. I smiled and nodded.

"See you all later," Rosalie said as she walked back to her room.

Emmett opened the door and let me in first then he walked over his seat at the back. I guess this was routine for them to sit at the back.

_Wow, they can't see you! Can you do something for me?_

I looked at him expectantly.

_Can you hop on Reynolds' desk and wave your hand in front of him?_

I didn't see the point but I decided to humor him. I perched on Blake Reynolds' desk, bent my knees and stared directly at him. I waved my hand in front of him and got no response.

_Hmmm… interesting. He can't see you! Thanks for giving me that picture – ah if only he knew that death was staring at him in the face. Ha!_

I smiled then sat on his desk, my feet swinging below me while my bells chimed. I didn't need to look at him – frankly he scares me a bit. He's so big and… too… _full of life_… this was too much for me right now.

"Emmett, I was called to send you the moment you were getting mauled by a bear but you know what happened. I'm sorry."

_That's okay Bella. I love Rosalie and I love my life right now. So it's okay. _

I beamed at him while I cocked my head to the side to face him, "Really?"

He flashed a smile. _Really. Being a vamp is cool._

I chuckled.

He stretched and flexed his muscles and took a deep breath while he asked.

_So when Rose carried me all the way to Carlisle, you were there?_

I looked down and bit my lip. I remembered that scene and I remembered how I could've saved Emmett. Of all the souls I've sent, he was the one I could've saved. At that time I think I had a lapse of sympathy for Rosalie… at some time while she carried him, I could've said a hurried prayer, touched him and he could've gone to heaven… but when I saw Rosalie… her face when she looked at Emmett… deep down some force willed me to stop.

I didn't realize I was gazing off when I heard a soft thud and saw a pencil rolling towards my feet. I jerked back and saw Emmett bending down to pick it up.

He reached over me and stole a glance while he thought.

_What's wrong Bella?_

Once he was settled on his seat, twirling the pencil while casually drumming his fingers on his desk, I dropped off from Emmett's desk and sat on the floor in front of him, bringing my knees to my body. I wrapped my left arm around my knees while I traced patterns on the floor with my right index finger.

"It's just that Emmett… I could've saved you…there was an ample enough time to save you…" I trailed off then I looked at him and his eyebrows were raised.

"What?" I asked.

_So you're saying, "Emmett, I'm sorry you didn't die?"_

I blinked. I didn't know how to respond to that if that was a joke or not so I just continued.

"Emmett, you could've gone to heaven. That's what I'm saying."

He gave a short nod then a shrug. _I know. _

My brow puckered, "_Do, _you?"

He sighed. _I know but Bella, I don't regret becoming what I am. Sure it gets boring but I'm with people I love and I get to do cool things. It's not such a bad life. I'm not saying that heaven is a bad thing, of course I would like to go there as much as anybody but if this is what life handed me then I'll take what I can get. But I am curious._

He eyed me.

"About what?"

_Why didn't you send me then?_

I unfurled my wings a bit then a solitary feather dropped and I caught it with my hand just before it reached the ground. A dropped feather from me could only mean one thing. The one who picked it up and kept it was going to die soon. Yes, a dropped feather could be seen.

I toyed with the feather and told Emmett what I witnessed.

"When I was waiting for the bear to kill you…gruesome I know… I saw Rosalie come out…it took a moment before I recognized her then…I saw her look at you… and with that look, I somehow knew that I was going to lose you…" I looked up at Emmett and saw him looking at me seriously.

"She looked at you with a face that bore confusion… and hope…just because I couldn't feel doesn't mean that I couldn't identify some emotions… emotions that I've felt before that is… anyway, after some deliberation I saw her determination. To be honest, at one point I thought she was going to drink your blood, but the moment she carried you and ran off with you, I knew she had other plans.

"You were slipping in and out of consciousness and it was only a matter of minutes until you died… I wanted to use your blackout as an opportunity to make you sleep and take you but looking at Rosalie… looking at her struggling to drag you to someplace… for some reason, I couldn't... the call was there but yet I couldn't… then I saw Carlisle and I knew at once that I had lost because I looked at Rosalie again and saw the pleading in her eyes… and…what I could only describe as blinding hope… so I let you… I let you go and watched your body die and the call waned and died completely when you were born again. Now tell me Emmett, tell me if what I did was wrong – tell me if I should've fought more for your shot at heaven, tell me –

He cut me off by shaking his head lightly then he faced me.

_Bella, stop. I don't regret becoming what I am. I don't hold a grudge or any ill feelings for Rosalie's decision to turn me. Maybe, this was really what was supposed to happen. We can't really say now can we?_

"I just feel really bad, you know. You have a damned life of night and of pretending…"

_How about you? When you chose to hold on to Edward, you're life was damned as well and I don't see you regretting anything._

He raised a brow in challenge and I just stared at him open-mouthed with shock.

_Just take it as it is, Bella and trust me when I say I'm not mad at you. I'm happy as I am. Thank you for giving me a little insight on Rosalie though. I know that of all of us, she struggles the most with our lifestyle. I know how hard it was for her to have to drag me while resisting her thirst. I know how she wanted to feel a little more human. But for you to tell me that she saw hope? That makes me want to prove to her more that she didn't make a mistake in turning me. For me she saved me. That's all I know and that's all I see. _

I saw only truth and sincerity in his words that I just nodded at him.

_Bella?_

"Yes?"

_What are you thinking?_

"I'm just thinking how honest you are and how I see no trace of doubt in your words… but then… I find it bizarre that I became a witness of vital aspects of your life. I have yet to tell Esme's story but… I really do wonder why are we all connected… what will come out of this?"

He looked up and thought for awhile.

_Well, maybe we're meant to find each other. Only, your and Edward's case is unique. Maybe the moment of waiting is over and your time has finally come. Anyway, your part of the family now._

"Really?"

He flashed a quick grin. _Really. _

I smiled and looked down at the feather I was holding. Then I felt a call. I sighed.

_What is it?_

I stood up and dusted my dress and stretched my wings.

"It seems I have work to do…"

He quirked his eyebrow at me.

_Someone's dying? You mean you're still death?_

I nodded. "I'm still death but only partially. I could still be called so it seems so I guess my replacement is busy at the moment…"

_I am confused though about one thing._

"And that is?"

_I thought that you could be seen already the moment Edward could see you._

"Oh I'm sorry if I didn't explain that well. Yes, I could be seen but again, only by those who are dying or those who are dead. If someone dying could see me right now then that would still cause a commotion."

No sooner than those words left my mouth when a gust flew my feather towards the hand of the person sleeping on his desk beside Emmett… I watched as that person groggily opened his eyes and saw the black feather fall to his pocket. I glanced at Emmett who didn't notice what I saw and when he felt my eyes on him, he looked at me in question.

"What is it?"

I didn't answer and went back to looking at Blake Reynolds. Unlike before when at a glance I could see his entire life before me and learn every thought he had, I only had his current thoughts.

_That's odd. I thought I was holding something black in my hand? Huh. Must be a dream then. I think I'll ditch class – oh – the heck is Cullen staring at me for?_

At that I looked at Emmett and the moment I faced him, I confirmed his silent question.

_Reynolds?_

I nodded blankly because… at this minute… I felt _fear._

My breathing involuntarily picked up and I was trembling. I was suddenly afraid… afraid for Blake Reynolds…afraid for what awaits him…

_How?_ Emmett asked.

_How? _I repeated in my mind. I didn't know. Before me stood a perfectly healthy eighteen year old who in any minute was going to die.

"I don't know Emmett. I just felt the pull…" my mind was racing…and I was afraid. I'm confused. This wasn't supposed to be difficult. I've sent countless souls already, how is this different? Why am I afraid for this one little soul? Why am I afraid of what awaits him?

_Bella, are you okay?_

Emmett asked concerned. I struggled to compose myself and gave a nod. Emmett was about to ask something more but I didn't hear it – any of it because at that moment, Blake Reynolds managed to sneak out of class.

Like a magnet, driven by instinct, I was walking after him.

_Bella, Bella!_

Emmett was calling out to me and I think I heard Rosalie and Jasper's voices in my head as well… Alice too I thought but they were only fuzzy static on my mind. The only voice that was clear to me was the boy I was following.

_Aha! The window's open! _

I flew double speed behind him and watched in terror as I knew what was going to happen. I watched as he poked his head outside the window and surveyed the area. Wait a minute? I thought I can be seen? I thought the dying could see me? Why can't he see me? I whirled in front of him and waved my hands in front of him - _Nothing._ Oh no, I guess only the dead can see me...

I watched as he shivered as the frosty ice cold air hit him and snow fell on his red short hair.

_Whoa! It's cold and I could barely see but I'm positive that the ledge is right over there. But what if it's iced over? I might slip…_

Yes, I thought. It's dangerous Blake. Don't push through, don't push through…

I watched and felt a little relief when he withdrew his head from the window and patted his hair. He changed his mind. So why is the pull still there? I was nervous. Very nervous and anxious… he was still doomed to die…

Then I saw him scan the hallway and his eyes lightened up as he spotted something. I followed his gaze and my eyes widened.

_Fire escape!_

Then in a flash he was sprinting towards the fire escape while in the background I heard the Cullen family debating on whether to follow me or not or something along that line of thought. I ignored them. What good could they get from this?

I flew quickly after Blake and worry coursed through me. _Extreme worry. _If I had a heart or if I were human I'd be running on adrenaline now.

I followed Blake my bells ringing erratically after me as I flew behind him. He kept going and going downstairs and my anticipation was rising.

I searched frantically below, above, sideways to see what danger could lie near. Is he going to trip? Is he going to fall? What danger awaits him?

Once he reached the last floor I saw him press his hands on his knees, bending, catching his breath.

"Blake, turn back, turn back, don't do this," I pleaded. A futile attempt but I can't just stand by and watch. I didn't even know what would happen to him. I've never felt so helpless.

I peeked at the small glass on the door and scanned the scene outside. Then my eyes grew in fright as I heard it… I heard it going fast and unstoppable.

I saw how Blake Reynolds was going to die.

I didn't even stop to think when I began yanking him by his jacket but no amount of force I exert would make a difference as he couldn't feel me. But I kept on trying. I even grabbed on to him, wrapping my arms around him while practically shouting at him.

"Stop, go back! Go back Blake! For the love of God, don't step outside! Stop! Please, Blake, please!"

He didn't even flinch. My panic grew when he finally caught his breath and placed his palm on the door.

I tried stepping in front of him but he just continued. I felt my vision blur as I felt tears welling in my eyes. Why was it so hard for me to let this soul go? What was wrong with me?

Then my world stopped when he pushed the door swung open and a flash of yellow light blinded me…then it happened.

Just like that it happened.

On the snow, red was coating white, cold to warm… and I watched as the ebony feather land on the crimson patches on the snowy ground…

_Oh ten to the dozen  
Who does, who doesn't  
Who chooses who's chosen  
Who must who mustn't  
Who rests and who runs out  
Don't ask that question  
When my worlds turned upside down  
No when your worlds turned upside down  
_

* * *

**Edward**

I ran as fast as I could go at double speed while my mind was trained to that of making sure that the coast was clear, to my siblings' thoughts and Bella's bells.

Before anything I was just in class, not really listening to the lecture but listening to Bella's stories from the minds' of my siblings while twirling Bella's feather that I picked up when I first saw her. It's only been two hours that she left my side and already I felt incomplete. _Now this…_

The moment I saw in Emmett's mind that Bella was panicking, I knew I had to get to her. She was called…_and she could feel._

This was bad, really bad.

I could've gone faster when a loud sound interrupted my thoughts and I heard skidding and sliding… not that far from here… it was getting louder and louder coming faster and faster.

_Edward, you won't make it. I'm sorry._

I heard Alice's thoughts. Oh no, I was going to be too late.

Then I heard Bella's voice, pleading and begging for that idiot Reynolds to quit. I heard her desperation and knew that Jasper felt it. So she can't be seen by the dying now? Oh no, this was going to be harder than I thought.

Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper wanted to follow Bella but they knew that this was something beyond their control and something Bella should face. Alice also confirmed it. Reynolds was going to die and she showed me how. And I was right about the noise I heard.

I shook all that away then jumped out the window and ran outside. Bella needed me.

Then I saw it and no amount of speed without risk of getting caught could save Blake Reynolds.

Five minutes ago, a delivery truck going at a speed of 45 kilometers per hour unsuspectingly drove over black ice – ice that was most invisible to a driver's eyes on the road and upon impact, the driver lost control over the more than half a ton heavy truck that quickly gathered speed moving in erratic direction towards the east side of the school building…

It doesn't take a physicist to know that it was going to hit the building with a force so great, a dent would be the last thing that would happen. The damage would move towards a bigger scale. And then I watched in shock as I saw Blake emerge from the fire exit door with Bella crying frantically beside him – then – the moment Blake's face bearing a triumphant expression faced front outside – it was wiped off immediately and replaced with a too-late alarmed look as the glaring lights blinded him, the blasting horn deafened him then his body met with the hood of the truck.

It was like the world stood still. I didn't even hear the crash as Blake's body was thrown over to the side from impact, his bones crushing as he tumbled across the lot – his head banged on, his spine broken and I felt his rib puncturing his lungs… then with one last cough and wheeze… he was gone…I didn't hear the impact because they were overpowered by the sound of Bella's pained cry.

"_No!"_

Then there was silence for awhile before the only sound heard was the blaring horn.

I watched as Bella fell to her knees and placed her palm over Blake's bloody forehead. I couldn't move yet as there was so much blood. I had to control myself but found it easy because of my predominant concern over Bella.

I watched as she whispered something then drew her wings closer to her as she looked down on Blake's dead form. I watched as she wiped some blood off of his face and brushed a few strands then she lifted her eyes to look at me and I felt weak when I saw her look so vulnerable and in pain.

I heard Alice – the one who could resist the most from my siblings run to the truck driver's direction while thinking.

_I already called an ambulance. The driver could still be saved. Emmett and Rose have Jasper. Take care of Bella. Take her someplace else. Quickly, you have one minute before people arrive._

I nodded at her and ran towards Bella.

"I couldn't - couldn't save him Edward – I just watched him die. How can someone just die? How can someone who woke up feeling that this was going to be a boring day only to find out too late that you woke up, to die? Edward – I couldn't… I – I…"

I wrapped my arms around her tightly as she cried on my chest. I stroked her hair and tried to soothe her.

"Shhh… Bella it was his time…it's not your fault…you just did your job…" I whispered.

"What's wrong with me, Edward? I've sent souls before and many died in a much more terrible way than this but why is this so different?"

"Because this time, Bella, you forgot… this time you could feel… feel it firsthand… feel like it's your first time…"

She looked up at me with sad eyes but I knew she understood. "You're right, Edward. But I'm scared. I don't want to go through this again… it's all too different… I felt so worried and scared when I heard his call…"

I wiped her tears and rubbed her back, "Bella, I can't promise that this won't happen again as I don't know if you're going to be called but you have six more days left. Just six more days and you won't be death anymore. I'll be there when it happens again. I'm here for you."

She relaxed a bit then she rested her head on my chest and I saw her close her eyes. "I thought I was going mad. Now I know the reason why I was numb when I was fully death before. I've never felt more helpless Edward. Never."

"It's okay to feel vulnerable at times, Bella. You're not alone anymore, remember that. You have me and you have the others as well. But now, let's get you out of here, okay?"

I put my finger under her chin and tilted her face up to me and looked into her eyes.

"Let go of Blake now. Come on. It's going to be alright. I'm here," I whispered while I smiled at her.

**

* * *

Bella**

As I looked into Edward's eyes I saw nothing but care and sincerity. I was truly an imbecile to not have realized at once why I reacted as I did. Of course. It was because I could feel again… and Edward was right… it did feel like this was my first time…

He waited for me to collect myself.

I nodded at him and managed a quick smile, "Thank you Edward. I'm sorry. I'm ready to leave."

He smiled at me and gave a nod. I steadied myself and prepared to stand up when suddenly I was up in his arms and he was running.

This time, I didn't even argue.

Instead I closed my eyes, rested my head on his chest and just… held on to him… held on to his neck…

Right now, I just wanted this. I just wanted to be cared for. I wanted to be comforted. I wanted rest. I just wanted this. I wanted this – Edward with me.

No,

It was much more than that. I needed Edward and he's here.

He's here…

I looked up at him and saw him look down at me and he grinned at me.

I smiled at him before sleep took over.

_Falling over this side  
It feels so wrong it feels right  
What it was and what it's not  
Come and break it into  
Pieces that begin to  
What I was and what I'm not_

**

* * *

AN: So there you have it, an extra long chapter for this story to make-up for the long update. I'll try to update as fast as I can but we have a week-long play for our college week that I co-wrote along with fellow representatives from each section of all third year psychology majors and being the scriptwriters we were also tasked to direct the play. I have to do a case study as well as plan for our group dynamics subject and finish our personality test construction but you don't need to know all that. Anyway, to sum it all up, it's going to be crazy so I don't really know when I could update so please **_**please**_** hang on.**

**If you read carefully, I gave away a few secrets of Bella's and one very vital detail in this story. Hope you got them. If not, then wait for the succeeding chapters. Things are getting very **_**very**_** interesting. **

**Tired of the long wait? I just updated my first try at comedy. It's an Alice & Jasper story. I don't expect much from it as it's written just for fun and for my sister the anime-lover. The story is based on the anime **_**Lovely Complex. **_**Alice is always the "tiny one" and Jasper the "tall one" right? Well in this story, Alice is called "Amazon" while Jasper, the "Shrimp." Shocking right? Anyway, they hate each other's guts and end up making a bet on who could find love first and thus prove that he/she doesn't have the worst "love complex." But could they see past their height differences and see sparks instead? I know, I know, it looks very impossible but it's my AU and I don't care I did this story for me and my sister, Love it or hate it.**

**For those who've been following my three-part White Lilies series, I'll be updating Part 3, **_**Endless **_**by tomorrow or the day after. I've started typing chapter 2 so hopefully I get to finish that soon.**

**That's all, thanks very much for the support, the suggestions, the critiques and the love!**

**Until next time...**

**Much love,**

**Margaux**

_**Next song: The World Turned Upside down**_


	13. The World Turned Upside Down

**AN: Never ceases to amaze me how Coldplay songs fit so well in my story. =p

* * *

  
**

**Chapter 13: The World Turned Upside Down**

_X & Y  
The land, sea, rivers, trees, the stars, the sky  
That and this  
We're part of a bigger plan  
Don't know what it is  
Don't know what it is  
_

_Three days…_

It's been three days since Blake Reynolds' death…

I closed my eyes as I remembered the scene, drawing my wings closer to me, letting the ice air whip around my whole frame.

I opened my eyes and stared down at the scene below. A stream of moving black was coming out of the building… like black ants in two straight lines walking across the wide span of a luxurious white cashmere rug… a solitary color – a deep maroon heads the line…

There was no silence even in this almost quiet atmosphere. If you listen closely…very closely… you'll hear them… hear them against the howling wind…hear the trudging of feet… the clatter of teeth… shivering bodies… muffled moans… pained cries…

I pushed myself to stand and bow my head to pay my respects. My long black dress was flailing in the wind as are my bells singing in elegy… I didn't even let the heaviness of the snow and the bitterness of the wind bother me as they pelt me… push me… block me…

Thus is the scene of Blake Reynolds's funeral procession.

The first funeral of the first death I felt.

I closed my eyes and kept my hair from blocking my face as a strong gush of wind blew them away. And the moment I opened my eyes, the wind died leaving only grief and bereavement in the air singing a parting song for Blake Reynolds… a melancholic tribute…

"Rest in peace." I whispered before I turned around and flew away.

_Three more days…_

As I flew I thought about how I only had three more days until my transformation is complete. Seeing as how unpredictable things have been I didn't know what to expect anymore. My magnified virtues were fading into that of an ordinary level… all that would be left would be my permanent angelic interior…and my indelible bond with Edward…

_You and me_

_The land, sun, trees, the sky, the stars, the sea  
365 Degrees  
I am a puzzle, you're the missing piece  
Hang on a minute, just a minute please  
I'll come  
And everything under the sun  
And everything under the sun  
_

I chose to be alone for now…such liberation, the act of choosing is… I had to be alone for just a while to collect my thoughts but now I needed him. I needed Edward.

For the past three days, it was only the two of us. He let me cry, he let me sleep, and he let me mourn… he let me be. For three days we were just holed up in his room isolated from everyone and everything. The others respected my need for privacy. I told Edward he could go but he never left me. _He never left me. _How pathetic of me. I was his angel and yet it seems that at that moment, the roles were reversed and I was the one being guarded. I felt… I felt so cared for… could he really care for me?

Now I'm facing a dilemma. Should I tell him of the choice he could make? Or should I just tell him of that one thing he can have. One thing that was denied to him one time… One thing that I could give him… As for the other choice… I closed my eyes… it was a choice he could do… _for me…_

I shook my head. I don't want it, I don't want it! I dropped my gaze.

I don't want it…

I spotted him waiting in his meadow – his own private sanctuary that he shared with me. He was lying on a large cerulean blanket laid on the ground with his hands behind his head, one leg bent, and the other lay flat while his eyes were closed.

When he sensed I was approaching, he opened his eyes, grinned his handsome smile and patted the space next to him.

I dropped gently beside him, sitting down and bringing my knees close to my body. I tilted my head to face him and half-smiled.

"Hello Bella," he said and as always his velvet voice caressed my name.

"Hello." I said back.

He adjusted his position so that he was now lying on his side with his head propped.

"How are you feeling?" he asked concerned and his onyx eyes… he hadn't fed in a while… caught mine.

I frowned and touched his face and let my fingers trace the dark circles under his eyes to which he closed in response to my touch. I withdrew my left hand and let my right hand rest on his cheek. He opened his eyes and studied me carefully.

"I'm doing fine, thank you. But now, you need to be taken care of. You're thirsty…"

He touched my hand that was on his cheek so suddenly that from instinct I pulled away but he held it back and gripped it firmly but gently.

I watched as he looked from my trapped hand to my surprised expression before giving a small smile.

"Bella," he said huskily that I shivered.

"Bella," he repeated, "I am thirsty and I thank you for your concern but your needs are my priority – or is it time already that you're relying on me for your sustenance…?"

I quickly shook my head, "No. I don't think I've transformed that much. That would probably be one of the last to take place… me needing you to drink for me to get my fill…"

"What would be the last then?"

I glanced at my wings behind me and he nodded.

"I hope you're not opposed to body art," I said trying to keep the mood light.

He raised a brow, "What do you mean?"

"From what knowledge is left of me – though I'm not really certain it might happen, when my wings go, a faint outline of wings would be left imprinted on my back as a sign that I was once an angel – sort of like a permanent mark of 'angelicness' if there is such a term. It won't be that visible to the naked eye but still, upon closer inspection…"

I stopped he was gazing off.

"Edward?" I asked.

He blinked, "Oh sorry, I was trying to picture it." he smiled impishly.

I rolled my eyes then I gasped when I noticed that I indeed just _rolled my eyes._

I heard a chuckle.

"Did you just roll your eyes?" he asked completely amused.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what possessed me to do that!"

He laughed some more.

I stood up and placed my hands on my hips. "It's not funny!"

"But it is!"

I was starting to feel irritation. "How is it funny?"

"Because I was right. I knew you were the sarcastic type." He grinned.

I raised my brows at him while I folded my arms on my chest but that only proved his point.

He laughed at that so I sat back down on the blanket with a hurried plop with my hands still folded across my chest while I huffed.

He stopped laughing and sat up. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned my head to meet his look.

He looked apologetically at me but the amusement lingered. "Oh, don't be mad, Bella."

I widened my eyes with shock. _I was mad now? I'm actually feeling anger?_

I looked at him, "Oh God, now I'm learning to get irritated and mad! I'm turning human!"

He chuckled, "No you're not. You're becoming one of us – well, almost that is."

I sighed. Then when I felt him staring at me curiously, I faced him. "What?" I asked.

"Hmmm… so this is the real you…" he said while tapping his chin.

I cocked my head. _The real me?_ I started to worry. It was true. With my restrictions leaving one by one… and learning and relearning feelings… I was starting to think… for myself… be… myself… but… but… how can Edward like me now that I'm being less angelic?

"Hey, hey, what's the matter, Bella?"

"Edward, I'm sorry if I'm starting to be less…less angelic…" I said looking down.

He put a finger under my chin and made me face him.

"Bella, what are you saying? You're still you. You'll always be my angel. Only, you're much more fun now. I like that you are able to think for yourself. I like that you don't have to do anything that would entail duty." he grinned.

He was right. After the incident at his school, he set me free. He ordered me to be free and from that the shackle loosened - just loosened because I held on. I wanted to be his. I would always be his.

I half-smiled then averted my gaze to the ground.

"Edward?"

I could feel his gaze penetrating me. "Yes?"

"Why did you set me free?" I asked in a whisper.

I felt a hand on my cheek and found him in front of me at once – his dark eyes scorching.

"Don't you want freedom?" he asked softly.

I blinked. "It's certainly new… and… well, liberating but –

He silenced me by placing a finger on top of my lips gently and shook his head.

"No buts. I know you want it and it was something big that I _could_ give you. I would do anything for you – anything that you want."

I couldn't do anything but just look at him adoringly like a blind man that could see for the first time.

He smiled at me as genuinely as his words. It was true. He would do anything for me… but then…

"Why?" I said barely audible.

I studied his face and saw his eyes staggering with a flurry of emotions. His features softened then hardened with determination then softened again to that of confusion. He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out until he finally closed it again. What was he battling?

Then finally, he caressed my cheek and held my hand with his free hand and made me look at him. His gaze was not staggering any more but burned with resolve as he bore through my soul.

Then after what seemed like an eternity of silence, he spoke.

"Bella, I know I'm not worthy – I know that you've lost a lot because of me whether you acknowledge it or not –

I was going to protest but he silenced me.

"Bella, I know that in three days everything will be different and you'll continue to lose more things and become… a shadow of what we are…

Was this really happening? Is what I think is happening really happening? If I had a heart it would be pounding.

"…But despite everything, despite my unworthiness… would you believe that I –

He wasn't able to finish because I bolted upright.

I shut my eyes tight and my fists clenched at my sides.

Immediately I felt Edward's hands on my shoulders. "Bella? What's wrong Bella?"

I opened my eyes slowly but I didn't meet his gaze. Instead I looked straight to my left… following a single black feather being carried away by the wind.

"Duty…calls," I said blankly.

"Can't you ignore a call? Let another take it?" he asked with anguished hope in his voice

I shook my head slowly and looked up at him.

"I'll come with you then."

Again, I shook my head almost regrettably. I wanted him there so bad but I didn't want him to see me weak again and I could spare him from more guilt…_and give him time_… if he was really going to say what I think he was going to say… I had to know if it was from guilt or something else… and frankly… frankly…though I've always dreamt about it…I was scared.

He looked at me almost angrily, "Why not?"

"This is something I have to do myself Edward."

He sighed. "I'm already worried about you."

I gave him a smile. "There's nothing to worry about Edward."

"Of course there's something to worry about. I'll always worry about you. Bella I –

It was my turn to silence him. I wasn't ready for it yet. I silenced him… with a soft peck on his lips…

He looked at me shocked then he made motion to pull me back to him but I moved back but let my hands stay on either side of his cheek.

Slowly I shook my head at him.

"Edward, you already know how I feel about you. I've said it before and I'll say it again but…not now. Not now Edward… I'm sorry…"

He looked a cross between hurt and perplexed…and a little angry.

He held on to my wrists. "Bella why? Bella I –

I shook my head.

"Think about it some more Edward before you say something you might regret."

That sent him over the edge and I could almost taste the rage brewing in him.

"Regret? _Regret? _I've never been so sure in all my existence! Bella, why don't you let me say it? What more is left to think about?"

I just looked at him and answered softly, "Edward. Wait."

"Wait for what?"

"Just…wait…please. Now is not the time and I have to go."

He finally surrendered. "Will you come back to me?"

I smiled at him. "I will always come back to you."

He obliged me a smile. "Be safe."

I nodded at him then started walking away. Before I took off something I did not expect happened.

I was suddenly juxtaposed into his arms, my hands flat in surrender on his chest while my mouth was ravaged by his cold, hard yet gentle lips – his arms tightening around me – pressing me to him. And before I could even react he let me go looking at him in shock.

Our breathing was erratic and his eyes shone black with desire and something deeper than desire that I can't allow myself to say right now. All I needed to know is that _it_ was there.

"I'm sorry Bella. You won't let me say it but I had to do something. You let me have a taste now I can't have enough of it. And you had to know, Bella. You had to know that what I feel won't change whether you come back to me or not."

I just stared at him at loss for words. When finally, I took a step back.

"I… I have to go," was all I said to him before I took off.

As I flew I wanted to find a wall to crash into. I knew what he was going to say. I knew what he wanted to tell me. But most of all, I _know _that I wanted nothing more but to hear him say those words to me.

But why did I stop him?

The answer was clear.

Flying by through the public places in Forks, scanning down the multitude of faces below, seeing smiles, clasped hands, two pairs of feet walking side-by-side and vocal or silent exchanges my whole being swelled with the want I had for Edward.

It was not the perverted want that the majority would think.

I wanted Edward to go to heaven.

I sighed. And only I had the power to give him that.

_Bella._

I cocked my head. Did I just hear my name?

_Yes you did, Bella._

My brow quirked where was that coming from?

_Down here._

I responded quickly by glancing down and from the sea of nameless faces I saw _him. _A solitary man with soft wavy black hair that had a silken sheen and eyes the color of deep midnight blue wearing an impish smile was staring straight at me while people walked past him but not without sneaking a glance at the beautiful pale man in black.

When he caught my eye he winked then gestured for me to follow him and where he was headed was the same direction the _pull of death _led me.

This man was clearly not human no matter how human he looked and acted. So I didn't even second guess that he could see me and that he was the one who called my name.

He must be a fallen… or… something else…

Without rhyme or reason, I quietly followed him. As he walked, he put his hands on his pocket and sang a little tune with his voice the sound of dreams and lullabies.

_What is this feeling that I can't explain  
And why am I never gonna sleep again?_

Like a child following the Pied Piper's flute, I followed blankly… hypnotized… enchanted…

He waded through the throngs of people in this little town and like the red sea they parted to make way for him with their heads bowed. All the while, he sang his song.

_What is this thing I've never seen before  
A little boy lost in a breaking storm  
Hide and sob, and away they fly  
To write your name in the summer sky_

Then he stopped and I was plunged back to awareness and in front of us was an abandoned warehouse.

Then slowly, he turned his head to glance a smile at me while he repeated the verses he sang.

_A little boy lost in a breaking storm  
Hide and sob, and away they fly  
To write your name in the summer sky_

Then he faced front again while he handled the chains and locks of the double-doors.

"A little boy… is lost… in a breaking storm, Bella. Why… did you… stop him… from writing your name… in front of you in this beautiful summer sky?" he asked his voice so lyrical and enchanting…he said it so melodically slow…lulling… as he fiddled with the locks.

I stepped back.

"Who are you? What _are _you? How do you know my name? Why can you see me? Why do you speak of summer sky when the ashen sky of winter paints all Decembers?" I barraged him while poising for emergency flight at any time.

I saw the corner of his lips curve up then he spoke still not looking at me.

"Is it… winter …in his eyes… when he sees…. his sun rise?" then he glanced at me and his dark lapis lazuli eyes glowed with mystery and knowledge.

I was taken aback from his jewel eyes that all questions left me as I just stood there still.

Then with a sharp clang and bang, a plink and a plunk the double-doors opened wide to reveal the entrance of a junk graveyard.

He put his hands in his pockets once more then motioned with his head to follow him in. blindly, I did.

As I walked behind him I tried to decode him. He looked no older than a nineteen year old with his thin yet lean frame and his impish smile. There is no doubt he is an immortal. He walked with such grace that he almost glided – no floated. If there was an incarnation of a dream – he was it. The way his voice sounded like slow poetry being sung, each movement of his dark shiny hair bouncing almost rhythmically and his penetrating jewel eyes framed with long lashes and almost perpetually carrying a half-lidded look that signaled drowsiness – everything about him was dream-like.

He stopped and I fell from fright when with crashing domino bangs and thuds, the windows opened allowing a sudden influx of dull light stream in.

And then I saw them. Protruding from his back, penetrating his long black jacket were almost invisible lines of the faintest silver creating an outline of giant feathers illuminated by the sudden dull winter light.

Then I knew…he was higher than angels. _He was a celestial. _

He turned around and walked towards me, bent down, smiled and extended his hand to me.

"Do not… be afraid, Bella… Trust me."

I couldn't even blink as I looked into the blueness of his eyes and I couldn't even remember accepting his hand when I was suddenly standing in front of him.

He kissed my hand and introduced himself.

"I am… Midnight Breeze… a celestial of sleep and dreams… I… saw your dreams…. and thought to give you… a message," he said, his voice like caressing winds.

I blinked, "My, my dreams?"

"Little sparkling bell… why did you stop… him… from writing your name…. on the summer sky…?"

I looked down.

"He should be in heaven," I replied.

"Hmm… and you shouldn't?"

I shook my head and clutched my elbow as I looked out the window. "It doesn't matter."

"Ah, such a folly… selfless love could be."

I jerked my head to look at him and I saw him sitting down on a broken piece of machinery that was beyond recognition and glanced at him to see him tinkering and examining pieces and parts.

I flew near him and tilted my head. "How do you know me?"

He traced the outline of the piece of scrap he was holding and shook it.

"Silvered ringing…that knows both…warning and delight… everyone knows… the beauty…that is… the black bells… of…both light _and_ death… light _in_ death… light _of _death…ringing _Bella…Bella…Bella…light and death…Bella…_"

Holding his position, his eye sight shifted to his side – to me and saw the blue glow in them.

"Tell me, sparkling bell… is that… what you… _dream _about? Give…your former guarded… heaven? …I know… that you have only… dreamt a total of… three nights until… sleep left you… forever. But… your dreams… were one… and the same." He threw the piece behind him and dug for another one.

I looked away. It was true. All my dreams were of me and Edward together. But still…

"Men… have dreamed and _dreamed on_. Dreamed to escape… dreamed to create…dreamed to succeed… dream to just dream… I have seen your dream… and tasted its raw essence…. and know… fully well…that this dream… is strong enough… to become… a reality. So why fight it?"

I doodled on the fogged-up window while I answered him. "Because I would rather he be where he needs and wants to be."

"And where… would that… be?" he sang.

I sighed.

"Are you certain that that place… is where he _needs… _and _wants… _to be?"

I looked at him, "Isn't it where everyone longs to be?"

He gave a nod but fixed me with his hypnotizing eyes once more. "Fair enough. But who…are you… to decide? A choice is present, is it not?"

"I know that. But I can't let him take the other one. I know in my whole being – in his selflessness that he would take that choice."

"A fine mirror… you are. Better you than him… as he would also say better I than you. Yet… do you not want… your own chance… at heaven as well?"

I blew a puff of air and knew he was right about my own chance at heaven, "I'm not saying I don't want to go there – of course I do but he has suffered more than I have and he deserves this."

Once again, Midnight Breeze's eyes bore through my own, gnawing with the truth. "Have you not… suffered a great deal… yourself?"

"I wouldn't know – I was numb most of my existence when he could feel every second the eternal dilemma he has to face of giving in or holding back."

He looked down and bounced something rusty and round on his palm. "But… now… you…know…"

I crossed my arms. "I just want him to be happy."

"Then… make him… happy."

"He will be happy in heaven."

"You… are his heaven." He said, his startling jewel eyes intense as he looked at me.

I turned around defensively and huffed. "How do _you _know?"

"How… do you…_not…_know?" He said more slowly than usual but each word cut through me like a knife.

I shut my eyes and held my body tight. "Why did you come here?"

"I…have…a message."

"Then tell me now and be off."

I felt him behind me and heard him sigh. So I turned around and faced the beautiful man in front of me.

Slowly, he reached out his palm towards me. I stared at it.

"I…will…tell you…but for now… you have… a job… to do."

That's right. The pull was still there. So I took his hand and we walked in silence to the back of the warehouse where we saw a tattered old man, cold, shivering and blue.

Midnight let go of my hand and bent down near the man and touched his forehead.

The man opened his eyes and I gasped to see that he was blind.

"W-who's t-there?" he said while his teeth chattered.

"Just… a wandering boy…my friend," Midnight said.

"F-f-friend? I – I h-have n-no f-f-f-riends!"

"But you do… you've…been…dreaming… about them… and they're… waiting for you… you should…go…to them…"

The man closed his eyes and whimpered.

"Do not be…afraid…close your eyes… and sleep…" Midnight said then he looked at me.

I nodded and knelt beside them. I looked at Midnight and he urged me on so I placed my hand on the man's forehead, whispered my sending prayer and watched as a single tear escaped the man's eyes and froze from the cold.

Here was a man who was abandoned and left to die alone. But in his dreams, he was fetched by his friends and loved ones.

I couldn't help but feel for the man's sufferings but now he was getting his due of peace. So there really was no reason to weep this time. He was in a far better place.

As Edward should be…

"Bella…"

I faced Midnight and he was looking directly at me.

"Bella… there is nothing wrong… with selfless love… but there is also… nothing wrong… with knowing… and getting… what you want… what you dream about…"

I stayed silent.

"Dreams…are…beautiful things… and…they are also…frightening things…they are mirrors…. And they could also be…double-edged swords… they are reflections… a hidden guide… of what…the heart desires… what the mind… pushes away…. It is everything… it is nothing… it is anything… it is…whatever… you… make of it…"

He slowly put a hand on his pocket then with his free hand he pressed his palm on his forehead, closed his eyes and continued.

"A dream… so vivid…so strong… so persistent... that the thinnest knife…could cut it… from reality… is rare…"

He moved his hand to run it over his hair while his eyes slowly opened fixing their glowing gazes on mine as he continued speaking.

"You hold the knife. Do…as you please… and here is the message…"

I watched as his eyes glinted and his dreamlike expression hardened into that of seriousness as he said straight and firm.

"The moment that Edward Cullen says he loves you, the moment those words leave his mouth, you can no longer touch him until he makes the choice. Touch him before he decides and his soul would be lost forever. Yet if he chooses to go to heaven, touch him and he will go leaving you a shadow of what he was. And if he chooses to forgo heaven for you, touch him, and you will go, leaving him…as the new death."

I took time to study his words.

"What if he decides neither?" I asked softly.

He smiled at me. "A decision must be made."

"So it has to be one or the other?"

He said again melting into his dream-like gaze, "A decision…must…be made." Then he smiled.

I looked down, feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. "A decision must me made…"

He smiled impishly before turning around and walking away with his hands on his pockets, singing.

_Life has really only just begun  
Life that comes  
And everything under the sun  
X is Y  
The land, sea, rivers, trees, the stars, the sky  
365 Degrees  
All of the surface and the underneath  
Searching your mellow and outsings your key, ah_

I followed him as he walked out with me thinking deeply on what I had to do.

_And everything under the sun  
And everything under the sun  
_

"Midnight… is there no hope for us then?"

He glanced back at me and smiled, "Hmm… that's a good question…"

"A good question that has an equally good answer I hope?" I said almost pleaded.

He just smiled and walked on, "Hope…you hope for an answer…for hope?"

I didn't reply and just waited.

"The funny thing about…hope…is that… it always…has…an answer… an answer… that is always… experienced… first hand…again…the answer to hope… is always… experienced…felt…. "

I sighed. I understood. "So I have to wait then…and see for myself."

He nodded and walked on grinning while singing.

_What is this feeling that I can't explain  
And why am I never gonna sleep again  
_

Then he stopped walking and just like that we were transported near a familiar place…a special place….

_What is this thing I've never seen before? _Midnight sang as he glanced at me then back at something in the distance.

_A little boy lost in a breaking storm  
Hide and sob, and away they fly  
To write your name in the summer sky_

And then I saw him. I saw him standing stoically while the wind and snow wrapped around him – he stood still, his eyes downcast while his hands lifelessly limp on his sides._  
_

Then I heard chuckling.

I looked to my side and found Midnight holding a top hat he magically conjured from somewhere and placed it on top of his head. Holding the tip and looking at me through his drowsy half-lidded midnight blue eyes he half-smiled and continued to sing before he faded away into nothingness – the glow of his dark blue eyes settling before fading away into tawny yellow like _Bidwell's ghost_…the after image of the so-called _Purkinje _effect.

_Life has really only just begun  
Life that comes  
And everything under the sun  
And you don't know that you've been born  
Can't see the calm until the storm  
Can't tell your right side from your wrong  
Can't see the wave you're riding on _

"Until next time…Bella… 'Til then…_dream…"_

Then he was gone and in front of me, hundreds of feet away was Edward… _my Edward…_

I felt a weight suddenly on my hand and when I opened my palm, I saw that there a tiny silver dagger brooch with a single lapis lazuli jewel embedded on the handle.

It seems I have my own choice to make.

"Thank you Midnight Breeze." I whispered into the air and I felt a gush of wind whip around me and I could almost hear a sleepy chuckle in the air.

* * *

**AN: Sorry for the long wait. I was struggling with this story actually. I got stuck until finally I decided to let my favorite character from a fiction story of mine, Midnight Breeze, um, **_**breeze **_**in and help. For this surprising chapter, someone's actually singing the lyrics for a change. And there you go, I was able to divulge more secrets and Bella's starting to become more transparent (no pun intended). For the next chapter, I'm still debating on the perfect song for Edward's POV if I decide that I would write his pov next. I don't know, I'm still not sure. **

**So I can't put up a song announcement for the next chapter. I'll do my best to update soon. I thought that after our college week things would be lighter but I was dead wrong. Now we have a backlog of work, work and work. So I'll try to do my best.**

**I hope you like this chapter and you like Midnight. I don't know if he'll be making another appearance. We'll see. =)**

**Thanks for the well wishers! Thanks for the reviews and the support! I'm very sorry if I can't reply to your reviews for the last chapter but I super appreciate all of them! I know you guys understand. So thanks again!**

**Much love,**

**Margaux**


	14. How You See The World I

**AN: Basically, this chapter contains most of Edward's musings so a bit of a soliloquy or monologue abounds the long chapter at the beginning. I admit I went overboard with being almost philosophical here. Ah, well.

* * *

  
**

**Chapter 14: How You See the World Part I  
**

**Edward**

_Are you missing something  
Looking for something  
Tired of everything  
Searching and struggling  
_

Three days…

It's been three days since that incident at school and Bella's changed since then. And it's been three minutes since she left me here cold and still in the middle of my meadow. I looked up at the gray sky and snow seemed to fall fast like rain drops.

I fell back and laid flat on the wet ground and closed my eyes as I remembered the events that transpired three days ago.

I can never forget the look on Bella's face the morning after the incident in our room as I called it now to find out that I had woken up myself from sleep I didn't know I had.

_Are you worried about it  
Do you wanna talk about it  
Oh... you're gonna get it right some time  
_

She was sitting by the window sill with one of her white arms wrapped around her knees. Her body was bent forward with her fragile chin resting on her palm. The dulcet white-gray light illuminated her in a way that made her glow and her black wings shine. She was staring out blankly…emptily… apathetically… numbly… her brown eyes lifeless and dreary while her mouth a straight line.

She glowed with death.

Such a melancholic scene was painted before my eyes that to taste her misery was an understatement. You could feel it crawl under your skin and sink into your bones. It hurt me like a spinning ball of pain to see the center of the misery was my delight – my Bella.

She looked like she was thinking deeply or thinking of nothing at all. Just staring… she never looked as dead as she looked right now.

I felt so helpless when I saw her like that. It was like she was going to break at any given minute with even just a feather light touch.

So I just stayed there and stared at her too afraid to approach her. She stayed stoic and forgive my choice of words but she was as Emmett described, "Silent as the grave." And then I knew, from the slight pucker of her brows that she was doing her best to compose herself but I knew… I knew that despite her frozen exterior, she was burning inside. What was she burning off?

Confusion. Embarrassment. Enlightenment. Rage. Depression. And ultimately…_Fear… _from what I can see, her new knowledge of having felt death was traumatizing now that she wasn't numb as before. She panicked. She didn't understand that time and thus… _she panicked. _She was like a child whose innocence was forcibly taken.

_There's so much to be scared of  
And not much to make sense of  
Are you running in a circle  
You can't be too careful  
And you can't relate it  
Cause it's complicated  
Oh... you're gonna get it right some time  
You're gonna get it right some time_

It may be an exaggeration for others but for me I understood why it could be traumatizing for Bella. Imagine that you've undergone multiple surgeries successfully without worry and fear of pain as you're numb and unconscious during the procedures then due to an unforeseen circumstance you wake up in the middle of restructuring your bones to find out that the anesthetics wore off and you're greeted with blinding pain and you/re awake to see and feel it all.

To have your life painted before you in black and white – duty bound and forced to step in line, you get trapped into a routine of monotonous work that you become numb and oblivious to anything else. The only solace you have of the future would be that of consistency – to know that you wouldn't have to worry about what to do and where to go as it's all mapped out. But then, now, as the blacks and whites are graying an ungraying, at staggering intervals, your future starts becoming shady and uncertain. Liberty you've never felt before overwhelms you and being a follower all your life – you don't know what to do of it. Confusion doesn't even summate it.

Bella sighed and I knew. That's how I believe Bella's perception of her world is now.

_It's how you see the world  
How many times can you see  
You can't believe what you learn  
_

But how can a creature whose essence is blackened as mine help her through her graying sky? I shook my head at that thought. I had to try. Despite what I am, I cannot allow my daylight – my sun, for her light to be consumed by darkness. I cannot allow that. I would have to try. I have to. I have to change her perception of the world.

My eyes never tore away from her and I studied each of her movements – each sigh, each pucker, each frown…

_Is there something missing  
There's nobody listening  
Are you scared but you don't moan  
Don't wanna end up on your own  
You need conversation  
And information  
_

So I made my way over to her as cautiously as I could, taking calculated steps while watching her carefully. When I was a foot from her she moved her head to face me and gave a little smile but her eyes were still troubled.

I smiled at her gently and stood in front of her. "Good morning, Bella."

"Good morning, Edward," she whispered. I was about to say something more when her mouth started to twitch, her body trembling and pretty soon tears were streaming down her face.

I immediately wrapped her in my arms and she clutched at my chest and cried and cried. It was not the open-mouthed cries one would think if one's in terrible grief. Her cries were low and almost quiet. Her sobs were controlled and limited to that of strained breathing. Hot tears just flowed and flowed and I just let her.

I stroked her hair and rubbed her back. The others were worried about her as well but I told them to leave her to me. From Jasper we knew that she felt so embarrassed from what happened and that she was feeling very scared.

It's only been two days since I met her and already I felt such deep attachment to her and I felt it going deeper. I cared for her. I truly cared for her. And even if she's gone for only a minute – already I'm anxious. I've never felt this way for anyone before. And seeing her broken like this…it made me feel broken as well and I wanted nothing more but to destroy the source of all her pain. I've never been affected by anyone as much as she did for me. Could it be that…?

I shook those thoughts away. I hardly knew her and I don't deserve an angel like her. I should just push those thoughts away and focus on making her feel better.

For the rest of the day she wept until she fell asleep in my arms then once she woke up, she wept all over again forming a cycle of sleeping and weeping. And each time I would cradle her, rock her gently and hum to her a tune that was somewhat like a lullaby. It was something I thought of to calm her…give her peace…

From the dull sunrise to settling dusk, we didn't move from our position just near the window. From outside I saw that the world has witnessed Bella's grief. The sky was grayer than usual and snow was falling slowly now...not fast like her tears yesterday… The wind blew low and howled emptily that it almost sounded like muffled moans. It was hard to see outside as a heavy mist clouded the periphery and fogged up the windows.

There was a surreal cold that embraced the room. It was a cold that sunk to your bones and burned painfully like fire in guise of ice until you're rendered numb. The cold never left. And at its core was the coldest ice of all – Bella.

The following day proved no fairer as the cycle rotated once more but by twilight, I thanked the heavens that Bella finally spoke again.

Still not looking at me, she murmured against my chest, "Edward, I'm scared."

"About what?" I whispered in reply.

"Everything…" she said then she looked up at me with those brown doe eyes.

I looked into her eyes and stroked her cheek. "Tell me more about it."

She looked away and took my other hand and traced patterns on my palm.

"Things have been too unpredictable that I'm scared of what could happen next… too much is changing too fast…"

I held her tighter to me. "I wish… I wish I could do something…tell me… please tell me Bella… tell me what more I can do?"

She looked up at me with serious eyes as she took my worried face in her hands.

"You've done too much for me already. I can't ask for anything more."

I enclosed both of her hands and looked straight in her brown trusting grateful eyes. "Still… if there's anything I can give or do for you… anything at all –

Then I stopped when a flash of silver caught my eye.

Her brows drew together in concern. "What is it, Edward?"

I bent down and let my hand wander down from her hand to her arm…down and down until my hand was resting on top of her velvet wrappings, brushing away some of the black bells tinkling from motion until finally I yanked down the velvet to fully expose her silver cuff.

She followed my gaze then looked up at me with wide eyes then I knew that she understood the idea that was brewing in my mind.

"No," she squeaked.

"Why not?"

"I can't… I can't let you… its too big a –

I didn't listen to her and cut her off. This was something I could do for her. Finally, I found something that I could give her after all this years of her giving and giving.

I fixed her with my gaze and grinned at her.

"Bella, I set you free."

Then with those words, the silver cuff shattered and left only a thin silver chain that hung loose on her ankle.

I opened my eyes from the memory. She was free and no longer bound to me. I was glad. But then again, it is that freedom that she's out there leaving me in this maelstrom with nothing but the memory of the kiss I ravished her with now fifteen minutes ago.

She wouldn't let me say it. Even if it's barely a week that we have known each other, I knew that I felt it. I love her. I love Bella. I knew that our meeting was far from just a coincidence. I knew that I was made for her – created to care for her, make her happy… love her. How else would you explain why I have shown no interest in having a companion to call my mate? Looking at Bella, I just know she's the one. I know some would find this absurd but is it really not possible to know see what you've always wanted in front of you just like that?

Now such an opportunity like this, I won't let it get away. That's why I decided to tell her as soon as the moment presented itself. And I thought that I had that moment awhile ago – only she stopped me – yet the means she used to stop me…

I closed my eyes.

She kissed me.

It was just a light peck on the lips but from that contact my body alit in flames and I wanted more – I wanted more of her. From that kiss, I knew that what she felt for me was true. I don't know why she needed more time. But I'll grant her that – I'll grant her anything. But then she said that I should think about it some more before I do something I regret. Now that – that really struck a chord. Why on earth would she say that? With Bella, I am sure there would be no regrets. No matter how many times she leaves me, I won't mind and would welcome her with open arms each time she decides to return to me.

There's no turning back now. I love her. If only she would let me in…

I closed my eyes and let the wind and snow batter me. Then my whole body alit anew the moment I felt her presence and smelt her alluring scent behind me.

I immediately turned around and plastered my biggest smile and there she was, a hundred feet away from me, her eyes burning with newfound knowledge and shock that relaxed into a smile.

I made the first step towards her and she started walking towards me as well. So we walked me a creature capable of great speed and she a creature capable of flight just walked like regular mortals as our eyes never left each other's gaze. Even with the burning desire to just run to her – even seeing the same from her eyes, we walked…took our time…knowing there was no rush because like this moment…the only thing we see is each other. There would only be _us. _

When we were finally in front of each other, a loud exchange of silent happiness emanated from us until I couldn't bear it no longer and broke the ice.

"You came back," I said.

She cocked her head and wrinkled her nose, "Hmmm? Didn't I say before that I'll always come back to you?"

I chuckled, "Yes, you did."

She giggled but then she stopped herself, closed her eyes to sigh then once she opened them once more she looked at me with a serious face.

"Edward, about –

I shook my head and raised my palms, "Please. You told me to give you time so I'll give you that. Knowing that you know how I feel despite not officially saying it is enough…for now…"

She nodded slowly. "Yes…for now…" then she looked down. And I saw that something was bothering her in a different way. She must have learned something or have a new epiphany.

I reached for her face. "What is it?"

She looked up at me and I saw it there in her brown eyes – her brown lovely eyes were wavering with crests and troughs of a new dilemma.

"What's wrong Bella?"

"I wish…" she started.

"You wish…?"

She touched my hand, "I wish I could tell you… what's wrong…or what's right… I can't seem to know which from which anymore."

I cupped her face and smiled at her.

"Forgive the allusion but, what does your heart tell you?"

Her brows rose in confusion, "So am I to follow my heart then?"

I nodded, "Why do you seem surprised?"

"Because my heart tells me a different thing from what my mind is telling me…"

Swallowing hard, I nodded despite the connotation. "I see." So she was still uncertain of me? I can only guess that I know she loves me but something…something is preventing her from…from…_us._

She shook her head as if answering my thoughts, "Edward… things are complicated…"

"How so?"

She bit her lip and looked down hesitatingly. This was big, I could tell.

Then she looked up at me and said, "Edward…you…"

I waited.

"Edward you…you have…"

What is it? Why was she hesitating? What is it that I have?

Then she closed her eyes and mouth and let out a deep breath before looking up at me once more. "Edward…you, we… we have to go home…"

"Bella…?" That wasn't it, I'm sure.

She turned away from me and repeated it, "Edward, we have to go home."

I went in front of her and looked at her with a confused expression on my face. "Bella, was that really what you were going to say?"

She was frowning but looked me in the eye while nodding slowly as I stared back, my eyes burning with questions.

"For now…" she said. And I conceded. I would let her have her way…for now as well.

I nodded at her.

"Thank you and I'm sorry." She said.

I cupped her cheek and half-smiled at her then kissed her forehead, "Come on, let's go home. You must be tired."

She nodded then gave a tiny smile.

"So would you like me to carry you or would you like to fly home?"

She thought for a while before she stepped closer to me and hesitatingly, she took my hand in hers and looked down.

"Would it be okay if…we walked home…?" she whispered then slowly she brought her eyes up to meet mine.

I was surprised at the request but then I grinned at her. "Of course."

"Really? I know you like speed…"

"Sometimes, things or moments as tender and beautiful are best relished slowly."

She smiled but then she looked down and her smile left. "I just want more time with you."

I stopped at that and frowned. "What do you mean by that?"

She looked up at me with a smile, "I meant, I just want more time with you…alone."

Though I knew that was only partially true that she was still keeping something from me, it still thrilled me that she felt the need to be with me alone. So I sighed and took that. Smiling, I adjusted my hand to cover hers and gave a squeeze.

"We could take a longer route then."

She smiled back and we started walking.

After some time of walking while the only sound heard was that of our feet sloshing against the damp snow, she stopped abruptly then rested her forehead on my back.

I was about to move when she said, "Don't move."

Then I felt hands around my waist that I just stood there confused by her actions.

"Edward, you know how I feel about you and now I know how you feel about me but please…for now… please don't say it… don't say it until I do once more to you… there are things… that I want to…tell you… but I just… I just…can't say right now… I need more time… please don't question me anymore on the matter… just please…trust me…. you'll find out soon but right now I can't say it… I'm sorry…"

I wrapped my arms around hers and I agreed. This was enough… for now…

I felt her mouth move against my back to form a smile then she let go of me and placed her hand back in mine and we started walking once more.

While walking I kept going back to what she said about not knowing what's right from wrong right now and I can't help but think that she's thinking of doing something selfless again and that worries me.

I just hope that she makes the right choice… one that doesn't take her away from me… for me that's the right choice…

_Ohhhh…_

_Gonna get it right sometimes  
You just wanna get it right sometimes _

* * *

**Bella**

I sighed. Why can't I say it? Why can't I say, "Edward, here's the thing… you have a choice… do you want to go to heaven? Or do you want to forgo it? Oh and you also have a choice of sending me back to heaven as well but you have to become a new death. So what'll it be?"

I frowned.

Edward would take the last choice I just know it. He's so selfless that he'll give it to me. I never knew that such a law exists. And why must he decide before he says he loves me? Where's the purpose in that? What lesson must be learned here now? What if he decides to let me go after he said he loves me? What will happen then? I would leave him and he'll be the new death. Where's the justice in that? So he has to go to heaven. That's the only way… oh there must be a way out of this… Midnight said that a decision must be made… what do I do?

I look at Edward… he caught my eye and he smiled at me… and from his eyes I can see nothing but love… why can't I keep him?

Why can't he keep me?

I smiled back a little but then looked down once more… so the only other way we can get around this… is if we don't say "I love you" to each other… that could work… yes… it might… but then… I would still have to explain why…

Damn it.

* * *

…

**Edward**

_**Three days after…**_

_4:37 pm_

Today was the last day of death.

Death will die and be reborn an immortal.

At exactly 6:05 in the evening, Bella will lose her wings… and become… my shadow…

The last three days, nothing much has changed. Bella was still keeping something from me. When we walked home we said nothing. But I can't help but feel that it was like we took one last walk for us… like it was the only time we had for us… like it was the last time…

I can't lose her.

No.

But why do I feel its inevitability?

I sighed. When we arrived home, she was feeling a much better I think. She conversed with my siblings and she was closest to Alice and Jasper. Alice would dress her up everyday and Jasper would talk to her about history. Bella can't leave the house starting from five past six two days ago. She could be seen already. We found out because Carlisle had a guest and he caught a glimpse of Bella. We asked Bella if she heard a "call" but she shook her head and said no and that maybe she could be seen now. She can't get out because of her wings. So that dampened her mood a bit but it was a good thing my family kept her entertained.

She made me sleep again even though I had no knowledge when that happened. I scanned my room and she's not here. I can't even smell her. I was starting to panic when Jasper and Alice went inside my room.

"Good morning, sunshine!" Alice chirped while Jasper snickered.

I ruffled my hair and was about to say something when Jasper shot me a large does of calm.

I muttered "Thanks."

"Bella said she's just taking a stroll…she'll be back before you know it. She also said she's sorry for making you sleep without your knowledge. She said it's the last time she could do it," Alice said.

"Did she tell you where she went exactly?" I asked.

They both shook their heads.

"She'll come back. She always has. I have good news…well, sort of," Alice smiled and wrinkled her nose.

Jasper grinned, "Alice can somehow catch glimpses of Bella's future."

I smiled at Alice, "That's great then you –

She raised her palms to stop me, "Wait, wait. I can only see _glimpses _and that's only when I concentrate _really hard._ I can't seem to get a clear picture. But I can promise you that she's landing on the roof in three…two…

Before she even finished counting I sped off the roof and saw a glimpse of black.

…one…"

And there she was.

She was sitting with one of her white legs dangling on the edge, the other bent and pressed on her stomach. Her left elbow was propped on the bent knee while her hand cupped her cheek. Her other hand lay leisurely on top of her other leg. Her wings were spread out behind her while her long mane hung loose and wavy while being swept away by the wind. She was staring ahead of her looking at ease.

Against the snowy weather with her alabaster skin, dark hair and ebony wings…she looked like a black and white painting that any artist would want to drop on their knees and paint her right then and there…

I stepped closer to her and saw a solitary color in this black and white painting when, upon noticing my presence, she turned her head to face me and then I saw it…

I saw gold.

One of her eyes was gold…the other her beautiful brown…

I remembered that yesterday she felt especially weak and from then I knew I had to hunt…for me and for her… both her eyes were still brown then… but after I hunted, her right eye burned gold.

"Does it…borrowing from today's lingo…freak you out?"

I blinked then smiled at her wary face.

I sat down beside her and kissed her cheek. "What are you talking about? You look lovely," I whispered.

She half-smiled at me and looked ahead once more.

"So where did you go?"

Without looking at me she answered, "Nowhere…I just…flew around… mostly…. I went to our meadow… I didn't go to town… just around our area…flying…"

Then she paused and looked at me, "I'm sorry. I know I should not have left home and kept a low profile but I did take every precaution so as not to be seen. I just wanted to fly one last time. I'm really sorry…"

I shook my head, "Please, don't apologize. Don't worry about it. I wouldn't even care if you were seen by anyone. I'll take care of that if it happens."

She smiled.

If only you'd tell me you love me so I can tell you I love you too. If it weren't for my promise to her I would've said I love you each minute.

Instead…

"So what do you want to do now?" I asked her.

She looked up and though for a while. Then her eyes brightened up and she beamed at me.

"How about I take you flying?"

I chuckled, "That would mean you carrying me, my dear."

She jerked back and raised her brows almost as if insulted.

"So?" she asked.

"So? I'm not that light you know."

"I am aware. But I have your strength now."

"True, true." I agreed. "But, I really don't like the idea of you carrying me when it should be the other way around."

She rolled her eyes. "Do you have wings?"

"No but –

"Do I have wings?"

"Yes but –

"Do I have magnified strength?"

"Yes but –

"Come on! We're just going to our meadow… please?"

She looked up at me with pleading glowing eyes… and saw something more… it was as if she was begging me… there was sadness in them too…

"Okay…"

She smiled then stood up. I stood up as well.

"So…how?" I asked.

She though for a while then before I knew it, her arms were wrapped around me.

"Hold on tight." She said. And I smiled while I wrapped my arms around her waist tightly.

Then my feet weren't touching the ground anymore.

I looked at her and found that our faces were at level with each other and we were so close…

I saw her close her eyes and rested her head on my shoulder. So I just held her tighter and closed my eyes as well.

Though my back was to the ground and I was holding on to her so I won't fall, I found it exhilarating… a new high… to be able to have her this close to me while defying gravity… I closed my eyes. No one needs to see. We both knew the direction to our meadow by heart.

Feeling the wind against us and the snow that pelts us… it made the rush more exciting… even though we were colder than both… I felt warm against her…

Though we could've arrived much sooner, she took her time and just relished the moment. It was already fifteen minutes past five.

Before we landed, she adjusted our position so that we were vertical once more that I opened my eyes and then she opened her eyes and we stayed transfixed in each others gaze. I could see a swarm of emotions coursing through her uneven colored eyes. That I wasn't thinking when my hand automatically reached for her face and I pulled her face closer to me and kissed her. She made no response at first but then one of her hands found its way to my hair and she kissed me back and we kissed some more.

Then I felt my feet touch the ground and before we knew it, my back met the ground and she was on top of me our mouths not leaving each other.

Our kisses got more passionate and deeper that our touches struggled to keep up. I rolled her over until I was on top of her and began ravishing her some more. I stopped for a while to look at her and she smiled at me. I opened my mouth to say I love you to her but she placed a finger on my lips and shook her head.

Then her eyes pleaded with me and I understood… let this happen… but let it happen… as it started… with no words…

So I smiled at her and brought my lips to hers once more. Her kisses like mine were hungry. We were hungry for each other. And when I paused to look at her, I saw her sole golden eye was blackening with desire like mine.

I traced her smooth skin and kissed her forehead, her eyelids, her cheeks, her jaw line… then down her perfumed neck… to her collar bone… then back up to her waiting lips… her hands were rubbing my back inside my shirt and then back up to my hair… she kissed the hollow below my ear and down my neck that I moaned with pleasure… she was giving herself to me… as I am to her…

Soon my shirt was gone and she was left wearing only a thin white slip underneath her black coat that had large slits for her wings. My body craved for more and more… more of her… I wanted her… I needed her… I love her…

And here she was… all mine…

But despite the burning desire from both of us, we took it slow. Our feverish kissing slowed… slowed into just kissing… kissing out of contentment… we kissed slow and easy… touched gently and tenderly… just savoring the feel of each other… there was no rush… there was no need to rush… we had all the time we needed…

Then she stopped.

I continued kissing her neck, "What's wrong, love?"

"I can't do this…"

I stopped and looked at her.

"What?"

She looked at me with sad eyes, "Not like this…"

And suddenly I felt ashamed. I rolled off of her and on my back while I covered my eyes with my arm. Damn it, of course she wouldn't want it like this. We were on the ground for god's sake. Damn it, what happened to my values?

"Damn it."

Then I felt a hand tug at my arm and another hand on my chest.

"Edward… Edward…look at me…please…"

I reluctantly opened my eyes and looked at her pleading ones.

"I'm sorry Bella… I wasn't thinking…"

"No Edward, don't misunderstand me. I want it maybe even more than you do but I just can't… I just…"

_Dong! Dong! Dong!_

We heard the bells toll from the main clock tower miles away with our heightened hearing.

It was already six.

I looked at Bella and saw her sadness.

Five more minutes…

"Edward…"

I shook my head at her and kissed her forehead.

"It's going to be alright," I whispered. "I'll take care of you."

I pulled away and smiled at her.

She stared at me for a long time before smiling back a little.

"Bella… I already know how you feel about me and you know how I feel about you… can't we say it now?"

She frowned and looked down.

"Why not?"

She looked away, "It's complicated… can't we…just stay as we are right now? Does it really need to be said?" she looked at me.

"It doesn't have to but I want to, Bella. I want everyone to know I'm all yours and you're all mine."

"You can say that…"

"But I want to be able to say the reason why Bella. I want everyone to know how I feel about you. And I wouldn't mind to hear you say them to me again…"

She was quiet for awhile before she answered. "Just trust me, okay? That moment will present itself. It'll find a way. No matter what."

"I do trust you Bella…"

"Then that's all I ask but now…"

She stood up and backed away. I stood up quickly and moved towards her when she raised her palm in front of me and stopped me.

A burst of light shot through her that I was momentarily blinded… then I watched as her wings started to fade away until it was gone and then…

Bella dropped to the ground biting her lip from pain – her eyes closed. I ran to her but a shield kept me from touching her and I saw smoke coming from her back and saw an imprint of her black wings being seared onto her back, tattering her thin white slip that she was almost left bare.

And then it was over and Bella crumpled to the ground as the light vanished.

But before I could get to her a man wearing a top hat appeared beside her fixing his deep blue eyes at me before carrying Bella.

I ran double speed at them but the raven-haired man, with but a half-smile and a sudden spread of blue-black wings, disappeared…taking Bella…my Bella with him.

"Damn it! You give her back to me right now whoever the fuck you are!" I shouted in rage.

Then I heard him.

"I…make…no…promises…just go…to school… little boy…"

Then they were gone.

No.

No.

"_No! BELLA!"_

I dropped to the ground and beat it with my fist over and over again. No. this was not happening. Who was that man? Where did he take my Bella? Bella's gone and I don't even know where she is.

Bella's gone…

"DAMN IT!"

_Are you missing something  
Looking for something  
Tired of everything  
Searching and struggling  
_

_Oh...you're gonna get it right some time...

* * *

_

**AN: Sorry for the long delay. I had tons to do and have this and next week more until summer break for us! Yeah! Yup, you read it right. It's summer in our country. My life as a college junior is ending. Whoo, one more year to go and its off to Med school (hopefully). Haha. Thanks for the support. I love you guys! I'll update after my Finals. =) maybe next Saturday. **

**Much love,**

**Margaux**


	15. Amsterdam

**Chapter 15: Amsterdam**

**December 22, 2008 **

_Come on, oh my star is fading_

_And I swerve out of control  
If I, if I'd only waited  
I'd not be stuck here in this hole_

_Ring, ring, ring…_

Grumbling, I hastily answered my phone.

"What?" I snapped.

"_Edward, slow down or you'll crash the car." _It was Alice. Crash the car? That will never happen. I had a built in radar for goodness sake.

"_Edward. It's going to happen. I've seen it."_

Damn it. "Fine. I'll slow down."

"_We're worried too you know," _she whispered.

I slowed down my driving and sighed. "Can't you really see her, Alice?"

"_I'm sorry Edward. I can feel her there but I can't see her. Something's blocking me. I'm trying my best though."_

"That's okay Alice. That's all I'm asking for. If you do see anything, you'll tell me right away, right?"

"_Of course. I'll see you home."_

With a click she hung up. It's been two weeks since Bella was abducted. Yes, she was abducted…_in front of me…_

I closed my eyes and my jaw tensed. If I find whoever that…_thing _was I would obliterate it. I swear I would. Damn it, I've never felt more compelled to seek and destroy. Even with my perfect vision and sharp memory, I can't put a face to who I saw. All I remember is that he had black hair, white skin and blue eyes. That last detail was the clincher that he wasn't one of us. But then, he also had black wings…that he retracted… so was he also death or something higher than death? I opened my eyes and frowned. There was no doubt, he was higher than death.

Bella where are you? Where did he take you? Why did he take you? Do you even know him? Do you even know what he is?

_Come here, oh my star is fading  
And I swerve out of control_

I pulled over to the side of the road and leant my head back, shutting my eyes tight and pinching the bridge of my nose. I had so many questions and no one to answer them for me. Until two weeks ago, no one even believed that angels _really _existed so much as there really was _death. _Now _nothing _makes sense. I opened my eyes and took a deep breath.

Bella told me that each death was assigned a place…one for each season… and this winter; she was assigned here in Forks. A spark of hope lit in us when even though Death-Bella was dead, and now she was Edward's Shadow-Bella, we believe that there will still be traces of death in her because well, that's the very thing that ties the two of us together… we were lethal creatures. So maybe she's still bound to this place. So she's just here._ Well-hidden… _Then again, there could be no more trace of death in her… but Carlisle told me something else… maybe she was still bound to me…

I shook my head. She can't be. I set her free… I thought back to some parts of my discussion with my family.

"_So the shackle was broken?" _Carlisle asked me then. And I remembered… that there was still a small unbreakable string on her ankle… so maybe she still was… and then of course… she would rely on her sustenance from me…

"_Can't you just…order her back?" _Jasper asked.

I shook my head at that time. I could do that… but I don't think it works that way.

"_Then why don't you not hunt for a while so she'll be forced to come back and make you hunt for yourself and her?" _Rosalie suggested.

I remembered I sunk down on the sofa and muttered my response to them while burying my face in my hands.

"_She's…she's been kidnapped…" _then I looked at them and snapped, _"She's been kidnapped! Right under my nose! I had front row seats to her abduction! So what if I ordered her to come back? So what if she'll be forced to come back for her sustenance? What if she wants to but she can't because of her captor? That's the main impediment to all these suggestions! Her fucking captor!"_

Everyone was silent then. And I felt like a pompous ass for yelling at them. I apologized immediately as Jasper shot me a does of calm.

"_I apologize for my behavior. I'm just really worried."_

Esme patted my shoulder. _"There, there, Edward. We understand that this is hard on you."_

"_Did the man say something to you?" _Alice asked.

I looked at her and nodded. _"He told me, he makes no promises but for me to go to school."_

"_Then…maybe we should play by his rules for awhile… we're at his mercy for now… let's keep searching every nook and cranny… but stay here and act normal." _

I thought it over and Alice was right. We knew nothing. We were at the man-with-the-top-hat's mercy.

So that's what we're doing. We went to school each day looking for signs until winter break started. But each day passed by as if nothing happened for everyone except us.

I switched the ignition on again and started driving once more but this time… slowly… just one last sweep of town…

Outside my window and into the semi-frosted windows of the houses all I saw were smiles and happiness that I felt like Scrooge. There was nothing black or white in this town. Everywhere you look there were twinkling multicolored lights, garlands, tinsels, lanterns, statues, woodwork…red and green… all spelling out _Happy Holidays… _

Nothing was silent as well.

You don't need to have heightened hearing to listen to people chatting, laughing, having a good time, gratitude and love flowing around…there were even remorse… ice was melting everywhere inside each home giving way to warmth from the inside… warmth from love… not to mention all the cheery yuletide songs…

And I felt more and more a tie between Charles Dickens' Ebenezer Scrooge and Dr. Seuss' Grinch. In each moment, someone is doing their last minute shopping, or someone still finding the perfect gift, or someone is still mustering courage to give their present, or there are those who just kissed under a mistletoe… or there are those who are snuggling up on the couch… or there are dads renting a Santa Claus costume… or kids being insanely nice… and with each light of Christmas, I put out with all the darkness I can think of this season.

For all those moments, there were negative parallel moments that were happening simultaneously. There were those who don't have someone to gift with or there are those who don't have someone to gift them. Prices were as high as expectations. Businessmen were laughing with mirth from the commercialization of this season… I wasn't the only scrooge, I wasn't the only Grinch… but I'm no match girl either… there were still match girls out there…

Now people wonder why suicide rates were high this season.

I sighed and shook my head and thought about the match girl story once more. Maybe… maybe I should be more like her…

Have hope…

And maybe, just maybe… I get to see my light again.

_And I swear, I waited and waited  
I've got to get out of this hole  
_

I need Bella. I need her with me right now. I felt lonelier as ever. Maybe I should go home. So I revved up my car and started my way back. No matter how bright and cheerful the atmosphere and surroundings were… I was numb to it all. Nothing mattered. Not even the sun compared to Bella's light.

_Come on, oh my star is fading  
And I see no chance of release  
And I know I'm dead on the surface  
But I am screaming underneath  
_

It was a condescending thought that a creature of darkness was looking for light. I wanted to pull all my hair out, scream, break trees, break buildings hurt something, _hurt someone, _and just blatantly barrage through every door and demand to know where Bella is. But of course, I can't. We had a façade to maintain. The only thing we could do is to sneak up on every house when it's empty or when there's no one home.

Then I heard a voice.

"_But time is on your side, it's on your side, now…"_

Above all the noise this voice was crystal clear. Time was on my side? That's true… I had all the time I need… and so did she…

_  
"Not pushing you down, and all around  
it's no cause for concern…"_

Then I finally found the source of the sound and venom pooled in my mouth from the rage I felt and the desire to destroy I had.

Sixty feet in front of me was a black-haired man wearing a black coat and a top hat. He was humming and bouncing an apple on his palm. Then he looked at me with his blue eyes and smiled before turning back and walking away.

It took all I had not to run to him and tackle him down but at this moment, people were going out of their houses and saying good-bye… how can all the parties end simultaneously?

Damn it.

I had no choice but to park my car and walk as fast and as normal after him.

There was no doubt that this person was the one who took Bella.

When no one was looking, I moved lightning fast until he was only three feet away from me. So I called out.

"Where is Bella?"

No response, he just kept walking and humming.

"I said where is Bella, you bastard. I know you took her." I growled.

He stopped walking and took a bite out of his apple before inclining his head to the side to glance at me with his piercing eyes.

He looked me over then sighed before turning to face me. I poised myself to lunge at him but there was something about his gaze that told me not to act too hasty.

"Little boy…lost…in the storm… still spelling… her name… in the summer…sky… I told you… what… to do… already…" he answered and his voice was trance-like.

Rage never left and I answered through clenched teeth, _"Go to school?"_

He half-smiled.

I threw my hands in the air. "What do you want with her?"

"What… do… _you…_ want with her?" he asked back and I was losing my patience.

"Everything," I whispered in answer after calming myself down.

Then he looked up. "Do stars…fade?"

I looked at him incredulously. Why was he asking about stars now? But I guess it was better to play his game. So I crossed my arms in front of him and answered.

"Technically, their lights do."

Then he faced me. "What… happens… then?"

"When a star dies, it swells up and bursts then turns into a black hole."

He looked out for a while then still unblinking he nodded.

"I see… Then I… must take… my… leave then."

I made to grab his shoulder but an invisible barrier prevented me.

"Please give Bella back to me. I'll do anything you want me to," I pleaded. I knew very well that he was powerful that he could destroy me… and in the end, destroy Bella.

He looked at me sympathetically and spoke.

"What… makes… your…. Star… alive?"

My answer was ready and unhesitating. "Her light."

"Then…why…is…it fading?"

I was at a loss for words. What does he mean why is it fading? It's fading because her radiance is not here to bask me with… and then I realized what he was saying.

"Go…to…school… listen for the silvered ringing… that knows both death…and delight… listen for the silvered ringing… of black bells… else… you swell… burst… and turn into… a black void…"

He paused and gauged my reaction. I just looked at him comprehending what he's saying. This man was a higher being. That I was sure of. And though he was speaking in riddles, I knew what he was saying.

His eyes lit up and he smirked. "Oh…and again… lost little boy…"

I raised my brows at him, waiting.

He tipped his top hat and grinned before he sang.

"_And time is on your side, it's on your side, now  
not pushing you down, and all around  
No it's no cause for concern…"_

Then with a quick bow he turned around and started walking away.

"Wait!" I called out.

He stopped but didn't look back at me.

"Who are you?"

He looked up and answered. "What…time is it?"

I was irked again. How utterly frustrating to talk to this man! Despite that, I checked my watch and answered him just as the bells tolled.

"It's midnight."

I saw the corner of his lips turn up and in a flash, his black wings protruded from his back and then he was gone – the half eaten apple bouncing to the trash dump not far from where he was standing.

Damn it.

So it's either he was doing a Cinderella or what he was trying to tell me is that his name was Midnight.

I shook my head then kicked the dump – _hard _that it left a huge dent. Then I sighed and tried to calm down. At least I was sure of some things. First, when he asked if my star was fading and what the source of light was, he was referring to me and Bella. What he was trying to get across that my trust was fading and I was letting myself be clouded over with unnecessary beliefs. But the most important message he wanted to say was that by saying "go to school" maybe, I'll see Bella again.

So I'll wait then.

Damn it, for how much longer?

_Stuck on the end of this ball and chain  
and I'm on my way back down again _

_Stood on the edge, tied to the noose  
Sick to the stomach  
_

I didn't know someone could have this effect on me. It was daunting to think that before her, I've battled with waiting for an opportunity to die only to fight with myself for fearing where I would end up. I let out a dark laugh that had no humor whatsoever. I was a coward death seeker – a being in constant state of battling with suicide. _  
_  
_You can say what you mean  
But it won't change a thing  
I'm sick of the secrets  
_

I took out the black feather I still had of her and gazed sadly at it. I guess I found death, literally. I didn't know death was who I needed…wanted…loved… now she's gone. I shook my head. I guess immortality is really a bitch. This just might prove that immortality and death mix as well as oil and water.

But… I love her… and I know she loves me. She was my angel and she still is to me. Was I really that blackened that I don't deserve my angel? What do I need to do? What then to make of her sacrifices? She chose me over her own salvation. Where is her reward? What good came out of her sacrifices? And why would God, bring her to me only to take her away? What is the lesson to be learned in all these? I was sick and tired of all the mystery and the secrets.

I shook my head at those thoughts. I wasn't making sense anymore. I wasn't thinking rationally. How can I…?

Before I met Bella, I was a coward death seeker. I wanted to die and I wanted not to die. Metaphorically, I just needed to jump and I'm dead. Now, it's ironic. Bella was the one who made me want to live again. I was tied to the noose… and death cut me loose…

So I was left with only one thing to do and that is to trust, well, _Midnight… _and… go to school… after break…

I sighed.

I can't let my trust fade or she'll fade.

That was another implication Midnight said, if that's really his name.

I looked up at the starry sky with half-lidded eyes that screamed desperation and whispered.

"Bella come back…come back to me…"

_Stood on the edge, tied to the noose  
And you came along and you cut me loose  
You came along and you cut me loose  
You came along and you cut me loose

* * *

  
_

**Bella**

_Come on, oh my star is fading_

_And I swerve out of control…_

…_You came along and you cut me loose_

My brow quirked and my body felt stiff as a board. Yet as a thought struck through me as my eyes snapped open then I bolted upright ignoring the protest of my rigid body.

I turned my head from side to side searching frantically for one particular thing.

"Edward? Edward?"

Then I winced as I felt the stiffness of my body once more. I pulled my knees closer to me and wrapped my body with my arms and shivered. How long was I out? Where am I? Where's Edward?

I scanned my surroundings and saw that I was inside a huge fully furnished room that was decorated with blue and gold. I saw that I was in the middle of a giant canopy with four posters that were intricately carved black metal wrought. Then I struggled to walk over to the giant window, pushing the heavy velvet curtain away still clutching myself. The glass window was fogged up. I wiped the glass with my fingers just enough to give me a view. I don't think it changed much because outside, the fog was thicker and laden with fast falling snow. It was too dark to see anything. I can't even make out the stars that glowed dimly. I looked down and saw that I was at least twenty floors up. Where am I?

I turned around and caught a glimpse of my reflection on the dresser. I didn't seem to change much. My skin was always white as paper but now, hard as rocks. I guess my features weren't that soft now but angular and defined. I saw that my floor-length hair was cut short to that of waist length but was wavy and curled at the end…darker… almost ebony had it not been for the brown shine that caught the light. My eyes were different of course. One black the other my brown. I was thirsty. I turned around a bit and sighed at the biggest difference. I saw a bit of seared skin on my back – forever imprinted with my wings from before. I can no longer fly. But there was a feeling that was very unsettling.

I can still feel death.

So that means I did not transform all to well. There was still a part of me that was death as much as there was still the angelic part.

"Good evening…little black bell…"

I whipped my head around and in shock I saw Midnight staring straight at me with a smile on his lips as he was sitting cross-legged on my bed.

"Midnight? Where are we? Why am I here? Where's Edward? How long has it been? What happened? Why can I still feel death?"

He held up his palms facing me to stop me then spoke.

"You are…not…awake…little bell… this…is…but… a dream… a dream… that's real… you can't… open your eyes…yet…"

I blinked. "Pardon me?"

"I am a higher celestial… of… sleep…and dreams… you…are in…my realm… you can't wake up yet…"

I sunk to the floor.

"Why?" I squeaked.

He crooked his head to the side. "There…are…many of…your feathers… still… floating about… you can't…claim them…yet…"

I lowered my gaze. "I was right… I still am death…"

"A very _special…_death… but to answer…Bella… I had to…intervene… both your… indecision… led to this… had I not… come and got you… you would've done… something… you might…regret…"

I closed my eyes as my head spun from all these. I was beyond confused.

"You are…a cross… between… the lost boy's shadow… and… that of death… your attachment…your bond… was affected… by both… selflessness… that you weren't… able… to transform… and now the decision… still hangs in…the balance… neither… have said… the deciding words…yet…at least... you didn't…give him… a chance…to…"

That was the longest and straightest answer I got from this character. I mulled over his words and saw the sense in them. This was more complicated than I thought.

"Why…did…you stall?" he asked.

I played with the carpet still looking down.

"I wanted…more time with him." I whispered.

"But a… decision…must be made, sparkling bell."

I looked up at him and ignored what he said. "When can I see him again?"

He grinned. "Soon… be patient sparkling bell."

I looked at him like he grew three heads.

"I'll… take care… of… everything… The only thing… you need… to do …is to keep his star… from fading."

"Midnight, I don't understand –

He stood up and held his hand to me and smiled.

I took his hand and allowed myself to be pulled up. He was taller than Edward so he towered over me, his blue eyes as piercing as ever.

"Soon…"

"Where is he?"

"A little boy…lost… in…the breaking…storm… found… his way…home…"

I nodded. At least he was alright.

"Sparkling bell?"

I looked up at him in question. "Yes?"

He looked at me with sympathy once more and hesitated before speaking. "I need… to borrow… your memories… for awhile…"

I took a step back and looked at him with horrified eyes shaking my head at him. He can't have my memories with Edward. No.

His brows drew together and he held a hand out at me as if pleading. "Bella…"

I closed my eyes and shook my head more vigorously. "No. no, you can't."

"It won't…hurt…"

"Why?"

"You have… to forget… your duty… for this to…work…"

I continued shaking my head. I wanted to cry but I know I can't anymore. I can't not know Edward. I can't…

"You'll see…him again…I'll return your memories… when time is right…"

I held my ground though I dry sobbed – my body shaking as my head was still.

"Trust me… there is… no other way…I'm here… to help you… Bella…help both of you…"

"How can I trust you? You took me away from Edward…" I murmured.

"And I'll…bring you back…"

"N-no." I stammered.

I felt him kneel down in front of me and place a hand on my shoulder.

"C-can I at least…think about it?" I pleaded.

Then gathering courage, I opened my eyes and looked back at his intensely blue ones.

He sighed in defeat as he nodded then let me go.

"Bella…I'm sorry…to keep… you prisoner here… for a while… but technically… you're a newborn… a special newborn… and you literally… have… a death touch…"

He said sadly.

"You mean everything I touch will die?"

To confirm he threw me and apple that I caught easily. But as soon as it made contact, the apple turned black, looking burnt and rotten that from surprise I threw immediately.

I looked at him with deep pain in my heart. I know realized that he had just saved Edward from my touch without a warning.

"How long?"

He patted my head, "Soon…"

"How come you can touch me?"

He chuckled. "Silly bell, there is…only…one thing that… can kill me…"

Stupidly I asked. "And that is…?"

He grinned. "Confidential…sparkling bell."

Then he put on his hat, tipped it and made to leave when I grabbed his sleeve. He looked back at me and smiled.

"I trust you," I told him. Because I do.

He nodded. "Thank…you. See you later… sparkling bell…"

Then he was gone.

And I was alone in my prison – shackled to the extreme. I was lethal. I was gravely dangerous. So I would wait.

…and hope that Edward…would wait as well…

I sat down on the floor facing the window with my back resting on the side of the bed.

I hugged my knees to my chest and stared out the scene beyond the window. All I see were ice, fog, black and pouring snow… and in the midst… I see a solitary star….burning…then fading…. Then burning once more… until it was a cycle…

I started to count each tick of the clock as a comfort of thinking that each second would bring me closer back to Edward…

And in any second… Midnight would be back… and I would have to decide…

...yes…

In any second now… I might lose all my memories of Edward…

…watch them fade away…disappear… gone forever…

Not knowing… when they'll come back to me…

Not knowing… that I was supposed to come back to him…

_And I swear, I waited and waited  
I've got to get out of this hole  
_

* * *

**???**

As the sparkling bell is ringing her silvered cries from her window in her sleep, twenty floors down, a little boy is lost in a breaking storm… stars are fading and burning… so close yet so far…

I have collected almost all of the black feathers for the sparkling bell. But one I cannot take. One no one but the sparkling bell can take is spinning comfortably between the fingers…

…_of a lost little boy…_

**

* * *

AN: I updated earlier than planned because I love you guys and I think I might be able to update sooner – maybe Monday? I don't know, persuade me and I'll deliver. =) This was mostly somehow a transition chapter and the next one is meatier and exciting. So if I get a lot of feedback, just so I know that people are still interested, then I'll be motivated to write much much faster. Show me some love, and I'll return it. =)**

**The only bonus clue I'll give that I had given away from the start is that the plot revolves around one or the other… "Is this a match made in heaven? Or will death conquer all?" =)**

**Much love,**

**Margaux**


	16. A Ghost: Have yourself a Merry lil Xmas

**

* * *

**

AN: There are three alternating povs here. There are markers of the switches so you won't get lost. =)

* * *

**Chapter 16: A Ghost (Have yourself a merry little Christmas)**

**???**

_December 24 6:34 pm_

_A pallid man with a top hat was peering inside the frosted window, his intense blue eyes wavering with knowledge as he observed the bronzed haired immortal inside. He leaned closer…silent as a ghost – his mouth a straight line. He was not amused. _

_The man moved with grace as he slowly glanced up the winter sky and frowned. _

"_A star… is waxing… and waning… little lost boy… what… are… you… doing?"_

* * *

**Edward**

_**Oh! But he was a tight-fisted hand at the grind- stone, Scrooge! A squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous, old sinner! Hard and sharp as flint, from which no steel had ever struck out generous fire; secret, and self-contained, and solitary as an oyster – **_

"Jazz! You're doing it all wrong! The garlands go here and there – hello? Earth to Jasper, Earth to Jasper" I heard Alice call out to Jasper who was… worried about me. Not that Alice wasn't worried but she was trying her best to cheer up everyone… me mostly so she decided to bring some last minute yuletide cheer.

…_**External heat and cold had little influence on Scrooge. No warmth could warm, no wintry weather chill him. No wind that blew was bitterer than he, no falling snow was more intent upon its purpose, no pelting rain less open to entreaty. Foul weather didn't know where to have him. The heaviest rain, and snow, and hail, and sleet, could boast of the advantage over him in only one respect. They often "came down" handsomely, and Scrooge never did.**_

Where was I? I was lying on the couch facing the window… counting snow… in between pages from Dickens… at this point, nothing could ever cheer me up other than… my own personal snow… I suppressed a sigh.

"Sorry Alice. I was… caught up…" I heard Jasper apologize. _Edward we're worried about you. She'll be fine. We have to believe that she's fine. _He thought to me.

_Cheer up Scrooge. It's Christmas… miracles can happen. _Alice thought. "Now come help us decorate the tree. It's the only one left."

"You can finish that in a blink," I muttered as I dropped the book. Why was I even reading it? I walked over to the window and closed the drapes. Why was I reading it? For one it reminded me of Bella… who was fast becoming more and more a ghost to us…no… I shook my head. She was alive. Our definition of alive of course but still… she was out there… somewhere…

_They're calling you  
Some kind of ghost  
But I know that's not true_

"It's more fun this way. Come on," Alice replied.

Reluctantly, I walked over to Alice and Jasper.

"What do you want me to do?"

"Just grab any tree décor from that box there and pretty much just hand them anywhere you want."

I nodded at her then opened the box. Inside I grabbed a handful of Styrofoam and unfolded the bubble wraps on the multicolored glass balls.

_Cause time and time again I spoke  
And I have spoke with you  
_

Bella… where are you?

I was about to take one when Carlisle and Esme arrived.

"Merry Christmas everyone!" Esme beamed. They both attended a Christmas Eve party hosted by the hospital that also doubled as a charity event.

Emmett and Rosalie came down from their room. I decided to say nothing and continued picking out ornaments.

"Hey pops! Did they make you wear a Santa costume for the kiddies?" Emmett called out.

Carlisle smiled while shaking his head. "No. But they did make me tell a story."

"Really? So which is it? Was it…_T'was a night before Christmas…"_

Carlisle chuckled. "No. They wanted _A Christmas Carol..."_

"Ooh. Ghosts!" Emmett bellowed but was automatically met with a loud whack from Rosalie as I almost dropped the ornament I was holding.

Silence came after a small "Oh" from Emmett and an angry "tsk" from Rosalie. I uncharacteristically swallowed and forced a tight smile for my family.

"Alice, do you have other ornaments to choose from?" I asked quietly.

Alice eyed me and gave a tentative smile. "There's another box in the other living room."

I nodded then proceeded towards the other living room. I knew all eyes were on me and everyone sent me reassuring thoughts but I just wanted to be alone for now. I was starting to really hate the season. I know hate is a strong word but what can I do? Every damn thing about Christmas reminds me of her. Every glint of tinsel, every ring of bells, every snow, every smile, every glow… _Bella, Bella, Bella…_

I knelt down once I spotted the box and opened it. I frowned when I saw the contents. Inside were real crystals and in the middle… a dark-haired angel. I picked it up and examined the white porcelain figurine. From the bulb inside it was supposed to light up… I'm guessing instead of a star on top of the tree we were going to put this one…

_So your star won't fade. Light it up. There's still hope._

I turned around and saw Carlisle standing behind me his smile warm and fatherly.

I blinked and focused on the angel I was holding once more.

"You left your book" I mused.

I heard him approach. "Yes, I did. It's a good thing I've memorized the story then."

I merely nodded.

"_Bah. Humbug."_

I turned to look at Carlisle who was grinning at me.

"Bah. Humbug?" I repeated with raised brows.

"Yes. Quoting from Scrooge," he replied.

I sighed. "It's funny."

"What is?"

I managed a half-smile while tracing the designs on the angel's blue-white dress. "Bella…is like a real ghost… from my past… who is my shadow now at present… but then… she could ultimately lead to my death… maybe… I don't know…"

I felt Carlisle nodding indicating he was listening.

"It's just… I guess it really takes _death _to put your life in perspective… or our existence for that matter…it's just all too confusing… and I'm sure she's as confused as I am as well… wherever she is…"

I felt Carlisle's hand on my shoulder. "It's alright Edward. It's all going to be okay."

"How can it be okay? When I can't hear her voice or even as much as hear her every breath… what if I can never see her again? What if we never end up together? What if –

Carlisle shook his head to stop me.

"That's all we can do son, hope. Don't lose hope." He patted my shoulder before walking away.

I closed my eyes and sighed. He's right.

Carlisle left the room with me still staring at the porcelain angel. _"Hear me. I am not the man I used to be. Why show me all this when I am past hope?" _I smirked. I was still quoting from Dickens. _Past hope? _

I stood up then started walking back to my family with the porcelain angel.

Because past hope… is still more hope.

…

* * *

**???**

_With a slight tip of his hat, a curve on his lips, wings sprouted from the back of the black-clad man. _

"_Hope…"_

_Then without blinking the man was gone and back again to a different place… from the other side of the frosted window into another frosted window where a young woman lay dead on the surface… her mind very much alive…_

"_**The ancient… tower of a church… whose gruff… old bell… was always… peeping slyly… down at Scrooge… out of a Gothic window… in the wall… became invisible… and struck the hours… and quarters… in the clouds… with tremulous vibrations… afterwards as if its teeth… were chattering… in its frozen… head up there…"**_

_The man quoted from a well-known book. "Lost little boy… the answer… is not… that far… off… is it…? You may… not hear… the silvered… ringing… from… inside… her snow globe… right now… but soon… very soon… you'll hear it… silvered ringing… that knows… both death… and…_delight."

_As the man said this, he pulled the covers higher over the sleeping form and brushed some of her brown hair off her eyes and placed his palm over them and watched her dream._

…

* * *

**Bella**

_They're saying I  
Am some kind of ghost  
But that's so hard to say  
_

Snow.

Snow.

More snow.

Still more snow…

Ice, slate, wind…cold…

I sighed.

Constancy. Nothing was changing. I was still stuck here in a dream… a snow globe… I buried my face in my arms while pulling my legs closer to me. The clock moves forward… ticking… but everything stands still.

There was no light strong enough to separate the dark outside. Without the clock, there was no way to tell night from day… that a day has even passed… no indication of how long I was stuck in here… just the constancy of snow and stars… I truly was trapped.

_For others' sake. _I had to remind myself. I must be like a ghost to them now how I just appeared into their lives only to disappear just like that. A ghost that has known them, seen them, watched them… they surely have felt me at their last hours or what not. Just felt. Then they saw me… then they lost me once more…

But why does it feel that I have lost the most?

I looked up then slowly stood up and walked over towards the window and closed the curtains. I have seen enough. I turned around and leant my back against the window and looked up the ceiling. Edward… please don't give up on me just yet… I hope you'll wait…

…

* * *

**Edward**

**December 24 11:28 pm**

_Maybe I'll go  
Maybe you're safe  
No there's no way to say...  
_

"You're still under the same sky Edward."

I inclined my head to address the speaker reluctantly – as the cool air from my recently reopened window hit the back of my neck.

"I'm starting to doubt even that Rose."

She walked closer and rubbed my shoulder.

"She'll come back. She can't escape you forever."

I gave her an anguished look. "She can…"

Rose shook her head. "She can't."

I frowned. "How come you're so sure?"

Rose gave me a knowing smile and looks me straight in the eye and said.

"Because you belong together." She then kissed my cheek then walked out of my room. _Merry Christmas. Edward._

I ran a hand through my hair and whispered. "Merry Christmas too…"

Rose was right. We were still under the same sky. We would meet again… eventually we would meet again.

I looked out the window once more and whispered Bella's name.

_And I would love you  
To come over  
And I would love you  
Too...  
_

_Tap tap tap…_

I jerked my head as I heard tapping from outside my window. I was immediately on the defensive when –

"_...Have yourself a merry little Christmas  
Let your heart be light  
From now on, our troubles will be out of sight"  
_  
I spun around to the familiar sound of singing behind me and came face to face with blue eyes once more. But before I could even mutter a word he was gone.

I stuck my head out while sweeping the periphery when I heard a plop on the floor. Looking back I saw a lone black object.

Picking up the top hat was confirmation enough.

Midnight was here.

…

* * *

**Bella**

_Have yourself a merry little Christmas  
Make the Yuletide gay  
From now on, our troubles will be miles away  
_  
I was too tired and too uninspired to even turn around. I knew that voice anywhere.

"Hello Midnight."

"Good evening… sparkling bell…"

Hesitantly I faced him and saw that he was shaking his ebony covered head splattering snow in all directions.

My eyebrows puckered. "Where's your hat?"

He blinked at me then ran a hand through his dark silky hair and looked unconvincingly confused. "Ah… I guess I've… dropped it… somewhere…"

I nodded and sat on the bed. "How long were you gone?"

"Two days… and… twenty-three… hours…"

"I'm guessing… it's already… Christmas eve?" I asked facing him. He plopped next to me and looked up the ceiling.

"Correct."

I looked down at my hands. "Midnight… do I still have… the touch?"

"I'm afraid… so… patience… sparkling bell…"

I nodded then allowed myself to fall back on the bed and closed my eyes. "I know why you've come here."

Even without looking I could feel he was staring at me. I didn't want to meet his penetrating gaze right now.

He said nothing.

"I have decided…do whatever needs to be done…" the last thing I felt was a hand over my eyes and everything was black.

…

* * *

**Edward**

"_Here we are, as in olden days  
Happy golden days of yore  
Faithful friends who are dear to us  
Gather near to us  
Once more"  
_

And there he was in front of me again… the man called _Midnight. _

_"You!"_

The moment the word left my mouth I heard the silent footsteps of my family rushing towards my room - a split second too late as my door shut close and tight and their screams verbal or thought as if suddenly on mute disappeared as the only sound that could be heard was the man's crystal clear voice.

He held his palms up and made a slow 360 turn and like a corny alien movie the man called _Midnight _spoke.

"Greetings… I come… in peace…"

I studied him and clenched my jaw while folding my arms across my chest. "What do you want _Midnight?"_

His penetrating eyes lit up in amusement as he placed his right hand over his heart – if he even had a heart – and bowed not breaking eye contact.

"Ah…. It's _Breeze…_Midnight Breeze…" he said sheepishly.

"I could care less. Please, _Mr. Breeze, _please _do _get to the point as to what do I _owe _this _gracing _of your presence. You could cut the bad movie character impersonations and the disappearing act _double o seven_. Are you returning Bella to me now?" I snapped.

"Such a…_Scrooge…"_ he breezed.

Getting impatient and very very angry and violent I poised myself to lunge at him but he held up his hands once more.

"Easy… lost boy… you should… _lighten up… _watch…HBO… or the Hallmark channel…"

I was at wit's end that I just went ahead and lunged at him only to tackle _air _and I took a sweep around and he was nowhere to be found.

"Show yourself!" I swear this man was causing me to go mental!

"Try up here."

I immediately looked up and saw him sprawled on the ceiling like he was fucking Peter Parker. I had to compose myself by shutting my eyes and gritting my teeth with my fists trembling at my side – I was seriously on the brink of pulling my hair out from rage.

"Enough games… I'll… deliver… my message…you can… open… your eyes… now."

Reluctantly I opened my eyes and saw him looking serious for once. His mouth was formed into a straight line as his eyes glowed with sharpness – the solitary color in the darkness.

"Tell me… lost boy…"

There was that irritating reference once more. _Lost boy? _Was I part of _J.M. Barrie's _world now? A blasted part of Peter Pan's men?

As if reading my mind, Midnight inclined his head cockily. "Aren't… you?"

"Aren't I what?"

"A part… of Peter's… posse…"

Patience. Running out. My fist trembling faster and faster – I think I even let a growl escape.

"You… are… a boy… who… will… never grow… up… aren't you?"

I decided to humor him. He was getting his way no matter what I do anyway. "I believe the correct term for me is _never_ grow _old_. I may be trapped inside a boy's body but I certainly _grew up."_

"Ah… but that… is relevant… aren't you… just… experiencing… discovering… an isle… of new… emotions? aren't you… embarking… on a new… journey…? You see… you have… yet… to experience… more things… that… make a man…will you… grow up… or not? That is… still… to be…seen… until then… lost boy…but for now… forgive the… distraction… here… is the message…"

I waited expectantly.

"_But why do spirits walk the earth, and why do they come to me?"_

More riddles? No wait – this was a line from _A Christmas Carol._ But I don't understand…

"Tell me…Edward…" First time he mentioned my name… or at least a rarity…

"What… did… the ghost… reply?"

I thought for a while then I recited the lines from the book. _"It is required of every man,_ _that the spirit within him should walk abroad among his fellowmen, and travel far and wide; and if that spirit goes not forth in life, it is condemned to do so after death._"

"_It is doomed to wander through the world -- oh, woe is me! -- And witness what it cannot share, but might have shared on earth, and turned to happiness!" _Midnight finished straight and clear.

"That… is your… message… it is unclear… for you right now… or on… the other hand…" His unblinking gaze lingered to that of Bella's black feather sitting on top of my leather sofa then back at me. "It might… be… as clear… as the crystalline… reflection… of a… snowflake…only… immortal eyes… could see…"

And suddenly I was starting to scratch the surface. While I collected my thoughts Midnight crossed the room and retrieved his hat. I watched him dust it, twirl it then perch it back on top of his head.

"Two things… Two choices… among throngs of choices… may the light… lead you…but for now… I bid you…"

He tipped his hat and grinned at me. "…Adieu…"

Like an unraveling ball of yarn my senses returned a second all too late as he was gone - a breeze into the night as I heard bells toll and my family rushing inside. Despite their concerned cries and thoughts time seemed to stand still for me and everything seemed to dissolve and all was left was Bella's feather and I.

I walked towards my couch and picked up Bella's feather gently. It was… difficult to really grasp the message… but from what I've pieced together… Bella… was my spirit… condemned… to wander the earth… but how… how will this turn to happiness?

My head snapped back as everything came back to perspective as I felt every touch and heard every voice… especially that of a deep quiet voice of the man wearing a top hat…lingering…as I made my way to my window… pulling it shut… placing a palm against the cool glass…

…

* * *

_**Meanwhile…**_

**Bella**

I opened my eyes and sat up only to fall groggily back once more from the head rush. I blinked a couple of times and took deep calming breaths. Once I was steady enough I gently pulled myself to a half-sitting position supporting my head with my hand. My head was throbbing with pain and my vision was slightly blurry. I moved my legs when I felt something slide off my lap.

My vision was clearing up as I reached for that rectangular object. I held it up and saw that it was a book. _A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens…_this story felt oddly familiar. I scanned through the pages when a few lines struck.

_**Again the spectre raised a cry, and shook its chain and wrung its shadowy hands. **_

_**"You are fettered," said Scrooge, trembling. "Tell me why?" **_

With trembling hands I read the reply out loud – a confirming action of what I knew – my voice a reverberating grave echo bouncing back and forth my walls.

…

* * *

**Edward**

_**"I wear the chain I forged in life," replied the Ghost. "I made it link by link, and yard by yard; I girded it on of my own free will, and of my own free will I wore it."**_

A shudder ran through my body as I could practically hear Bella saying those words out loud with her bell like voice.

As I stared out the window I remembered the succeeding line. And immediately I remembered Bella's conversation with Jasper.

"_Why did you hold on? I assume that with what I know – with what you told Carlisle, Edward and Esme about the attachments and the different turn-outs, well, it seems you had a choice to make. Is that true?"_

_She stopped walking and looked him in the eye. "I had a choice – yes – but for me… there really was no choice."_

I wanted to shake the thought away but Bella's voice echoed in my mind as well as a sound I dreaded to hear… the sound of her _chains_ – more specifically her bells and the thin silver link wrapped around her ankle…

I closed my eyes once more and withdrew my hand from the glass.

…

* * *

**Bella**

I placed my palm on the cool glass and stared out after shutting the book with a thud, placing it on top of the bed and walking towards the window before finally opening it.

Do you hear the bells ringing?

…

* * *

_**???**_

"_So close… and yet… so far…"_

On top of an abandoned building, the man with a top hat perched, his ebony wings stretched out on his back. For the first time, this higher being, with an immaculate dreamlike expression… of ease… comfort and silence… a voice like lullabies that invite the deepest slumber one could muster had a crease… a line… a tiny worry line… his usual intense unblinking eyes was shut tight. For the first time… he was worried.

But that moment passed as easily as it had come disappearing into that of his customary sheepish look as a sigh flowed out of his lips. He stood up straight from his bent position and readjusted his hat as he completed the last phrase of the song – his message.

"_Through the years, we all will be together  
__**If**__ the fates allow  
Hang a shining __**star**__ above the highest bough  
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now…"_

* * *

**AN: A little quirky thought I find very much amusing before I dive into the apology. The detail I very much love about this chapter was every time Edward shuts his window; Bella opens hers and vis-à-vis. And the part where Edward removed his hand from his window was the moment Bella placed hers on her own window. Makes me go **_**aww…damn it! So freakin close! **_**Haha. What's your favorite part or detail? =) **

**Okay, I'm sorry for the long wait but it took four days and four different drafts (three were sent to the bin harshly) to get this chapter across. It was very difficult because every detail and I mean ­**_**every detail **_**had to be in place. (I had my OCD episodes for which I'm not sorry because I owe it to this story and to you guys to make this story as weird and as mysterious as I can). This is a vital chapter. I almost gave away everything here if you read between the lines. Edward and Bella will meet next chapter. When will I post it? I'm not really sure but I will post it as soon as possible. The reason for the long update along with the brutally scrapped drafts was because I had to do stuff for my on-the-job-training gig – part of our curriculum. I'm meeting my boss tomorrow… I think. Yikes. Anyway, it gets better from this point on. **

**I just wish that more people would share their thoughts. Ask me questions and I promise I'll answer them in the next chapter. I'm sorry if I can't reply to all reviews because I only have so much time to do so but I really appreciate every review. They help me a lot and motivate me. **

**Oh and it took six song changes before I finally decided on this song for this chapter so I'm really afraid of announcing the next song because it's subject to change. Ha-ha. **

**Additional disclaimer by the way: I don't own Twilight, Coldplay and Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol. I do own the plot and of course, the charming Midnight Breeze. I'm having goosebumps when I read ACC all over again because of the parallelism with my story. Using ACC here was purely serendipitous. How cool is that? =) **

**Thanks for reading! **

**Much love,**

**Margaux**


	17. Talk

**AN: Credit goes to Shadohart for the phrase "Stalking death." Thanks for this!**

**Chapter 17:Talk**

_Oh brother I can't, I can't get through  
I've been trying hard to reach you, cause I don't know what to do  
Oh brother I can't believe it's true  
I'm so scared about the future and I wanna talk to you_

**January 12, 2009 5:08pm**

A thundering crash with me at the bottom… already I heard my family's swift steps and in no time they were around me.

"What the hell is the matter with you? Must you sacrifice more of Esme's antiques just to satiate your effing rage?" Rosalie yelled at me.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. _Edward…it's okay. I don't mind the furniture._

I sighed then looked up at my mother's worried face but I couldn't muster a smile. I just mumbled a quick sorry and started cleaning up the mess I made. I had to admit that I went overboard. There was a two-door cabinet sized hole on the wall and broken pieces of one of Esme's fine china were scattered outside. I started to walk out buy materials for the wall I obliterated when Jasper and Emmett stopped me.

Already I felt Jasper calming me down…_with great effort. _

Emmett held his hands up. "Listen man, we know you're upset –

I flared up once more. "Upset? _Upset? _I –

"That is enough son. Calm down," came Carlisle's authoritative voice.

I stalked towards the farthest window and pinched the bridge of my nose while my eyes were shut tight.

Today was the first day of school. I waited torturously for this day to come in hopes of finally having as much as a glimpse of…

I opened my eyes and punched the wall but the impact never came. Holding my wrist was Alice.

_Stop it Edward. _She thought as Jasper rushed to her side waiting.

She let go of my wrist and I sank on the couch burying my face in my hands. "How much longer must I wait? It's been more than a month…" I said feeling the anguish in my tone.

Esme patted my shoulder while Jasper shot me waves of calm and sympathy that he got from everyone.

I drove bright and early to school. I scanned each and every mind around the school and found nothing. I sought for _any _sign – _any _indication that she was there. I got nothing – _nothing. _Not even another word from Midnight. Alice can't see a thing. She can feel her but she can't see.

How much longer?

_Oh I wanna talk to you  
You can take a picture of something you see  
In the future where will I be?  
You can climb a ladder up to the sun  
Or write a song nobody has sung  
Or do something that's never been done_  
**February 11, 2009 8:06 am**

* * *

Drip

Drip

Drip

Without even looking, I could hear raindrops falling slow like rain dropping on our roof… the pipes… the windowsill… the ground… slow and heavy against the silence…

Opening my eyes and getting off my couch was becoming a heavy task that kept on getting heavier and heavier with each new day. I had gone past sprinting out here and zooming over to get to school.

How many times can a dead heart 'restart' only to get arrested once more for rejection?

I groaned.

Day after day after day after day I wait anxiously for her return… each second I spend with my feet on the edifice Midnight told me to go to is spent tense. After consecutive days of being coiled up tighter and tighter in tension and anxiety and longing – how much tighter should I twist and turn before I snap?

I'm telling you.

Like a coin spinning on an edge… it would only be a matter of time before I drop.

All that twisting…turning…spinning…

Even an immortal gets exhausted.

Tick

Tock

Tick

Tock

Drip drip drip…

I removed my arm from my eyes and stood up straight ready to face one of two yet for another day – will she or won't she?

Again I put up my brave front praying that today I get to see the light.

* * *

**2:25 pm History**

I was suddenly staring at a small piece of folded notebook paper on top of my desk. I scanned the room quickly seeing who could've sent me this and at once her thoughts pulled me.

_Read it now._

From that thought I knew whom it was. I didn't need to look at her so I opened the letter nervously.

_6pm Forks Hospital Room 29. Don't be late and close the lights._

I read and reread the note three times then glanced at the writer.

I'm a fallen. I saw her before…you know… before our schoolmate died. I also know what you are. My lips are sealed of course. That's your only chance and the next would be in another two moons. I'm not supposed to help but sorry dude – you look like hell. A nice person like you doesn't deserve that. She said through thought.

I quickly wrote her back and slipped the paper quickly on top of her desk. I watched as she read the note and saw her nod and half-smile.

Who would've thought that my red-haired History classmate was a fallen?

Thanks Grace.

From her note, I was guessing that it wasn't a fallen I was going to talk to later. No. I wasn't guessing. I know that it's far from a fallen.

_Go alone and speak of silvered ringing. Over and out._

* * *

**5:58pm Room 29, Forks Hospital**

_2 more minutes…_

I was waiting nervously inside Mr. Evan Jenkins' room. From his chart… and from Grace's note – he was dying…

…_And… I was stalking death._

I was silently hoping that it was…. I mean I hope _she _was going to come for him but I knew she wasn't… not today… I was meeting another Death.

Today I was getting some answers.

_53 seconds…_

I was… nervous… I pondered on what would transpire today… would I really see another soul taker? How is it even possible?

_36 seconds…_

If I could sweat I swore I would sweat out a storm here.

_21 seconds…_

Mr. Jenkins was already wheezing so the monitor was beeping madly – he was dying but he can't yet – not yet… I could hear the residents, the interns and the nurses rushing here with their crash cart but I had asked Carlisle to stand guard and somehow convince them to let this go – let him go…

Mr. Jenkins after all was a DNR patient.

_16 seconds._

Here it comes – rain started pouring hard and fast as if on cue as I poised to switch the lights off.

_14 seconds_ – competing with the rain was Evan Jenkins' strained breathing – I suddenly remembered something I had to maintain as well so I ran back to his side and tried to calm him down.

"Mr. Jenkins, it's going to be alright. It will be over soon but I need you… I need your eyes… I need your mind… you must think I'm crazy but please – as your final act of mercy – please lend me your eyes and try to keep calm – this is just a dream – all a dream… it's going to be scary for a bit but you'll find peace later on… just… hold on… a little longer… please…"I pleaded and the suffering man relaxed and nodded. He believed that this was all a dream. He knew he was dying soon.

_5 seconds_ – I ran towards the switch once more with my mind focused on that of Evan's mind.

_3 seconds_ – a flash of lightning followed by a peal of thunder roared through the darkened sky.

_2_

_1_

Pitch black.

Nothing.

So I called out. "I know you're here – you've come for the man. You who replaced the silvered ringing – show yourself to me!"

A flash of lightning.

Nothing once more.

Them Mr. Jenkins' weak heart was beating faster and faster and there he – _it _was.

With each flash of lightning a silhouette formed. There was something sprawled on the ground with eyes the color of turquoise. With each flash the creature was slowly rising from his crouched figure – his large wings sharp behind him… with each flash he was coming closer and closer his eyes trained towards me.

All these I saw through Mr. Jenkins' mind. It was a good thing Jasper was a floor below us – enough distance from us to calm him.

Then he disappeared.

"Show yourself! I need answers!"

I couldn't even as much as feel his presence. Apart from Mr. Jenkins' eyes, he wasn't here.

Then I smelt wax and smoke and there was light – a small yellow light.

I realized it was from a candle – a solitary floating candle. Then I heard the most chilling voice I heard. The voice came hushed no louder than a whisper. It had a childlike quality to it – like a young boy who was having his fun – singsong almost like Midnight.

"Are you lost or incomplete?"

The light went out. Then back again above me.

"_Do you feel like a puzzle, you can't find your missing piece?"_

It went out once more and I saw it light again as I spun behind me.

_  
"Tell me how do you feel?" _And I felt him directly behind me but I decided not to move.

"You know how I feel, _Death. _Tell me, do you know anything about Bella? A former death." I asked.

The light went out and back again in front of me and there I saw his turquoise eyes again and the faint glow provided a closer look at him. I could make out wispy curly blonde hair, an impish youthful face and those dark wings.

"_Be-llaaaaa?"_ he chuckled just as the light went out again. "Everyone knows the silvered ringing of black bells that know both death and _deliiiiiight_."

"Can you tell me where she is, please?" I had to try to be as polite as I could.

I saw his light flicker towards the window accentuated by blinding flash of white from outside.

"We do not meddle with higher affairs."

I was losing patience once more but I had to keep my cool. He was my only chance.

"What is your name?" I asked and watched the lights go off and back again near the door.

"We do not give our names to those who we do not take."_  
_

"Then what of a being named Midnight Breeze? What of him? He intervenes time and time again."

"Ah. The Master of dreams…I spoke to him…_yesssss…._"

"What did he say? Tell me!" I shouted.

"_Well I feel like they're talking in a language I don't speak  
And they're talking it to me"_

"What crap are you singing?"

As soon as the words left my mouth I was flung towards the door with the smell of soot directly under my nose.

"That is the precise message of the Master of dreams you filthy monster." He sneered. Then his eyes grew wide as he saw something sticking out of my jacket's inner pocket.

Immediately the pressure was lifted.

"_Aaaaahhhh_. I see you are a black-feather bearer." He chuckled. "You have been touched by death. Truly a bad omen…then again… a good omen… destruction? Or salvation? What will it _beeee…_"?

Then a candle was floating in front of me.

"Touch the flame and you may see me."

I touched the flame just as a flash of lightning streaked in and true to his word, I could see him clearly now.

Without breaking eye contact, he placed a palm over his chest and bowed gracefully in introduction. "I am called Wicker – bearer of death's flame for five centuries. Why do you seek the black bells?"

"She – she's very important to me. I just want to know where she is and if she's safe."

He tilted his head while his eyes bore through me. "The black bells are still ringing as she is dreaming. I have not seen her but I _hear _her. The only thing I can tell you is the same thing as the master."

At once I felt that same irk. _"Go to school?"_

He sighed then thought for a while before speaking. "I might be punished for this. The Master of dreams is in too deep – trapped as your bell is trapped but he has the answer and is answering. But I have a warning for you."

I waited while I watched him hover over newly unconscious Mr. Jenkins. Before he placed his palm over the man's eyes he fixed his gaze at me and spoke.

"Nothing is what it seems. Dreams are transfixing into reality as reality distorts to dreams. Be wary and don't forget… for every light… there's a shadow."

And the light of his candle went out simultaneously as the room's light switched on and he was gone with him – Evan Jenkins' soul.

* * *

**9:32 pm Cullen Mansion**

"You know… this here… everything… all the crazy is really starting to give me the creeps!" Emmet gave a fake shudder. He was trying to lighten the mood.

"I keep getting warnings and even more questions. When will I get answers?" I said through clenched teeth.

"So Grace James is a fallen? Maybe we could ask her for more help…" Jasper suggested.

"We can't." Alice shook her head. "She's moving tomorrow."

"Where?" Jasper asked.

"Finland." Alice pouted.

"Why don't we just go around and look for more fallens?" Rosalie suggested.

"Easier said than done. We have our identities to look out for and they do as well," Carlisle said thoughtfully.

"I'm honestly not feeling comfortable with all the warnings, Edward. This is just a thought but maybe… maybe this Midnight person is keeping Bella from you for your own sake… maybe – heaven forbid – something went wrong and he's fixing it. I say, we really should wait it out," Esme said carefully. So this was what she was mulling over. I was too focused on Bella to listen to my family's thoughts.

_Destruction…or salvation?_

Things weren't getting any easier and right now of all the nights robbed of sleep I just wanted to lie down and sleep this all of and maybe just maybe I'll dream of her…

The only comfort I had was the knowledge that Bella was okay. I ran to my room, sank down my leather couch and let out a big sigh. I took out Bella's feather from my pocket and smelled it. It still had her intoxicating fragrance. God I miss her.

I let my eyes lids droop and looked out my window. I did a double take as I thought I saw a glimpse of black out my window or was it Midnight in all his top-hatted glory? Who knows? The second I looked back out all I saw was rain. The scene outside with the moon full and bright with the dripping rain against my black windowsill… it looked like a scene from a poem… "Moon dripping silver against black panes…" that could only mean one thing.

Sorrow.

Extreme sorrow.

Despite the knowledge of eternal sleeplessness, I shut my eyes tight to wait for the next light.

_  
_  
_So you take a picture of something you see  
In the future where will I be?  
You can climb a ladder up to the sun  
Or a write a song nobody has sung  
Or do something that's never been done  
Do something that's never been done  
_

* * *

**February 23, 2009 9:00 am**

As expected on another day in Forks, it was raining meaning there was no sun out today. Gray and green was the palette that replaced winter's white and black. But today seemed to hold a new hope because today there would be a new addition to Forks High School. I combed through the thought of everyone but surprisingly no one knew about the new student. But I was sincerely hoping it was Bella.

It was hard not knowing – especially for Alice. She can't get _anything _and it was driving her crazy. I knew that all this secrecy, all this bizarreness had to do with Midnight Breeze. He was keeping us from knowing.

The school was abuzz with the prospect of someone new. This wasn't planned – that's for sure. This was more of a last-minute thing. Clever, I thought. Could this be it? Could this be the day I was waiting for?

But if it was a new student, why was she late? I said she because I _had _to be right. This new person – student should be no one but Bella.

No one was really listening to our teacher at this point. Everyone was excited – albeit not more than I was. So far there has been no sighting of the new student, which I found odd.

Despite the normalcy of yet this day it somehow felt in a word…_surreal. _I can't quite put my finger on it. Everything looked clearer… more vivid and somehow fast paced that I even found myself forgetting details of this day. It even felt that I was in control. I really don't understand. But of course like everyone else I put all those thoughts into the trivial file and focused on the coming of the new addition.

I just knew that Bella was making her first public appearance today…_in more ways than one._

_So you don't know were you're going, and you wanna talk  
And you feel like you're going where you've been before  
_

I couldn't take all the anxiety anymore that I shed my ice façade and went ahead to ask my seatmate.

"Excuse me, Angela?" I asked politely.

Angela Webber was surprised – a normal reaction then turned nervously to face me. I smiled at her and she smiled back shyly. "Y-yes Edward?"

"Do you know anything about this new addition people keep talking about? You're the only one who's not, well, necessarily hyped out."

She giggled then paused to think. _I don't really know about this new addition. Maybe even the Cullens are curious too. Hmmm… Well the only thing I do know is that…_

"The only thing I heard was that this new addition was 'supposedly' good looking and smart." She said while air quoting "supposedly" then suddenly she narrowed her eyes at me suspiciously. "Are you sure you're not related?" she grinned and I chuckled.

I shook my head. "No, I'm pretty sure we're not. Anyway, thank you very much Angela."

"No problem."

"Say, Angela?"

She looked back at me and blinked back when she saw the pained look in my eyes that I quickly changed into my usual nonchalant expression.

"Yeah? What's up? You looked a little um, troubled for a second there…" _I wonder what's wrong. Maybe he knows more about the new addition more than I do. _

And right then and there I had the urge to just tell her everything as she was almost right on the money but fought against it.

I ran a hand through my hair and half-smiled. "It's nothing…"

She looked skeptical but nodded and faced Mrs. Rogers once more. There was so much I wanted to say – shout more appropriately but I had to keep my cool. I don't think anyone could ever understand what I'm feeling…what I'm going through. I don't even want to think what I'd do if this was another fluke…that this wasn't Bella I was finally going to see today.

_Riiiinnnnggg_

Class was over so I took off and proceeded to my next class. Why hasn't she shown up yet? What's with all the delays? I'm really losing my mind here! Bella come on…

I noticed the class was suddenly quiet…much I can say about their minds though. I braced myself because this was it.

Oh my God! Here it comes!

_I'm so psyched!_

_I hope it's a new guy!_

_Please Lord, let it be a new girl!_

At that last thought I silently agreed. You and me both.

Then I heard them… I heard footsteps approaching and I swear if I had a heart it would've pumped right out of my chest right now.

My eyes as well as twenty-three others were trained to that of the doorknob. My eyes blackened from hearing the fast and powerful pulsating of almost everyone's hearts here from excitement. All this madness was getting to me. This wasn't good for my killer instincts.

But then I tuned out all the sounds and focused on the one approaching – footsteps getting louder and clearer as she got closer. No heartbeat. Just steady breathing. I grew even more anxious. The one approaching was not human. This was Bella – but wait…

I can't hear bells.

And I can't smell her scent…

Something was off.

I got distracted from the sudden cease of walking. She's here. I watched as the knob turned slowly and the door opened revealing a milky white hand on the handle. I realized I stopped breathing from this point because from that hand – that one hand I knew and that caused my jaw to drop.

Drop in surprise – expelling all the breath I held.

Gasps, sighs, awes and exaltations came from the class. Every one was animated apart from me. It was as if my world just came to an abrupt stop as the new addition to Forks came up front in full view of everyone clear as day.

I couldn't move nor even as much as blink. Like a camera zooming for a close up shot, midnight blue eyes that were deeper than the night sky scanned the room and rested their gaze directly at me.

An uneven smile almost a smirk.

"Good…morning… class," came the person's soft deep singsong voice.

In front of me was no other than –

"I am… Mr. Midnight… Breeze… your temporary… Literature… teacher…it's… a … pleasure… to meet… you all…"

* * *

**11:00**

Class ended in a blur with everyone gushing and swooning about the new hot teacher. But inside all I had was frustration and rage. I stayed behind and approached him.

He sat down and clasped his hands on top of his desk and looked at me as if he knew this was going to happen.

I stood in front of him trying hard to keep from shouting at him.

"Ah, Mr. Cullen… what… can… I do… for you? Feeling… lost?" he smiled.

I slammed a hand on his desk and leant forward. "Where's Bella and what the hell are you doing here parading as a substitute teacher? Well?"

He looked unfazed and simply nodded to the direction of the door and I couldn't look because I was suddenly stunned.

I heard bells.

I smelt frozen spring.

"Mr. Breeze? Oh excuse me, I'm sorry. I hope I'm not interrupting anything," came the most beautiful silken voice I have ever heard.

Without looking at her I saw Midnight smile ruefully. "Not… at… all… come in, come in…"

Then I felt her… I felt her light graceful steps and smelt her addicting smell and heard each and every motion of her body as she walked past behind me and took her seat.

Getting over the shock I felt I swallowed all my surprise and turned around almost reluctantly for fear that she might disappear if I turn around – for fear that this was but only a dream and the moment I turn around is the moment I would wake up.

But I can't dream. I can't sleep. So this must be real. What am I saying? This _is _real!

And there she was, bending over to retrieve a notebook from her bag, her face half hidden by the curtain of her mahogany hair. Sitting three feet in front of me was she. It was really her. She must've felt my eyes on her as she tucked her hair behind her delicate ear and met my gaze with hers.

And I was taken aback from her beauty. Her skin was fairer more ivory flawless and her face – her face was even more striking. Her lips had that rosy pink color that worked well with her half-opened inviting lips – wait.

She looked at me in question. I could see no trace of recognition on her face. I was starting to panic.

"Um… is there something wrong?" she asked and I just stood there staring,

She swallowed and bit her lip then brought her eyes to look at me once more. "I'm Isabella Swan… you can call me Bella by the way. What's your name?" she asked kindly.

She didn't know me. I just continued staring at her in shock.

What's going on?

"I see… that… Mr. Edward Cullen… is lost in a…world of…questions…oh…there's… the bell…"

And one by one and then by groups students came filing inside the room bumping and shoving against me as I stood there wishing that this – _this was _not happening – that this was all a dream.

Bella doesn't know me?

This isn't a dream.

It's a nightmare.

I need answers and someone should talk.

_You tell anyone who'll listen but you feel ignored  
Nothing's really making any sense at all  
__Let's talk, let's ta-a-alk  
Let's talk, let's ta-a-alk_

* * *

**11:38 pm**

**???**

"Did you come for me?" came a weak voice.

"Yes," answered the transparent winged girl who stood in front of the dying woman.

It was pouring hard tonight but despite the drips the winged girl remained dry, her back to me as she stood over the hunched up figure of an old woman sitting on the floor of her small veranda.

"Come then." The woman replied.

Bells never sounded more ominous as they clinked from each step and slapped against velvet straps on her ankles.

I watched as she extended her hand and I caught a glimpse of her features on the glass doors. Her eyes glowed – one a dark brown the other a tawny gold but there was no life in them.

"Take my hand." She said and the woman took it then at once she slumped down on the cool marble floor, the rain washing away her tears and blood… blood that was dripping and dripping creating a crimson pool around her body. As the deity released the woman's hand, the woman's hand fell back with a thud on top of the marble floor… the rain-washing away too all the red warm liquid spilling away from her pale white wrist…

I continued my voyeur as she looked down at the dead woman.

"It never ends, does it?" I know she directed her question at me.

I went behind her and answered. "It's not…for me…to answer."

She didn't respond so I watched her blank expression on the glass doors blurred by the rain.

_Things were far from over._

I looked up the sky and adjusted my hat. "It's…time to go…"

"Wait."

I looked back at her.

"We need to talk."

* * *

**AN: I'm a bit disappointed that the number of reviewers dwindled for the last chapter that I got a bit discouraged from writing a new chapter. But because there were still a lot who raved about it I still went ahead and did this. Thanks for everyone who read especially those who reviewed! This chapter is for you guys! **

**If I get at least 20 reviews for this chapter by Thursday, I promise to update on Sunday if not, the next free sched I have is Friday next week as I'm starting work on Monday. So I really really hope you guys tell me what you think. **

**Oh my, Bella forgot Edward? What's going on???? But then, what's that that just happened at the end? Death was there and there were bells! Guess you guys would have to wait next time.**

**Love you guys,**

**Margaux**


	18. Help is Around the Corner

**AN: I uploaded a South Park version of Midnight Breeze. I'll put up an anime version of what I think he looks like with the next update. Check out my profile - he's the headshot. :)**

* * *

**Chapter 18: Help is Round the Corner**

**Bella**

**3:34 am**

_Stuck here  
In the middle of no where  
With a headache  
And a heavy heart  
_

My eyes glazed over at the dream I just had of finally meeting Edward…and me not recognizing him. I shook my head at that thought. How silly of me. That could never happen. My actions caused the water over me ripple reflecting the white light. I exhaled through my nose and a stream of bubbles made their way to the surface.

Bored with the crazy surrealness of the ripples, the multicolored bubbles and the lights I settled for closing my eyes and feeling the water lapsing over my body. Another night of moonlighting as death has its bloody days of course and I needed a lot of rinsing. For someone who can't sleep like me, a middle-of-the night bubble bath is normal.

It's been three hours that I've stayed submerged here on my marble tub. All the bubbles has soon gone leaving me stewing in my own filth – my skin wrinkle-free and me needing no breath. If you were a mortal looking at me from above you would've thought I slit my wrists and have decided to drown myself with my blood and bubbles with me looking straight at you devoid of emotion – kind of like what Cecila Lisbon looked like when they found her in her tub from Jeffrey Eugenides' Virgin Suicides.

Under the water I feel at peace…clean… despite what I said earlier. I never needed to wash the blood off my hands. Death is what I do and death is what I am… but cleansing is still a ritual I needed to do. It was a nice change to finally go out after a long while. But then, the dream came back...

I shook my head. No.

That wasn't a dream…that was a nightmare. At that dream, I couldn't… remember him and seeing his pained surprised face…ah there were no words that could describe how painful that was...I...hurt him...

I opened my eyes and stare at the ceiling through the water flowing steadily as if everything moved in slow motion. The water was not that warm anymore like it was fighting over freezing from my ice skin. Then I heard someone come inside my bathroom.

Of course. I heard him sit beside the shower curtain, waiting for me to emerge. He knows me to well. He knew I wanted to talk. So I lift my hand and grab the edge of the tub and slowly bring my head up the water. I took a gasp of unneeded air and settled into sitting with my back to the curtain, holding my knees towards my chest. The smell of floral incense wafted through my nose and my worry caught up with me at once. I caught a glimpse of Midnight – his silhouette black against the red curtain.

"Midnight… I can sleep again, can't I?"

"What makes…you…think…you're…awake now?" came his soft but cryptic reply.

I look back down at my hands and began gathering suds and bubbles. I guess there were still some bubble left. "Just the fact that I dreamt that I met Edward and can't remember him…"

Silence between us. Only the drip drop of water came from the faucet.

"When…"

"When?" he echoed then suddenly fresh bubbles floated towards me popping upon contact - reflecting the flourescents.

"When will this end… when can I see him again? I can't understand what's happening. I've been going out once a week collecting the dead and still I come home and am trapped here…"

"You already…saw him…"

I sniffed indignantly. "In a dream? Or nightmare to be more apt."

I peeked and saw him incline his head. "What…makes…you think… it's not…real?"

I angrily jerked my body to face him – only the red shower curtain dividing us. The motion made a big splash to the side but I didn't care.

"Just the mere fact that I can't remember him is enough to think that a dream!" I cried out.

"Then… what… do you… call this… now?" came his calm answer that made me stop.

He had a point. I was in his dream realm right now even though I could feel each and everything here. But that can't be… how could that have happened when I knew he didn't take away my memories? What was going on? What was real and what was not?

"Midnight what's –"

I turned around and he was gone leaving me as lost as I had begun. I sank back until only my eyes were peering out the water.

_Oh well nothing  
was going quite right here  
and i'm tired  
i can't play my part  
_

Maybe that was a dream inside a dream… or maybe… it all really happened that Midnight took my memories or tampered with them… in his realm, anything is possible.

The only thing I'm positively sure of is that…

In here… I'm trapped.

_Come on Come on  
Oh what a state  
I'm in  
Come on Come on  
why won't it just  
sink in  
The help is just around the corner  
for us  
_  
It's been too long… I'm sure I've lost the lethal death touch and reverted back into semi-death fallen state. Why was Midnight still keeping me here and why the cruelty of showing that scene to me?

But no matter what, I had to trust him. Edward… I don't know how but I will find a way out of this. Just wait…

_Oh my head  
just won't stop achin  
I'm sat here lickin' my wounds  
I'm shattered  
but it really doesn't matter  
Cuz my rescue, is gonna be here soon  
_  
I was holding on to a chance that Edward might find the place I was sleeping – the place Midnight was keeping me and wake me up. Or have I awaken already? I don't really know… and there's no way to know…

I hoisted myself from the tub and drew the curtain as I stepped out. I wrapped myself with a towel and leant down to drain the tub. Watching the water rush spiral down made me feel as if my own world was spiralling as well.

I stood in front of the mirror and turned a little sideways to check my back. There it was, imprinted like gold ink were my wings. I found out they show whenever I had to take a soul. So far I've taken eleven since I've been here in Forks. Midnight told me there were two more feathers to follow. And taking them was the only time I left this bubble.

I had an ominous feeling about the last feather wherever it was. A very dreaded feeling.

* * *

**Edward**

**4:00 am**

_Come on Come on  
Oh what a state  
I'm in_

At four in the morning I was staring at my pathetic reflection on my bathroom mirror after taking a long hot shower to calm myself.

I went straight home after that chat with Midnight to talk things over with my family. I was surprised I didn't follow Bella home yesterday. I guess it's because I was scared. I just wanted to gather my thoughts first. And I can't really force Bella to remember me so the logical choice would be to win her heart.

The biggest understatement would be that I got hurt when she couldn't remember me. I was beyond that. The day went by like a blur that I can't even remember everything that happened today. Everything felt like a dream – or a nightmare what have you. This can't be real. This can't be happening. But if it really is, then I should be glad that at least she was here though not how I expected but beggars can't be choosers.

Today I have decided to tail Bella… follow her home. I had to make sure she was real – that this was real. But right now I just had a compelling urge to just think.

It was very unlike me. The real Edward would've followed her right then and there but somehow… I just needed to play it by ear like I was following a script and that if I don't stick to it everything would just crumble.

I think about how stupid I was not to as much as touch her – feel her even just watch her sleep now I'm going on about how anxious I am to see if I'm even going to see her again today. What if I missed my chance? What if I let it slip by?

I pound my fist so hard the marble broke. Damn it. the next time I see Bella again, I'm never letting her leave my line of sight. Even if she doesn't remember me, I remember who she was but what's more important is that I don't really care who she was or what she is as long as she exists.

_Come on Come on  
why won't it just  
sink in  
The help is just around the corner  
for us  
_

I don't know if I'll be able to hold her again, or kiss her or if she wants anything to do with me at all but I had to try to at least enter her world. If only I knew what was going on. I certainly won't get anymore outside help or even a straight answer from her keeper but I just wish if there was a god to please help us – help us be.

At the back of my mind, the death - Wicker's words keep ringing, haunting me. Nothing is what it seems. Dreams and reality juxtaposing into each other. If what I was thinking was what's really happening then that means that there was a chance that this is nothing but an enchantment. Now if that were true, then I'm facing an even bigger dilemma. Should I allow this to go on or am I ready to face reality? I don't really want to dive head on without certainty.

_Which choice would allowe me to stay with Bella? _

* * *

**Midnight**

I smell wax and soot behind me and immediately knew who it was.

"Hello… Death's flame…" I said in acknowledgement of my visitor.

"Master of dreams…how long will this charade go on?"

I look at him and he bows in apology. "My apologies, my lord. That was too bold."

I nodded and stood straight. "It's…upto…them, … it might end soon…after your…bold warning…that might…enlighten… the lost boy…"

He scoffed. "If he figures it out first."

I sighed. "They need…to keep this…dream…alive… for as long… as they can… it's out of…anyone's hands…right now… the only thing… I can…give them… is time…"

"Time?"

"Yes, time… before a…final…decision…can be made…"

I watched as sunlight was streaming in from the east. There was no rain today. But the sun can't shine on two dreamers yet… not just yet… they have to learn to just accept this for a little while… they have to savor what precious time they had before he inevitable happens. They have to trust that I'm here to help them…give them what happiness they can have…

"Sleep well…sparling bell…lost boy… accept…this small…act of mercy…sleep well…it's not easy…for me…as well…"

_Come on Come on  
why won't it just  
sink in  
The help is just around the corner  
for us_

_The help is just around the corner  
for us  
Oh the help is just around the corner_

_For us_

* * *

**An: Thanks for the overwhelming amount of review last time! I appreciate it. Now I'm sorry if this is a fast update but at least it gets some facts straight. I'm sure a lot of you are getting Midnight's plan. This is only a filler chapter but short as it is, it actually explains a lot. If not then, gotta wait for the next update which I promise would be loads longer. **

**Okay, okay for those who are still confused, since it's already out there, the meeting last chapter was only a dream that both Edward and Bella witnessed. As Midnight explained to Wicker, he's bidding the lovers time before the inevitable happens. And what is that, you might ask? I'm not one to divulge. Ha-ha but it's pretty much implied from the very start if you've been reading closely. Don't worry, you guys will know soon.**

**Before I go, a short Q&A:**

**You guys might ask: But Margaux, Edward and Bella can't sleep anymore how can they dream? **

**My answer: Midnight Breeze is a higher celestial of sleep and dreams. Enough said. :)**

**Another question: Margaux! Is Bella still death???**

**Answer: Partly. She's officially a fallen. Thirteen of her black feathers got scattered and only the owner of the feathers can take the souls of those who pick them up. **

**One last question: Wait, but Edward has a feather???? Does that mean -- (gasp)**

**Answer: Your guess is as good as mine but things might change. :)**

**So there you go guys, thanks for your support and song suggestions. I'm aiming for 25 chapters or more, it depends. I usually don't go over 20 but this story calls for it. I didn't expect to put a lot of complications and foreshadowing here. **

**The earliest update would be on Saturday if you still like this story, otherwise, it's gonna be a while. **

**Love you guys!**

**Margaux**


	19. The Scientist

**Chapter 19: The Scientist**

_Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry_

_You don't know how lovely you are._

_I had to find you, tell you I need you,_

_Tell you I set you apart._

"It's rude to stare."

At that sudden verbal offer followed by a lighthearted smirk got me the vampire blinking. Facing me half-smiling with a twinkle in her eyes was no other than Bella…_my new classmate. _Here we were in Biology class. She was busy taking down notes while I, well, stared at her struggling for words. We had just finished working on our slides and almost wordlessly I should add. Frankly I didn't know what to say to her. It's really hard to start over considering what… what _almost _happened at the meadow. I could really tell that she doesn't know me and that brought on a lot of pain but I should be grateful that she's here, right now – next to me and talking to me.

The moment I wanted to open my mouth to speak I would me mesmerized by her luminous skin…her dark brown hair… her pink lips… God she's so beautiful. Seeing her now made me realize how much I depended on her to live.

She tilted her head and drew her brows together. "Hey, you're still staring…" she trailed off while biting her bottom lip awkwardly. It was then that I remembered to compose myself. I grinned sheepishly at her and chuckled.

"My apologies. I didn't realize that I was doing that. I was just trying to…place you."

She chuckled and gave a small nod. "Well, I am pretty generic so you could've mistaken me for someone else."

I wanted to shake her and say that she's far from _generic. _But her statement really meant that she doesn't know me. Which reminds me…

"You're Bella Swan right? Mr. Breeze's niece?" I asked politely.

She gave another nod and smiled while she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear… something I've always wanted to do for her.

"And you're…one of the Cullens right?" She bit her lip in embarrassed. "I'm sorry, I forgot to catch your name. You kind of…took off fast before I could ask."

That sent a shard of ice on my dead heart but I kept my smile. "You're right. It's Edward by the way and I'm sorry for taking off rather abruptly. I was very much…in a hurry that time."

"I see." She said before she returned to writing on her notebook.

I wanted more.

_Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions,_

_Oh lets go back to the start._

_Running in circles, Comin' in tails_

_Heads on a science apart._

"So… how is your stay in Forks so far? I didn't quite catch where you're from."

She turned to look back at me and answered. "Well, I don't think it's much different from where I was from last."

I crooked my head, "Last?"

She nodded. "I move a lot." Move? I'll say.

"I see."

"Last time I was in Canada but before that I was in Alaska and before that…pretty much all places cold, damp and sunless. It's like I'm a traveling vampire or something." She chuckled.

I almost lost my composure as I winced the tiniest bit, which I masked right away with a chuckle. "That's very similar to my life story. I moved here from Alaska as well. But before that my family stayed in all those cold places."

Her eyes grew wide. "Wow. We must've been missing each other then."

My jaw dropped. I knew what she meant but still…_the choice of words…_

Sensing my sudden distress she blinked and waved her hands in front of me defensively. "Oh, I meant that, we never ended up meeting on the same place –"

I shook my head quickly. "No, no. I got it. I just got a little distracted."

She looked at me with concern on her face. "You must really…like this person you confuse me with."

Again I fumbled for an excuse. As always, Bella hasn't lost her intuitive mind. "You could say that but I would rather stick to the present." I don't care if she forgot everything or if her memories were tampered with. I would take her in any form – as she is. Anytime.

"That's what my uncle says all the time. " she answered.

"Tell me, Bella. If you don't mind me asking, how are you related to Mr. Breeze exactly?"

She chuckled. "He adopted me – sort of. He told me he found me when I was three on his doorstep with nothing but these black bells." she held up her wrists to show me a silver bracelet adorned with tiny black bells…the bells that used to be wrapped in velvet on her ankles.

"I'm guessing that's where you got your name?"

She beamed. "Yes. Only he's too young to call dad as he claims which I have to agree since, well, he's only twenty-one. When he found me he was living with an aunt. I won't bore you with the other details. The bottom line is that when his aunt died, he inherited enough to raise both of us."

Clever story Midnight. Almost the truth.

"So why 'uncle'?"

She giggled, "Well, he's more of a brother than anything but you can't really adopt a sister, can you? And he doesn't want to be called dad so there you go. I'm sure you could understand. We are sort of on the same boat."

I chuckled. "In a way, I suppose so."

_Riinnggg…_

"Oh there goes the bell. I have History next." She said and I frowned.

"Oh so this is where we part…I have English next."

She frowned. "That's too bad, I like talking to you – I mean –" she suddenly felt flustered. My whole being lightened up at the thought that she liked talking to me.

"That's okay. We'll see each other soon. And I could show you around some time."

She grinned and it was the loveliest thing I've ever seen. "I'd love that. So, bye for now, Edward."

"For now. Later Bella."

I watched as she gathered her things and left with stupid Mike Newton on her heels with his vile thoughts. I would love to break his jaw to teach him a lesson but then other thoughts flooded my mind.

I really was going to start over – start over with Bella. I sighed but shook it off remembering that I should be grateful.

_Nobody said it was easy,_

_It's such a shame for us to part._

_Nobody said it was easy,_

_No one ever said it would be this hard._

_Oh take me back to the start._

It turns out that we only had Biology together and that she doesn't have any classes with my other siblings. So that left me with but an hour of interaction for me and her at school but then again, there would also be lunch time and after class…

Speaking of class… it was a slow day today especially since I've been waiting around the clock for another shot of talking to Bella. Class has just ended and here I was leaning on my car waiting for Bella to come out. Alice and the others went ahead using Rosalie's convertible. They knew I wanted time alone with Bella. I know I was being too forward but I just had to ask her out…just spend more time with her at every available time. I missed her too much.

Then I heard bells…

And out the door she came looking lovelier by the minute. I ran a bit to meet her just as she stepped down from the stairs.

She looked at me with a shy smile. "Oh, hey Edward."

"Hi Bella. I was just wondering, well, I have loads of free time right now and I wanted to ask if you'd like to take that tour now?" I grinned using the full force of my eyes on her. I was told I could convince anyone using this.

She blinked and thought about it. "I am free right now but I would have to ask Midnight first…"

"If you want I could ask him formally now, that is if it's okay with you?"

She smiled. "Okay. Let's wait for him by his car." She then led the way to a sleek white version of Carlisle's Mercedes.

We both leant on the car door. She looked up at me with a curious expression. "So where do you plan on taking me first?"

I thought for a while. "That depends, what do you feel like doing?"

She shrugged. "I don't really mind doing whatever."

"Hm…a drive around town then and let's see where our interest take us."

"That sounds great."

"What…is?"

We faced the sudden speaker who just ghosted out of nowhere.

"Hello Mr. Breeze." I greeted politely.

It was definitely a change seeing him looking normal…_Carlisle normal _that is without the top hat and all. He was dressed casual formal wearing his usual dreamlike expression.

"Mr. Cullen…to what…do I owe…this privilege…?"

"I just wanted to ask if I could take Bella for a tour around town."

I watched Midnight glance at Bella who was looking at him expectantly then back at me.

Then he gave a nod. "Okay. But…on the condition…that…I pick her…up…from wherever…you're taking her… no questions…asked…. can I have…your word…on that…Mr. Cullen?"

The way he looked at me made me feel as if he was daring me to object. I still had to play by his rules.

"That's fine with me."

"Then…take care…and have…fun…" he said before entering his car and taking off. We watched silently as the car smoothly rolled out.

After that I led Bella to my car and opened her door for her.

"So where are you taking me first?" Bella asked while fidgeting with her bells.

I smiled at her. "There's this special place I know we could go to."

She smiled. "Ah, so it's a surprise."

"You could say that."

_I was just guessin' at numbers and figures,_

_Pulling the puzzles apart._

_Questions of science, science and progress_

_Do not speak as loud as my heart._

After some time of driving in silence, Bella broke the ice.

"Edward."

I faced her and was startled when I saw the look on her face. She had a very serious expression.

She sighed then let her gaze shift to her lap.

"I know what you are."

I can't say I'm surprised. She doesn't have a heartbeat so I know she knows that she isn't human. Nonetheless, this makes thing easier for me…for us.

"I see."

She looked back at me cautiously and continued. "It's okay. I won't tell anyone. I promise."

"I trust you. It's not really that I'm worried about." I admitted. Maybe if I tell her what happened, she'll remember.

She gave a knowing nod. "Oh I know. You still think that I'm her right? I can't really rule out that something happened that I don't know of that made me forget you or something along that line of thought but I honestly can't place you."

"That's understandable." I amended. "But tell me something Bella, was everything you said back there at class…true?"

She looked up the ceiling and I noticed that one of her eyes was darkening and I immediately felt the same thirst I knew she was feeling right now. It's been a while since I last hunted.

"Partly… what I said was my press release for this life. The thing about Midnight's aunt was made-up as well as me being young but the rest is true. I'm…a fallen death as far as I know and Midnight is a higher celestial of sleep and dreams."

I knew better. I know that her _memories _with Midnight were false. I wonder if I can really tell Bella what happened to her. Should I? There might be a chance that she'll believe me.

"You know something…don't you?" she asked her eyes boring through mine that I had to look away and focus on my driving.

I couldn't answer. Should I or shouldn't I?

"Edward?" her voice was becoming a little frantic.

_And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me_

_Oh and I rush to the start._

_Runnin' in circles, Chasin' tails_

_Comin' back as we are_

As much as it pains me, I made my quick decision.

Grinning at her while shaking my head I said, "No. I thought I did but no."

She didn't buy it. "Are you sure?"

"Positive." I decided not to tell her at once and buy some more time because this was something I had to think through very carefully. I had to know Midnight's motive first. And telling Bella that everything she knew was built on a lie would cause her great distress. I also thought that maybe…this was a good thing.

For Bella to have a fresh start must be a good thing. She wouldn't have those hard memories of everything that happened before.

And hopefully, she might love me without worrying about guilt or whatever consequences.

And this time…_this time…_I could tell her I love her without worrying about her not wanting me to say it.

This time… if it happens… she might learn how to love me again.

"Edward?"

I faced her with a smile. "Yes, Bella?"

"I'm really sorry about whatever happened to the one you're looking for but if it helps, I would've remembered meeting someone like you." She said then shyly looking away while smiling. Despite losing her memories, she was still Bella. Kind and honest Bella filled with sensitivity for others feelings.

"Thank you Bella. That means a lot to me. Truly, it does."

"It's just that…you're so nice…and the way you look when you think of that certain person…it's something else. She's very lucky."

I shook my head. "No. I'm the lucky one."

She chuckled then looked down. "What happened to her?"

From that question I was almost tempted to tell her everything but I just couldn't.

I sighed. "Someone took her away from me though I don't really know why. The person who took her said that it's needed. But I haven't seen her since. But that's all in the past. I've…come to terms with it…a little…somehow…"

She frowned. "You're lying. At least the coming to terms part. I can tell you haven't."

I wrinkled my nose. "You know what, you may be right."

I ran a hand through my hair and let it rest on my lap when I felt a hand cover it. I looked to see that Bella placed her hand on mine, looking shyly on her lap biting her lip.

I just stared at her at a loss.

Without looking at me she spoke gently. "Edward, you don't have to act brave. I'm sure that there must be a reason for that incident. I'm sure everything will be okay and that she's fine and must be thinking of you. But as long as she's not here yet, I'm here."

She looked up and faced me her eyes filled with sympathy and…love?

"I'll be your friend. I know your family likes to keep to themselves; it's the same thing with me. It's been a while since I had friends to talk to as well regarding…mythical facts…ironic statement, I know but…I don't know. I just feel like I know you and that I want to help you. It may sound so forward but I just know that we could get along real well. I'm not…you know, trying to fill in what I think are gigantic shoes to fill. I just really want to be your friend Edward."

This is what we've been reduced to.

Friends.

If only she knew what I knew… she was still Bella… reassuring, loving Bella… my Bella.

"Thank you Bella. I'm very honored and touched that you want to help me that much."

She shook her head and grinned. "It's nothing, really. Though not to sound conceited but I'm sort of benefiting from this as well." She suddenly said the last line shyly.

Intriguing. I arched an eyebrow curiously. "How so?"

She looked up and back down her lap where her hands lay – twiddling her fingers suddenly.

"Well… I know the whole female population of school is after you… and… some of the male…um…showed interest…God this is so embarrassing!"

Oh, I got it all right.

I chuckled. "I wouldn't say _complete _for me but I can say that you have _more than some_ as you claim, if not, _complete._"

She cringed then relaxed but her expression changed quickly to that of confusion.

"Wait – how did you know?"

I chuckled. "Aside from Mike Newton's bragging" she wrinkled her nose at this, "and the obvious head turning, I can read minds." I explained. I almost added, "the same way that you can."

She laughed and her laughter pealed like bells. "Wow. We're more alike than we think."

Now it was my turn to cringe…_internally_ that is. She didn't know how close she was to home.

"Ah. But I can't read your mind, my dear Bella."

She wrinkled her nose. "That's odd. I can't read yours too. Wow. It must be a negation ability thing."

I gave a tentative nod. "Could be."

"At least we know when eager lionesses –

" – And lions," I added. She laughed and agreed with a nod.

"And lions – are stalking us…mind reading _preys." _She joked.

I laughed. "Preys…if only they knew how reversed it was."

She giggled. "Yeah. I can't have humans court death. It's too creepy." She gave a shudder.

I looked directly at her. "Well, that is creepy, but what if a member of the dead society does?"

If she could blush she would be beet red right now. She laughed nervously. "I don't know. That I have yet to witness."

"But would you allow it?"

She looked at me looking for signs of humor which I knew was nonexistent.

Suddenly all we could hear was rain.

And all I could see was my reflection on her eyes the same way she could see hers in mine.

She was the first to break contact by blinking then looking past me.

"You stopped driving suddenly…" she whispered.

I blinked and faced front. "Oh, right. We…get off here and there's a bit of hiking involved which would be a breeze for us…but it's raining…"

She smiled a little. "I don't mind the rain."

I smiled back. "I don't either but I'd rather we go home dry. Plus, you'll really appreciate the place after the rain. So do you mind waiting though? If you want we could come back another day…"

She shook her head. "I don't mind either. I can stay out as late as I want. Midnight would call otherwise."

I nodded.

For almost a minute nothing but the sound of the rain crashing down and our even unneeded breathing. I know we could both hear each individual drop, one distinct from the other as they dropped on the hood of my car… slid down the windows…down onto the wet ground…and some splashing with the wipers…

I took a chance and looked at her and was enamored once more by her.

Against the grayish sky and the greenness of Forks blurred by sliding rain drops on the car window, Bella looked almost surreal like a water color painting…with her snow white skin almost blending with her cream lace-trimmed vintage lace dress, black leather boots, ivory sweater, her long mahogany hair with black streaks cascading down her back…

She even had a serene expression on her face as she leant her head on the window, looking out – her mismatched eyes reflecting faintly on the glass, pink lips closed but relaxed…her chin gently resting on her white palm.

I couldn't help but smile.

Smile that she was here.

She sighed contentedly.

I kept smiling that I could hear her.

I closed my eyes and took a breath of her intoxicating scent.

I smiled that I could smell her.

I glanced at hand…the one she held a moment too soon lost…

I smiled that I could touch her.

This. Her. Me. That was all that matters…for now.

I just hope that eventually…there would be an us in the future.

She shifted her position and slowly, she met my gaze with the softest expression followed by a caring smile. She blinked and her brows drew together and she looked at me curiously.

"What?" she mouthed with a shrug.

I grinned and shook my head. "It's nothing."

She looked skeptical but the smile never left her face.

"You just look very lovely."

She blinked in surprise and looked down abashed.

Silence once more so I decided to lean back on the headrest and closed my eyes for a while.

"Edward?"

I opened my eyes and faced her. She turned to look at me and pointed outside.

"It stopped raining." She said with a soft smile.

I looked out. "Yes. Yes it has." I faced her again and half-smiled. "Let's go."

We stepped out and felt the cool misty air as we stared at the silver sky.

I know it won't be easy. I know it causes a certain pain in me…

But right now is all I have…like if I can't accept what's in front of me now… then I'll lose all the chances I get…

So right now…

Right now is all that matters.

Starting over is all I have.

_Nobody said it was easy,_

_Oh it's such a shame for us to part._

_Nobody said it was easy,_

_No one ever said it would be so hard._

_I'm goin' back to the start._

_Ohhhh oooooo_

_Ahhhh oooooo_

_Ohhhh oooooo_

_Ohhhh oooooo

* * *

_

**AN: Thanks for reading and for your reviews for the last chapter! I'm sorry if I'm one day late I really tried but it's toxic at work. The next chapter would be fluff-filled. I'll update on Wednesday if I get at least 20 reviews for this chapter. Thanks! Tuesday if I get more. :D Thanks again!**

**Much love,**

**Margaux**

_**Next song: Yellow**_


	20. Yellow

**Chapter 20: Yellow**

_Look at the stars,  
Look how they shine for you,  
And everything you do,  
Yeah they were all yellow,  
_

After the rain, the sky was still a sight to behold from my meadow…_our meadow… _the sun has long set without us even noticing leaving it's fading dulcet glow that made the gray nimbus clouds silver over the darkening sky.

This blanket of indigo and silver that were dotted with white stars only visible from this high up loomed over us only added to the serene feel of the moment… but most importantly…it provided a luxurious background for Bella's ephemeral beauty.

We have just arrived at my meadow which was already ours in my mind…and hopefully she would accept that notion soon…

I watched as her eyes grew wide and sparkled at the sight of our meadow even after sun…even after rain. She looked so luminous with her pale skin draped with an off-white dress. The night gave her skin a bluish tint that to see her would feel like seeing a goddess with her dark brown hair which was almost black in the night billow with the evening wind.

I watched as her awed expression came alive as she grinned while doing a dance of delight. She wasn't really dancing, but her graceful turn as she swept the periphery, taking in each angle with her careful eyes, her feather light steps and strides – every motion highlighted by her exultant smile, her bright eyes and not to mention the precious tinkling of her tiny black bells came with such grace and elegance that this five seconds of indulgent beauty could pass as a part of a grand concert ballet.

With each motion, the stars seem to come alive and glowed yellow for the bluish glow of the dancer – reflecting the care free moment – an escape…reflecting _yellow for blue…blue for yellow… _

It was like seeing the _Purkinje effect _come to life once more for this old pair of eyes.

Purkinje effect… imagine you are in a garden filled with vibrant flora of blood red roses, magenta peonies and golden sunflowers on a warm sunny afternoon. As the shadow grows longer on the east over the flowers, you notice that the sky is not the only thing that passed from golden to sapphire to onyx… suddenly the roses aren't seem red anymore but hold a greenish tint, the magenta almost deep purple while the golden sunflowers looked like they were blue blurs. Such a feat to behold especially to eyes with precision and accuracy as ours…such sudden shift in color perspective is an after effect called the _purkinje_ effect… Each moment of this that I've bore witness to makes me think of how something's shadow has finally consumed it. Logic tells us that the roses are still red, the peonies magenta and the sunflowers yellow despite what our eyes are seeing. Mornings prove this right by returning the light.

Everything's the same despite their differing appearances during night and day.

In a way, our existence can be equated to that…only for beings like us… we don't have mornings to prove that we're the same… because our _purkinje_… is permanent…never changing…never ending…

I say _our_, because in this sense, we are the same.

I, who was once a vibrant human, had my mortality's twilight to be replaced by a shadow existence.

She, who was once a blinding white angel, had her brightness muted with black.

Like the garden above, our twilight came and left us… both the after effect of our bright former existence…

But right now, I settled on _yellow and blue_.

_I came along  
I wrote a song for you  
And all the things you do  
And it was called yellow  
_

I just stood back and let her enjoy herself. This was my form of enjoyment. I let her be. I've never seen Bella so…_free._

If having to start over would be the price for Bella's freedom, then I'd gladly take it. But of course, the fact that she's currently living with a lie she's not aware of is still eating me at the back of my mind. I swayed that thought with another thought that maybe this was the best thing for her.

Seeing her this happy and free right now… how can that be such a bad thing?

Now I still wonder what my reintroduction to her existence stand for. Am I to be the bearer of her truth? Or a vehicle for her new _life?_

In any case, my mission has and always been to love her and let her know I do.

I didn't know I was so deep in thought when I felt a sudden yank on my arm and suddenly all I see were ocher and brown along with that glorious grin of hers.

"Come dance with me!" she said, her voice like a glass bells tinkling in the midst.

I chuckled and jokingly raised an eyebrow while suddenly aware of her small hands on my right arm where the skin felt sensitive under them.

"Oh? Was what you were doing considered dancing?"

She laughed back after smacking me in jest. Placing her hands on her hips and bending forward she suggested, "Well, we can _twirl around_ or whatever you think you saw."

I folded my arms across my chest and tried to hold back a smile, teasing her. "I don't know…"

She narrowed her eyes and copied my position before breaking into a goofy expression. "Come on! Aren't you even compelled by nature's glory even a little bit?"

I wanted to chuckle. Of course I am. _She's _still a part of nature.

"It's been so long since I was able to witness such scenery and indulge in it…" she continued.

_So then I took my turn  
Oh all the things I've done  
And it was all yellow  
_

I finally let out a chuckle. "Okay, okay." Then I walked closer to her, bowed, and extended my hand to her while looking her straight into the eye. "May I have this dance, Ms. Swan?"

She gave a triumphant grin and took my hand. With only the tinkling of her bells, the rustling of leaves, the whistling wind and her silvered laughing as our music, we twirled around in our own little haven.

With our right hands interlaced, my left on her waist, hers on my shoulder, we glided around the meadow like two glowing beings…too luminous to be real.

I was liking this more and more as her smile grew wider and wider.

She was happy like this.

Maybe…

Maybe, this isn't so bad after all…

I wanted more time to be like this…only more mutual in the future…

Ah! I want nothing more but to just burst out that I love her right now.

_Your skin  
Oh yeah your skin and bones  
Turn into something beautiful  
D'you know you know I love you so  
You know I love you so _

After some time of swaying, Bella detached herself from me and plopped to a patch of almost dry grass until finally settling into lying down and closing her eyes.

I lay down beside her but decided on watching her.

"Edward?" she murmured.

"Yes, Bella?" I answered in a murmur myself.

"This place… it's yours isn't it?"

"Well, legally, it belongs to the public…"

She opened her eyes and giggled. "I know but it's like, you've marked it as yours – like I'm trespassing on something…_private…_and well, intimate…"

I looked up at the sky it was pitch black now and I could make out the dark clouds of impending rain once more before answering.

"I did find it… and in a way, it's a place I go to for an escape… I've… had some memories here…" I trailed off. I wanted to add, like the time she crashed here… the time she found me here when I ran… the time we almost… and the time she was taken away…

I closed my eyes and sighed.

_I swam across  
I jumped across for you  
Oh all the things you do  
Cause you were all yellow  
_

Bella is still Bella…kind, thoughtful, caring… but I can't help but notice the big difference that memories can make. If she were still Bella, my angel Bella, she would still have a certain degree of restriction which I know she thinks is for my benefit… like she's holding back… for me…

But now… I don't know. I had to see. I had to test. But then, I feel horrible that the thought that maybe I am agreeing to this because she would be devoid of those restrictions and do something of her own accord… not for me this time but for herself…

_I drew a line  
I drew a line for you  
Oh what a thing to do  
And it was all yellow  
_

"Then it's yours."

I felt her sit up and watched as she brought her knees to her chest and hugged them, resting her head on them. She inclined her head to face me as she smiled a kind smile.

I smiled back. "I don't mind sharing…"

She covered her mouth with her hand as she laughed with such poise while shaking her head. "No, this is _your _place. I'm just visiting. But thanks for the offer."

I looked up at her seriously. "I'm not kidding."

All traces of laughter left as she looked back at me before looking into the distance. "I know," she whispered.

_Your skin  
Oh yeah your skin and bones  
Turn into something beautiful  
D'you know for you I bleed myself dry _

If only you knew how much I would give to even as much as hold your hand to feel your silky skin on mine… to have you safe in my arms… to feel that closeness…_intense_ closeness that I crave to feel your soft lips mold with mine.

I would do anything for you Bella, anything.

I would go as far as die for you Bella…my Bella… anything…

_For you I bleed myself dry  
_

Another moment of silence enveloped us. But I couldn't help but stare at her. Bella looked so ephemeral that stars seem to bow to her from the sky.

If this was a start, it wasn't that bad.

It's not that bad at all. Sure it hurts that I'm the only one who remembers but I'm interpreting this encounter as a chance – an opportunity.

Let me be the self-sacrificing one this time.

I smiled. For Bella, _anything._

I watched Bella close her eyes and take a deep breath before turning her head slightly to meet my gaze and smiled her angel smile to which I could not help but smile back to.

Suddenly I felt my bluish state turn yellow from the brightness of her.

So we can have our Purkinje completely too.

My night never looked brighter and it's all because of her light…_my light._

_Its true look how they shine for you  
look how they shine for you  
look how they shine for you  
look how they shine for you  
look how they shine for you  
look how they shine  
look at the stars look how they shine for you_

* * *

**AN: Obviously, I wanted Edward to really savor Bella's return for this chapter. :D**

**Thank you my dears for reading this story and for your reviews! They're my fuel. My heart just swells with joy each time I open my mail to see a plethora of "Review Alerts." A lot were very touching and flattering that I just hope I get to live up to them. ;D (Hint the pressure on me!!!). **

**I'm proud of this chapter if I do say so myself especially with the cringe factor of finding typos from the last chapter. (My spell checker quit on me and work held me hostage and eagerness for typing this chapter are my excuses for those. Don't worry I'm going to do some cleaning for that. Sorry). I would like to apologize as well for not being able to reply to your reviews. I only have five hours of each night to type and if you've been reading my notes then you know how harsh I am with my drafts. So I don't get the time to reply to all of them but they are very much read with tons of appreciation and care. ****So thanks for all your suggestions, encouragements, threats, demands,etc.!!!**

**Anyway,**** I'm not telling when the mutual dream sequence will end.**** That's between me and Midnight. Some might have a guess why this is so or then again, maybe not. Love the fluff for now and enjoy the visuals. **

**The extra vivid descriptions of the setting is my contribution for appreciating the wonderful natural phenomena mother earth is providing us this ****Earth Day**** (on my side of the planet, it's Earth Day already) to somehow provide a metaphoric atmosphere for my fiction. :D**

_**Expect short chapters like this for the following updates but faster updates. Makes it easier for both of us, no? ;p**_

**As much as possible, I would like to average ****20 reviews per chapter****. If I could have that I would be able to update much faster. Seriously, I get discouraged easily especially for projects I've worked my a—er worked hard on. ;p So I would really appreciate it if I could get feedback. If I could have that I will update by**** Friday ****at the latest. Please and thank you!**

**Much love,**

**Margaux**

_Sorry no song announcement as I haven't decided on the best one. There are many directions I could go to with my story. _


	21. Crest of Waves

**Chapter 21: Crest of Waves**

**Edward**

"Edward?"

I sat up from my lying position and faced the speaker. Bella opened her mouth to speak when her cellphone rang.

She sighed and brought it out of her bag and looked at it as if deciding on whether to answer or not.

Though I regretted it I said, "You should take it. It's probably Midnight…"

She pursed her lips then nodded before answering it.

"Yes?"

I looked the other way to give her some privacy even though we both knew that my sensitive ears could hear.

"_Sparkling bell… I apologize… for bringing…the ire… prematurely… but I…have to pick you up…now…there are matters…we have to…attend to…"_

The soft deep lulling voice could no other than be that of Midnight.

"No, it's okay. I understand. I'm guessing you know where I am right?" Bella asked.

"_Of course…I'll be there…in a minute…take care."_

"Okay. See you then." Bella replied before hanging up with a click. She sighed again then faced me, offering a half-smile.

"You probably know what I'm about to say so I'll just apologize…"

I shook my head and smiled. "It's okay. There's always tomorrow."

She chuckled. "But it's tomorrow already!"

I checked my watch. 1:24 am. I didn't realize that it was that late already. Time flies so fast and I haven't had enough.

"So, see you at school then?"

She smiled. "Of course."

I stood up and offered a hand to Bella. She took it and I helped pull herself up. We somehow miscalculated our strengths that the force was too much – enough for her to stumble onto my chest where I held her to keep her balance.

And just like that she was in my arms – and how I reveled at that feel once more. Taking this as an opportunity, I leaned in closer, closed my eyes and took a deep breath of her fragrant hair that was just below my chin. I opened my eyes and allowed a quick smile of satisfaction before returning into my cool façade so as not to embarrass her.

With her hands pressed on my chest, an inch between our bodies, she slowly raised her face to meet my gaze. I didn't move because I knew she was going to look away at once but it didn't happen.

She looked in my eyes and locked into them. Her eyes were wavering, wondering, searching… looking deep into my own – a hundred silent questions passing from her to me like a torrent. And suddenly, a wave of familiarity drifted into my being as I saw the same eyes of the Bella I knew before.

Her eyes bore the same restraint. As if in a dilemma – to move or not to move?

With my own eyes I wanted to answer each and every question if only she'll allow me. I wanted to tell her everything once more.

I dared open my mouth to speak but the moment I did so, she blinked and averted her gaze.

"I'm sorry – I have my clumsy moments," she said shyly looking at me awkwardly then looking down once more indicating that she wanted a shift in topic.

I sighed inwardly but figured a smile. "It happens."

She gave me a brief smile before detaching herself from me and at once I felt that same emptiness.

A pregnant silence filled the air as both of us struggled for words. I could sense a deep confusion in her.

She was staring down on the ground – her mouth a tight line while worry lines etched their way on her forehead.

"Can I ask you something Bella?"

She faced me at once softening her expression while her eyes held a tinge of emotion in them. "Anything…" she whispered with full sincerity in her voice that I was suddenly taken aback from her startling eyes still filled with questions.

"Why can't I take you home?"

"Oh." She sounded almost disappointed. I wondered what she wanted me to ask. I waited silently for her response none the less.

She gave a small shrug and answered, "Midnight put an enchantment on the place we are staying. There are other beings out there that are after him for his power. He doesn't want to risk people finding out."

A crease wrinkled on my forehead. "I'm sorry, please help me understand… it doesn't make sense if you're hiding to parade himself as a teacher and you a student…"

She nodded. "I know but… Midnight wanted me to experience what it felt like to live with the living…and he wanted me to meet…_people_ I could relate to. So I guess that he knew about your family and he wanted me to have friends I guess…"

I inclined my head and thought carefully, "But then…can't he trust me?"

She thought for a while before answering. "I can't tell. But he might learn to."

I stepped closer to her, towering over her, making sure I met her gaze before saying, "But do you?"

Without blinking or looking away she answered, "Yes."

I smiled. "What makes you trust me?"

She smiled back after tilting her head to the side. "Would you believe me if I said I just know?"

I stepped closer. "Probably. But I'm curious, just how do you know?"

"Isn't it obvious? You trusted me enough to let me in on your own private sanctuary. How can I not trust you when you already let me in on a special secret? Besides…" she trailed off.

"Besides?"

She looked up at me and all traces of banter left her and were replaced with seriousness. I noticed that there was only an inch to separate our bodies once more. I would only just need to lean down a bit more to reach…

When suddenly she started leaning up to me that I instinctively started to lean down on her. Was what I thought would happen…? But just as her lips were merely a whisper over mine she turned her face to the side and whispered on my ear.

"Besides… I feel we're connected…connected by an indelible thread… spun by the Fates themselves."

She pulled away smiling softly at a stunned rock that was me.

And before I could speak, I felt a presence behind me.

"Ready…to go…Bella…?"

I watched Bella nod before walking over to the speaker, squeezing my arm as she passed me.

I turned around and saw the top-hatted Midnight again. But was surprised at how…_weary _he looked as if he hadn't had a hundred days' rest.

I watched Bella frown at my expression when she followed my gaze and gasped. Looking worriedly at Midnight, she took his hand and rubbed it.

"Where have you been? Have you been working too much again?" she asked.

Midnight's half-lidded eyes darted towards Bella and lingered on her before managing a quirk on his lips.

"I'm…fine… let us leave… for now…" then he looked at me and despite the heaviness of his lids, his blue eyes were still piercing. "Thank you…for…showing…Bella…a great…time…but…we must go…"

I nodded. "Can I visit her sometime?"

Midnight looked at me for a while before answering. "In…time…" then they both vanished into thin air. Leaving me in the solitude like three days before…

Just like that, the night sky darkened and stars faded into the clouds.

A confirmation.

A confirmation that without Bella, my existence would be nothing but pitch black.

But at least, even for this night, at some point, I wasn't alone and if this keeps up…I'll never be alone. Like I thought before, this few restrictions I can overcome. It could be worse.

_It could be worse  
I could be alone  
I could be locked in here on my own

* * *

_

**Bella**

I opened my eyes with a jolt and took in my surroundings. I wasn't in Edward's meadow anymore. I was back in my bed – in my room.

But I was certain that I was there…and how everything felt new to me. I could remember the feel of the rain on my skin, the feel of the damp grass – everything! Including… I looked down on my open palm and closed my eyes, clutching it close to my chest.

I could even remember the feel of his cool skin, comfortable with my own icy exterior.

I remember how…how free I was. How it felt when I had no recollection of my decades of numbness…the pain of separation… the burden of the choice I would have to present to Edward…

It was…

…tempting.

I opened my eyes and took a slow careful sweep of the room. There were only two doors and one giant window.

There was one door painted black with a golden frame. Then there was the other one, painted deep crimson with the same golden frame. The latter door I could open as it leads to a lush marbled lavatory. The former, I thought disdainfully…

I tried to turn the golden knob then sighed.

The former… I couldn't open.

I turn my back to it and slid down onto the plush carpeted floor that didn't feel as inviting as the grass on the meadow…my bells tinkling with my movement. They were back on my calves.

I closed my eyes and buried my face in my arms.

How long have I been trapped here?

How long must I wait?

What's going on?

Was my time with Edward but a dream? Then am I awake now? Or am I still inside a dream? A dream inside a dream – this is madness!

I opened my eyes and took a deep breath out of frustration then my eyes fell onto the thin silver clinging to my ankle.

Why did Edward not tell me yet? In my dream I knew he was thinking of her – of _me. _I knew I would've believed him. Then why?

I really couldn't do anything about it unless he tried to explain.

I could see the pain in his eyes – the longing… the same feelings I'm reflecting right now… but in the latter part of the dream… I saw him considering…

And that brought me to think once more of the feeling of freedom.

Again I thought, it's so tempting. There was no pressure, no restraints – well, _minimal _restraints…but then… maybe… maybe it's not so bad.

Then I shook my head.

Even if that painted a beautiful picture for both of us – to just be – I can give Edward something more than that. I can give him his salvation.

But first… if I really am dreaming, I had to wake up.

I had to get out of this snow globe trap._  
_

_Like a stone that's certain that drops  
And never stops  
I could be lost  
Or I Could be saved_

I walked over to the window and drew back the curtain. It was raining hard. I wondered if it was really like this.

I could see a number of people pass by this place without a second thought and wonder if it's real.

Umbrellas over their heads, popping open like flowers in bloom… ordinarily, Spring should've arrived but I don't think it would. I watched as each individual raindrop pelted them - the sky an overcast gray.

I wondered if they could see me – a lone white figure at the top of a building looking out – looking down behind a glass-paneled window washed over with rain.

I wondered if they could see me calling out.

_Calling out from beneath the waves  
Beaten down by this ocean rain  
Never again  
Never again_

_Ohhh, Ohhh  
Ohhh, Ohhh  
_  
**

* * *

Edward**

_Screaming out from the crests of the waves  
It could be worse  
Bittersweet  
It could be snapped from the jaws of defeat_

Back in my room I found myself staring out the glass window counting minutes as the rain poured down.

As I watched I jerked my head as I thought I felt a sudden yearning. I scanned the room and called out softly, "Bella?"

Then there it was again – and I felt it come from outside. I opened my window and let my head poke out. I looked sideways, over, under – everywhere.

"Bella, are you out there?"

Then I felt it again, even stronger this time – I heard her – like the sound of a heart breaking… calling out… yet being drowned by the sea of rain.

"Bella, love? Where are you?"

"Edward?"

I turned around and found Alice looking worried with Jasper rubbing his temples as he leant on the door post.

"Have you seen her? Have you seen Bella come out here?" I asked almost desperately.

Alice shook her head. "No. I saw you call out to Bella and am here to say that she's not here or _isn't _coming here. I've looked through your future and the nearest time that you see her is at school. We came here because Jazz felt what he describes as deep longing. And it's so strong he's having a head ache. Do you want to talk about it?"

I looked at her confused and scrutinized Jasper's thoughts as he relived the feeling then I faced Alice. "It's true that I felt a little sad but not to the point of what Jasper is feeling. Though I did feel Bella's presence… like she was calling out to me…"

"So you're saying that it was her who felt it?" Jasper asked.

Alice shrugged. "At this point, I'll believe anything."

"I know what you mean Alice. Bella really doesn't have any traces of memory concerning me and Midnight is feeding her with false-close-to-the truth memories."

Jasper's brow rose. "Then why don't you just tell her? Alice told me she saw you guys talking in the car. She might believe you."

I sighed. "I know…it's not like I didn't consider it… but then… if you saw how she looked in the meadow… how…how _unbound_… she was…"

Jasper and Alice exchanged looks.

"You do what you think and feel is right Edward," Alice finally said.

Jasper moved forward. "Wait, have you spoken to that Midnight character about this?"

I nodded. "He said it was just a complication of her change. Anyway, I've considered it and as much as I hate to say this but…I think I should just go along with Midnight's plan… and see how things go…" I trailed off.

"But what of the strange feeling a while ago?" Jasper asked.

I thought about it for a while then answered. "Maybe that was me… I don't know… I'm plenty confused."

"Okay. We'll leave you to it." Jasper said before walking out the door.

Alice looked unconvinced as her eyes lingered onto me.

I smiled at her. "I'll be fine Alice. Maybe this is for the best."

She blinked then nodded. "Be careful Edward. Sometimes, the prettiest pictures don't make the best outcomes."

I nodded. "I know. I will. Thanks Alice."

She smiled then went out leaving me with more things to consider but still firm as a rock. The only one who stands to get hurt the most is me. That's why everyone's so worried.

But I don't hurt right now. Not when I was able to make Bella smile.

_Like a light lit upon a beach  
Where your heart only sleep  
_

Though of course even if I have decided on not telling Bella her truth which gave her an opportunity to start fresh with me… there's still that "what if" that looms in the midst.

_Oh  
You want to stop before you begin  
You want to sit when you know you could swim  
You want to stop before you begin  
_

The more posing problem – why won't Midnight let me follow them home? I could always look into Bella's file and get the address but I knew that even if I went there I can't get in. I had a gnawing feeling that if I did – if I opposed Midnight that I might lose everything. I didn't know why I felt it, but I just did. Like in a dream where you feel everything and things just flow like rivers with only one course of direction that you just follow unhesitatingly… where you accept anything… this felt exactly like it.

And following that feeling, I had to go on as it is.

_Never give in  
Never give in  
_  
_Ohhh, Ohhh  
Ohhh, Ohhh  
_

So I turn to look out the window, closing it and watched the water cascade down it. Nothing else matters but Bella's happiness. No matter how she gets it. Nothing else.

_Screaming out from the crests of the waves_

_Nothing matters  
Except life and the love you make  
Nothing matters  
Except life and the love you make  
Nothing matters  
Except life and the love you make_

_Except life and the love you make_

_Screaming out from the crests of the waves_

* * *

**Bella**

Wait, am I imagining things or is what I'm seeing what I'm really seeing?

Through the water cascades down my glass window I could make out a blurred image of Edward looking out the window with a resolved look in his eyes.

I knew what he has resolved.

But wait.

I jerked back as a sudden thought struck me.

Oh.

_OH._

My eyes grew wide in alarm as my hand flew to my sudden open mouth. I gasped as realization dawned on me.

How could I see Edward from my window if I was in the realm of dreaming? I remembered that Midnight told me that everything – everyone was connected in a way… and dreams provide a means for almost impossible connections…

I strained my eyes over the dull images the water slides have given me and tried to make out the time on Edward's watch.

It read, 3:34 am.

I glanced back at my own wall clock and gasped. 3:34 am.

Then it's true…

Even with the futility of it, I started tapping and pounding on the window – calling out to him all the while.

"Edward, Edward! Look here – I'm here! This isn't real – that wasn't real! Wake up! I don't know how you fell asleep or how you're dreaming but you are! Wake up!"

**

* * *

Edward**

I felt a sudden call once more but interpreted it as my mind playing games with me. I knew that there was still a part of me that yearned for the Bella who knew me even before I knew of her and that it was acting up.

But I had already decided to let the present take its course as it is.

So I drew back the curtain, sank down on my sofa, turned on my stereo, and let my thoughts drown in music as I wait for day to break.

**

* * *

Bella**

I stared open mouthed in disbelief, my palms pressed on the cool glass as Edward shook his head and pulled down the curtains shutting me out…dismissing me… as another water work… cascading down his window…

I know he didn't mean it that way. He just probably didn't see me.

He didn't see me calling out to him through the water pouring down the glass like waves lapsing over the only barrier that separates the two of us.

He didn't see me wanting to wake up.

But I saw him.

I saw him dreaming the same dream as I.

I pressed my forehead on the glass and closed my eyes while my shoulders hunched.

I saw him wanting to go on dreaming…

_Screaming out from the crests of the waves  
When your longing to be saved  
Screaming out from the crests of the waves  
When your longing to be saved  
Screaming out from the crests of the waves _

**

* * *

AN: Thank you very much for helping me average at least 20 reviews per chapter! Though I only reached 21 reviews on Friday so I wasn't able to update on that day. I really love all of your comments. Anyway, the faster I get 20 reviews, the faster I update. I already picked out the songs for all the succeeding chapters (which was also the reason why it took some time updating) so updating would be a breeze unless my sisters hog the laptop or pc. Plus, I only have until Thursday to complete my OJT so it's back to summer vacation mode for me. :D**

**I know some might be curious as to what Bella - the dreaming Bella must be thinking so this chapter is a peek into her mind. Both Bella and Edward seem to have resolved what to do. Only they both have different ideas. Edward accepted the dream for Bella while Bella wants to wake up for Edward. Ay, the rub! Whose plan will come true? Dun, dun, dun…**

**Change of plans: After the Herculean task of selecting the final songs for the succeeding chapters, I did the best I could to narrow it down but the best I could come up with is exceeding 3o chapters instead of the estimated 25 chapters. So you guys just have to stick with me a little longer. Don't worry, with more short chapters come faster updates provided you still like it. At the end of the story I'll add the list of songs that sadly didn't make the cut. There are just so many Coldplay songs that fit this story so it's really difficult to filter. (Believe me if I had my way I'd use all 100+ songs and make an epic story but I don't have either the strength and the time. Anyway, there are some chapters that could have as much as 4 Coldplay songs that would deliver the same message.)**

**Much love from a new fan of Haruki Murakami*,**

**Margaux**

*****_**Haruki Murakami's surrealist style is exactly how I picture this story being told. So glad I finally read After Dark. Beautiful. Captivating. Exactly the style of writing I want to achieve. Not for the straight-to-the point reader.**_

_**Next song: We Never Change**_


	22. We Never Change

**Chapter 22: We Never Change**

**Bella**

_I want to live life, and never be cruel_

_I wanna live life, and be good to you_

It starts slow like the first drop of rain.

It starts quiet like the fall of a feather.

It starts small like the plummet of dew on a still pond.

Then eventually, the most delicate things as fragile as a soap bubble could burst.

After the first drop of rain could come the fastest destructive storm.

After that quiet fall of a feather could come a thundering crash if it lands on the wrong spot at the wrong time, disrupting a balance.

Then again, the rain could be nothing but a simple shower – the feather landing quietly like down on a bed…but…

But…the dew… once it starts a small ripple… it never ends until it consumes the whole pond.

Such is like this unearthed yearning I have.

Not even an immortal being like I could keep myself from wanting to _live._

Edward closed the drapes. I can no longer see.

I pressed my head on the cool glass and closed my eyes. I couldn't deny that our dream could be something wonderful – it _is_ something wonderful. But that's just what it was. A dream. I could want it. I do want it. But I wanted something more for Edward and I _can _give him more.

"You're…awfully…quiet…"

I glared at my feet, not even bothering to look at _him._

"I had to rest my voice from all the screaming I did."

"No…need…to be…cheeky…"

I laid back in bed with a plop, closing my eyes. "Midnight, this is torture. Why must you show this nightmare to Edward? Why must you wake me up from that nightmare completely aware inside _another _nightmare? Just what the hell are you doing?"

Though I was mad and wanted to scream those words at him, I was very tired so they came out hoarse and muffled.

I felt the bed creak as he laid down beside me.

I opened my eyes and saw his eyes closed and his body still except for the heaving of his chest. I wasn't the only one who was tired.

"I'm…merely…trying…to help…" he whispered, his eyes still closed.

"I don't see how this is all helping. Look at Edward! Look at me! Look…at you…" I said the last word softly. As much as I'm mad at the man, I didn't want to see him this way.

Though Midnight looked slightly better than from the dream meaning he snatched a dream on the way here, he still looked bad.

"Just…because…you don't see…doesn't…mean…you're blind…now if…you…would…be…as…as…kind…as…to… please… be…quiet…and…let…an…old man…rest…?" he mumbled.

I sighed and got off the bed. But I was suddenly curious.

"Midnight?"

"Mmm?"

"Do _you_ sleep?"

He chuckled softly. "Perhaps…maybe…time…to…sleep…for…you…as…well…"

I frowned. I didn't want to go back to sleep. Edward needs to wake up. What were the rest of the Cullens doing?

"They…can't…he…has…to…wake up…on…his own…" Midnight murmured.

I sighed. "So I just lie down and close my eyes now?" I said defeated.

"If you…want… you have…five…more minutes…"

I walked over to the window and drew the drapes. Without the water cascades, I can't see Edward. But that didn't damper my mood. In a town like Forks, rain won't be that far off. And I'll have another chance of somehow contacting Edward again.

But is that what I really want?

An image of Edward's smile from last night came to me and his eyes were filled… with hope. I wonder what he hopes for… does he hope for things to go back the way they were. Or does he hope for a fresh start?

There was no doubt, what I wanted revolved around what Edward wanted. I slid down on my back until I was sitting on the plush carpeting. In front of me, Midnight was breathing steadily on my bed. Whether he's asleep or not is anyone's guess.

If only he'd tell me just what it is he's up to… if only I knew… then I might understand.

How is he helping us? Why is he helping us?

I took a deep breathe and leant my head back. Whatever it is, one thing is certain. I know why he altered my memories in the dream.

He doesn't want me to tell Edward about the choice. And that is a mystery by itself. Before all this, he wanted me to tell Edward. But now…why the change of heart?

Before Midnight came today, I tried to picture it… picture the outcome of the play Midnight's directing.

I'm hurting Edward because I forgot him. But I'm also making him happy despite that.

"Sparkling bell?"

"Yes?"

"Think…of…what…you…really…want… for yourself…"

_And I wanna fly_

_I'll never come down_

_And live my life_

_And have friends around_

I looked at the locked black door. I'll never want anything more than I want Edward and the same goes for what I need. But after having my share of liberties… the thought of living a life of my own will… to just live for me… think of myself… I also wanted that.

Sometimes I just wanted to escape – escape this life of captivity. All my existence, I lived for others. And right now, I'm living…for Edward – for his benefit until my time is served. At least that choice was mine – the choice to follow him. But again, a life for another.

If I could really have what I want – really want, I would choose freedom without consequences. But nothing is free.

Every creature is the same then. We all want what we cannot have. We never change. And we never learn.

_We never change do we no, no_

_We never learn do we_

I scrutinized each detail of my dream with Edward and tried and tried to see the signs – any indication that this had a positive outcome.

But with each ray of hope, a squall of doubt consumes it. How could an illusion be helpful? How could this…_lie_ be good?

I have never once experienced the warmth of sun consume me. I have never felt the summer heat waver over me tempestuously. All I had was cold and more cold. Cold that lulls a harsh icy death – piercing swords of ice slates…

I had seen light, yes. But I have not basked in it.

That is why this illusion is something I do not trust.

It gives too much hope. The hope it gives doesn't creep on your skin like frost. I shook my head. No. It progresses faster – much, much faster. It was fire – brilliant and all consuming.

I opened my palm in front of me and remembered that even though Edward's skin was almost as cold as mine, I felt warmth.

And like mammals that came from hibernation, roused by the first dew of spring, once you felt the warmth emanate inside you after weeks of ice, you are driven to the source of heat. You seek the warmth.

And once you've tasted warmth after tasting the harshness of ice, you start to like it, seek it, pursue it, want it…desire it.

I have never been to a desert. Never felt the heat wave. But because of this too hot hope that filled me, it made me think as though I am in one.

And just like being in a desert with nothing but the heat of the sun at your back and endless sand I ask this.

I clenched my fist.

How can I trust a mirage?

"You're…going…to keep fighting…aren't you…?"

I looked up at his still form. "I may want a lot of things, but what Edward wants far surpasses my own. He deserves heaven – nothing less."

"Has it…ever…occurred to you… that… he wants… the same thing…? You are…his shadow… are you not…?"

I heard the drapes open and I pulled myself to look out the window. The drapes were up on Edward's side. It was raining so I could see again.

"Look…" I was surprised when Midnight was suddenly behind me.

"Look…" he repeated. "Right now…and the rest…of the…time…before that… he thinks… and…dreams… of…nothing…but you…"

Inside his room, Edward paced, glancing at his watch a couple of times. He was anxious. He was…I swallowed a lump…excited. She saw the same thing he saw from his eyes that night in their dream. Something she wished she hadn't. She saw the same hope consume him.

"Edward…" I pressed my palm on the window.

"It…won't…reach him…" and before I could even turn around, Midnight was back on the bed.

"What happens…when…we both wake up from this?" I asked slowly.

Silence.

"The…inevitable…" he finally answered after some time.

The inevitable? I was right then. This was nothing but false hope – a true mirage. It shows you what you need – what you want the most. But after you grasp it – it's gone.

And just like that I felt like my heart was shattering into pieces.

Looking back at Edward whose smile was growing as seconds grew by I gave a weak smile of my own.

We can never be together.

Though I've always suspected it from the start the moment I figured out that this was a mirage, I still hoped…that I was wrong – that something good might come from this…

It was going to happen. One of us is getting salvation for which I hope to God would be him. But now that I had that confirmation, knowing that I was getting what I wanted Edward to have with a 50-50 chance… that was it for us.

Suddenly my resolve wasn't that strong. It was one thing to wish and not know the outcome and another to see it happening…

What was it I really wanted?

A life.

I collapsed on the carpeted floor and closed my eyes. Surrendering to what I really wanted.

…a life with Edward.

_So I wanna live, in a wooden house_

_I wanna live life, and always be true_

_I wanna live life, and be good to you_

_And I wanna fly_

_But never come down_

_And live my life_

_And have friends around_

I felt Midnight crouch beside me, looking at me.

"Just dream…sparkling bell…and…live…

I stayed silent and waited. I have been denying wanting to live where Edward was so that maybe this desire would die. I thought that by being death I could kill this desire to love and be loved by Edward… to just be numb… to stop feeling… that maybe… I could forget… I willingly chose to be death both to have a faint chance of being with Edward again and to be oblivious to the pain of knowing we can never be.

I sobbed as I repeated those words in my head.

I chose to be death because I clung to that hope that we might be…

…and I chose to be death to be numbed from that same hope that will never be more than just a mere hope. A hope that is likened to a desert's hope to touch snow.

I felt Midnight rub my arm soothingly while his other hand brushed hair out of my eyes before placing his palm over them.

And just like that I couldn't tell if my sobbing quieted because I felt so relaxed or because I was losing all my senses slowly…

Slowly…

_Slowly…_

I was sinking… succumbing to sleep… further and further… Midnight's soft voice, that was lulling and melodic resonating…

"Sleep…"

Sinking further and further…surrendering…

…to this escape…

…escaping…to live…

…Live in a world far from what I am living in right now…

…live where I don't need to live for others.

…live where I can live for me.

_Oh, and I don't have a soul to save_

_Yes and I sin every single day_

_We never change do we_

_We never learn do we_

Just because the magician shows an illusion, doesn't mean I can't enjoy the show.

_So I want to live in a wooden house_

_Where making more friends would be easy_

And just like that, like a young mammal from hibernation, roused by the first dew of spring, I am starting to feel the warmth… like it… want it… seek it… pursue it… desire it…

Still in the realm between sleeping and waking I found the source of this heat – this sunkissed love…

Beckoning me to step into the dream, detaching myself from the remaining restraints - _give in… _it called to me.

_I will. _I answered then a beam of light shone.

I blinked, it's a brand new day and Midnight and I have just arrived in school. I watched him head to the faculty. What was I thinking off before? Oh right, I have to go over my history notes again. There might be a pop quiz later…hmm…

"Good morning Bella!" came the velvet voice I now cannot forget. I smiled because it was _his _voice_. _Last night was…_wow. _Finally a shot at normalcy – well – with paranormals anyway. I grinned and turned around to face the speaker.

And I was right. In front of me was the most beautiful creature I have ever seen since Midnight Breeze. His bronze hair as messy-sexy as his breathtaking crooked grin stunned me a bit. His scorching golden eyes made it harder to speak.

I blinked again and chuckled at the handsome vampire. "Good morning too, Edward."

I don't know why but ever since I met him, every time I see him my day brightens up.

* * *

**Midnight**

I lifted Bella's sleeping form back on the bed and settled on lying on the white couch I just conjured. It was good that she finally surrendered to this temporary taste of the life she wants.

Surrendering to the dream means she finally admitted what she truly wants. What she doesn't know is that she did admit it out loud before…

And I heard her.

It was what drove me to want to help.

It was her words.

The first night that she could dream I was there and from that dream I saw what it is that haunts her time and time again…

For a creature that dwells in shadows and darkness but has experienced light it was expected.

"_I wanna live where the sun comes out."_

She wanted light.

How can I deny a solemn dreamer?

I wasn't certain before what light and from where she wanted it but now I knew.

**

* * *

AN: I'm sorry for just updating! I wasn't able to sneak out and update because my folks told me to wait out the revival of my pc. And thankfully, he's alive once more! I'm keeping my fingers crossed that nothing bad happens again so I can update for real on Thursday this week. Thanks for being so patient. I know it's short but the next one I promise would be longer. **

**Okay then, since I replaced the author's note, I'm going to repost the Q&A I placed there as well as the complete play list. That's right. That's the final playlist for this story.**

**Q: Who is really dreaming?**

**A: Both Bella and Edward are both dreaming the same dream only, each time they part for the day, Bella wakes up. **

**Q: Why does Bella need to wake up?**

**A: It concerns Midnight. Hmm… if you've read my fiction regarding his story, you would understand. But since I haven't posted his entire story yet, I'll give you the gist. To keep it short, Midnight is the celestial of dreams foremost because taking dreams is where he gets his sustenance. Each night, he needs to take at least one dream or nightmare whichever works. He rules over dreams but he rarely generates them. Generating dreams takes a lot out of him since it's the opposite of what he needs. And generating a continuing mutual dream is really taking a toll on him (hence the exhaustion last chapter) so each time Edward and Bella parts, he allows Bella to wake up so he could rest. **

**Q: But why does Bella need to be the only one to wake up?**

**A: Because he only needs to tamper with Bella's memory. Midnight is also buying time for Bella to consider that not everything she thinks is right or fair is what everyone wants. I want to add more but I might give away the ending. **

**Q: Is she really awake?**

**A: I know it's confusing but Bella's still asleep. What's happening to her is that she's dreaming within another dream. She "wakes up" from her and Edward's mutual dream into her other dream where she is still inside a room.**

**Parachutes Playlist**

**Shiver**

**Death & All his friends**

**No more keeping my feet on the ground**

**Death will never conquer**

**42**

**Things I don't understand**

**Now my feet won't touch the ground**

**Life is for living**

**White shadows**

**Sleeping sun**

**Daylight**

**Your world turned upside down**

**The world turned upside down**

**How you see the world part 1**

**Amsterdam**

**A ghost: Have yourself a Merry little Christmas**

**Talk**

**Help is around the corner**

**The Scientist**

**Yellow**

**Crest of waves**

**We never change**

**Ladder to the sun **

**X & y **

**What if**

**Proof **

**You only live twice**

**Your love means everything **

**God put a smile on your face**

**Violet hill**

**Trouble **

**Till kingdom come **

**See you soon **

**Parachutes **

**Gothic romance - epilogue**

**Until next time, **

**Margaux**


	23. Ladder to the Sun

**Chapter 23: Ladder to the Sun**

**Edward**

_From the very start  
It came apart  
It broke up into pieces and  
There was a chance and I missed it  
It could risked it  
_

As always, I am often found watching Bella whenever I can.

It's been a week since Bella returned and I still can't believe it. Aside from the obvious tampering of her memory, I had a nagging feeling at the back of my mind that there was something…wrong…

Unlike when I first met her, I knew that she didn't just appear in my life just to leave. I felt that she would be a permanent fixture in my existence…. A constant… and by saying that she was my shadow, then it would make perfect sense that we wouldn't be separated… she does get her sustenance from me now after all. Does she know that now?

I may be overanalyzing things but I just can't shake off the feeling that this isn't what's supposed to happen…or worse… that though we are created for each other, we aren't meant to actually _be _together… if that makes sense. And I think the old Bella knew about this all along…that we can be…just not…together… maybe that's why she kept me from letting her say I love her then.. So the loss of her memory would be the price then? Is this the only way we can be then? And there's just one more thing that's bothering me even more…what if there was the slightest chance – the slimmest opening during the times we were together before and I missed it? I mentally cringed.

Every day that I'm with her feels like teetering on a high wire wearing a blindfold. The future is so unpredictable that Alice is having a headache from the constant shifts as if not seeing Bella is hard enough. So I'm torn between telling her the truth about her past or letting her be. And I'm doing it all…in the dark.

Here she was, lying on her stomach reading a book with but the light of the moon and stars. And from time to time, you would see a knit on her brow, a wrinkle of her nose, and a small smile as she read on. Seeing her free from everything she had to deal with in her past, free from most of the darkness…

She's free. She's free to love me. How could I ask for more? This new start with her… it's everything I want. But the more I give in, the more I feel like this is a temptation.

A temptation that if I give in, I fall – _we _fall. Even I f I'm seeing this all with my own eyes and feeling it with my own hands, I still don't believe things would be _this _easy that one slip and I lose it all.

I try to convince myself that by not letting her know about her past that I'm protecting her. For some days, that side wins but on days like this…

My eyes trailed from Bella's mahogany hair down to her back and saw the faint black outline of wings singed on her skin peeking out of her ivory tank top. I suddenly wonder. Does she even know how she got that?

Looking further, my sight landed on a thin silver band wrapped around her ankle. Does she even know she's still bonded… bonded to me…?

I can already feel the creases on my forehead from frustration. I asked Midnight if he told Bella more lies about this but he told me he didn't mention any of this to her. I asked why and he told me that Bella never asked him.

I sighed and laid back on the grass. My hand reached and started to stroke Bella's long hair absentmindedly.

I felt her move. I heard her close her book and look down at me. She had a troubling expression and began stroking my cheek.

"Is something wrong, Edward?" she asked softly. I struggled from groaning and forced a smile at her. Of all the questions she should be asking, she asks this.

I shook my head gently. "Nothing's wrong, love."

She looked skeptically but then she raised a brow at me. "Love?"

I grinned at her. "Am I going to fast?"

She thought for a while then half-smiled while poking my chest. "You're distracting me."

I chuckled. "Is it working?"

She shook her head. "No dice. Now tell me what's bothering you."

Looking at her looking back at me with eyes full of sincerity, it was almost too easy to tell her everything…tell her the truth… yet thinking about the consequences…I'm back on the high wire.

"I'm just wondering about what you want."

Her brows rose. "What I want?"

She had to give me something – any indication of what my next move should be. Does she want the truth or does she want this? So I'm putting myself in her hands…anything…no matter what I'll do what she asks of me.

I nodded at her waiting patiently for her answer. As the answer hung in the air, a breeze shot out and blew her hair over her face. I watched as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath before adjusting herself so she was now on her back looking up at the night sky beside me.

"Why would what I want be bothering you so…" she trailed off.

I reached for her hand and gave a squeeze. "Because what you want matters a lot to me." Much more than you can imagine, I thought.

After some silence she whispered, "Why?"

"Bella, I'm sure you must've noticed… I don't need to spell it out; you know I'm far more than simply attracted to you…" I whispered back. "I want nothing but your happiness…but I really want to know… what do _you_ want from me?" I continued. Though we were well on our way to an intense conversation, we kept talking in whisper maybe so as not to coalesce with the serenity the night gave us.

"Edward…isn't this…" she said tense.

"Too fast? Bella, time is nothing for us but I just feel like at anytime you can leave me – like there's something there that would keep us apart…and I don't want you to leave without knowing what I feel…"

"I'm still here, Edward. I'm not going anywhere," she answered calmly now.

I sat up and looked down at her, she was still facing sideways.

"Does that mean…?"

She faced me then and smiled a little while she reached for my face. I held the hand that she placed on my cheek while closing my eyes and kissed her palm before placing it back on my cheek.

"I am undoubtedly drawn to you, silly Edward. And I understand what you're saying…but… there really is no rush."

I opened my eyes and opened my mouth to say something when she shook her head. "You asked me what I want and this is it, I just want time with you Edward."

My brows knit in confusion, "Time?"

"I want…to give you time…so that when you look at me, you see me… not…for traces of – of _her_ in me… and time…for me… so I can show you…me…"

I said nothing but just looked at her tenderly. So she does regard me. And I'm hurting her…

She closed her eyes and sighed. "I'm sorry, that was selfish." She started to sit up and retract her hand from my cheek and grasp but I caught it.

"No, no. Please Bella…I'm sorry."

She looked at me pained. "Why are you apologizing?"

I dropped her hand and cupped her face with both hands. "I didn't realize that I was doing this to you…"

She looked down, refusing to meet my gaze until she finally closed her eyes.

"Bella…"

She opened her eyes and we faced each other for some time when she spoke. "You can't help what you feel Edward. I understand that. I know that you can never hurt me in any way or at least intend to. But I just want that when you're with me…you're happy."

"But I am happy!" I argued.

"I know, I know…" she said softly. "But you get this far off look…" she trailed off.

I didn't want to argue anymore so I surrendered. "Time."

"Edward?" she tilted her head.

"If time is what it takes to make you believe that I only want you then time it is. I don't want to argue with you anymore…ever. You want it slow, we'll take it slow."

She studied me for a second held an expression that she was holding back retorts when she finally nodded. "Thank you."

I grinned at her. "Anything for you." Maybe I should just accept this as it is then and stop fighting it.

I'm putting myself in your hands now. Let things happen as they may.

_And I put myself in your hands_

_Cause you're not just anyone  
You're a ladder to the sun_

She leant closer to hug me and I embraced her back. This felt good. Everything that's happening just came too fast and too…_bright…_if I look past all my worries, this week with Bella has been nothing but what I would call a normal life for us… at peace… just as it would be if we really met like this.

Maybe I was just so scared of how bright things were going that I might lose her again. From the moment I met Bella I knew. I knew she's my light and that she saved me from hating my damned state. She's my salvation. She's my ladder to the sun.

_Oh you're not just anyone  
You're a ladder to the sun_

She pulled back and looked at me cautiously. "So…we're okay?"

I smiled at her and ruffled her hair. "Yes. We're okay."

She grinned then plopped back to her original position and continued reading. I remained sitting down with my hands steadying me on the ground behind me. I'll just have to make sure not to lose her this time. But seeing as this is what she wants…to just move forward, then I have no choice do I? I can't tell her, her truth.

_I can run my courses  
Opposing forces  
And oh man I just...  
_

I looked back at her and saw that there was a permanent smile on her lips now. It was up to her now how she wants things to go. She would only just need to say. She can take me anytime she wants to. I am hers. Always have and always will. I'm hers.

_Oh if you want me then you can have me  
Oh take me, baby grab me  
Oh if you want me then you can have me  
_

I just hope that this time she'd give me a chance to tell her I love her. At least I know now that she's not saying no…just, not now for us. So I'm banking on that time. I'll wait.

_Cause you're not just anyone  
You're a ladder to the sun  
Oh you're not just anyone  
You're a ladder to the sun  
_

…

After a few hours it was time for Bella to go. She stood up and dusted her jeans while I just laid there watching her. She leaned down and smiled.

"Well, am I to leave you just lying here then?" she asked.

I sighed. "Must you go?"

She half-smiled. "It's almost 12, I have to go."

"You are an immortal. What is time for you?" I tugged at her hand.

She frowned. "I know Edward but Midnight wants me home at this time every night."

I eyed her. "Why?"

She blinked. "You know why. I'm associated with him now. There are beings out there for him. They might come after me and since I'm with you… they might come after you too…" she bit her lip. "And I don't want that."

I smiled and sat up still clutching her hand. "But if anything comes at us I'm sure I can handle it."

She helped pull me up while she laughed. "No, you know how powerful Mid is. It's scary to think that there are others out there that may be up his level or at least a hundred under his level that are enough to subdue him."

I patted my backside clean and raised a brow. "So you're saying Midnight is stronger than me?"

She crossed her arms and gave me a challenging look.

"Okay, okay. I know he's stronger than me, just checking," I admitted. "Well, speak of the devil; shouldn't he be here by now?"

A crease formed on her brow, "Yeah…he should've been here by now."

"Who…should've…been…here…by now?"

We both turned around to see Midnight. I almost doubled over when I saw how terrible he looked. His dream-like expression before now looked more like a sleep-deprived person who never glimpsed the sun.

Bella automatically ran to his side and touched his arm. "What in the world have you been doing?" she demanded.

Midnight smiled at her and patted her head. "Nothing… I can't… handle… Shall we…depart?"

Bella looked at me with a torn expression. I gave her a smile and nodded. "Go on. I'll see you tomorrow."

Bella was about to nod when Midnight faced me and frowned. "I'm sorry…but this…sparkling bell…and I…have…a prior…engagement… we will…be gone…for the weekend…why not go…hunting…in the meantime…?"

Bella looked at him confused. Whatever Midnight was talking about, Bella obviously had no idea.

Midnight caught that and smiled at Bella. "I'll…tell…you…later…"

I took that as a hint that he didn't want to tell Bella in front of me. Since there was no sense in arguing with the celestial, I sighed and shook my head.

Looking at Bella, I smiled at her and said, "I'll see you soon then."

Bella smiled at me. "Sure. You should hunt. Your eyes are darkening." I could say the same to your right eye I almost replied but amended with a nod.

"Are you headed home as well?" she asked.

I shook my head. "No, I'll stay here for a while. Nice night."

She half-smiled as she gave a nod. "Yeah, well, see you Edward."

I grinned at her, "Be safe." I also shot a look at Midnight who gave his top hat a tip. And with that, they left.

I laid back down on the grass and closed my eyes then sighed. After a gush of the night breeze rippled across the meadow I grimaced. So I have to go on like this then…keeping the truth from her. I would eventually have to tell my family about my decision. I sighed. Why can't anything be easy?

_Oh now boy what you mean I've done  
You set a course that you couldn't run  
Oh now boy what you mean I've done_

I stayed like that for some time just lying down with my eyes closed, freeing my mind of all thoughts that for a minute I thought I fell asleep.

But in a fraction of a second, I jumped back, teeth bared and crouched. Just like that my body was on high alert. Scanning the periphery, not a blade of grass was out of place. Everything was as it is. Except for one thing.

I held my chin up and sniffed the air one more time. And it was still there. It was faint but it lingered.

I smelt soot.

"I know you're out there. Show yourself," I growled.

Nothing.

Aggravated I yelled his name. _"Wicker!"_

And then I heard it, I heard that same childish laughter.

"What is your business here death? Why have you come? No one died here nor is anyone dying. The nearest mortal is miles away. Well?" I called out.

"_You are right for almost all accounts…" _

My head darted to the right where his voice came from.

"_But no matter. I shall take my leave. I have no further business here."_

Now he's coming from the left. Where the hell is he?

"Then why have you come?" I asked through clenched teeth.

"_To leave you a few moments wake, why he's taking such a risk. Tsk. Tsk."_

"What the hell are you saying?"

"_I came to observe."_

"Observe what?" I cried out while searching for him.

"_Nothing. Anything. Everything."_

I could almost hear the smirk from his voice.

"_How's the shoulder?" _

Shoulder? I thought. But the moment I thought about my shoulder, I felt that sudden stiffness you could only feel after waking up from a long sleep. This was odd. I've never felt any discomfort in decades. The only physical pain I have ever felt was the burning thirst in my throat. But now…impossible.

"Wicker –"

"_Ta!"_

And with that the all traces of the scent of soot vanished. He was gone. What was he observing? Was it me? Or was it Bella? It could be Bella because he did say that his business was done…but then…why? Wait, what was I thinking about before? I shook my head. I'm never this forgetful. Ah. This is so messed up. Maybe I'm putting too much thought in everything. Maybe Emmett is right. I'm getting more and more paranoid by the minute.

Maybe he was just curious. It was a long shot but it was probable. I just hate to think that it could mean something more. Not when things are just starting to look okay.

I decided to head home when a bright light shone directly on my eyes that stunned me for a second.

"_A creature of the dark is easily blinded by light."_

A new voice? This time this voice was distinctly feminine. It held an authority that made me think of judges but it also held the softness that only comes from a woman.

I opened my eyes and adjusted to the sudden change from dark to bright and back to dark. "Who are you?" I said calmly. For some reason, I didn't feel fear or suspicion.

Then I saw her. It was swift almost fleeting like a normal trick of the eye. Passing through the trees was a woman wearing a gray Grecian robe with hair the color of fire. But what you would notice first was the heavy gold cloth that covered her eyes like a blindfold and trailed down her back.

I ran over to her. Why? Because this person or celestial might give me answers for all the insanity I was experiencing.

When I was close enough to reach her time stood still for me and I couldn't move a muscle. The woman continued to walk but just as she was about to walk past me she stopped. She inclined her head slowly to my direction. Without opening her golden lips she spoke to me.

"_A ladder to the sun is that what you really seek?" _

Then she faced forward and kept on walking like a glowing lantern floating in the shadows.

"_We shall meet again."_

And like Wicker, she was gone. Where were all of these characters coming from? And why me? First there was Bella, my guardian angel turned death turned fallen. Then there was Midnight and Wicker…now here was another one.

I sighed. I should call it a day. I can't believe that in this lifetime I could get a massive headache. I took a deep breath, stretched and ran my hands on my hair. A ladder to the sun? I smiled. If Bella is my ladder to the sun then she is exactly what I seek. If I'm blinded by the brightness she brings, I don't care. I'll risk it all.

_A ladder to the  
A Ladder to the sun  
A ladder to the  
A ladder to the sun_

Of course at the back of my mind I would forget that what the blindfolded woman said came out as a warning. I would forget that Wicker came to observe. Why? Because I have already come to terms that being with Bella won't be easy and that there would always be impediments. But I ask this, how can something that leads you from the darkness to the light be wrong? Something this good is worth fighting for.

_I had it all and I risked it all  
And I risked it  
I had it all and I risked it all  
I had it all and I risked it all _

"Edward?"

I blinked and immediately I turned around and I couldn't believe it.

"Bella? What are you doing back here?" indeed in front of me was a shy looking Bella who had her hands clasped behind her back.

She looked up and smiled coyly. "I kind of…snuck out." She looked back at me and wrinkled her nose.

I chuckled and crossed my arms on my chest, shaking my head. "How were you able to manage that?"

"Haven't you heard? Death can be really sneaky," she winked.

I laughed then walked closer to her dropping my arms. "But seriously, why are you here?"

She grinned, "I wanted to see the sun rise and this place is supposedly the best place to see it here."

I raised a brow, "Hmm…is that so? You just came to see the sun."

She nodded then lowered her eyes while she bit her lip. "And…"

I dared move closer that I could feel her breath on my face. "And?" I pressed.

She shook her head and gave me a push. "Ah. Okay, okay. I wanted to see you."

I couldn't help but grin like a crazy while touching the spot she pushed me. "Why is that?"

She narrowed her eyes at me and bent forward with her hands on her hips.

I chuckled. "It doesn't matter why. I'm just happy you're here."

Her face softened and she walked closer wearing that adorable smile of hers. "Edward?"

I moved closer once more. "Yes?"

She did the same and before we knew it we were so close our noses were almost touching. My breathing sped up as was hers.

She looked up at me and locked her gaze with mine. "Can I…take something from you to take with me while I'm gone?"

"Anything. Say it and it's yours," I answered right away.

She looked at me and I saw emotions swirling in her eyes. There was uncertainty. I reached out and touched her cheek. "What is it you want?"

She looked down, bit her lip and faster than lightning I felt a sudden pressure on my lips and the next thing I knew she was three feet away from me looking embarrassed and pleased at the same time.

"I'm sorry Edward. I know I said I wanted to take it slow but I've wanted to steal a kiss from you for some time now."

I chuckled. "You didn't steal it, silly Bella. You did ask to take something from me. And I did say anything."

She nodded and laughed. "Good point."

"But then, if a kiss was all you wanted then you needn't ask. You can come kiss me anytime," I lowered my voice."

"I was afraid you won't kiss me back at this time so I stole it," she admitted.

I ran to her before she could blink and held her. I tipped her shocked face up to meet my gaze and shook my head at her. "Silly girl. Why in the world would you ever think I wouldn't want to kiss you? Much less, kiss you back?"

She smiled so I took that chance to lean down and kiss her but at the last second she moved her head to the side that I caught her cheek instead.

"Don't misunderstand me though, Edward. I still want to take it slow. This was just…a sudden need of mine. A...ah…spontaneous action before I combust…" she faced me and her eyebrows furrowed. "If you're not okay with this one time leap of heart, then maybe we shouldn't..." she lowered her tone.

"Shouldn't what?" I breathed.

"We – we shouldn't…oh forget it!" and with that we kissed. Her hands tangled in my hair while my hands pressed on her back, we kissed. It was soft and slow at first…like tasting the first bite of the most delicious cake you've ever tasted realizing that this cake would become your favorite and you'll find yourself craving for more and more and getting it only to discover new ways to love it…so you savor. From the craving comes the burning desire to consume it all and just like cake, it is as good as it lasts. So you try to hold on to each bite, making it last as long as possible. And you are then faced with the dilemma of finishing it all in one go or leaving a bit for later.

For this time, Bella chose the latter.

She pulled away leaving me clamoring for more but she shook her head and rested it against mine and we stayed like that for a moment until we felt a light warmth prick the back of our necks.

We pulled away and opened our eyes. There it was, rising like a torch of fire against the vast green lighting slowly but surely as the water-colored magenta-blue sky cleared by the second.

The sun was rising.

We both marveled at the spectacle in silence while our hands touched.

She sighed and faced me. "Now I really have to go."

"Must you go?"

"Yes. I'll see you soon."

"How will you get home? Maybe I should drive you there to soften the tempest –"

She shook her head. "I'll deal with him alone. Thanks. And I have my ways. But I'm going to need you to face the other way."

"Why?"

"Enough questions. See you soon Edward," she said firmly but still in a caring manner.

"Okay," I sighed then faced the other way. "Be safe."

"I will."

A moment of silence.

"Oh and Edward…it was nice…to see you again… I missed you…"

My eyes widened from her words that I turned around at once but she was gone. For a minute there I pictured her sad eyes…the said familiar eyes that haunted my thoughts from the moment she disappeared months ago in this meadow… the same set of eyes I thought I would never see again.

At that moment I thought that the Bella I saw just now was the Bella I lost…the Bella…who knew…who knew everything…

I shook my head. "That's impossible. What I'm thinking is leading to two Bella's. There is only one. That Bella I knew is gone…her memories…gone…"

I looked into the horizon again and managed a smile. There was nothing left but the present and whatever the future may bring.

* * *

**Midnight**

"Death's flame…I am not…amused…by your…antics…" I said as the flame bearer's presence filled the room with the smell of wax and burning.

"I meant no harm," he replied. "I went there to observe and I did. I did not expect for him to sense me."

My eyes flared as I faced him, my wings sprung from my back showing him my true form – the face of nightmares. _"Enough lies, Wicker!"_

It was then that the blonde angel of death cowered.

I retracted my wings and back to my casual form. "The moment…you lit…your…flame…a being…bearing…death's touch…can sense you…are you….to tell me…you didn't…know…about this?"

Wicker straightened his stance and molded his face into a serious façade. "What can you expect, dream stealer? It is in my nature to play with those touched by death. You know very well that death waits for no one yet you prolong it? No matter how powerful you are or how noble you think you are you have still broken the law. A law that I don't want to be caught breaking. I don't want any involvement."

"True…as…it…is…you are…sworn…to fealty…with me…Wicker…some more time…and no more…tricks…or shall I…end…what…freedom…you have…?"

"Fine. But I think it's reckless to give him time to waken. Don't you fear that his coven would find him awake and tell him of this lie you've created?" He crossed his arm in front of his chest.

I flipped my top hat and brushed the tip. "I have…not…created…a lie…Wicker…I have…made…a dream…come alive…a dream…in its purest form… of nothing…but honest…desires…yet to make…this…dream…alive…takes…too much…from me…I have to…rest…but the moment…the lost boy…reaches his home…he'll fall…back…asleep…this is…a gamble…yes…but I…have…confidence…in the…timing…"

"Then tell me this, why did you allow Bella – the real Bella to see him just now? Isn't it cruelty? To have her accept her fate just yesterday so she submitted to this dream you've made only to wake her – wake them and pretend to be still in the dream?" Add to that, you gave the boy a window of doubt!" he challenged.

I sighed. It was cruel if you thought of it that way but another law binds me. "Mere…acceptance…of their…dreams…their…desires…is not…enough…Wicker…they have…to really want…it… Bella knows that…this meeting…also serves…as closure…but I have…to…agree… that…when….this…is all over…" I trailed off and sighed.

Wicker nodded knowing exactly what I meant. "Wait, master. Edward sighted another celestial tonight."

"I…know."

"Then what will happen?" he asked.

When more than one celestial is caught in a scenario, it would only mean one thing.

"We…can only…speculate… but her sighting…would only mean…that…a fate is sealed."

The question is whose fate it is.

* * *

**AN:**

**Okay, I'm sorry for taking so long with the update. I won't bore you with the details so I'll just apologize. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It's significantly longer than the last one. I didn't expect adding the "waking part" of the couple and giving them a moment. It took like ten drafts and days of rewriting to get this chapter right. And yeah, you read it right. They did meet awake in this chapter towards the latter part but they'll go back to sleep right away and dream their much desired dream. **

**Anyways, thanks for all those who continue supporting this story! I'm sorry if I don't get to reply to some of your reviews and I will as soon as I find time but rest assured, they are all appreciated and they make my day. **

**So I hope you stick around and find out whose fate is sealed and who the blindfolded woman is and how she would affect the story. Find out how the dream will end. Will one of them wake up and wake the other or will Midnight break from the toll it's taken him? Until next time…**

**Much love, **

**Margaux**


	24. What if

**AN: I know that X&Y is supposed to be next but after much deliberation, I decided to cut it and proceed with What if. And I'm sorry if it's just now we moved and I got sick for the longest time. What's important is that I managed to update haha. Thanks for your continuous support!**

**PS. RIP to the King of Pop and one of the most memorable Charlie's Angel.**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 24: What if**

**Bella**

"You've come for me?"

Unblinking, I nodded at the question I've heard a million times. Here I was once more carrying out this task so routine that it was more innate to me than breathing.

I saw the woman close her eyes and sunk lower to her mattress. "Will it hurt?"

Another unsurprising question… "It will but it'll be swift," I answered with a steady voice. Behind me I could feel Midnight's eyes watching me – seeing if I would break as I did before ever since I've regained my feelings. But after the last three sendings, I don't even as much as wince anymore. Death is as natural to me as it was before.

"Are you ready?" I asked softly.

After a minute I got my response with a hard nod. And with that, I closed my eyes and waited.

Silence.

_Then a sharp intake of breath…._

If I were not that accepting of death as before, I would've opened my eyes and held the woman to ease her burden or make her sleep as a small act of mercy but I'm not that weak anymore. So my eyes remained shut as firmly as I held my body. I even maintained my distance.

_Fabric being clutched._ _Helpless thrashing..._

I waited. Death is patient. Death is absolute. Death is timed. There is no sense in rushing something timed. No. Death is never half-baked.

_Staggered breathing. More struggling…_

I waited still.

A last breath and then silence…

It's over.

I opened my eyes and walked slowly to the corpse. I closed her eyes and covered them with my hand then said the sending prayer. I felt Midnight's presence disappear.

Why the indifference? Why the patience? Why the sudden change or rather a rebirth?

Turning around and walking towards the window, I surveyed the drop. It was dark out. And the fall looked steep. The moment I leant over the window, supporting myself with my palms, I felt the cold hard rain drench my upper body. Unmindful of the downpour, I stepped out the window, extended my reborn wings as it always reappeared each time I claim a feather, and after a flash of lightning and roar of thunder, I made my leap.

You ask me why? It's because of acceptance of something I've already known yet tried to deny.

Death was inevitable.

_What if there was no light  
Nothing wrong, nothing right  
What if there was no time  
And no reason, or rhyme_

I zoomed fast in a straight line with my arms pinned at the sides. Now there was only one more feather to take and I would be free of this life.

And then what?

I made a sharp turn and spotted the same building I went to the first time I arrived in Forks. I landed smoothly with my right foot and proceeded to crouch sit on the ledge – my wings tucked high over my head to shield me from the rain.

And then what? I repeated the question. I frowned. It all depends on his decision. If I go or if I stay…it's his prerogative. But no matter where I'm going, I am to go alone.

I clutched my chest from this – this pain… and bowed my head. If only there was another way… is the dream the only refuge? It's not going to last much longer. I know it. Midnight cannot keep doing this. We cannot keep doing this…

I opened my eyes and felt the coolness of rainwater seeping from my wings flow so fast and effortlessly down my hair…my forehead…on the sides of my nose… to my half-open mouth…to someone who can see me, they might spot a weeping gargoyle… a weeping black effigy… expression etched into that of anguish…

Yesterday Midnight gave me a moment to really see Edward… to touch him…feel him… love him… Dreams do him no justice. Dreams don't do his love justice.

My vision blurred as water flowed over my lids which might as well be my tears if only I could shed them. The way he looked at me, held me, and kissed me… it all felt so natural. We fit together. If that is so then why can't we be together? I was supposed to be his. I was supposed to be with him the moment I was bound to him once more. I followed all the rules. Then something comes up. _A choice._ I can be saved. He can be saved. But either's salvation means the end of _us. _

Midnight allowed me out of the dream for an hour. I had an idea on what to do but…I'm rather afraid…

I shook my head, causing water to drench me further. I wanted to see him… even just a glimpse… and in no time I found myself flying towards the direction of Forks Hospital.

I can be seen now so I had to be extra swift and cautious. It wasn't that far from the building I came from. This was the first place I took a life here… I'll always remember that. It was the first time that Edward saw me.

A flash of light plus a peal of thunder – I immediately hid in the shadows before someone saw me. To see a black-winged woman with one golden eye and one black eye – it spells only destruction. I peeked around and my whole body stiffened as I felt his aura.

Ghosting through windows and windows I found him.

I placed my palm on the cool window – it was closed – and looked at him longingly.

_So this was where he was being kept sleeping…_

This room… this was the room I first took a life in – the first place he saw me. My chest tightened as a sob rose. He was just lying there… a picture of ease and perfection… the same copper hair… the long lashes…

I've watched him sleep everyday of his mortal life but this is the first time I cannot touch him. I'm afraid that he'll wake up…and I'm afraid of what will happen when he wakes up…

I swallowed the lump in my throat and opened the window as quietly as I could. Another peal of thunder and lightning cracked the sky. He will only wake either from my touch or from his own accord somehow or if Midnight wills it as I was told. I wonder why he's here sleeping alone. Where were his family?

I stood by the foot of his bed. This was the closest I could go. I just stood there in silence counting each breath of his.

_  
What if you should decide  
That you don't want me there by your side  
That you don't want me there in your life  
_

"Edward…" I started whispering.

"Edward…what if…you should decide that you don't want me in your life anymore?" as much courage it took me to say it, I admit that hearing it tore me into pieces.

"Maybe it will be easier… because… I've contemplated saying that…to you… to make it easier…for us…" I bowed my head and scrunched up my face. "But I…I just can't… I can't lie to you… I can't… I don't just want you Edward… I need you… so maybe…you could just…just try… I won't even hold it against you…I-I won't…" I sighed exasperatedly.

_What if I got it wrong  
And no poem or song  
Could put right what I got wrong  
Or make you feel I belong  
_

I struggled to look up at him with a pained expression on my face. He was unperturbed. "Maybe I got it wrong Edward… maybe I wasn't created to actually be with you… maybe I'm just an instrument for your salvation… Maybe it was wrong to think I belong to you… I don't think… I don't think I can keep you any longer…"

I walked closer and held on to the railing at the foot of Edward's bed for support as I crumpled over. I closed my eyes while my wet hair stuck to my face and neck. Water started dripping onto the blanket.

"You can't even hear me… you can't even feel me… you don't even know I'm here right now…" I said straining through my words. "So there's no possible way for you to tell me you don't want me…"

I heaved heavy breaths before continuing. "But I can…" I said softly. The rain hammered louder outside and a gust of wind chilled the room from the window I opened.

With my eyes still closed I gripped the railing and sobbed. "This is the hardest thing I have to do… but Edward… along with my ability to take lives and give the illusion of sleep… I forgot to mention that I have the power… to make people forget…"

"There are those who wish to forget the pain they felt before they pass on… there are those who want to forget all the horrible things they've done…they want to forget for peace of mind… it's a bittersweet escape…"

I opened my eyes and extended my hand to him then quickly withdrew it back while shaking my head. "No… I can't do it. I can't take your memories away… but I have to."

I looked at him with pained determination. "The next time you see me in our dream… the next time we kiss… you will…you will forget me… the moment you wake up… it would be – it would be as if I never existed… you will forget everything a-about me…"

I bit my lip to stop sobbing. "But…I can only make one forget pain… so I…I-I…" my voice was breaking as hard as my unbeating heart. "I have to hurt you first… I would have to tell you… t-tell you that I… I don't need you…" I snapped my eyes shut and tilted my head to the side. "I d-don't want you… I never…never wanted you… I… I have to tell you that I… I blame you for all the wretched things that happened to me… that I…" I was sobbing uncontrollably now. With every word I felt my tongue burning from the lies.

"That I… I've had enough… and you would… you would let me go… knowing i-it's what I want…" I ended with a whisper.

I took a moment to control myself. I gripped the railing harder that my grip started to mold the metal. I bowed my head and dropped to my knees. The rain was quieting down into a soft pitter patter outside.

"But I'm telling you this now…because I want you to know that whatever I might say in the future… they are all lies. I love you. I have always loved you and will always love you…. That's why…that's why I'm doing this… and one last thing Edward… I will ask a favor before I leave – one you will not refuse me. I swear you will get your salvation even if I have to trick you into getting it."

I stood up staggeringly and released my hold of the railings. I backed away and took one last longing look at Edward who was sleeping so tranquil… so beautiful…

The rain stopped and silence enveloped the room sans the calming dripping of water from the roof. After a moment the dripping felt like a timer… ticking by the seconds… reminding me of my time…

I don't think I can convince my feet to walk away from this place…not when I'm this close to him once more…

Then a noise from the door startled me and my eyes widened in shock when I realized what – no – _who _it was.

"Bella? _Bella? _Is that you?"

"Carlisle I –" I backed away as swiftly as I could to the window but I was a second too late when I felt him grab my arm.

I didn't struggle nor did I look back at him. I just closed my eyes and with my free hand I held the window.

"Please…let me go Carlisle…" I begged whispered.

His grip tightened but not enough that it would hurt me. "Bella please stay, we're worried about you too and we need answers. Please…"

My heart swelled from the sincerity of Carlisle's voice. But I can't - I can't…

"Bella, I don't know what's happening but – don't do it."

I opened my eyes abruptly and looked back at him. "How…how much did you hear?"

Looking at Carlisle was a mistake. His face was neither judging not disappointed – just one of worry and understanding. This was a man I would've loved to call my father… now I'll never get to…

He didn't even need words to say that he'd heard everything. I gave a nod and looked away.

"I have to Carlisle. I'm sorry."

I felt his hand on my face as he tried to make me look at him. When finally I did, I saw him shaking his head. "Bella you're making a mistake."

At that my hard façade crumbled as I leant my head on his chest and started sobbing. He released my arm and began stroking my hair and back like a father consoling a daughter.

"Bella… you of all people should know that lying will never gain anything…" he scolded me but it came out soothingly.

"You don't understand, Carlisle. I…I need to do it…" my voice muffled by his coat.

"No, I don't understand but I know that you weren't meant to do something that pains you…but what you can do is…come back to us… wake Edward up… and we'll figure out the rest…"

"You say it so easily but it's more than that Carlisle… I would've if I could… I want nothing more… but I can't… I just can't…" I sobbed some more.

"Why? What is it that separates you both?"

I didn't answer. I couldn't tell him.

He sighed. "Maybe later… Bella… you must be wondering why Edward is here?"

I stopped sobbing momentarily and looked up at him. I did want to know.

He took out a white handkerchief and wiped the drips of water on my face from my still wet hair. I closed my eyes from how nice the gesture felt. "This was the only place he slept soundly in… at home he was tossing and turning… and as they say… when a man feels great pain, he goes back to a place that's familiar… a place that's safe… and this is where you two first met so it's familiar to only the two of you… maybe deep inside… he's waiting for you to return…"

I looked down leaning my head back on his chest. There were no words.

"Bella… no matter what you do I won't judge you for it but I will do everything in my power to help Edward remember."

I shook my head. "That's impossible."

I felt him smile. "Nothing is impossible. But I was wondering that whatever it is "the choice" you're always referring to…will it happen right away?"

I thought for a while. "No. He would have three days to say 'Yes, I accept' without question."

"Ah. So you've allowed a window. Excellent."

I could've not given that window if I wanted but I thought it was only fair…and maybe because I wanted to hurt myself more…hoping… but now I had to go.

I lifted my head and started backing away when Carlisle held my shoulders and looked at me with so much compassion.

I looked down. "I have to go…"

"No, you don't. Bella, you're already family."

I thought I might break down again from the sentiment but I held on shaking my head. "No, I really do…"

"You…you are all better off without me."

"That's not true. Edward is happier with you and no matter what's happening between you two right now, you two can work it out."

I pulled myself away from his grasp then flew out the window.

"You can't run away forever Bella. No matter what, he will remember and he will find you. I'll make sure of that. You two belong together!" I heard Carlisle call out.

I shook my head. "I thought so too Carlisle… I thought so too… but I'm just an instrument… a pawn… I should know my place…"

I flew back to the place Midnight and I were staying at. He already knew of my plan. He was disappointed but he agreed to it. He can't interfere that much anymore.

I couldn't help but think of what if Edward never wanted me to be with him… then it would be easier… Why did he fall in love with me? Didn't he know that it was unwise to fall in love with Death?

_What if you should decide  
That you don't want me there by your side  
That you don't want me there in your life  
_

Then I remembered what Midnight asked me. _"What if… the lost boy… fights to…write your name…both your names… in the summer sky…?"_

And I remembered what I answered him, _"Then he's fighting a losing battle. Haven't we lost already? By just succumbing to your dream means we're past the point of hope."_

"_There…is…always a choice… my bell… do not give up…"_

"_It's too late…"_

I closed my eyes. It's too late…

_Oooooooh that's right  
Let's take a breath, jump over the side  
Oooooooh that's right  
How can you know it if you don't even try  
Oooooooh that's right  
_  
The point is we can't try because we are only leading to that one place eventually. We are doomed to say goodbye.

_Every step that you take  
Could be your biggest mistake  
It could bend or it could break  
But that's the risk that you take  
_  
He would have his salvation and like what I am in the dream, I will also forget everything. The moment he forgets me and I forget him is the moment I die.

I've never tried killing myself but I think I can end my existence by putting myself in the place of the last feather bearer. I am death after all. But should that fail I can try and erase all my memories and wander the earth fresh. I've never tried that on myself. I've never had reason to.

But now I had all the reason. It's funny how I might look like a coward who runs away from everything – takes steps towards the easy way. But how can something so cowardice take so much courage out of me to do?

I may be a coward but I'm strong enough to admit my faults. I am no longer an angel. I can have faults. I can do wrong. I may make the biggest mistake of my life but Edward is worth it.

* * *

**Edward**

_Splat!_

I drop of rain fell on the back of my neck so I held my palm up and looked up the sky. The night sky never looked as heavy as it did now. I could see each black cloud engulf all the light the sky had like blanket covering the stars. It was a new moon tonight so that added to the darkness.

I felt for rain but nothing followed that drop. I don't know why I'm feeling all allegorical but I could've sworn the sky was crying…. Lamenting something… I didn't know why but I felt like my heart broke for the sky…

I felt weakened suddenly and felt the urge to cry. I crumpled on the grass on all fours and clutched my shaking head. Why do I feel like my heart was wrenched away from my chest?

I can't breathe but the feeling of air being sucked out of your lungs was there.

I started sobbing for no apparent reason. I wanted this to stop. This is madness.

_What if you should decide  
That you don't want me there in your life  
That you don't want me there by your side  
_  
My eyes widened as I thought I heard Bella ask me what if I decide not to want her with me…

I glared at the ground and picked myself up and glared at the sky in turn.

"That will never ever happen! I _will _always _want _Bella! I _will _always _want _Bella! _I will always love you Bella!" _I shouted at the heavens.

This is absurd. Why did that sick thought cross my mind in the first place? There was no reason to even contemplate that. I know that there might be something out there that would try to drive us apart but whatever it was it won't succeed. I _will _find a way. I _will _keep us together.

We _will _be together.

_Oooooooh thats right  
Let's take a breath, jump over the side  
Oooooooh that's right  
How can you know it when you don't even try  
Oooooooh that's right  
_  
It started raining again a thousand times heavier than it was minutes ago. It wasn't the downpour that was heavy but the weight of an unexplained pressure that lingered in the air. But I shook it off.

No matter how heavy or how dark this night is, there would always be morning the following day. A new day… there will always be a new day… why give up when time means nothing for us?

"So do you hear me, Bella? I don't know why but I have a feeling that you're wavering. Don't give up. I have faith in us."

_Oooooooh thats right  
Let's take a breath, jump over the side  
Oooooooh that's right  
You know that darkness always turns into light  
Oooooooh that's right

* * *

_

**AN: Now that was hard to write. Only a few more chapters to go! Woo-hoo! Next chapter is in Edward's POV. He gets to meet someone important. Then the following chapter will be Midnight's solo chapter as more things get cleared up before the climax. Stay tuned…**


	25. Love

Hello everyone!

My story "Just Say" was nomitated by an angel somewhere out there at the The Indies Twific Awards for Best Use of Music as Inspiration Complete. Please do vote for me if you love this story. Thanks!!! And super love to whoever nominated me. I super appreciate it. :)

www(dot)theindietwificawards(dot)com

Much Love,

Margaux


	26. HELP MAKE A DIFFERENCE

**Dear Readers,**

**First of all, I would like to extend my sincerest apologies for not being able to update my stories. Being a college senior is hard and we had numerous consecutive sleepless nights doing our research work. Our proposed study would be the effect of humor therapy on young adult cancer patients. It's really eaten up most of our time and add to this would be my on-the-job training in a guidance and counseling department (100 hours). And now, here in the Philippines, we are facing a crisis recently, which is the onslaught of the typhoon Ketsana (local name Ondoy). We were among the fortunate yet affected ones. And now we're busy with helping our friends, classmates, schoolmates, family, and other people. Our school is busy organizing relief centers and donation drives. Being one of the student leaders, I'm doing my part by spreading the word getting contacts outside (I wasn't allowed to go out so sending donations and information dissemination is all I could do for now. As soon as I get the go signal, I'll try to run over our university and help.)**

**If you want to help, I've posted links and contact number you can go use on my twitter account. Follow me at margz29 (twitter account link is also on my homepage). Help no matter how small is greatly appreciated. Just by spreading the news, you're already contributing a lot.**

**Hope to hear from you guys soon… and I'll try to update as soon as I can.**

**Much love,**

**Margaux**


	27. Chapter 25 Proof

_It started raining again a thousand times heavier than it was minutes ago. It wasn't the downpour that was heavy but the weight of an unexplained pressure that lingered in the air. But I shook it off._

_No matter how heavy or how dark this night is, there would always be morning the following day. A new day… there will always be a new day… why give up when time means nothing for us? _

"_So do you hear me, Bella? I don't know why but I have a feeling that you're wavering. Don't give up. I have faith in us."

* * *

_

**Chapter 25: Proof**

**Edward**

_So I waited for you  
What wouldn't I do?  
And I'm covered, it's true  
I'm covered in you  
_  
Here I was back in the meadow – with dawn almost greeting me. Last night's downpour cleared up a few hours ago leaving a black and purple haze to the waking sky. With my back against the moist grass, I closed my eyes and just relaxed. Despite the fleeting rainclouds – the uneasy heaviness it brought still lingered. I shivered.

Not from the cold.

I shivered from fright.

I was afraid of losing… losing Bella. It was as the very fabric of my existence – my sanity – revolved around her presence. I would surely lose it… if I were… if I were….

I sighed and listened to the wind's caress on the grass….and…oh.

"What are you sighing about?"

And just like that I opened my eyes – a smile quickly forming. And I came face-to-face with an angel. She was hunched over me with her head tilted – her warm eyes questioning. Then my eyes traveled up her half-parted lips and I found my own parting as well. It was getting harder to concentrate on her unanswered question – you would be too once you've seen our position. Our faces were upside down from each other – eyes facing mouth, her hair falling into my face.

"Edward?" she breathed and I felt her cool breath on mine and that was all it took for me to reach out to touch her – touch her cheek.

She looked taken aback but it was gone too quickly the moment she closed her eyes and leaned in to my touch. I grinned and wanted nothing more but to pull her closer and let my lips touch hers once more. It was too much to call it a want – it was more of a need.

My eyes darkened with desire and it darkened more when I saw the same reflected in her now open eyes. Our breaths picked up and we started to lean into each other closer and closer that it was only a matter of time when we –

I blinked.

Instead of feeling her lips on mine, I felt them on my cheek instead. She was suddenly sitting upright now looking at me shyly.

I sighed and sat upright as well. "Finally, you showed up."

She half-smiled. "I hadn't realized that I was supposed to come here and that you would be waiting."

I chuckled. "Silly Bella, you know I'll always be waiting for you."

She laughed and it sounded like chimes then she looked ahead. "I know…" she said quietly. And that was when I noticed a change in her.

"What I would give to have a peek in you mind…" I trailed off.

She looked back at me, raised a brow, and smiled. "It's…not a fun place to be right now."

It was my turn to raise a brow. "Oh? And why is that?"

She shook her head. "You wouldn't want to know."

I averted my gaze and looked straight ahead. "I always want to know," I said quietly.

"Why did you wait for me Edward?"

I was shocked at her question. It was like…it held a double meaning… like… it was like… the old Bella who was asking…

I took a deep breath and looked up at the sky. I decided to answer… as if it were my old Bella who was asking… the same Bella who was taken from me… and ignore asking if she was her I'm talking to right now.

"Shouldn't I have waited?"

I could feel her shaking her head. "Maybe… I don't know.'

"How about… don't you want me to wait for you?" I asked nervously.

Silence. And then a soft ripple came from the windstruck grass.

"If what I feel matters more than what should be… then of course Edward. Nothing makes me happier…" she finally answered somberly.

Though her words were laced with sadness I couldn't help but feel happy. She wanted me to wait for her. That was what she wanted. That was enough reason to.

"Would it be so bad?"

I felt her gaze leave me and I knew we were both looking ahead now.

"I don't know."

Silence once more.

"Bella, I don't know why you think it might be a bad thing but for me, no matter what, I'll always wait for you."

I heard her sigh…and I think I can feel her smile a bit.

"What are you doing here in the meadow today anyway? Isn't it a schoolday?" she asked.

I chuckled. "To be honest, I was really hoping to see you here… I took a chance… and…" I glanced at her and smiled. "Here you are. I'm glad I waited."

She blinked. And I saw the corners of her lips turn up the slightest bit as she averted her gaze.

\

I looked away still smiling. "Shouldn't I be asking you the same? You said you would be away…well, a lot longer than this."

"I had to…come back…" she said softly. I looked at her then. She bowed her head a little and a small smile played on her lips.

I tilted my head, "For what?"

She faced me and I was instantly pulled into her eyes. It held the same things she was sure to see in mine…. Longing… extreme longing…I knew that the Bella I was talking to was the same Bella who knew me even before I could know me….and right there I knew my answer.

As much as it pains me to ask, I had to. "Bella, I'm here. You're here. You keep leaving. Yet, you keep coming back. Why are you running again?"

Her lips trembled then she looked down. "I didn't leave… I never… left…"

I just stared at her. It was true that she didn't leave the first time – or rather was abducted… but the moment we met again… when she forgot about me…everything… it was as good as leaving… and each time we get closer… she…

"I can never leave you…" she murmured.

"Then what are you doing now?" I looked at her pleadingly.

We looked at each other for God knows how long until suddenly words never left our mouths as one has claimed the other for another painfully wonderful kiss.

She kissed me first and I responded just as fast, holding her close to me as possible. She reached for me as well, pulling me closer as if her life depended on it.

She broke the kiss briefly to whisper, "This – I'm doing this." Then she claimed my lips once more and I gave it to her all too willingly.

Never mind that this felt like good-bye. If I could cry I would just to beg her not to leave. I don't know why I was feeling this – actually I've felt this last night… I never thought that – that this would actually happen.

_If I ever want proof  
I find it in you  
Yeah I honestly do  
In you I find proof  
_

Before I met her, I thought that my life had no purpose – that I was living and not living all the same. Everything meant nothing. But now, as I hold her to me tighter and tighter – I just know that I was meant to exist for her and her alone. She is proof that light can still come from darkness. She was it. From the moment I was born into the human world, I was hers.

_Light and dark  
A bright spark  
Light and dark  
And then, light  
_  
We broke apart panting, our eyes never breaking contact. I reached my right hand to stroke her cheek and she closed her eyes and touched that hand as she leaned into it.

She opened her eyes and this time I saw the resolve in them.

My left hand reached for her other cheek and I shook my head slowly. "Don't… don't do this Bella…"

She touched both of my hands and frowned at me, not answering. She then lowered her gaze and sighed. "Is that… an order…Edward?" she asked slowly – as slowly as her returning gaze.

I sighed and touched my forehead to hers and whispered. "You know I would never take your will from you Bella."

Her hands drifted to that of my face until she made me open my eyes and face her. "Then let me go."

I froze.

She studied me for a while before continuing. "You did set me free… but that's not the freedom I am asking from you now. Do you…understand?"

I did understand what she was asking from me. She wanted to be free from me loving her – or for her to be free from loving me…

I grabbed her hands and wrapped my hands over them tightly then shook my head. "No. I thought I could give you anything you want but not this – please Bella! Not this!" I begged.

She just looked at me with sadness I can't fathom. Why Bella?

_So I waited all day  
What wouldn't I say?  
And are there things in your way?  
Things happen that way  
_

I waited for her answer even though I knew what it was. Please change your mind Bella…

I cupped her face with one hand. "What is it that keeps you from me? It's really you now isn't it? The Bella I lost? The Bella who knew me?"

She looked at me at a loss for words with her mouth a tight line. She just gave a curt nod.

"What is it Bella? What or who is keeping us from being together?"

She looked like she was about to cry then she bowed her head.

"I don't even care right now why you suddenly remember everything. I don't care, Bella. I just want you whoever you are whether you're the one who knows all or the one who's memory was tampered."

"Edward…" she pleaded. "Let me go…please…"

Looking into her eyes was a big mistake. How can I refuse her anything? How can I refuse when it is something she's fighting so hard for even if it's against her own wishes?

Slowly…painfully…I released my hold on her and saw more sadness in her eyes.

"Bella… I can fight for you if you want me to."

She closed her eyes sharply. "I don't… I don't want you to."

I got angry. "You're a terrible liar.'

She glared at me then softened her expression. "I… can't do this anymore… Edward… I'm tired of…"

I folded my arms across my chest. "Tired of what, Bella?" I snapped impatiently.

"I'm tired of having to deal with things that keep driving a wedge between us. I'm really tired of fighting…I'm tired of getting hurt Edward…"

My angry façade crumbled at once when I felt her agony in the words she just let out. I know this isn't what she wanted. You could see it. You could feel it. But then again, you couldn't deny… deny her resolve despite that. She wanted it too. She wanted both. And… I swallowed hard… I could feel that… though I don't know why….that she was picking the choice that was less painful…though I don't know for whom. For me? Or her?

I turned my back on her and closed my eyes. "Bella, it hurts… what you're asking."

"I know…"

"You want me to just – You can't expect me to – Bella…"

I heard her turn around as well. So this was it? We'll just both turn our backs on this?

"Edward… I've tried…"

My eyes snapped open. Her tone changed.

"I tried… to hold on… but you…"

And with her next words my eyes bulged. She was really leaving.

"…you let me fade, Edward."

My mouth hung as the shock from her words hit me hard. And I remembered what Midnight said to me days after he took Bella. He warned me not to let my star fade… but I didn't. I held on to Bella. I did not let go. No.

"You just let me go on forgetting my memories."

I froze.

"Don't… I don't blame you. What you did was probably the best… for a while. For that time. If I were to forget… then we could start over without all my apprehensions. But… this happened… and I'm hurt. So please…let me go… I don't… want… to stay anymore…"

I closed my eyes and controlled the urge to kneel before her and beg. But she's partly true. I did not help her regain her memories back. I wanted the fresh start. I was selfish enough to get that. But how was I to know that she would eventually get her memory back?

"Is it… what you really want…?" I asked slowly, still not looking at her.

"Yes." She responded almost immediately.

My knuckles clenched, my jaw was taut. I turned my head to the side.

"Then you're free."

"Thank you. It's…for the best. You'll see. Good bye Edward."

I stayed silent. But at the last minute I turned around but it was too late.

She's gone.

The sun was shining now. How can it shine in this darkest day?

My body shook from the pain I felt. But I cannot stop her. No. not knowing that this is what she wanted… and… I had a plan. I will find out what it is or who it is that's keeping us apart. And once I do.

I will destroy it or him.

I know Bella's only doing this for me. I will find a way to be with her. I have eternity.

But despite this plan, it still hurts.

I have to –

The next thing I knew I was thrown a hundred yards away from where I was. I felt a strong blast come at me with a thundering sound and a bright flash of light.

I opened my eyes but shut them once more because it was so bright – blinding bright.

I squinted and before me I saw the figure from the other night. The blind-folded woman. She was standing in front of me… calm, almost serene.

"You will not touch this child's memories," she said her voice full of authority.

I strained to see who it was she was talking to but I saw no one. Memories? Someone was going to tamper with my memories?

_It's no use. He'll forget…the moment he wakes up. _

A distorted voice came out from nowhere. Then the blind-folded woman turned to face me. "Child, she speaks the truth. I am sorry I cannot do anything about it."

"About what? My memories? Wait – who are you?" I asked confused.

She smiled a confident smile. "I am who you perceive me to be." She's justice the. I was right. Then her smile faltered. "An injustice has been committed to you, vampire."

My brows furrowed.

"I am a celestial of justice. I cannot escape the lure of injustice. Though that may be, I can do little to help because of free will."

"What is the injustice committed unto me?" Though I had ideas, I don't know which is it.

"A choice."

I raised a brow. "A choice?"

"I can't say anything more. As the celestial of dreams have said, we cannot really meddle with affairs not directly affecting us," she said solemnly. "But what my power can give you is for you to recover your lost memories."

I listened eagerly. "How?"

"Your memories are sealed. Only the one who sealed them has access. But since this is an act of injustice, I can at least provide you a means of redemption – unseal them," she explained.

"A means?" there was more to it.

"Yes. Only when you feel the trigger shall you unseal your memories of her."

"Trigger?"

"I can only tell you that it is something the celestial of dreams have said before."

My face fell. "Then that would be almost impossible…or could take years…" Midnight's words are not commonly heard.

"I'm sorry that's the best that I can do. Do you agree? Quickly now, you're about to wake…" she said with sudden urgency on her voice.

Now I was more confused. "Wake? But I can't sleep. Surely you know that –

I stopped as she arched a brow.

"I agree." I said finally.

She gave a nod. "Then it's done."

I heard bells tolling, the same ones I heard the day I first saw Bella.

"Remember, Edward, remember your answer to this question, what is there to gain from chasing shadows?" and in a flash she vanished.

Shadows?

_Ungh… _I shut my eyes when I felt a flash of pain in my temples. I steadied myself and opened my eyes.

It was bright – very bright. I accidentally opened my eyes in direct sunlight. I peered from my fingers until my eyes adjusted. I looked at the ground and there I found my answer.

By shadow she must mean Bella. She is my shadow now as her nature as a fallen has taken its course. What is there to gain?

_Oh  
And if I ever want proof  
Then I find it in you  
Oh  
Yeah I honestly do  
In you I find proof_

I felt my eyes closing on their own and my body shutting down.

Everyone knows that if you find yourself stumbling in the dark, the moment you see your shadow…

…light is not far behind.

One cannot cast a shadow without light.

What is there to gain for chasing Bella?

Goodness. Blinding goodness.

Salvation._  
_

"Light and dark… Bella… my shadow… my light… I will find you."

_Light and dark  
A bright spark  
Light and dark  
And then, light  
Light  
Light  
Light  
Light _

**And I felt myself succumbing to darkness.**

…

"Edward? Can you hear us? Alice are you sure?"

Esme?

"Positive. I saw him waking up. But…oh."

Alice too? Ugh. What's going on?

"What??"

My eyes opened and I saw six pairs of worried eyes trained on me. What happened? I was…out? I don't recall being…attacked?

I'm…fine.

What in God's name happened?

I scanned my family's thoughts.

He's awake! Finally! But… what does this mean?

Thank God after almost a year!

I'm worried… I wonder if this is what Bella said.

"Carlisle, what was that?"

The others except Alice looked at me anxiously then at Carlisle, then back at me.'

My eyes locked with Carlisle's worried eyes. This was infuriating! What is happening? Or what happened?

"Who is Bella?" I cleared the silence.

And at that, all thoughts were flooded with emotions… worry, fright, sadness, alarm, and more.

I was starting to worry myself. Who is Bella?

**

* * *

AN: Things have mellowed down a bit but still, I'm having a hard time juggling my schedule. I think you're tired of the apologies so I'll just state my reasons and hope you forgive me. First, I just went through our finals week and that was hell. And the week before that, well, was an even greater circle of hell what with last minute projects and tests. Due to the consecutive super typhoons that hit our country, (my hometown and current address being the center), things were almost like 2012 here. We really had to work our assess to make up for time lost. We even lost a week of school due to the damage wreaked. I would've volunteered to help if I wasn't reigned in by the rents. But then, I was still able to sneak a bag of much needed donations. I'll try my best to update asap, but you have to understand that my thesis comes first as well as my National Medical Admissions Test coming this December. Anyway, be happy. :) Happy Halloween :)**

**Much Love,**

**Margaux**


	28. Plagriasm

Dear readers,

The main reason why I'm not updating my stories is because of my undergraduate research work that, you've guessed it, takes half a year to do. Our oral defense is on the 18th and my team and I are rigorously preparing for that. Another are my applications to Med schools. I still have an interview and a test to take. Plus, I also have a publication to take care of where I'm still part of the editorial board (executive). So the plate's full. Bearwith me, After the defense I will continue my story.

Though I also have one good reason why not. Why? On January 25th, ysar sent me a message here in ff telling me that I was a victim of plagiarism. Someone reuploaded the entirety of "Just Say" and took credit for it. She even changed the title to "Jasper and Bella." Rest assured, because of ysar's help, the matter has been reported and dealt with. The story was taken down just this week by the administrator of the site. The story by the way, was uploaded on watpad. An ebook community. So I don't know how many "Jasper and Bella" ebook had been downloaded completely violating my intellectual property. I wouldn't have minded if I was credited or the alleged "author" informed me. The violator has been there since August so my story was probably there since last year and it was only now that I found out thanks to ysar. If it wasn't for ysar, then...

It's just really disheartening. I'm not her only victim. She took credit for almost a dozen stories. I just wanted you all to know. I'm still shaken by what happened. It's not flattering. It's wrong. We'll see after my defense if I can recover a bit. That violator ruined ff for me. I'm sorry.

Anyways, I'll really try if you guys are still with me. For those who are waiting for the continuation of Parachutes, the epilogue of Silence, the Loudest Sound, and the next chapter on iWish, if you really want to, I'll continue but not right now. Give me time. Thank you.

Margaux


	29. Chapter 26 You only live twice

_My eyes locked with Carlisle's worried eyes. This was infuriating! What is happening? Or what happened?_

"_Who is Bella?" I cleared the silence._

_And at that, all thoughts were flooded with emotions… worry, fright, sadness, alarm, and more._

_I was starting to worry myself. Who is Bella?

* * *

_

**Chapter 26: You only live twice**

**Midnight**

Atop the building where the bearer of black bells currently resides, I stare at the still street below. It was no use to reason with the fallen anymore.

She asked me to let her talk to the lost boy in their shared dream as "her" and not the persona created for her. I knew that she visited him where he slept and apologized which would seem futile because he cannot hear her. But the immortal doctor saw her. Her plan wouldn't last long.

Failing to convince her of the mistake she's doing, she was given what she asked. And from the moment the boy awoke, the mutual dream created for them was destroyed.

But still.

At the moment…

Only one is awake.

Awake and cheated of remembering. The other asleep but not for long… This time, her slumber is all on her. The moment she is roused, she too will wake remembering nothing.

A clean break is what is intended to happen. But the bond runs deep between the two of them. Too deep. They can't stay apart for that long.

I didn't clue in that a fallen would interfere. Grace was her name. They were able to meet with death's flame…Wicker.

I had an idea as to what end would come. Or rather then ends that might come. I wonder how it came to this…

Hmmm….

I quirked my head. _Ah. _

"Master." The graying sky suddenly seemed brighter with his glowing presence.

"Walk…with me…Death's flame…or are you…too weary?" I looked at him over my shoulder. The way his glow shadows and lights on his golden mane in the grayish palette of the sky made it look like he was flickering… like a lit _wicker. _

I grinned sheepishly.

He stood up from his bowed position without breaking contact. He smirked while he nodded. "Where are we going this time, master?"

I turned to face him fully and extended my hand.

"What would…you say…to bringing light…to dreams?"

Wicker in answer lit up a fire on his palm and projected it into mine.

And just…like…that... we were no longer in the waking world.

The world as it was wasn't what it is anymore. Or it is… as it was before. I smiled a little. You might ask, how could something be the same thing as it was when it wasn't before?

"Are we really in the dreaming?" Wicker asked the same as you I would presume.

He asked because we were still in the same place, atop the building with the snow still falling and him still glowing.

Instead of answering, I jumped.

"Midnight--!"

With my eyes closed I held on to my hat. I heard and felt the flap of Wicker's black wings as he swooped in front of me. His cerulean eyes held waves of fright and worry.

"Look…"

And he did. The building was still the building it was as we fell in parallel to it. But the difference was that…

"The construction! It's not yet – but how?"

"It's not yet…finished… yes… in this dream…"

Our free fall seemed to slow or halt that it seemed like we were just suspended, and everything else was moving. As I willed it, everything but us stopped. Our surroundings blurred and spun – scene-changing-scene… the hospital, the park, the meadow and back to the building… landscapes…seascapes…winter….summer…smiles…frowns…faces…promises… doubts…wishes…escapes…everything but real.

My eyes slid slowly to glance at my companion and saw his mouth agape. His face lit like neon lights hit it… or what you would see if you were sitting in front of a television in a dark room. Despite the Technicolor surrealism of the now, one thing remained constant from my will.

I gazed at the flame on my palm. It was still the same and it juxtaposed to a far plane leaving a streak of gold light.

"Wicker…we must…go…"

Transfixed on the shifting dreams… like a moth to a flame… or rather, a flaming moth to a blaze… he didn't hear me.

I placed a hand on his shoulder to which he jerked to my touch. "Master?"

I nodded towards the lit path, "Come."

Dreams still shifted as we walked the path. "Do… not… wander. The dreaming…is…an easy…place…to get…lost in…just as easy… as sleeping…to dream…"

"_To sleep: perchance to dream_"

"Ahhhh…there's…the rub… Death's flame…I didn't know…you quote…"

"Shakespeare?" He finished while shaking his head. "No… only that one. Just _Hamlet."_

"You would…remember that…of course…" I stopped walking.

"Yeah…Why did we stop?" His forehead wrinkled. Then he smoothed his expression when he saw her.

"She's one of mine! I can hear the call – I am to –

I nodded. _"__**For in that sleep of death what dreams may come**__**  
**__** When we have shuffled off this mortal coil."**_

He looked at me in disbelief then back at Julianne who was talking animatedly to her dead lover. Dead in real life… yet for now…very much alive in her final dream.

I held Wicker's shoulder back and he looked at me more puzzled than ever.

"I have to take her. She is due."

I shook my head slowly. "Just…wait a…moment…Wicker…"

"I don't understand."

"Just…wait…" I cocked my head to the scene.

Julianne took Andrew's hand in hers and wept. _"I've waited for you…" "I know…come here my love…"_

"I think…I know what you're doing."

I smiled and tilted my head at him. "Oh?"

He answered not taking his eyes off the dream. "Mercy."

Then slowly he flew over Julianne's head and placed his palm over her eyes after her resolved dream.

I watched as the scene dissipated into another one as there is no quiet place in the dreaming. There is always a dream in place of another. The scene disappeared as did the dreamer.

The flame moved once more on to a different location and this time, Wicker was the one who started towards it.

"_Must give us pause: there's the respect__  
__ That makes calamity of so long life." _He muttered.

And for three more dreamers who were to sleep the silent sleep, we ventured. I shaped their dreams...and Wicker gave them their last grace.

"Now I know why you picked me." He suddenly said while skidding to a stop.

I just smiled and stopped not needing to look at him.

"You want to give dreams of peace to the tortured so they die with resolve…even if it's only in dreams. Even if it's not real. They might not know that because they die in sleep."

"How… do you… know… it's… not… real?"

"How can you ask that? We're not in the waking world!"

"Yet you…take…them…just…as…easily…do…you not? Even…in this…realm?" I look at him then.

He thought about it and grimaced. "I guess, I do. I give their deaths as easily as I do in the real world. But still, it's not _real _real."

"In…the…waking world…it's not…but here…it is…do not forget… the shadow…of dream… is reality…"

He nodded. "Okay,okay. I get it now. Of course, in this realm, the dreams are reality and reality is the dream. Gotcha."

I nodded then started walking. he isn't following.

"What you're doing now, letting the dying dream resolutions – giving mercy, I get it. And I also get what you're doing for Edward and Bella. It's almost the sa-

I held my hand up to cut him off. "That is…enough. There's…no need…to give…voice…to that…truth...someone…might…hear… It is…enough…that…you understand…thank you…Wicker. You…may go…"

He nodded. "Master?"

I glanced at him from my shoulder once more.

"Will you be keeping that flame?" a question that has a following.

I answered him and with a bow, he was gone. I smiled. No need to give voice to all answers.

To stay at the dreaming or to go to the waking?

I bounced the jolly object in my palm.

"_To be… or… not to be?"_

Ah.

With a tip of my top hat, I found myself outside the window of the Cullen Manor. I see the doctor, he is trying to come up with better methods of making the boy remember. He after all, saw Bella - _the black bells_ talking to the sleeping _lost boy, _Edward at the hospital. He knew of Bella's plan. I look at the boy and he is vexed.

He is alone in his room brooding about blacking out and remembering nothing from the past year. Frustrated that his family keeps talking about a girl he was supposed to know very well. If you only knew dear boy, your dead heart would break knowing you forgot her.

I tipped my hat once more and was now beside the sleeping form of Bella. My dear black bells what you did was foolish. One way or another, fate wouldn't keep the two of you apart for long.

These two immortals were foolish. Don't they know that they only live twice?

_You only live twice or so it seems,  
One life for yourself and one for your dreams.  
_

I went back to the boy who was currently outside the hospital after running an errand for his father. He waits by his father's car, leaning against it with arms crossed and a downcast gaze.

Then one by one, it started snowing again.

I watched as a flake landed on his hand. He reacted.

He drew back as if a sudden shock ran through him as his tawny eyes inspected the white matter.

His face scrunched up as if this was a familiar phenomenon, concentrating, doubting… then he looked up the sky and more fell on his face, his mouth opened slightly with silent questions.

Do you remember now?

_Clang! Clang! Clang!_

Then the bell tolled once more as it did a year and a month more from an important meeting. He faced the direction of the church bells with the face that seemed to know what it meant to him before. He then looked at his hand more closely before closing it and reverting back to his original position. Shaking his head… shaking his internal battles… grimacing… almost in pain…

And back again with confusion.

So close. So close to a memory…

_You drift through the years and life seems tame,  
Till one dream appears and love is its name.  
_  
…the memory of his first real meeting with death.

That first meeting with love and ultimately… his first meeting with life.

The Black Bells.

Bella.

_And love is a stranger who'll beckon you on,_

_Don't think of the danger or the stranger is gone.  
_

I tipped my hat again and I chanced once more over her sleeping form. The one who thought of the danger… the one who made the hard choice…

I sighed and looked out and watched the sky weep…cold…sharp…ice…

The stranger is almost gone… wavering…

I turn to face the black bells once more and brushed a strand of her off her face. The truth was out there. I cannot say it bluntly. It goes against my rules. There is a reason after all as to why I speak in the manner I speak. So very far different from how my thoughts run freely like rivers as opposed to opaque snow.

"Black bells... your ring… and toll… will still…reach the…lost boy…"

As I've said before, a choice must be made and it will be no matter how long you prevent it. That's the reality to this. I've seen the dreams and it's crossing the threshold. I am the celestial of dream. Reality is my mirror. This persistent choice… is their mutual dream. That is the truth. It will take place.

"For dreams… only come…from reality…"

_This dream is for you, so pay the price.  
Make one dream come true, you only live twice.  
_

Countless chances don't come with an easy price. To meet once is a blessing, to meet twice…thrice…and on…and on…is it not…_fate?_

_And love is a stranger who'll beckon you on,  
Don't think of the danger or the stranger is gone.  
_

And back up the top of the building I go and hear the remaining clangs of the bell.

"_This dream is for you, so pay the price.  
Make one dream come true, you only live twice."

* * *

_

**AN: HOLD IT!! YES, **_**yes **_**it's been **_**awhile. **_**I know. I'm sorry guys. You know my deal with the last announcement of mine. I know most can just skip this note but I hope **_**you **_**won't. Yup, you who's still reading :} I have a few announcements to make. First off, the plagiarism thing is dealt with. Score one for me. I recently just graduated with a degree in Psychology. Another point for me, and I'm very proud to say that I got in Med school. ^^, A big score for me. There were a lot of nice readers here who've been wishing me well in all of these and I'm ever grateful! So thank you! You guys egging me on and wishing me well contributed to all these.**

**Now about my story announcements… well following my steps to doctorhood, I might not have time to do a lot of writing or maybe it's time I retire my epic-length writing ways or… my fanfic author days entirely. I can't say. I'll be a freshman again on a whole new level so it's going to be crazy. It's too early to tell so let's play it by ear, yes? But don't worry, this summer (it started on April and will end by June here) I will finish "Parachutes" and will do an epilogue for "Silence, The Loudest Sound." And afterwards…we'll see, okay?**

**There are only 7 more chapters to go and you'll get them weekly so kindly review and let me know what you think. Thank you for those who read and reviewed the last chapter by the way! I really intend to finish this no matter what. I hope you enjoyed Midnight's pov. It wouldn't have been the same if I went with the normal third person pov. Some insight is needed. I know it's all shadowy and weird and confusing, but if you were the celestial of dreams, you're bound for riddles and surrealism.**

**And yes, those are lines from William Shakespeare's Hamlet. It's only natural that the angels of death know it. **

**Much love,**

**Margaux**

**Next song chapter: Your Love Means Everything. Edward's POV.**


	30. Chapter 27: Your love means everything

Chapter 27: Your love means everything

**Edward**

_I slipped away last night__  
__Took me away from sight and the place I know.__  
_  
"Edward…"

With a sigh I opened my eyes and looked back at my sister her, eyes brimmed with concern and frustration…feelings I too am feeling. Why can't they just leave me alone for a while? Nothing makes sense right now. What happened to me? Nothing feels familiar anymore.

Alice tilted her head and pursed her lips. "When are you going to--

" – get it?" a brow shot up.

She shook her head and let out a heavy breath. "I was leaning more towards 'when are you going to remember?' you know."

I averted my gaze. Yes, I do know. "What do you want me to do Alice, I clearly don't know what all of you have been trying to get me to remember. I'm frustrated too. _I _was the one who _blacked out._" I said the last part through gritted teeth. I pinched my nose and shut my eyes.

I felt her sit beside me on my sofa and she patted my back.

I buried my face on my hands and before I realized it, my hands were on my hair pulling in agitation of not knowing what to do now and about what happened before.

"Ask me your question Edward. I can answer it. I've seen it."

_All crushed upon my skin__  
__This mess I put you in and the punch I threw.__  
_

Fine. Loosening my position I asked. "Is it really important that I know this person you keep telling me I know? And that I have to tell this person that whatever it is that happened to me – to her – to us – this mess… that she shouldn't punish herself over it? That it should be me?"

I could feel Alice's sympathy without having to look at her.

"To answer your first question…yes. It's important that you know Bella…"

Bella… there it was again along with the pain. That name… I've gone over it again and again but it still…

"Okay, it's going to sound stupid but, it really doesn't…_ring a bell?"_

Ring a bell?

"Ungh…"

"Edward!"

"I'm okay…I just felt a little throb in my head." Then as soon as I realized what I said, my eyes bulged in horror. "This never happened before… Alice?"

"Hey, hey it's actually a good thing. You're getting _some _reaction…" she smiled. "And to answer your second question…well…I don't think that it's your fault entirely. You didn't throw all the punches. But you still need to tell her that no one should shoulder the weight of any consequence on his or her own. You have to stick it through no matter what together."

I shook my head. "You sound like I'm married to her and we're going through divorce or – wait – why are you looking at me like that? Don't tell me that-"

She held her hands in front of me and drew her eyes brows together. "Wait. Stop. You're definitely not married and I mean it in that you never were."

The look on Alice's face…her reaction before… everyone's constant nagging and convincing… the look Alice is giving me now because she'd _seen_…

"I love her."

Alice brightened then frowned a little a second after.

I looked down still confused as ever…and pained.

"Yes. You do. You love Bella."

I looked back at her. "But…no… you meant that I loved her before right?"

She shook her head. "We're permanent beings Edward. Once we undergo change, it's irrevocable. You love her and you'll still do…you just need to remember."

Impossible. How…?

"I thought you remembered…"

I pursed my lips.

"But then how could you have guessed that…"

"The way you all talk about her… I guess I just put the pieces together. But then…how could this happen? I'm pretty sure that the moment I fall in love – it's not a thing I would forget! No. It's not love if it's like this. No. I would've done anything even staying away from her if it's needed except destroy anything of hers I can remember. No. _No!_"

I stood up and jumped over the window with Alice and the rest of my family calling after me.

I ran even faster knowing they would get the hint.

_It was a strange reaction__  
__for someone like you to remain on side__  
_

All of them… all their thoughts went back to _her. _I've supposedly seen her face a million times running through their minds. But what they don't know is that… even if they see her face as clear as a crystal… all I get are fuzzy images. I could put any face in that palette and still nothing calls to me.

I love her? How can I call it love if I don't remember?

_And in a chain reaction__  
__I was down and calling for a place to hide.__  
_

I found myself running towards my meadow. When I got there I plopped down and covered my eyes with my arm not caring as snow blankets me.

Minutes…hours… passed until I noticed it was getting colder. I removed my arm from my eyes and just stared at the sky. The sky changed from faded blue to gray to black… there was no moon tonight.

Stars blinked here and there and I was still left with the unease that something's missing.

A cold breeze wafted over me that I felt a sudden calmness from the sound of rustling. I blinked and let out a deep breath.

And it came again, the unease… just as easy and as never leaving like the falling snow right now. My head pains me as if pounding my mind to remember. I willed myself to relax and think things through.

Maybe… the issue here is not that I don't remember what happened. But rather why it happened? I know that my family would never lie to me so I believe them when they say I forgot someone I supposedly love.

So I try to remember but I never get so far as think about remembering her when I feel jolts of pain in my head. So the only thing that I can think about right now… the only plausible explanation is that whatever that happened is something I would never agree to. Why else were my memories erased?

But another thing is that, how can I tell if this was for the best or not? The house is torn.

"_Edward has to know. He has to remember! It's meant to be!"_

"_But maybe Bella has her reasons. What if it's something bigger than the both of them? What if it's for the better?"_

"_Did you lose your memories too? Edward's never been more alive which is pretty ironic in different levels."_

I sat up shaking off the memory. So either it was for the better…or worse? And what's ironic about being "more alive"? Is it because I'm dead or something else? I don't get it. No one's telling me anything because each time they share some details my mind feels like it's on fire. In other words…painful.

Despite weighing the X's and the O's I still want to know why. I'm clearly not happy with losing more than a year's worth of memories. And the look on Carlisle's face…

Okay. That's it. I'm going to Carlisle.

So I ran towards the hospital and snuck inside the window of his office. He was there as if expecting me.

"Edward." He said with a nod.

I sat across from him. "Tell me what you know please."

He sighed and nodded. "I can't say much though because I know that there's a trap mechanism of sorts hot-wired to your mind that's keeping you from remembering."

I said nothing, just waited.

"You just have to know this. She is exactly like you."

I crossed my arms. "Cocky? Arrogant? Short-tempered?"

Carlisle chuckled and shook his head. "I don't think she's…cocky or arrogant… maybe short-tempered? Who knows – wait- you knew I think. But that's not the trait I'm looking for. I meant, for those she loves, she's very self-sacrificing."

I blinked. Self-sacrificing?

"And also know that everything she did regardless of the consequences, she did out of love for you," he said gently and with frightening sincerity that I was shocked.

I felt horrible. What could I have possibly done to merit this? How could someone love me like that? But most of all, I felt horrible because if she was as self-sacrificing as I was then… what selfish thing did I do for her to sacrifice for me? I say sacrifice because that's what it feels like to me… something I myself would do… at any lengths.

"Edward, you didn't do anything wrong."

I shook my head hard. "I must've been selfish. But for what?"

It was his turn to shake his. "No. It's not like that."

I looked at him desperately, "Then what? How? Why? It doesn't make sense Carlisle. Tell me. If she's as selfless as you make her to be then she did this _for me_ – for _my _happiness."

The look Carlisle gave me confirmed it. She did it for me. "She loved me."

"She still does. Don't ever forget that. She loves you and you love her too. Just as much."

"Then where is she? How did she do this? ! What happened?" I stood up and realized I was shaking.

Carlisle put a hand on my shoulder. "We've tried this over and over son. What she did to you was so complicated. Each time we tell you what we know that happened, your whole being repels each information. And we could only surmise that it has to come from you. Only you can break this."

I slumped back on my seat and almost broke the chair. There it was the truth. Now I know… I love her. Why? Because I had a feeling that I wasn't willing to let her go if not completely… that she had to force herself out of my life like this…

And I had to fix this. I have to find her.

I looked at Carlisle. "I have to find her." I blurted out then without waiting for his answer I jumped over the window never mind that my head was throbbing like crazy.

_I saw a broken arm__  
__Machines will all break down in the way I know.__  
__Mended and all made clean__  
__I saw up on the screen all the stones I throw.__  
_

Where do I even start? I walked all over the town in case I see anyone that might resemble the dark haired profile I kept seeing in my family's minds. I can't even say her name without feeling jolts of pain. Where are you?

I really need to find her. Only then will we see some light to things…

Light…

Light wait there's–

"Excuse me." I must be so absorbed in this that I didn't realize that people are bumping against me.

I muttered a quick "It's ok." Without looking at whoever it was. Then above the sea of noise I heard…bells.

Bells?

I trained my eyes towards the direction of ringing. And… I looked back. There it was again. I didn't know what possessed me to feel this way but I can't shake of the feeling that it's familiar.

Then I saw – I took off the moment I saw mahogany hair. Just when I thought that I was getting closer I heard numerous bells coming from different directions all at the same time.

Then I was left with only the sight of one tiny black bell on the snow-laid path.

I picked it up and smelled it. Freesias? And something more… I rung it once. It was the same sound.

I was right. It was her. Then I recalled that I heard the bell at exactly the same time… I bumped over a female form.

I cursed inwardly knowing that I was so close… so close.

I sniffed the air for traces of her scent bit strangely I didn't get anything. Damn it.

As I continued my search I felt like losing hope due to an unexpected thought. What if I let this happen because it was something she wanted to happen?

If that was the case, should I still pursue this?

I stopped for a while and slowly made my way back to my meadow to think. As I lay back down on the cold hard ground I brought the ebony bell towards my face.

Was this a sign? Of what? Of stopping this? Because just as I thought that I was getting a memory, she bumped into me then I lost her again. I'm really sure that it was her.

At least I had something to hold on to. She was still here… still around. Maybe she wants to be found despite everything?

I sighed. This is all messed up and confusing as hell.

I sat up and decided. Finally. There was no stopping me this time. I wanted answers. I go for the truth.

I go for finding her.

And if needed… if she wished it… I'll let her go again. But this time I'm keeping my memories of her.

As I tried to cover as many ground as I possibly could, going at it blindly, I held on to the bell. Alice asked me anxiously this morning if her name "rang a bell." Bell… there was a connection. Wait.

When I heard it I was in the middle of a breakthrough. What was it again? Light was it?

Light…

I stared at the night sky like I did hours before and saw stars. It was a clear night tonight despite the snow.

I sat up abruptly. Snow. Stars. Bells. Light.

I clutched at my head that was throbbing so hard I dropped the bell and it rolled a few inches before being buried in snow.

I groped for it. _Snow. Stars. Bells. Light. _Got it.

"_Let…the light…lead you…"_

I blinked and everything seems to have stopped.

There was no sound, no wind, no movement. Or maybe it was just me who stopped…? But didn't I just –

And I heard it again and this time I was doubled over in pain that I was on all fours straining and groaning with such sharpness. Voices, faces, scenes…swirling in a maelstrom…

"_Let…the light…lead you…"_

"_Do…stars…fade?"_

"_What…makes…your…Star…alive?"_

"_I can never leave you…"_

"…_you let me fade…"_

"…_silvered ringing…that knows…both death…and delight…ringing Bella…Bella… light and death… _Bella…"

"_A choice…"_

"_Remember, Edward, remember your answer to this question, what is there to gain from chasing shadows?"_

"_Remember Edward…"_

"_Lost boy…"_

"_Edward..."_

"_Edward?"_

"_Edward!"_

And then I opened my eyes and I knew.

I knew everything.

My body was trembling. My mouth was dry. My eyes were bulging.

Tentatively I looked at the bell on my hand all to familiar now.

The voices…faces…scenes… those were memories. Just like that I'm all too awake.

The unsealing words were "Let the light lead you." And I just know that right now a man in a Top hat was smirking with his sleepy eyes glowing.

Bella she – she was so sure of what she did. As if I wouldn't find a way out of not knowing her. As if she could just…

And it was like something broke in me that I bolted like a bat out of hell now that I wasn't immune to her anymore.

Because in the air…

I could smell freesias.

I could hear bells.

"Bella I'm coming."

**

* * *

Midnight**

"_It was a strange reaction__  
__for someone like you to remain so sure__  
__And in a chain reaction__  
__I dissolve and break and then away I crawl."_

"What's with the song, master?"

I tipped my hat and just kept smiling. "Nothing…Wicker."

Wicker ruffled his feathers. "You keep singing such strange songs."

"Songs… are… truths…playing, Death's Flame…" I looked down and watched as I saw the familiar flash of bronze all the way down.

"The way…black bells… sway… and lost boys… stray… everyone… and everything…eventually… find… their…way… their…truths…"

I looked back at him grinning. "It's…almost…time."

* * *

**AN: There you go. As always, thank you for the support and the congratulations! Next chapter will be on the weekend again. Will Edward find Bella? If he does what does the future hold for them? Wait and see. :D**

**Next Chapter: God put a smile on your face. Still in Edward's POV.**


	31. Chapter 28: God put a smile on your face

**AN: I know I said this chapter will have Edward's POV, it still does but I thought to include Bella's as well. **

**Chapter 28: God put a smile on your face**

**

* * *

Bella**

_Where do we go, nobody knows__  
__I've gotta say I'm on my way down__  
_

"It's ok," a velvet voice muttered after I excused myself for bumping into him. In retrospect, it would be rather odd for me to accidentally bump into humans. But I was preoccupied.

I had one last task to do before I let go of my being Death.

I had to find the last of my feathers and so far I'm getting mixed feelings. It kept getting colder then hotter as if something was pulling me back just as I'm about to grasp it.

But I am sure about one thing. It's here. Inside this small town of Forks, it's here.

I kept walking around town for two more hours after deciding to call it a day. Actually, I should've done that hours ago but I felt the pull so strongly a while ago. Then it's gone again. Anyway… with this late an hour, I won't be likely to find anyone.

Before I knew it I was on top of the clock tower with my feet dangling on the edge. I hugged my knees closer and placed my head over them.

Silence.

Nothing but the snow.

Nothing but the tick tick tick of the clock and the ring of my bells.

Snow.

I shivered from the cold feeling. Though my body was accustomed to cold already being the same sub zero temperature, I still reveled in the feeling. To humans they would feel the frozen quality but for me it just gave a pleasant feeling.

To just feel at all was pleasant… a feeling that I am in constant debate with. Debating whether I would want to continue on feeling… or to lose it once more like my former self.

I didn't know why but to feel numb was at times… welcome.

Maybe it's because there are gaps in my memory that make me feel so…alone.

And I don't even know why.

I'm a fallen. I know that much. How I came to be, I don't really know nor do I have the desire to know. It's… daunting why I don't have the overwhelming need to fill in the gaps of my memory. My whole being just pushes me to keep going.

Move on and continue the pursuance of my trade.

I don't think it matters anymore because in a few decades or centuries… eventually… memories fade. Soon I would have no need of knowing who did this to me, how, why, when, or where…

And also… there is nothing in my past that makes me want to peruse it further. I take lives. I send them. Then one day I don't have the heavy shackle on my ankle anymore… and with that my wings. Of course I wondered how that would be but then when I woke up…

I was alone.

There was no one I could ask. So why make things harder? I just need to find the last feather… then only then… would I need to think about what happens next.

Every fallen death knows that from the moment they fall, thirteen feathers take flight and with that… thirteen deaths. But there is one more thing…

One important detail… once I retrieve all thirteen…

Only then will I truly be free. Free of death… free of being numb… free to just be able to walk around the earth without obligations.

Just that one more feather… I knew because when I woke up and looked for my wings, the only reflection I saw on the mirror were faint white lines of feathers tattooed on my back… they were even at twelve. I need one more to join the right flank. There is one restriction of course, that I may only retrieve it if it was time to do so. And it could take years before the bearer is to die… But this one… this last one… it's bizarrely erratic.

It's not to suppose that it can't happen. Just that it rarely does. The decision for this soul… changes so frequently.

But strangely I don't feel any rush because the predominant feeling I have right now is loneliness. Like something is missing. It pains me like a neverending thirst which is twice as agonizing… considering I've become a shadow of a vampire. Another baffling change I saw from my mismatched color eyes. Who owns that shadow? Another thing I decided to become indifferent with.

As I've said before, during these times of confusion I find myself wishing to be selectively numb once more. To just…

…escape.

Because more than the urge to seek out truths, there is a greater want. I just want the loneliness to go away.

The rational answers I could think of are those on the lines of having to not talk to anyone for as long as I can remember. My nature does not allow it. I do not consider talking to the dying as talking because it's useless to do so. They won't stay long. They'll leave. And most are not even happy to see you. Fear. Sadness. Denial. These only push me more and more to loneliness now that I can feel again.

I extended my hand out and caught some snow. I lifted my head a bit to study my palm.

I am alone. A black dot consumed by the darkness of this night.

I allow myself to be blanketed by snow so that even for just these kinds of moments… even if dark consumes me now… in the morning I might feel consumed by whiteness.

I used to be a dark angel and that part of my nature will never really leave me.

I sighed and closed my eyes as I brought my hand and head back to my previous position. I smiled tightly and succumbed to the sound of my bells ringing with the wind.

Just this once I want to imagine...

What it's like to be an angel of light.

_God give me style and give me grace__  
__God put a smile upon my face__  
_

* * *

**Edward**

_Where do we go to draw the line__  
__I've gotta say, I wasted all your time, oh honey honey_

It won't be long until dawn breaks and I still haven't found her. Though I know I've searched almost the whole of Forks I still won't give up. Even though this was something she wanted to do… even if she asked me to let her go I just had to see her one more time.

Just one more time and I promise to let her go if that is still what she desires. I know that she sacrificed a great deal for this and I know that she would think that it was all in vain because I was able to regain my memories…thus relive the pain…

But I have to let her go…

…or convince her to stay for real this time.

I can't understand why I'm following her trail of freesias and bells only to get lost once more.

I know she's mobile because we bumped into each other not that long ago. I was so incredibly daft not to have known… to have forgotten…

I was not strong enough to overcome it at once. God.

I shook off the self-loathing and tried to focus on my goal when I realized something. We bumped into each other… I replayed that scene over and over again. If it was her then… wouldn't she have recognized me? She just said…

"_Excuse me."_

I stopped dead.

I felt tense all over. This changes everything. I gritted my teeth and clenched my fists that were shaking.

Her answer could only mean two things. The most plausible was that she was testing me… to see if I… if I forgot her.

I almost broke a tree in half. If so I passed her test of her successful plan… or I failed her test of overcoming our being star-crossed.

But there was another reason, one that I am also debating if it's for the best or not…

We were strangers once more.

She too has forgotten me.

If that were true… if that was her plan… to end up as strangers… would that be the best recourse, Bella? To be okay with living in shades of gray? To be okay with having to live with the truth in shadows?

Is there really no hope for us to be together that to part as strangers – as having no memory of each other the best plan? What is it that separates us so? She knows. I've known from the moment I met her, there was something she was hiding. Is there a threat to us? Or only to her? I have to know so that I could take her place. Take the bullet. Keep her free.

_Where do I go to fall from grace__  
__God put a smile upon your face, yeah__  
_  
I nodded and composed myself. No. There was no going back, I will find her no matter what it takes.

So I searched some more and even called up my family. How can we not find her in this miniscule town? I was starting to think that maybe the place where she is now is bewitched…

_Argh. _This is so frustrating! First she was taken from me then when she finally came back she had _no _memories of me – of us! I had to go through that until I earned her trust again. Then things were finally shaping up… only for her to leave again! And worse, leave me with no memories of her! Now she's possibly wandering around back to square one with no memories once more! But I still accept it all… keep… taking it all. I love her and I still have to find her.

_Now when you work it out I'm worse than you__  
__Yeah when you work it out, I want it too__  
__Now when you work out where to draw the line__  
__Your guess is as good as mine...__  
_  
I took a moment to look at the sky. It was fast turning into morning. I've been out that long. Bella please don't make me too late to find you. Don't give up. I won't. Whatever it is we'll work it out together this time. _Please Bella… _there might be a chance for us still… because when we're together… everything is good in the world. Something that good has to have some merit…

_Where do we go, nobody knows__  
__Don't ever say you're on your way down, when..__  
__God gave you style and gave you grace__  
__And put a smile upon your face, oh yeah_

* * *

**Bella**

If only I could sleep. Then I might spend this time inside a dream instead of this… cruelty. At least when I was death all this was irrelevant. Maybe… I should interact with people… or vampires… anyone.

What would I tell them? Though my nature might be more accepted by the immortals… I… abhor their nature. They kill for their fill. I am different. I don't kill. I bring death but not out of choice but a must. Everything has its end. I am merely at the other side.

Oh the luxury of having the choice not to give death! To not cause grief… to not see fear of you…

The immortal who did this to me… has not had his or her fill yet as evident from my one black eye. I am grateful but I am also unwillingly thirsty.

Is the immortal searching for me? Searching for his shadow?

I grimaced. "What is there… to gain from chasing shadows?" Meeting me would just be a detriment… an oddity… a burden.

To meet death but not have it. To find a possible route to salvation only to learn that he is the cause of the loss of both our loss of salvation…

I shook my head slowly. "No…there is nothing. Nothing to attain from me."

_Now when you work it out I'm worse than you__  
__Yeah when you work it out, I want it too__  
__Now when you work out where to draw the line__  
__Your guess is as good as mine...__  
_

I sighed.

Then in a split second I sat upright and clutched at my head effectively shaking off the snow that piled on my arms and head.

_Unghhh…._

The pull—

The p-pull has never – never been _this _bad – so strong… would this be the final decision?

I staggeringly stood up and half-opened my eyes.

As I took a deep breath in attempt to calm myself I instantly knew from the scent I smelled what nature the soul I'm about to take was…

…and this someone – this special exception of death can only come from…

Before I could continue the thought I turned around to steady myself with one of the pillars because my body was trembling violently.

A strained scream escaped my lips after I felt the strongest of the pull wrack through my body and forcibly drew me down…down…down…

Until now that my eyes are forced open from the shock the only thing I can see is my outstretched hand losing grip against the white on white background of snow…of clouds…of morning breaking…

There was nothing more I could do but let gravity take its course… let myself be pulled…

I closed my eyes in this free fall… falling on my back as if I've done this before…

My bells are ringing loudly in anticipation… the thin band barely visible on my ankle sliding against the velvet wrappings… and the markings on my back burning…

I know that I will feel the impact my wingless state could only allow but it won't matter. All the pain will be worth it. Freedom is within my grasp.

Then after then would I think about where to go from here.

Smiling I waited.

And then the clock tower bell tolled.

* * *

**Edward**

_Clang! Clang! Clang!_

_Where do we go, nobody knows_  
_Don't ever say you're on your way down, when.._

It's already dawn.

The ringing came loudly as the scent of freesias grew stronger. I was on the right track. I just hope I'm not too late.

I came to a stop on the old clock tower wondering how I missed this before. I momentarily got confused with the tolling of a bigger bell.

The sound was almost painful for my all too sensitive ears that I covered them for awhile but my body reacted almost instantaneously when I peeked up the tower.

"_Bella!"_

If my heart was still beating it would have gone in to arrest seconds ago from the horrifying sight of seeing a falling Bella who seemed half in pain and half relieved.

I dashed over to the foot of the tower and pushed myself into the highest jump I could muster and finally caught Bella midway of the fall. From the overwhelming shock, worry, and relief all rolled into one I exerted to much force that almost left me uncontrollable that I only managed to hold her to me tightly – her head tucked on my chest – as I maneuvered my body to absorb the impact with my back as we hit the ground.

When I knew it was all over I was panting needlessly… more for relief than necessity… then I looked down at the figure I was clutching to me.

Her eyes were shut and she was clutching her head. Despite her agonizing expression, it was really her… this was really Bella!

I hesitantly pushed back some strands of her hair from her face and touched her cheek.

"Are you…are you okay?"

No answer.

"Bella…?"

She opened her eyes in surprise and I saw the familiar black and brown eyes that were swimming in emotions. Then her brows knit in confusion as if wondering how I came upon her name. Another test?

I smiled tentatively. "It's me…Edward."

The look she gave me answered it all.

"You don't… remember me…"

She held my eyes and slowly disentangled herself from me.

"You… _know me?" _she asked hesitantly.

I shook off the hurt I felt and forced another smile. "Don't be frightened. I…do know you. And Bella… you…

"I…know you?" she asked worried. "How…why? Who are you? Are you the one meant to give me my freedom?"

When I didn't answer right away she muttered something while she shook her head. "Where is the pull? It's was so strong just now then it's gone again…"

"Bella… I… I'm just as confused as you are now but please trust me. Trust me when I saw that we know each other and that you know me even before I knew myself." I said carefully.

She pushed herself farther away from me her eyes looking more and more alarmed.

I continued to move towards her. "You have to remember Bella. Bella… you were my guardian angel…"

She shook her head. "I am no such thing. I've never trudged the white path."

I stopped and my dead heart seemed to come alive only to feel like dying.

"I didn't say you did not walk in darkness. Bella… I'm saying that before you were sending souls you were guiding one. You were guiding mine… and with you being here…right now… if I still have my soul… it's still yours…" I said softly.

She shut her eyes and kept shaking her head. "No, no…"

I leant over her and held her face. "Bella…look at me."

She turned her face to the side reluctantly.

I took her chin and said more forcibly. "Look at me. Bella."

She hesitantly opened her eyes and looked at me with a lost expression.

"Bella…listen please…"

She touched my hand. And I marveled at the feeling before I made another rash move. It was just too much to have found something you've been searching for so hard. Too much to have her slipping away again… too much…

Too much that I kissed her. Kissed her hard.

It was only expected that she would try to resist. She struggled against me but I held her tighter.

_Bella please remember. If words can't get through to you then actions should… it just has to._

After a while she stopped resisting and just let it happened. I would stop eventually but a little bit longer… just a little bit more… I can't lose her… I can't bear it… was I too late? Was she this far gone?

Bella… come back to me. Come back.

Then I felt a hand on my hair and felt her mouth moving against mine. I thought I broke through finally but when I felt her hesitancy… her confusion… I understood then that she was trying…

Trying to make sense of this.

Because I believe that the angel in her would lead her to believe that there was nothing but truth in all of these.

I slowed us down and tried to steady ourselves.

And then we were staring at each other, wondering what to say next while trying to relax…to make sense of this…

"Edward?" she asked in a small voice.

I was about to reply what is it that she wants to know when suddenly her eyes looked at the ground near me then back at me in horror.

"What is it? What's wrong? Bella!" I asked while darting closer to her.

She held a hand to stop me while shaking her head vigorously.

"Don't – don't come near."

I stopped but prepared myself to run after her if she bolts.

The look she gave me made took me aback as I know I just saw my old Bella in her frantic eyes.

Then she changed into a look of pain as she stood up slowly and regarded me.

I didn't know what was going on now that I could do nothing but just look at her.

Then she spoke.

"No. Not you. Why is it you?" she shut her eyes and held her head once more as she hunched over in apparent pain.

I didn't know what compelled me to just take it all in shock and fear. From her tone… there was something there that sent chills through me.

"Why do you have it? Why you?"

"Bella…"

She opened her one brown eye to look at something on my right side and said with a defeated tone.

"Why do you have that?"

Then I looked to my right and saw it.

Lying on the white ground was a solitary black feather.

The feather I picked up the first time I saw her.

* * *

**AN: Thanks for reading once more! It's all coming together now don't worry. The next chapter (up by Friday or Saturday) will mainly be in Bella's pov. We get to see what's on her mind as Edward helps her remember.**

**Okay just one more thing, someone asked why Edward has a feather. Good question. Sorry if it's unclear but all will be revealed on the chapter after the next. It's really part of the mystery. It will make sense then, I promise.**


	32. Chapter 29: Violet Hill

**AN: I know it was ideally up by Saturday, I'm sorry. I do try my best. Don't worry, I'll still post the next one this week. Just a heads up that there will be lines from previous chapters because of Bella's memory recovery. I also added a very far back memory of Bella's that was supposed to be added on Chapter 7. If you remember Edward asked Bella about her bells on Chapter 6, well, you get to read her answer now. Sort of like an outtake. I wrote it almost two years ago. ****To make it less confusing, I put breaks between the present and the flashbacks. **Enjoy! 

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 29: Violet Hill**

**Bella**

_Was a long and dark December  
From the rooftops I remember  
There was snow  
White snow  
_

As I was plummeting I realized that I was wrong. It wasn't only the pull that caused this searing pain. I was getting a memory that came in jagged thoughts.

From my half-opened eyes I saw the sky…the snow…the --!

_Ungggh…_

_

* * *

_

…_sky. I…endless gray…………..specks of white……_

…_..glints of black…._

* * *

Black?

"…"

My eyes opened wide as I remembered this scene. This happened before – my eyes to the sky, my bells ringing, snow falling – but it was dusk not dawn… and no ebony feathers mixing with the snow.

Then I was pulled back to the present and I was still falling.

_Clearly I remember  
From the windows they were watching  
While we froze down below  
_  
I closed my eyes again and braced for the impact. I was so high up and things still felt like it was going in slow motion. Just like that, the gaps were filling in painfully slow…distorted and hazy…still excruciatingly slow…I was death. I knew that already. But what was I contemplating then? What's happening now? Whose plan is this?

Why am I—

_When the future's architectured  
By a carnival of idiots on show  
You'd better lie low  
_

"Oof."

I was cut off from my thoughts when I heard my name, felt something hard crashed into me and arms around my then the next thing I knew I was on the ground cradled against someone.

_If you love me  
Won't you let me know?  
_

I could barely comprehend his words from another jolt of pain, only his cold touches. Could this be--? When I opened my eyes I saw black ones reflecting my own hunger.

This…beautiful immortal gave a curt smile before stating that I don't remember him which was true though I didn't know why my whole being screams to fear this knowledge - to fear knowing him that I hastened to get out of his hold and leave length of space between us.

Then he was trying to make me remember and my head throbbed from too much stimulation. The pull gone and back then gone again… the gaps… the images… his voice…

"Bella…listen to me."

I shook my head. I don't understand what he was saying. But most of all I can't understand the overwhelming urge my mind was forcing me – forcing me to remember who this vampire is. I already believe that it is he who mirrors my thirst… the owner of my shadow… but my mind is still screaming at me that there was more to it – more to this.

Then he kissed me and I struggled against him. Then I became paralyzed from the streaming images that I felt like I was drowning in them. Drowning in memories… that started… from down up… from the first of December before the last one.

The images started from a leap with snow, feathers, and bells.

_Was a long and dark December  
When the banks became cathedrals  
And the fog  
Became God  
_

* * *

"_You…can see me?"_

"_You're not supposed to see me Edward."_

"_Edward, now I cannot leave you."_

* * *

_Priests clutched onto bibles_

___And went out to fit their rifles_

_And the cross was held aloft  
_

Edward? How did I know him then? Why was I running from him? Why am I still running now? I was cut off again as another impatient memory came. This time it came far back. So far back that I do not recognize the person I saw in that memory. It showed an image of soulless eyes and sharp motions. The stretch of night wings glinted like blades against the moonlight that could bring chills to mortals and immortals alike. Those unblinking soulless eyes do not show any signs of life but only death and rare glints could only give glimpses of nothing but frost and ice. One does not even need to see her to fear her. The sound of her bells ringing with promises of death were warning enough.

The moment I saw the bells I knew that person was me. It happened decades ago when I was still very much the puppet I was. Gathering souls, inciting fear without even meaning to. At that time most people were clinging to life, fighting with their last breath that they had time to shout "Hear ye beware the call of silvered ringing."

_Bury me in honor  
When I'm dead and hit the ground  
A love back home unfolds  
_

I wasn't able to dwell in that for longer when some of this immortal's words rang in my head again. He implied that I was an angel of light. As soon as that thought entered, I was sucked into another memory. And this one… this particular one would've made me wept if I could shed tears.

In that memory I was watching a seventeen-year old human in an era that was long gone. I remember feeling concerned. But why? I touched his face. He looked up. Then he shook his head and looked down… He couldn't see me. I knew I wasn't death in this memory. How could I be? I could _feel._ And I knew his every thought, his every dream, his every move… the only way I could know all that is if I was – then as if confirming my theory, I saw my wings reflected on the window. They were white. Pure white.

"_And it's you I see but you don't see me. And it's you I hear so loud and so clear. I sing it loud and clear. I'll always be waiting for you…"_

I was a guardian angel.

Then from that blaring memory all the others, the rest came back and I was drowning again.

* * *

"_How abo__ut the beginning? You see__, I came into existence a few moments before you were conceived only when I was well, born, you could say I had the physical age of a seven year-old but the mind of infinite knowledge. By the time you reached seven, my physical age grew to match yours. I'm…not really sure how I came to be. Oh, please tell me if I get too confusing."_

_He shook his__ head and smiled encouragingly, "I can keep up, I promise. Go on."_

_I__ grinned, "Okay there are… multitudes of ways we can come to be. One reason is that, as a human, that human lived a full life and was innately good and could offer more. Another, a human's life was cut too short that again, he had more good to offer the world… some are repentant devils…spirits… but often enough, angels were created to be just that…angels…There are other ways but the main thing is, we exist."_

_He__ nodded. "But then, you don't know which one is yours?"_

_I__ smiled, "Yes. But I don't mind not knowing."_

_He __looked surprised._

_I tilted my__ head, "I can see that you're…astonished. Why is that?"_

_He__ scrunched his face and smiled guiltily, "Yes. Yes I am. You're so…content."_

_I__ chuckled, "Well, you should see the rest of my resume."_

_He__ laughed._

"_Anyway, those few moments before you were created, a voice spoke to me. I believe it was God. He told me of my duty and what I was. Then I was inside a giant room filled with all things imaginable… then He told me that to choose any item that I wished. So I went and looked around and the sudden gush of wind that my wings made from my flight accidentally knocked something off one of the wooden tables. _

"_It all happened in slow motion. The moment that object met with the force it made a beautiful sound that captured my attention – it was so…enamoring… it was a soft sound…but it was rich and powerful… as I watched that tiny black object fall I rushed forth to catch it just in time with my palms._

"_It felt cold in my hands but its sound sent more shivers than its temperature. Then I heard the voice again. He said:_

_I see you've taken to the black bell. _

"_I replied, 'Bell? This is a bell? It's so pretty…' _

"_Then the next thing I knew, I was hovering over your mother, watching you grow in her womb. Knowledge soon found me and I learned that newborn angels are made to find objects that were best representatives of themselves. So I guess, the bell represented me best. So ever since, I had bells strung around my legs with velvet as a reminder for myself and…"_

_

* * *

_

I remembered that time very well now. I watched him grow and grew to love him more and more each day. His goodness never wavering. I like how I looked during this time. Everything was white. Everything was good. Even if he wasn't able to see me, I felt content. I didn't get much sun because he hardly left the house, but that first seventeen years of my life was the brightest memory I had. I could love him freely. And our courses set heavenward… then of course, the change happened and everything went dark. Continuing our discussion from before I trailed of, he prompted…

* * *

"_And?" He__ prompted._

_I__ looked down, "And…they serve a new purpose… the moment we were changed…"_

_He__ didn't speak._

* * *

The world was darker but not just because I changed into Death and he a vampire. Every place hold shades of black when he was not by my side. And I lost my ability to feel… I lost my ability to love… I couldn't even mourn the loss of the feeling of love for him… Death, death, and more death… nothing but death filled the void of emotions. Nothing else mattered but death and numbness. One death quickly replacing another… I could distinguish feelings but I can't feel them. I knew when someone is pained, when someone is feeling dysthymic, when someone is afraid…of me… of Death.

Then I saw him again, and all things seemed brighter.

* * *

_Well you know, you're name __fits you well," he said softly. I looked up at him__ with a confused look._

"_Well, because you know, in It__alian, Bella means beautiful," he__ said while smil__ing at me__. _

* * *

When I wasn't numb anymore I realized I hated snow then he…

"_Snow would always be white. It just is. And so when I say you're the loveliest snowflake, you say, 'I know Edward. Thank you.'"_

I only fall of buildings and towers when I'm feeling contemplative or particularly sad but at that time…

"_See? I told you I'd catch you."_

And even then, even if I thought it was impossible. He told me that he saw me before.

_"That's why you're so familiar, you're the one I kept seeing in my dreams."_

_If you love me  
Won't you let me know?  
_

I didn't know that someone could love me back.

* * *

"_I want everyone to know I'm all yours and you're all mine."_

"_Silly Bella, you know I'll always be waiting for you."_

"_Bella, I'm here. You're here. You keep leaving. Yet, you keep coming back. Why are you running again?"_

_ "Bella… I can fight for you if you want me to."_

_

* * *

_

And I remembered who this man was…who was kissing me… it was him. It was always him, the moment I first heard his name, before he was brought into this world I belonged to him. Because the moment I got my name, God said…

_Small soft sound that can be heard from a distance… That's what you are. Now go to Edward, he's waiting for you…Bella…_

Edward. _Oh._ This is Edward. He's here, he found me. He found away to remember – remember me… he still loves me… I wasted no time that I kissed him back… if not for one last time. The moment he chooses it could all be over.

_I don't want to be a soldier  
With the captain of some sinking ship  
With snow, far below  
_

I kissed him back with the same urgency but with some hesitancy. Because if he says he loves me, declares it, then our time might be up. He will have to choose. And I know his choice. Because when I didn't ask him to give me freedom, he gave it freely. And when I asked him to let me go… he did.

"_Then you're free."_

_So if you love me  
Why'd you let me go?  
_  
Over and over as I would for him too, he chose me and he'll always do. It's just too cruel. Just once Edward, please choose yourself.

We slowed down and held each other for awhile before just looking at each other… both wanting to say something but I'm sure like me, was at a loss of how to say it. We were just so glad to see each other again. I don't want to go through this again, forgetting him. It's just too hard.

"Edward?" I was about to ask how he recovered his memories when I saw something that never made me feel so frantic – so afraid. It was like the truth staring back at me and cornering me with no chance of escape. For the second time today I wanted to cry. Edward and I weren't meant to fall in love. I was just an instrument. For him. I've put this on hold for so long fearing this outcome.

How can there be a choice if _that's _there.

"What is it? What's wrong? Bella!"

I held a hand and shook my head to stop him from getting closer. "Don't – don't come near." He stopped and watched me carefully. Analyzing everything…

I stood up and looked at him while I was dying more and more little by little.

I shut my eyes and bowed in defeat. "No. Not you. Why is it you?"

It was all clear. Just minutes ago when I felt the pull, when I smelled the scent of an immortal, the only immortal I could take, I knew. Before I remembered how Edward meant to me, and even before that, even before. I knew it was a possibility… I just didn't think it could really happen.

I could see the sudden fear in him, as if he knew where this was leading.

"Why do you have it? Why you?" my voice came out in breaks.

"Bella?"

"Why do you have that?" I focused my gaze once more on the wretched thing. And I think I died a little bit more when I saw him look down and see it.

…the last feather.

He picked it up and examined it as my heart if I had one physically had sunk even deeper. He held it up and moved a step nearer while I took a step back, pleading with my eyes.

He stopped then with his eyes he asked me what I've been desperately trying to avoid. What does this mean?

Silence. I can't…

"Bella, is that really you now? Do you remember me now?" he asked slowly.

I swallowed. His eyes holding mine that I can't refuse an answer.

"Yes. It is me. But Edward—

His features relaxed and he gave a small smile of relief. "Oh Bella…"

He made to go nearer to me when I stopped him again, holding up my hands to him. He looked taken aback then glanced at my feather on his hand again then back at me.

"Where did you get that?" I asked with dread.

"I picked it up, the day you and I met. But, what is it Bella? Why are you scared? What's wrong?"

I looked away before I answered. It was time to let all the secrets out. There's no escape from this.

"When… I became a fallen, I shed thirteen feathers. Thirteen feathers I have to reclaim before…" I hesitated. "Before I let go of my being death. And that's – that's the last one."

"Then that's good right? You'll be free of that?" He said unsure.

I couldn't answer that.

"You don't get them freely." It wasn't a question. He understood then.

I clenched my fist at my sides.

"Bella, what will happen… if I hand it to you now?" he really knew.

I looked at him then and felt on the brink of asphyxiation. "You'll…pass away."

"I'll _die? _But Bella, I'm already dead! This is good, nothing will happen to me and you'll be free now. Bella?" Even as he said that I knew that he knew it's not true.

"But – but how Bella? I can't comprehend this…"

"You still have a soul Edward. You're body died, your soul trapped… it's rare but it happens. Only I can release your soul." I said slowly.

He stepped closer. I remained on my spot. "What about you? What will become of you?"

I gave a small smile. "What I am is what you see before you. But that's not important Edward. If you think about it, it doesn't really change a thing… the choice was an illusion. Our fate has been decided…"

"What do you mean?"

I might as well say it. I love him. This is what I want for him anyway. And I could give his salvation now with but a touch to his eyes. No choice needed.

"Before this, Edward, Midnight told me that you have been given a choice to make. You can have what I failed to give you. You can have what is rightfully yours. I am the instrument to your salvation. Heaven is within your reach. There is nothing to do but want it." I said in a steady voice.

I watched him as he thought it through. Thought about what I just revealed. This was it. There was no going back.

Then he looked back up at me with anxious eyes. "Choice. You said I had a choice. What is it? You just said one option."

His eyes held so much worry and sincerity as if he was reading my mind, understanding my selfish reluctance.

"You deserve to know but I beg you not to choose this foolishness. The option I just told you must be your only choice." I said firmly.

"The other choice is you, isn't it?" his words cut through me that I winced a little. Of course he knew. "Come on, Bella. Enough with the secrets!" his voice rising.

"One of us can get salvation. While the other, remain as death."

"Then why are we still discussing this? Why didn't you tell me right away? Wait – this is why you did all these! You knew what I was going to choose so you prolonged it! There is only one answer isn't there? I will always choose y-

"STOP!" I yelled at him mad at my right assumption. Then I softened my features in defeat. "Please, just – just stop Edward…"

And he did.

"Edward… can't you even understand a little? I wanted time… time with you. And maybe…just maybe I could make you choose yourself." I laughed without humor. "But it would be silly right? I am your shadow. I want what you want Edward. I know your heart as it mirrors mine. And I want you to take the choice as much as you want me to have it."

"Bella…"

"I know Edward."

"Then… tell me this, why can't I say what I feel about you?" another hard question.

"Because the moment you do Edward, you have to choose or else… your soul will be lost…" I bowed my head.

"…"

"If I go… or you go, one cannot follow?" he asked tentatively.

I nodded.

"Then I don't want it. I don't want to part with you. Can't I choose that? Can I choose us?"

"Would you choose that? Really? We cannot truly express what we feel without worry that you might slip and tell me, tell me _that. _For as long as forever Edward. We slip and we go back to this. I'd rather… I'd rather take all the pain now than fear that it might happen anytime!" I challenged.

He shook his head and looked so frustrated. "Then we just won't slip! We can do it, I just won't say out loud that I lo—" he stopped then a look of horror passed through his face. I would live a miserable life if I can't let the one I love hear that I love him. I know actions speak louder, but this new meaning… this new dread that comes with the words ring louder. We can't do it. No. It's a won't… it's more of a won't…

Then he growled and kicked the ground. I closed my eyes as I felt some of the snow hit me.

"Edward… please…"

He looked at me then I knew it and once I opened my eyes I was right.

"The choice doesn't really matter now Edward. You have my feather. It is mine to reclaim. It is yours to give back. It's inevitable."

"It's not fair. Are those my only choices Bella? My death or yours? Whatever it may be it's the end of _us_?" he said exasperatedly.

"…"

He looked away. "Death…has already claimed me… a long time ago…" he whispered.

I shook my head sadly. "We… we were never meant to fall in love Edward. We can love each other but we can't be together. I am just… I was only meant to be the instrument of your deliverance."

He glanced at me. "But what if it's the other way around Bella? What if _I'm _the instrument of yours?"

I thought about that too but for me heaven is where Edward and I are together… not apart.

"Bella… it happened. I can't just turn a blind eye on this. Us…_We _happened. We can't just ignore that. Isn't there another choice? I want to be with you always. If I do choose eitherway… we…" his face crumpled.

I frowned. "I'm sorry, so sorry that I kept this from you. I didn't mean to be selfish. I wanted to give this choice to you the moment I knew but the more I knew you, the more you knew me, and the harder it was to let you choose yourself."

He shook it off. "No Bella. I would've done the same. But, there must be a way… there must be something else we can do." His voice as desperate and defeated as how I felt.

I smiled sadly. "We shouldn't be sad. _I _shouldn't be sad. I have to let you go freely. I love you that much to want this for you. I am your angel, of light and death. I should want nothing more for you but this. I don't regret ever watching over you or meeting you again. Meeting you again, being able to talk to you… is what makes it easier to hand over your salvation. You deserve it. It's yours. I don't want to be selfish and keep you. Just knowing that you care about me is enough. And I will never forget that. And I will always have peace in me knowing where you will be. What angel could want more for their guarded, if not to lead them to heaven?"

"But you – I – this… I understand what you're saying Bella but…you love me…"

I shook my head. "It's going to be okay Edward. And yes, I really do love you and I know you do too, I don't doubt that. I just want more for you like you do for me. And it's what I want Edward. I want you to have your heaven."

The way Edward looked at me made me feel both elated and pained. His eyes wavered from deep love and piercing ache.

It would seem like we were having an impasse. But I am very tempted…tempted to take him by surprise, and force the decision on him. I just need to touch his eyes and send him.

"Bella, don't do it. I won't be happy if I don't…consent." He answered. Again, attuned to my thoughts…

With a huff, I plopped down on a nearby snow bank and rested my head on my palms. We're back to the stalemate. I shut my eyes and gritted my teeth. I didn't even flinch when I felt him sit behind me, his back against mine.

"This is so frustrating." I grumbled.

"I know," he said softly followed by a sigh.

He leaned back slightly, gently pushing me forward and I knew he was facing up, trying to go into his calm state.

We just stayed that way, back-to-back for a few minutes in silence. I was able to ease some of tension. We needed that. We had to think straight.

A strong flurry swept around us, draping snow on our hair, chilling kisses on our skin. The sky seemed to compose a suiting atmosphere for our indecisive state, its waves of clouds flowing in shades of gray.

When it was over, the world stood still in silence.

And it was only us again, with our touching backs, and newly linked fingers that sought each other knowingly, almost instinctively, our breaths frosting in midair.

I straightened up a bit, and then leaned back again with my face slightly tilted to the side. He held my hand tighter in response.

I closed my eyes and allowed myself to smile fully aware of the transience of this moment.

A little bit longer.

Just a little more time…

* * *

**Edward**

My mind was running a marathon, so different from the calm I projected on the surface. This was so much to take in one sitting…

Bella shifted her head and faced upward. I leaned forward so she could feel more comfortable. Hearing her breathing, a steady rhythm… I can't help but envy her… acceptance. She seemed so sure of her choice, even though I knew that deep inside she was just starting to enjoy the feel of living. I've had a century of living my life different ways, while she had seventeen years of one-sided life, and barely two years of another kind of living with being able to feel. She doesn't need to admit it. But she wants to live life more freely. Just a shot of truly living for just a while longer…

I ran a hand through my hair and let out a laugh.

I felt her cock her head to face me a little, surprised. "What's so funny?"

I shook my head and stared out in space, while smirking. "Well, I guess it's not that surprising anymore."

She glanced up again after a nod and whispered. "Keep talking."

I scrunched my face then whispered back, "Shadowboxing."

"Oh." Was her only reply.

Sighing, I continued. "Nothing is more difficult, than fighting with your own shadow, much less your mirror."

She let out a puff of breath. "Two mirrors facing each other in parallel will only show an unending reflection."

"Aye, physics…"

"It could still end though." She paused. "All things end."

I felt the anger rush again. "Would you break the other mirror Bella?"

She rested her head on her palm again but not breaking her hold on my hand she shook her head once. "The other mirror could face away… or be placed in a different place."

Word traps. So we were back to arguing again. But this time felt like a losing battle that we both knew of. We were talking calmly and in hushed tones after all despite what we may want to feel, we were on the brink of a closure.

I looked down at my shoes, my thumb absentmindedly rubbing her hand. "And shadowboxing?"

I felt her smile a little. "That too…"

"How? By taking away its source of light?" I squeezed her hand tighter, my voice wanting to rise but showed unyielding defeat. She winced.

"…"

I sighed. "You'd win but get swallowed in darkness anyway."

"Or surrounded in brightness," she replied all too quickly.

She was right. "This is making me miserable," I admitted.

"It makes sense. We're both just too stubborn." She kicked a pile of snow. "But it also shouldn't. What's wrong with us?" her question rang with indifference or bitterness, I couldn't tell.

"I know what can make me happy," I suggested.

"I do too, but given time, if you tried, you'd be even happier if you did what would make _me _happy…"

I flicked some snow off my arm then shrugged. "It was worth a shot. But I don't think I'll be happy if I left you. I'm not saying that I won't be miserable too if you left, but it's something I can accept with a grain of salt knowing you'd be in a better place."

She grinned sheepishly. "Ditto."

I laughed and she joined me until we felt miserable again.

"Well, this is going nowhere. We want the same things…_for each other. _ Can you believe that?" She laughed bitterly.

Frowning I pinched my nose. "Irreconcilable _similarities, _lovely."

She started swinging her legs. "How about I play you for it? Or we flip a coin?" her tone as flat as the line we can't cross.

"You gamble high, dearest." Since when did the tone become amusing it's frightening? "When you know, I always win." My tone as dead as hers. Humor is shot to hell. We're almost serious about our supposed joking.

"Then take the prize already," she said blankly, still defeated, but hoping the tiniest bit.

"Nice try. But no dice. It would be ungentlemanly of me not to give the prize I won to my girl. So…" I let it trail off.

"You fight dirty," she grunted.

"Says the woman who wanted to touch my eyes and send me. Yes, I know how you do it, before you ask."

She sighed audibly. "I love you."

I stopped myself before I could say the same. We haven't decided yet. I almost lost if I slipped.

"Don't worry, I know. Otherwise, we wouldn't be having this conversation," she said slowly.

Silence again. Time, we just need more time to figure this out, look for a loophole.

"When I say it, do I have to choose right away?"

I felt her shake her head. "Three days, exact time."

I gave a nod I knew she felt.

Would three days be enough? The longer we prolong this, the harder it was going to be…

I sighed and held her hand tighter as we sat not speaking again, just reveling in the closeness, closeness we might never have again.

She gave a contented sigh and leaned back with her cheek slightly pressed on my back shoulder. I reached out to caress her hair and closed my eyes tighter.

I moved to cup her chin and shifted sideways to face her. From her cheek, my hand wandered down to her other hand and held it on her side. She can't take me like this. I would know because Carlisle saw her not that long ago that she visited me in the hospital with ebony wings. Wings that as I understood now only manifest when she is about to take her feathers. The moment she places her palm over my eyes would be the end of my life as it is now.

Her eyes told me everything she wanted to hear.

Three days would have to do.

So I kissed her, and we kissed for so long. We kissed slowly, memorizing, savoring… my hands around hers in a death grip. Our mouths the only other bridge. The kiss like slow roast coals… glowing, heated… but need not blaze to remain hot.

When we broke apart I could do nothing but smile at her as she never looked beautiful, my sweet Bella who was nothing but love right now.

Her eyes still telling me what it is she wants on the now.

Here we were, sitting once more with words that remained to be said. What I want to say. What she never asked out loud to hear.

_I took my love down to violet hill  
There we sat in snow  
All that time she was silent still  
_

_So if you love me  
Won't you let me know?  
If you love me won't you let me know._

"I love you Bella."

* * *

**AN: This was harder to write than I expected. I had a serious case of writer's block. So it took so much time to complete it. Heavy chapter. Well, as this story is very much nearing its end (so's my summer *ugh*), I've answered all but one question in this chapter. Yeah, I know. **_**Finally, **_**right? It was for me too. It's very difficult to keep the mystery going! "What will Edward do?" (Hmm, it sounds like one of those WWJD ballers only it's WWED here right?) But **_**le gasp**_**! Right? He told her he loves her! I mean he really got to say it out loud to her finally despite the consequences. *cough* choice *cough* **

_**And here is the part where I ask you guys what do you think he should do and your theories on what would happen after the choice?**_

**Oh right, I'm sorry I forgot to announce the song for this chapter and also for the grammar mistakes for the last chapter. Yikes. Corrections will be done when I'm freer. I had 10 freakin' minutes to upload the last chapter and too many things happened afterward. Anyway, I really want to hear from you guys though I don't always reply I always smile at each review and messages. One last thing, I'm cutting this story a chapter short since I've decided to put most of the meat in this one. So three more then an epilogue. Thanks for all your support! **

**Margaux**

_**Next song chapter: Til Kingdom Come**_


	33. Chapter 30: Til Kingdom Come

**AN: Never fails to give me chills as to how this song is so perfect for the story. I really insist that you watch it on youtube or wherever. The covers, the original, with lyrics, wherever just listen to it. It's so so perfect. But I seriously suggest you watch the acoustic version. Thank you for being patient, it really took some time to make this perfect. Enjoy!**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 30: Til Kingdom Come**

**Edward**

As expected, her face registered shock and her body stiffened. Then just as easily, her expression shifted to that of a thoughtful yet somber mood but not without the gleam of happiness that still seemed to sparkle in her eyes as if letting me know she's happy to hear it but sad about the timeline.

So…three days.

Another flurry surrounded us while we remained standing still. No one blinking, no one twitching. But unlike before, even as we're laced with fresh snow, the air did not seem as cold as it was minutes before during our stalemate.

Then she broke into a smile and hugged me. Gently.

I hugged her back, stroking her hair. Even if I can't see, I just know that she's fighting frowning and smiling at the same time. Because she knows.

Holding her tighter, I buried my face in her hair. Why did I decide to say it now rather than have more years with her – more time? It's rather simple.

As I've said before, she knows. She knows that moment, I chose her. It's not to presuppose that I'm choosing her salvation nor is it choosing her wish of choosing myself. I chose her over the _choice. _I want her to know that with the dilemma or not, it's her I always put first, it's her I love.

I want to choose her though, that will never change. But I don't want her to end up blaming herself for eternity either.

She pulled back and looked at me with nothing but love with mixes of anxiety. "Why did you say it now?" she whispered.

I smiled. "Don't you know?"

She ducked her head, "Liberties…"

I lifted her chin up with a finger so she could face me. Half-smiling I nodded. "An angel told me that a captive, when given an opportunity for some liberties should make the most of it."

I touched her face, "I am being held captive by the inevitability of choosing, I should at least dictate when right? And also, I am given freedom to be allowed the time to say I love you. So I'm saying it now, and again, I love you Bella."

She smiled a little but still her eyes wavered. "Why now?"

I pushed some of her hair back. "Because, I don't think we'll be happy if we go around in circles avoiding the words that need to be said."

She nodded and her eyes drooped.

"So what now? I don't… feel any different." I stretched my arms out noting any changes.

"Nothing… nothing but wait," she answered in a small voice and I noticed her eyes looking at a distance.

"Can't I answer now?" I asked.

She looked back at me then. "You could… but I don't want you to. Just not yet, Edward. There's…no need to rush it even more."

I tilted my head. "You…don't want me to?"

She smiled a bit, "I want you to…think about the choice more. We have three days…"'

I held her once more and inhaled her scent.

She hugged me back.

"If I think about it, are you going to leave?" I asked rather tensely.

She sighed. "I don't have to, but how else can you think about it fully?"

"I just got you back…we have so little precious time left. Believe me it'll be harder – I won't be able to think straight."

Patting my hair I felt her smile against my neck. "Okay, okay. I won't leave."

It only settled my heart for just a fraction because we both know the follow-up for that. She won't leave… _yet._

I pulled back and smiled at her. "Let's get out of here. Tell me where you want to go, I'll make it happen."

She just continued to stare at me, her eyes glowing, with a hint of pucker between them.

"Or would you rather just stay here?" I could care less where we go as long as _we _go.

She tilted her head before asking me tentatively. "Would you, like to see where I've been… staying?"

By the slight hesitation of her last word, I knew what she was saying otherwise. She wanted me to see her prison.

I searched her eyes again before nodding.

She gave a nod before turning around and pointing up. Following her direction, I looked up to see that she was pointing at the top of the clock tower. I mentally cursed, having passed this numerous times not knowing this was where she was… all this time.

"I know what you're thinking. Stop." She said, effectively halting my thoughts.

I looked back at her and gave her a look.

She looked down and kicked some snow, her bells ringing that familiar sound while explaining. "If you remember when you took me to the meadow…well, in our dream sequence anyway." She looked up and smiled sheepishly.

I smiled back, it was a hard time for me but my relief overshadowed that. And I also remembered, all too clearly that time at the meadow…

"Purkinje…" I mumbled.

"Hmm?"

I shook my head fast, "Sorry, it's nothing. I'm terribly sorry for interrupting you."

She wrinkled her nose for a second before breaking into another smile. If she were human, she would've blushed. She scratched the tip of her nose and chuckled. "I guess you remember it well."

Running a hand through my hair I chuckled with her. "It was all…yellow."

She blinked and looked up at me curiously. "Yellow?"

Shaking my head slowly, "There were a lot of stars that night, and you were so free then."

Nodding once, "It was beautiful… too beautiful…" she trailed off with hints of sadness.

Reaching for her hand, "Never think it wasn't real, love." She looked up at me with doubt still in her eyes. "Even if it was a dream… it was _our _dream. Your memories may have been manipulated at that time but the beauty of it is, if you think about it more…"

I caressed her cheek, she closed her eyes instinctively. "…is that despite everything…you still came…" I gave her a light kiss. "…with me."

She kissed me back just as lightly before beaming at me. Then she wrapped her free arm around me, leaning her head on my chest. "Hmmm… that is true. I believe then, that no matter what, I'll always fall for you. Just like I did time and time again."

Her words filled me with joy if not for the implication of the word _fall. _There was nothing but truth in her words. She did forgo the first chance at heaven to follow me here on earth. Then here's another chance and she did everything again knowing I won't let her, find a way to let me take the choice without hitches. If I didn't know her and she just came and presented me with the choice, then because I have no affections, I could take it easily. Her plan would've succeeded had it not been for one little crux.

I would fall, like her I would anytime. We are each other's mirrors, aren't we?

"Bella, you were saying?" I prompted her.

"Right, we got a little off track there. Anyway, I told you when you asked if you could drive me home, that you couldn't because the place was bewitched."

"Yeah, I do remember. It was because Midnight had beings after him," I recalled.

She squeezed my hand. "That's true. His power is very much coveted but there's also one more thing…"

"Well, for one my siblings could've seen you or found you."

She nodded, "True again. But it's also to keep others from me." Then she continued to explain about her death touch.

"Speaking of Midnight, where is he?" I became alert suddenly. Well, he pops out rather unexpectedly he might just be within reach. And frankly, though the man wasn't exactly a picture of terror, he downright gave me the creeps.

She shrugged. "I don't know. I haven't seen him ever since I slept. I woke up alone. But I do pray he's okay. Our dream really took a toll on him." Her tone changed to that of concern.

I couldn't help but smirk. "You shouldn't be worried. I'm sure that he's probably sitting down watching dreams or movies while twirling his infernal hat."

Looking surprised then laughing just as fast, she replied, "You don't like him much, do you?"

Wrinkling my nose I shrugged, "It's not that. He just…he's just so _bizarre_."

"Just like _dreams _are bizarre you know," came her playful retort.

"I guess."

She examined me before looking at me funny. "Seriously Edward, what did he do to you? I've always thought him a gentleman with a fondness for riddles. He talks like he's singing, which I find quite pleasant you know."

"Why don't I tell you while we go see your 'magical' place? Wait, how do we go there?"

She blinked then bit her lip. "Well… from my recollection, I only leave with my wings out…"

"No problem. We could climb it easily."

Her eyes twinkled. "Or we could just take the stairs?"

I chuckled. "Okay but I'm not walking slow."

In an instant she was on the entrance with her hands behind her back. "I never asked you to."

So we ran up the flight of stairs which was very long by the way, all the while conversing.

The ambiance was that of a light one. I told her about the movie imitations care of Midnight which she laughed at then we talked some more just catching up.

But then, as we were nearing the top, the mood changed once more to that of a more poignant one. Our indecision, our mistake… that led to this.

Then we were at the door facing each other as silence enveloped us. She broke our gaze when she reached for the door.

As her hand touched the knob she paused. "On hindsight… despite everything, I don't feel any regret, you know?" She glanced up at me and gave a half-smile.

I returned her smile and nodded. Even if we ran in circles for some time, or even if one of us in just an instrument for the other's salvation, and even yet if our love wasn't part of the plan, nothing can undo that love.

We stood there again just searching each other's eyes, both wanting to talk but failing to speak.

Then… "Bella, about the choice—

I was taken aback for a second when she was in a flash, clutching my shirt while shaking her head on my chest. I looked above her head into the empty hallway, one hand on gently on her arm, the other at my side.

"No, Edward. Not now please. We only just got each other back for real this time. I just want you alone with me for just a little longer. I don't want to think about…" she lifted her head a bit to look away bitterly. "I just want this time…for us."

I tilted her head with my index finger to face me. "Just us?"

She loosened her grip on my shirt then reached up to kiss me briefly brushing her lips to mine that I instinctively leaned down when I felt her pull away.

She rested her head on my chest again and nodded. "Just us."

Encircling my arms around her I whispered, "Okay."

"Okay," she whispered back.

When we pulled away and faced each other for the nth time this day, we each answered a silent question, one we've shied over for some time. But I guess, not anymore. Not when we feel like this was the night before facing the gallows.

I cupped her face and leaned down to capture her lips to which she responded just as eagerly. But as eager as we were, it started uncertain… slowly uncertain… to that of being slowly passionate… like that of wanting to weep if not for anguish but for euphoria.

_Steal my heart and hold my tongue  
I feel my time, my time has come_

One of us reached for the door and succeeded but I'm not quite sure who did, though I don't really care. Stumbling, yet doing so always ever so gently and gracefully, we were inside and the world a non-entity outside with the soft shutting of the door.

_Let me in, unlock the door  
I never felt this way before  
_  
There was nothing inside this small sanctuary but us, only _us. _The rest that lie outside were simply _them. _ Our worlds opening, giving, accepting… one, we were one.

_And the wheels just keep on turning  
Drummers begin to drum  
I don't know which way I'm going  
I don't know which way I've come_

We were sure we wanted this, we wanted each other. But I know, and she does too that we didn't want it like this, the same as how we didn't want it then on the meadow. But as our hands search for each other, our lips not allowing words, the decision wasn't that hard to do. We've allowed our minds to dictate every move so our hearts wouldn't suffer so in the long run. Yet the heart knows what it wants. Regardless of having not to beat. The heart knows what it needs.

_Hold my hand inside your hands  
I need someone who understands  
I need someone, someone who heals  
For you I've waited all these years_

With each touch, each caress, with every sigh, it all feels right. And the gray now white heavens never burst so much light in this January sky. We're holding on, holding on…

…to let go.

We have to let go.

_For you I'd wait til kingdom come  
_

Locked in each other, we spoke all the things that need to be said with and without words. Proclamations and laughs and cries, but always only heard by the two of them.

_Until my day, my day is done  
_

* * *

"Edward?"

My head snapped towards the voice. "Yes, Carlisle?"

He smiled his usual gentle smile and said, "I was wondering what your plans are."

I looked down. It was already night time when I came home. I wasted no time in telling everything, especially the choice. The whole family was in the dining room with different expressions on their face but two questions reflected clearly.

One, what are my plans.

Two, where was Bella?

Pinching the bridge of my nose I closed my eyes. "We're at a stalemate as you can see while the clock is still ticking. It's…" I gave a dark chuckle. "It's _different. _No one has, supposedly _nothing _to lose."

"Except."

I glanced up at Jasper.

"Except your relationship," he said his eyes as troubled as mine without any doubt from the suffocating emotions in this room.

I slumped on the chair defeated. Everyone has mixed feelings over this. They liked the idea of my chance at heaven and would gladly take Bella in. They wanted heaven for Bella too because they knew her sacrifices. But the crux, as it still remains to be is that they knew it was hard to separate us.

"Where is she?" Esme asked.

I blinked.

_

* * *

Smiling I peppered her with kisses when we were done._

_But that smile stopped when we were at the top of the tower, facing the ground below._

"_Do you have to go?" I said while holding her waist tighter, pulling her back tighter against my chest._

"_I meant what I said when I wanted you to think about it," she answered not moving but allowing me to._

"_What for? I've already chosen," I said nuzzling her head._

"_I know."_

_I sighed. "When will you come back?"_

_She turned and faced me then, her hands on my face. "Tomorrow morning."_

_I opened my mouth to speak but she touched it with a finger before giving me a peck._

_Leaning my forehead to hers I sighed again. "Tomorrow then."_

_I released her then and she freed her wings silently saying that there was the assurance that she'll reclaim her feather. Then with a wave, she was gone._

_And the world felt colder._

* * *

"Marry her."

My head shot up. "Pardon?"

Alice gave a small smile. "Why not?"

I just stared blankly at her.

"Won't that make it harder?" Emmett said unsure.

Alice shook her head. "It's going to be easier."

"How? Please explain," Rosalie pressed.

"At least then, you can say that you did everything possible to bind yourself to the person you love even for a short while," Alice explained.

Everyone was silent as they mulled over it. Then they looked at me expectantly.

It does make sense. Even if we've already…bound ourselves emotionally and…physically. The prospect of being bound spiritually… legally…

Alice came to a stop kneeling in front of me. She clasped my hand in hers and smiled brightly. "Just say yes and it's done. We'll make it happen. Just say that it's something you want."

As I looked at her then at the smiling faces of my family then back at her I let out a heavy breath then nodded.

I smiled, "Yes, I do want it."

* * *

I decided to wait out the morning on top of the tower. It was past midnight and the evening was quite pleasant.

With nothing but the wind billowing, snow falling, it was the perfect time to think.

_Oh say you'll come and set me free  
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me  
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me  
_

If you think about it, following her…choice, I could provide both her wishes even if one doesn't make sense to me. I could go to heaven, and that would mean a success for her. My angel led me to heaven. And the other is, she would be truly free. She'll have another chance for living, and she'll never want for anything. I will be sustained greatly in Paradise as will be reflected on her sustenance. That is an assumption. She'll always have a family to come home to should she choose it or not. And I'll find a way to get her to heaven.

It's a possibility. But, isn't heaven the ultimate goal? She could finally go back to heaven, while I won't even feel the misery of being apart from her because I'll be the new death and being that meant losing all feelings except death's call.

_In your tears and in your blood  
In your fire and in your flood  
_

We've been through so much already. Both together and apart. There must be a way to keep us together. There must be.

I love her so much that not even a wedding could summate my feelings. But I want to be hers, in all ways. And I want her to be mine.

My options have already been weighed. Well, the ones presented anyway. I'm still waiting for another to come at us. It's more of hoping, when it comes down to it.

Regardless of the difficulty – the consequences, I could still take with me always, the memories we had. The memories we could still make with our last days together.

_I heard you laugh, I heard you sing  
I wouldn't change a single thing  
_  
If we were just instruments for each other's salvation… I would think that it's not how people might perceive. I think that our being together was not just some bonus, but salvation was more like a prize, the relationship the goal.

_The wheels just keep on turning  
The drummers begin to drum  
_

I just want to know why. When we first met, we could undergo the process of being together without hitches. Then when she first left, everything changed. Suddenly, there was this dilemma. Why so abrupt?

_I don't know which way I'm going  
I don't know what I've become  
_  
As I settled into the quiet I stilled my thoughts that were going in circles.

Then before I knew it, morning broke. I stood up and brushed the snow that collected on my body.

And I smiled as I heard the soft whirr of wings and chimes of bells.

I felt her walk beside me then we were standing side by side looking into space, her wings brushing against me.

I reached for her hand and she held mine just as tightly. Just a small gesture to acknowledge the presence of each other.

She ducked her head and held her hair back as a gush of wind blew on our direction. I did the same.

Then almost at the same time as I did, she peeked at me and smiled. "What now?"

"Well, can I voice out my choice?"

She thought about it then looked to the side. "So soon?"

"I know I'm done with thinking. Unless there's another option out there. But if not, then I know what I want."

She puffed her cheek then sighed. "We still have two more days…you might change your mind."

I shook my head. "No. But I have a question though."

She looked at me then. "What is it?"

"If I decide now will you take your feather right away and send me?" I asked rather nervously.

"No. Not until the last second. Your choice, voiced, will only matter then."

With our joined hands I reached for her feathers and brushed them lightly. "Why are your wings out?" as if I didn't know yet.

"They're out because one way or another, you'll give me my feather. The only difference is the direction we're going to. Where you go, and where I go," she explained.

"Do you ever wonder why only one can go to heaven? Or why another Death must come around? Wait, you'll become Death again?"

She smirked, "That's more than one question." Then she softened when she saw my expression.

"Of course I thought of it. And one of the theories I can think of is balance."

"Balance?" I quirked my head at her.

"Yes. Maybe there's a count that's needed for Dark angels. So I would need a replacement that's most suitable, and you being my shadow…"

I nodded, "Still, if I do go to heaven, you'll be a fallen. Not Death."

"Which brings me to another theory that could disprove the former. Because if you are left behind as a new Death, then a small mercy would be to leave you numb. And who knows, maybe with time doing a higher purpose, you could turn from an angel of death, to an angel in heaven," she said almost considering.

"That's what I thought too. That, and if I do choose heaven, then I'll find a way back to get you. You did your duties well, Bella. You should go to. I'll find a way to get you. If you were to help me attain heaven then your guardian angel duty is fulfilled. You can return with time too."

She smiled. "That sounds promising. If I became mortal." Her eyes shifted.

She meant, she could if she could die. But she was immortal. But at least, we have come to an agreement. No matter what choice we took, we'd still find a way to get the other back to heaven.

_For you I'd wait til kingdom come  
Until my day, my days are done  
_

"Just say it Bella. Say it, and I can be the new Death. And I'll find a way to go to you," I said cupping her face.

She touched my hands on her face. "And say it too Edward, so you wouldn't have to be Death. Go to heaven, Edward, and help us both."

Though both were based on hopes still we both knew the latter would have a greater chance. Even though I can't help but feel selfish for taking that choice, even if that wasn't the case, it was still the favored one.

She kissed my palm and closed her eyes as she rubbed her face on my hand. "I'll be fine Edward. This is the choice with less hurt. You wouldn't want to be Death. Not really. Then we can pray after. We find a way."

I sighed and kissed her forehead, her eyelids, her nose, her cheeks, and finally her lips. "We'll talk more then…later. Right now, there's one more thing I want to do."

Then I let go and dropped on one knee.

"What are you doing Edward?" she asked anxiously.

"Bella, no matter what I am yours and I don't mean to come off as arrogant, but you're mine. And I just want to be tied to you in every possible way so—

She shook her head, "Wait Edward. I love you and I know I'm loved but this is just going to make it harder. We've already… given so much of ourselves to each other." She said the last part shyly. Then she looked up with frantic eyes. "Don't get carried away."

It was my turn to shake my head. "I'm serious Bella." I took hold of her hand to which she hesitated to give but allowed nonetheless. "We can be tied more together. Your anklet proves that we're forever linked but your former cuff still proves you belong to a higher being and that makes us linked together for that higher being. So I want another shackle to bind us together… to bind our hearts together."

"I want that wherever we may be, whoever our witnesses, we can choose how we proclaim our union. Everyone can and will know that I've been claimed. So I can tell them that, there will always be something to gain from chasing shadows, and that is to find the source of light. Bella, you are my light. You alone. No one else. Nothing else.

"Bella, love, will you marry me?"

I presented her with my mother's ring, my most prized possession, along with my wholeness, at the mercy of her words.

She broke down and embraced me sobbing dry sobs, her wings encircling us. "Yes, of course yes. Whatever you want Edward. I can't deny you. I could never."

I hugged her back and kept asking for reassurance. "Will you really? It's what I want, but is it what you want? You know I can't deny you too."

"If you won't deny me then…?" she said as she pulled back to look me directly.

I had to concede. So I gave a heavy nod and rested my head on her shoulder, kissing the side of her head.

"Thank you Edward. You won't regret the choice. I love you," she whispered.

I hugged her tighter and stroked her hair. "I get to thank you too for… giving me heaven. But most of all for agreeing to marry me."

She nodded, "I love you."

"I love you too."

The die was cast then. As we were on top of the highest structure in Forks, with nothing but whiteness of the sky and ground, for the first time after so long, I looked up and prayed.

Please, let there be a way to get her to where I'm going. I know it might take some time, but I'll wait for it. I'll wait for the opportune moment. As I looked back at Bella, I just hope she'll wait too.

I hugged her tighter and shut my eyes tight.

Please don't make us wait in vain…then and only then will we really consider ourselves free.

_Oh say you'll come and set me free  
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me  
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me

* * *

_

**AN: Oh man, I was very much near tears when I was writing this. After this, just two more then an epi. So, the die is pretty much cast. The next one will be even more heart wrenching! If last chapter was meaty, **_**this **_**one was particularly juicy. I've had drafts and drafts that I hope you forgive me for. Oh and May 10, 2010 (yesterday our time) I had a very important list of things to do that it was already quarter to nine when I went home for good. First of course, I voted for the first time (it's our country's general elections! So suffrage!) then I had to assist my mom at her clinic (She's a dermatologist) for the rest of the day then we went to my uncle's party for the rest of the night. So pretty much exhausted by that time.**

**Yeah, I don't write lemons for several reasons. So I'll just leave it up to your imagination**. **~_^ But on the record, they did do it. So…they did it. Le gasp. **

**Not an ad or anything, but just for those who're curious, I've updated my profile for after almost two years! **

**Thanks for reaching upto this part, just stay with me a little longer and kindly leave a review. I really want to know your reactions! **

_**Next song: A Message (Supposed to be "See you soon" but the marriage was so last minute draft-trashing plot addition. A BIG addition, though having a great effect on the aftermaths of the outcome, did not change the decision I made for the ending).**_


	34. Chapter 31: A Message

**AN: I'm sorry if it's late but I don't want this to be a two-part chapter or completely separate two chapters. So I had to write this realht awly really really long chapter. That's why instead of posting the supposed-first part on Monday, I decided to continue and give you this mega long one so you won't be hanging.**

**Will this be their last hurrah? Prepare tissues but save up for the last chapter on the next update.

* * *

**

**Chapter 31: A Message**

**Edward**

Winter was ending, somewhat, if not for a few more weeks. There wasn't time to wait for sun here. And even if it wasn't winter, it would still be asking for too much to ask for sun in this rainy town. I sneaked a glance at my companion. Bella was resting her head on her palms, as her legs dangled on the edge. Her midnight wings were spread out, shielding her from more snow, and even shielding a bit of me. Her face was somehow puckered in worry.

"What's the matter?"

She shook her head. "It's…nothing?"

I rested my hand on her shoulder. "It must be something."

She let out a deep breath before tilting her head to face me a bit. "Well, I'm…confused."

"About what?"

Right then she took hold of my hand warily before giving a sigh of relief. Now it was my turn to be confused.

"Well for one… I can…touch you…?"

I blinked. Well, yeah. Shouldn't we be? I mean we've touched… rather plenty.

She shook her head again. "I'm… I don't know why I've just remembered this detail but I'm sure… the moment you said you love me, I can't touch you, else your soul gets lost. But… you're still here, and the call's still there. So…" then she looked at me in alarm. "Wait, before you said it, did you have a decision already?"

I thought it through. "I'm not that sure. But I chose _you. _I chose the time. But I don't think I've chosen _it _yet…"

She wrinkled her nose. "Huh."

I studied her. "Should I be alarmed?"

She shook her head once. "No… I don't think so. The only plausible explanation would be that we've already chosen before… though it wasn't voiced out. Hmmm…"

"…"

"Well, maybe I took it too literally. I guess, by touch it meant, touching your eyes." She said with more conviction. "Yeah, that must be it."

Though I wouldn't admit it, I was very much relieved. I was… frightened very much so seconds ago.

I swallowed.

She coughed.

"So… will it take place today?" Bella asked me expectantly with a hint of a smile.

I smiled at that. "It depends…"

She quirked her head. "On what?"

"Well, where do you want it?"

She looked up then I saw her gave a wistful look before shaking her head. "Anywhere. We don't have much time to be choosy…"

I chuckled. "We could make it happen. I know you've thought of something…"

She ducked her head.

"Come on, so Alice can see and we'll be halfway through planning…" I urged.

She looked down at the sight below. "Well… there's been one thing I haven't been able to do…"

I had a feeling this had something to do with sun.

She looked up the sky now with a slow smile on her face. "I've always wanted to feel… warm sand on my toes…"

I chuckled, "Beach right? Hmm… that's very possible to do."

"Out in the _sun _Edward? We can't – you'll be seen! You'll _all _be seen!"

I stood up and tried to calm her down. "Bella, we can arrange _anything. _As we speak, Alice and Carlisle are arranging it. But we have to leave in a bit."

I held out my hand for her and she took it. We didn't let go after I helped her up but she maintained her doubtful look.

"Come on, don't worry alright? Let's do this. You'll be giving me more than what I can give you back…"

Sadness glinted on her eyes before she nodded and smiled. "Okay. Let's do this. How much more time do we have before we leave?"

I did the mental math and said, "Just enough for a last chat before they fetch us."

"Ah. So we'll wait for them."

I gave a nod before running my hand through my hair.

"Edward?"

I glanced at her. "Yes love?"

She looked away and stretched her wings. "If you want to ask me more questions, now is probably the right time. I want our last day… tomorrow to be a day for just us, you know? None of these hard topics."

I squeezed her hand. "Okay, let's get it all out of the way now."

"Okay," she said patiently.

I stepped back and let go of her hand so I could lean on the wall and concentrate. She didn't follow but crouched instead overlooking the edge.

What to ask her?

"So Bella… did you have an idea that you would be an instrument to get me to heaven?" I asked slowly.

She flexed her wings then answered. "Yes. That day when you chased me out of the hospital, the thought occurred to me. You looked…" she winced. "You looked miserable. Like you wanted death… You were one of those reluctant death-seekers. You wanted an out, but you were… apprehensive about the consequences. So I thought that maybe… you were able to see me because you were looking for death." She gave a quick glance at me.

I nodded at her to continue.

She brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear and continued. "The ties that bind us are also too great for us to ignore each other. Did I know that there was a possibility that I could see you again? Yes. But I never thought that you could see me. And me being duty-bound, well, I can't really go to you now just like that, and for what? I couldn't feel you. I couldn't feel anything.

"Maybe… it was also accidental that you were able to see me. But I had to rule that out because I found out that you could read minds. How could it be an accident if at any time you could just take a peek at any dying mind and see one of us? And the basic knowledge I knew is that, we cannot be seen by anything other than by other deaths if we wish to be, by celestials, and lastly, by the dying. We _see _any beings with a few exceptions. Those of the higher ups can't just be _seen. _They appear."

I took it all in and swallowed. "So the closest explanation would be… I was dying."

She tilted her head. "Well, in a manner of speaking… maybe it was finally your time. Your soul's time."

"I thought death didn't wait…" I trailed off.

A shadow crossed her face. "It…doesn't." She heaved a sigh. "It's just a theory, Edward. It could be more of a chance. There are many kinds of _fallens_. Not all are tied. Not all were guardian angels. Some could be messengers, envoys, watchers…

"You have to believe me that I didn't know this could happen how it did before. I thought that, I've simply traded my wings to be with you." I saw her gaze cast downward. "But it's… simply not enough that we be together for eternity on earth… to just live a double life. I cannot shake off this want for you to be in heaven, and neither could you – for me." She craned her neck to look at me.

My expression faltered. She hit the truth.

She looked back ahead. "So I guess the choice – no – the _chance_ presented itself."

I crossed my arms and leant back some more before closing my eyes. "That sounds possible too… but there's one last thing… about the feather… could you still give me the choice even if I didn't have it? Would it have mattered?"

I heard her shift and could make out that she rested her head on her palms. "…Even without the feather, with the proclamation of the choice, I'd say it didn't matter. One of us could still have a shot. But it changes things… it changes one detail."

I opened my eyes in understanding. "I am to die by your hands," I said clearly. I hadn't thought about that before, that there was a possibility that if not for the feather, then, something or someone else could take me to heaven.

She flapped her wings when I saw something silver glinting on her palm. Then it was gone.

"Yes. I have come to realize that it's not enough that I just send you."

I had to be honest. It didn't really bother me. Though I've expected that I would just be sent away… at least with Bella, I wouldn't have to put up a fight. "But what about you? If I forgo heaven, how will you get there?" I uncrossed my arm.

Tucking her wings slightly she answered. "I'm not a mortal Edward. I never was. I'm just a soul that's tangible right now. So maybe I'll get picked up by an envoy, or simply disappear from here. You won't… back out of your choice now will you?"

I walked closer to her.

"No. I won't," I said finally.

I was stalling a bit before I ask my last question, so I kicked some snow off the edge and watched it spiral down until I lost sight of it.

"That day we met, back at the house… for a few days… there were no choices or feathers… and you told me that you would be fallen. Just a shadow of me. And you were bound once more to me. Then I set you free. It wasn't a long time, but we were together with little complications. All I thought about was how I get to keep you for eternity. That we would all adjust into a new wonderful life with your addition. How can you not mention the possibility of salvation then?" I couldn't control the emotion that laced those words.

She seemed unfazed by the question as if she was waiting for this one all along. But when she glanced at me briefly I saw the tinge of hurt in them as I knew she got the underlying tones. Why did you allow time for our love to blossom? Why did we have time to fall in love with each other?

"Because I wanted time. Some more time… and I haven't figured it all out right away. I had theories…endless possibilities… I forgot what it was like to love you Edward. To be _in _love with you. I wanted to feel it again. I did. I wanted a way for you to go to heaven too. But at that time, I didn't know how. Yes, there was a possibility. I knew that. But the means, I knew not. Our situation is a real rarity. Then… I felt you love me back. I've never…" she trailed off before looking at me with a soft expression.

"That, I didn't see coming. A little borrowed time… every bit counts. But because, as I've said, no matter what, we both couldn't give up the thought that the other deserved to be in paradise over our relationship here on earth. We're too selfless. No one wanted to be selfish. No one wants the other to be punished – to be damned. So the choice had to be presented."

She pointed to my heart. "It's reflected from our hearts." She smiled. "It's what we both want. A wish above all wishes. It's bound to happen. Inevitable. This is already the blessing we got from our suffering."

I couldn't help the tremor in my emotions. That I clutched at my chest and shut my eyes. "Is this it then? How can it be a blessing if only one of us can go?"

"We don't know that yet, Edward. You said so yourself. We'll find a way to get me there too. It's just not my time yet," she answered softly.

I gave a hard sob. She was sacrificing too much for me. I can't ever repay that. I swear I'll get her to paradise. I can't back down from my choice now no matter how much I wanted to. Because I can't deny her anything… and her nature, her love, her heart and mind want this.

She patted my foot. "It's going to be okay. We'll be okay. I'd rather have a minute with you than evade you for decades. It's your time. I'll have mine too. I love you. This is the right choice."

I calmed down and nodded. "I love you too."

Then she stood up and brushed her dress. "They're here."

True enough, they were down there waiting.

"Let's go," she said. Then she jumped. I jumped after her.

I landed first and stretched from my crouch. With her bells ringing after her and a soft whoosh from her wings, she landed foot first gracefully beside me.

"Hello…" she said shyly at my family. She kept her gaze down, and was clearly avoiding their gazes.

I was about to speak when Alice came forward and hugged Bella. Shocked momentarily, she recovered soon and looked touched that she hugged Alice back.

When they pulled away Bella wanted to say something but Alice cut her off.

"Bella, you don't need to say anything. Nothing can ever repay what you're giving Edward," she said.

"Alice…" Bella trailed off.

Esme and Rosalie came forward and hugged her too. "Thank you Bella, for giving him this chance." Then Jasper gave her a one-armed hug, while Emmett clapped her in the back.

Bella looked like she would cry if she could. I stood back and let her have this moment. And soon after, there was Carlisle.

Carlisle took this hard. Even after the talk they had, he still felt guilt for turning me, and thus, turning Bella… and when he knew about the choice… he was happy for the shot at heaven, but anguished by the dilemma… the sacrifices.

Bella noticed that and soon made her way over to him. Carlisle looked at her with pained but grateful eyes then raised his hand to stop her.

"Edward, would it be okay if you spend some time with your siblings and your mother? And Bella, would it be alright if…you drove with me?" he asked tentatively. When I read his thoughts I looked at Bella who was surprised and urged her with a nod.

She looked at me for a minute, then at the others, and finally answered Carlisle.

"Okay."

I walked over to Bella and gave her forehead a kiss. "I'll see you then. I love you."

"I love you too," she replied.

I gave Carlisle a curt nod before walking over to the others.

I guess, the "hard topics" aren't over yet.

**

* * *

Bella**

I watched their retreating backs until I couldn't see them anymore. I didn't want to have this conversation with Carlisle. It's difficult. We've talked before and everything was fine between us. But then… so much has happened.

This man saw my moment of weakness… and I saw his moment of weakness too.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. Glancing back at him, he was smiling unsurely. "Shall we?"

I nodded then followed him into his car.

We drove in uneasy silence and shifting eyes. No one knew how to break the ice. We would always have this unreachable gulf between us. Because even if I don't want to bear a grudge, even if I already made my peace with him before… he was still the man who turned us. I've grown to love him, yes. But the rush of all my feelings and my understanding of all them made me realize how easy it is to lay the blame on him which I've been feeling embarrassed about.

It wasn't fair for him. I know that. And I know he knows it too. That's why he's embarrassed as well. See, this is the problem with good people. They aspire to heal, not hurt. But that only extends to others than themselves. Because somewhere along the way… they hurt too. And with each person helped, the pain goes away.

Like handing a thornless rose to your lover with one hand, you clutch the bloodied other hand at your back with a smile. And your lover marvels at the beauty without fear of getting hurt.

That's what being too good does, to have so much love to give, that you want to take all the pain away, all the suffering, all the bad things from others. That's what Carlisle is thinking right now.

How can he take away _my _pain? How can he get me my chance too? How can he bring back the past? If he knew about our existence, how can he turn Edward? How can he turn everyone else? How can he take heaven away from them? If their angels were like me then, how can he condemn them too? How can he make this all right?

He shouldn't though. He shouldn't think about these. Everyone is past that. I mean, it would always haunt me, and I would always run away from it. I want to be a good person too. I also don't want him to feel pain.

"Carlisle…"

He parked to the side and sighed before looking away at his window.

I tried again but he cut me off.

"I… can't even begin to express how grateful I – _we_ are for your gift. And I would want nothing more than to get you to heaven too. If I had any shot at all at heaven, I would give it to you and it still would not be enough to repay you for your sacrifices… for my son," then he looked at me and gave a sad smile.

"Bella, I can't change anything, only look forward. But I just want you to know again that I'm sorry for all your pain, grateful for your compassion, and that you would always have a home with us. We love you. I may not have known you for a long time but I think of you as if you were my own daughter. And as a father, I can't even imagine how much I'm proud of you."

I cupped my mouth and felt that I was trembling from sobbing.

He reached out and touched my cheek before breaking into a smile. "I know that you think that maybe you were meant to just give Edward his salvation, but I beg to differ. You two are and always will be meant for _each other. _You two were brought into this world to give the other happiness. The time maybe short, and it may not seem fair, but _nothing _is lost. I'm not saying this to save face – to cover what I did."

He stroked my cheek. "Bella, there was more to gain. Both your love gained something impossible. And one day, it will be your turn. Out of all of us, even Edward, it's _you _who deserves it the most. But being the wonderful person you are, you can't live with yourself if you let this opportunity slip for Edward. So you chose to give him your shot. And there is no doubt in my mind that he'll find a way for you to get there. But until then, you have us."

I hugged him then and sobbed on his chest. Here's another thing good people do. They tell you things you want to hear. But unlike the charlatans, the users, the posers, they tell you with the truth in their eyes.

He stroked my hair and let me cry tearless cries. I've never had a father. Not even a father figure. I never felt the need to have one. But right now, right here, I have a father. And I think I need him. And the beauty of it is, he's more than here. He's here… for me.

When I finally calmed down I pulled away and smiled at him and gave a soft laugh.

"So… do I get Edward's room?" I said jokingly.

Carlisle laughed. "You can have your own room, or even your own house, Bella. But, yes, you could have it if you want."

"Thanks…" I took a deep breath. "I just want you to know that… despite everything. I'm glad it's you who turned Edward."

Then I leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "And thank you for guiding him… taking care of him all those years. Thank you for being well, partially _me_ for him when I was gone."

He laughed again then looked at me seriously. "So, are we… okay?"

"Yes. I would not want anything more than for us not to talk about any more guilt and chances and what ifs. I'd rather focus on the future. To tell you honestly, I'm… tired of talking about the past… it's just too taxing."

"Roger that then," he smiled. "So, speaking of the future, we have to get going."

I nodded, "I've been meaning to ask, just where are we going?"

He grinned. "First stop, we're heading back home and wait for the chopper. Normally, we could go by plane then boat but given the time and the circumstances, we'll have to use a different route."

"Won't I be seen? I can't tuck my wings anymore…" I said worriedly.

He shook his head. "No. Esme and I have licenses to fly." He winked. "And where we're going to… is chartered and upon request, unoccupied. So we'll have the place to ourselves."

I chuckled. "Where is it then? What's the place called?"

He looked embarrassed but smiled. "It's… somehow near Rio… and the place is called, Isle Esme…"

My eyes bulged. "You have your own island?"

"It's… technically Esme's…"

"It's a _gift?"_

"You ask too many questions sweetheart when we should get going," he said effectively ending that conversation.

"But—

"You and I will go ahead while the others prepare. But if you'd rather Edward stay with you instead we could arrange that…" he said unsure but I knew what he was asking with his eyes.

Shaking my head, I answered. "No. You all have a right to enjoy… some more time with Edward."

He knit his brows, "Are you sure? We've been with him for longer…"

I smiled. "As much as I don't like the over-the-top effort, I wouldn't want to deprive Edward of his involvement with the planning."

He chuckled.

**

* * *

Edward**

"Bella and Carlisle are probably preparing for take-off, and they're smiling from what I saw," Alice said, snapping me back to reality. We were using Emmett's jeep. Naturally, he was driving, with Rosalie, shotgun, and the rest of us squeezed in at the back.

I chuckled. "That's good then."

"Oh, and out with it, Edward. Talk to us," she said softly.

I sighed. "Did I… make the right choice?"

Esme squeezed my hand and smiled. "Honey, any choice would be the right one. Only, this one has lesser complications."

"Yeah. It won't be fun if we can't have your arrogant ass in the house what with you flying around collecting souls. Talk about creepy," Emmett bellowed before laughing out loudly.

"Right, and how can you deal with not feeling?" Jasper asked. "Though I would wish that at times when it gets too overbearing, I don't think you can call that living."

"And don't worry about Bella. We'll take good care of her if she decides to live with us. We'll make sure she gets the most of her freedom too. We love her too, you know," Rosalie added.

"But… we will miss you darling," Esme said after laying her head on my shoulder.

I kissed my mother's head and shifted to the middle so I could drape my arm around her and Alice's shoulders. "I'll miss you all too. I'm… clearly reluctant to leave… but… I guess, there's no way around it. I have to."

"Don't be silly, you don't _have _to. You deserve it. You've been a pain in the ass at times," Alice paused when Jasper snickered, Emmett guffawed, and Rosalie muttered a "Got-that-right." "But most of the time, you're the sweetest, overprotective, loving brother and son to us all."

I kissed her head too, punched Jasper playfully, then held my seatmates tighter.

"I'll miss you guys too."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Edward**

We did the impossible and got to Isle Esme well after lunch. That was some fast driving, care of Esme. Right now the all shooed me away and insisted that they finish the preparations. I can't see Bella yet though, as per tradition.

But I do get fifteen minutes before Carlisle comes and get me to change. It was already late in the afternoon and everything was improvised with a lot of string pulling. The wedding will take place near the shore at a little before sunset just right when everything is golden.

This does feel nice, the warmth. It was humid but comfortable for us. It was a nice change for once from the cold. Though there were still tinges of coldness in the air, it was warm enough.

I was standing on one of the large boulders where water breaks just waiting.

And my patience paid off.

"Don't turn around!"

I chuckled. "Okay."

I felt her stand close behind me. When I felt her wings I knew she had her back to me too.

"This place is beautiful," she whispered. "And so warm…and all of you…" she gushed, "…are sparkly and impossibly beautiful."

"You said beautiful twice," I whispered while I closed my eyes and felt the salt-sea air.

She laughed lightly, her bells chiming in tune. "I did, didn't I?"

I inhaled and her unique flora of a scent wafted through my senses. "Are you happy?" I asked softly.

"I am. And will only get happier by the minute…"

"You trailed off there. Tell me what you're thinking."

I felt her shift her stance. "You have a wonderful family."

"I do. But they're your family now too."

"Yeah… I know. But… it's silly, I… sort of wanted Midnight here. He… is the longest I've been with. Even if it's not that long, I still think of him as family," she said softly.

"I'm sure he's watching. I know he's fond of you. Otherwise, he wouldn't have bothered, right?"

She laughed, "You're right. Thanks, Edward. But, oh, I think I have to go now."

I chuckled, "Go ahead."

"I love you," she said before I heard her take off.

"And I you…"

I took a deep breath and smiled when I felt something hot on my feet that made me jump away.

It was… like a glowing ball? Then I figured it out. I smirked.

I kicked the fireball and instead of landing down it stopped midair and into the now visible palm of the incarnation of dream.

…with sidekick.

"Hello Midnight…Wicker…"

Midnight bowed and began using the fireball like a hacky-sack. Wicker looked at him weirdly before smoothening his expression into that of indifference then acknowledging me with a salute.

"Bella hoped you'd come. We'd send an invitation but its last minute."

"Ah… a dream… is crossing… over… into…reality… I am… obligated… to watch…" Midnight sang while still playing.

"What he means is, I respect the Black Bells. And _he _just loves… his sparkling bell," Wicker muttered.

I shrugged the… bizarre off. "Alright. Great! Bella will be so happy. You can give her away."

Midnight fixed me a look before catching the fireball on his palm. "Give her…away?"

Wicker sighed. "As her father?" he said sarcastically.

I can see why he said that. He was in a nineteen year-old body. "Well, maybe as her brother then?"

He looked away then conjured his top hat, tossing the fireball in it. _"Hmmm…"_

Wicker stretched his wings still carrying his bored expression. He tilted his head then looked at me and I thought that I saw a glint of intrigue in those blue-green eyes, and quickly looked away.

"I think… that I'll go offer my assistance. Over there…" then without waiting for an answer, he flew away over to where the guys were setting up.

When I looked back at Midnight, he was now wearing a tux and was brushing his top hat.

I gave up figuring out these strange beings. "So that's a yes?"

He put on his top hat and walked over where his back was against the sun and I saw a faint trace of almost invisible wings on his back.

"It's…not… a… no."

I chuckled.

Then he craned his neck in his slow manner, training his sleepy dark blue eyes at me.

"Hmmm…lost…boy?"

"Yes?" I answered automatically, his damn gaze was hypnotizing. I gave an uncharacteristic shiver.

He leaned his drowsy face close to me that I unhesitatingly leaned back. Then he slowly drew up his pointing finger and moved it near my nose. I could only hold my position and look back at him unblinkingly.

He pointed up, I followed with my gaze, then he pointed down, I followed, then left, then ri – _wait a blasted minute!_

I scowled at him.

He chuckled. Even his laugh sounded musical. Then he put on his hat and tipped it at me. I tried avoiding his eyes but that's a mighty Herculean task. He finally broke the silence after he gave a sleepy lopsided grin.

"No…not…yes… See? _You… _are not… lost, now…are you…?"

At that I sighed then smiled. "Okay, you're right. I get it now. I have to admit, I was a lost boy before. But right now, right here, I can't be surer of my decisions."

He merely smiled. "It is… time… to… paint… the Sparkling Bell's… name… this… summer… sky."

Summer? I blinked. Well, I didn't exactly get what he meant by the statement, only guess, but this is the closest to summer we can get right now. Anyway, he's right about time. I had to start getting ready.

"Lost…again? My…my…"

I huffed.

"Midnight so what--? Where'd he go this time? Ah well."

**

* * *

Bella**

I had five minutes to myself as Rosalie and Alice left me to get ready too. So I settled on walking over to the window and see a glimpse of the orange sky.

The warmth is wonderful, and the sky was so bright hours ago, but everything still looks draped in gold and amber. And that's just a glimpse and – oh!

Something warm and yellow bounced lightly on my nose for a second then I followed it back as it landed inside a top hat. And immediately everything was bright again.

I swiftly yet carefully, because of Alice's death threat, threw my arms around a _Dream. _

"_Midnight! _You came!_"_

He hugged me briefly before pulling away. "Sparkling…bell."

"By the lightball, or fireball, or whatever in heaven's name it was, Wicker is here, I assume?" Peeking behind him maybe? No?

"He's…around…" he simply answered.

"But how?"

"I…told him…to… he's without… glamour…" he said as he sat sprawled around gracefully on the chaise longue.

He meant, Wicker decided to allow himself to be seen. I can't do that if I was still death but since he was Midnight's protégé, he inherited some celestial powers along with many liberties.

"I see."

He gave a half smile before pulling his hat over his eyes. "You look… lovely… Sparkling Bell…"

If I could I would blush, instead I ducked my head and smiled abashedly.

"_Ahhh… Black Bells that know both death and delight… everyone knows its beauty…ringing… Bella, Bella, light and death, light _in _death, light _of _death…"_

"Bella?"

I craned my neck at Esme's voice. She looked very much…apprehensive about the beautiful man lying on the chaise.

"Oh." Then she recoiled and grinned. "I see. It seems that everyone's here now. Perfect." Then she looked at me with a loving smile and said. "It's time."

If I had a heart, I felt like imploding on the spot.

* * *

**Edward**

"Edward, can I have a word?"

Carlisle.

I smiled at him. "Of course. But before you start, I don't blame you for anything, okay? I don't begrudge you or abhor you or loathe you--"

He laughed. "Well, that's good to hear. You won't hear a thing then. I just wanted to have one last chat with you."

My expression softened and I felt weakened. I wouldn't see him again after this wedding, at least not until minutes before I'm _taken_ above. I won't see my father, my maker again.

He saw my look and ran a hand through his hair, trying to mask the mirroring expression. "Oh Lord."

I hugged him then and he patted my back. When I looked at him he beamed at me.

"I'm so proud of you son. I love all of you my children and it brings me great joy to see that you've all grown, if not physically, but in all other aspects into brilliant individuals that shine even more together.

"I chose you because I knew that you would be a great son. And time and time again, you've proven to exceed my expectations. But what makes me happier is to see you all find your missing halves and watch you become whole. And you with Bella… well, you two were literally a match made in heaven.

He looked at me seriously then, "Edward, I promise you that we'll take good care of Bella. I'll make sure of that. I know that we can never really show her the love you gave her, we might not get close, but I know for sure that she _will _feel loved."

"That's all we both can ask…father."

He grinned then nodded. "Come on son, let's man our stations then."

When he led me out the French doors I was floored by the venue. It's really a wonder how everything thirty minutes before sunset looked frosted in gold. The sand looked like miles and miles of white gold dust… then, just as easily, the orange sky looked like someone set it on fire. The only other brilliant color that stood in stark contrast to this brightness was the glittering ocean, a bright azure, yet almost swallowed up by the intense yet softening rays of the sun.

It seemed like the sun was draping its light over each surface, clinging before retreating to darkness in a few moments.

And that was just the background.

A glass pew was set near the shore, with the sun as the backdrop. Carlisle was suddenly there waiting with a ready grin. All in all, it was simple. The concept was clearly about _lights. _I shook my head as I smiled at the handiwork of my family. The only request I asked of them was to keep it all… yellow.

There were strings and strings of yellow and orange lights creating a canopy effect. And on the ground were various kinds of lanterns. There were giant _capiz _structural lanterns, three to five feet in height on either side of the pew that looked like origami cubes, boxes, stars, and spheres. Smaller ones lined the walkway up to the other French doors where Bella would make her entrance. There were Japanese lanterns, glass lanterns of different shapes, the majority would be stars, even paper lanterns including the popular star-shaped ones in the Philippines called _parols. _The only really extravagant decors were the strewn out Swarovski diamond stones mixed in with tiny glass figurines.

There were also candles everywhere even on the water there were floating ones.

What was a nice surprise were white paper cranes scattered and hung. But nothing was lit up yet.

As if on cue, Esme slipped her arm around mine. She looked wonderful in her orange sweetheart cut gown, her skin shimmering, as would mine and the rest of the entourage. "You look lovely, mother," I grinned.

She laughed. "Thank you darling." As she beamed at me she tilted her head, "So, it's time. Are you ready?"

I let out a deep breath and nodded. "More than ever."

"Good," she answered.

And the music started with a majestic Chopin on… I gasped. Floating violins?

Esme laughed again, "It was Midnight's idea. He told us to… pretend it was real. How fascinatingly bizarre!"

I mentally cringed. But that thought stopped when suddenly, beginning with one fireball, all the lights lit like a wave all over. I smiled. _Wicker._

Then I saw a flash of pale hair and there was Wicker looking… indifferent near the largest lantern that was the only one unlit. As if sensing me, he looked at me for a second then smiled, the lantern lighting up when he pointed behind me.

I couldn't help but grin when I saw that Rosalie and Emmett were ready to walk.

"Let's go Edward," Esme tugged at me so we walked over to Carlisle then watched Rosalie and Emmett walk down the aisle toward us both looking incredible.

Then they were followed by Alice and Jasper who were also beautiful and dashing. Jasper heightened our feelings of mirth.

Then I felt something similar to that of my heart dropping as I heard those sweet ringing bells.

Bella, escorted by Midnight was walking now as the music changed to that of… _it was Bella's voice! _I don't know how Midnight did it but, the song came fully orchestrated by an invisible ensemble.

_My song is love  
Love to the lovely song  
And it goes one  
You don't have to be alone  
_  
She was…

Wow.

She was a vision to behold.

She was wearing a long fishtail gown with intricate embroideries of pearls and diamonds. It had a sweetheart cut at the top while the rest of it skimmed her body perfectly and flared at her ankles then trained at the back for at least three feet. The back was open and dipped in a V near the base of her spine for her ebony wings. Her hair was kept simple, pulled back with a knot at the base of her neck. A vintage veiled hat sat to the side. But her face…

God, there are no words.

_Your heavy heart is made of stone  
And it's so hard to see you clearly  
You don't have to be on your own  
You don't have to be on your own  
_  
No light could burn more brightly than her glow – her smile – her eyes! Those eyes that never left mine as she drew nearer to me.

_And I'm not gonna take it back  
And I'm not gonna say, "I don't mean that"  
_

At my peripheral vision Midnight gave me a wink. And then I knew that this moment was made surreal – so dreamlike!

But now that she was so near, I can't doubt, this is real.

_You're a target that I'm aiming at  
And I get that message home  
_  
Midnight joined our hands together finally then took his place at her side as Wicker flew beside him.

Bella mouthed, "I love you."

I mouthed it back and kissed her hand.

Then it started.

And the whole place glowed even more.

_My song is love, my song is love, unknown  
And I'm on fire for you, clearly  
_

As the ceremony started, the sky was darkening as the sun set finally, but that only added to the majestic yellow and orange lights that were now flickering and there were some stars that were beginning to show… twinkling… adding more depths to this occasion.

_You don't have to be alone  
You don't have to be on your own  
_  
I can't believe that this would ever happen to me. I'm just feeling so incredibly blessed and overjoyed. I'm so glad I waited for her.

I'm so incredibly lucky to be loved by an angel. And here she is, ready to proclaim it.

_And I'm not gonna take it back  
And I'm not gonna say, "I don't mean that"  
You're a target that I'm aiming at  
But I'm nothing on my own  
Got to get that message home  
_  
I wish I knew her before like she'd always knew me. From the beginning… _my _beginning… she was there. She was always there. Always at my grasp. Always at my side.

Doing nothing but love me.

Even until… until the end that's all she's doing.

…love me.

And she still thinks that she has yet to really express that love of hers – still think that it's not enough.

_And I'm not gonna stand and wait  
Not gonna leave it until it's much too late, oh  
_

During this short time I found myself hating that I don't measure up and I'm afraid I can never be. Such a short time… so precious short time that I got to show her how much I love her.

And hate myself a little more because I only got to let her hear that I love her yesterday.

But looking through her brown and gold eyes that know me more than I know myself, I see no fault. And that kills me even more.

I can do no wrong in her eyes and that makes me love her all the more than possible.

I don't know how I can go on without her. But I vow to watch her from up high. Always. It'll be my turn, _my turn_ to watch her. And I'll find a way to get to lead her to heaven.

I swear I weakened when she told me that she can't live without me. That – that she can't live without letting me know how much she's tied to me. That she would do anything to show that.

But she told me that I had to go home. Which I would always treat as her place of origin, her former home, heaven. And one day, she'll come home too. But right now, I just want to savor each minute.

_On a platform, I'm gonna stand and then say  
That I'm nothing on my own  
And I love you, please come home_

Everything feels like a blur. Surreal, as I've said before, but very much real.

* * *

**Midnight**

"By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the bride."

Just like that it was over.

Like clockwork, I took a step back and smiled at the newlyweds as they seal their union with a kiss And as always, after each end of a ceremony I watch, I take my part as a spectator to two worlds merging like one of those optical illusions where the foreground becomes the background and vice versa when in reality, there is one.

The moment the groom-no-more delicately lifts the veil of his now teary wife, that instant that his lips touches hers, the euphoria from the entourage and witnesses sucks me in to their world of applause, cheers, cries, and laughter so loud and uplifting that you wonder if your feet are still touching the ground or if you're still breathing from drowning in a sea of happiness. Sky or ocean, it matters not, I am no longer on land.

And you imagine yourself from a viewpoint of a camera flying overhead and spotting the true focus of the scene. Zooming in back to the woman in white and the man in black – the spinning crowd suddenly loses momentum, their cheer sounds drowning out, and their colors fading into dull gray! Because this isn't about the colorful dresses, the prominence of the entourage, the grandeur as that of the venue, but that of these two individuals alone in their own little bubble.

And that alone is their moment – Their one solitary moment while in the eyes of God for this day. But for now as I take another step back and let the two worlds merge and divide, I shift to another role in the privacy of my mind. And that role is that of a reflector.

My eyelids lower a bit as my eyes shift to the side in silent thought, my smile still plastered on my face. But there is sudden sadness there like a passing cloud on a sunny day. I am happy, truly happy, but I am also human in some ways… I think, I reflect, I remember. Those functions are not lost in me.

Could it be because of the impending destinies? It might be.

But it's more of something else.

Yes. Something else…

It's a Wednesday night. I should be somewhere else. But that's another tale, another story, another dreamer.

I smiled and watched this unfurling reality-crossed dream.

It's not over yet.

Not for a little longer…

…but definitely for something longer still.

As if on another cue, Wicker went to work as small sky lanterns floated in the sky like mini glowing hot-air balloons, along with fireworks that made it seem like you could reach the sky as it comes closer.

I think it's time for my gift.

I spread my palms out facing upward and made a scooping motion. And even if it's just an illusion – a pseudo linked daydream chain… I've made it as if I realigned the stars…

…to spell both their names.

Then after the pyrotechnics, I tipped my hat and the sky came alive with hundreds of shooting stars.

I sang the last part of Bella's song to myself before walking away quietly.

"_My song is love, is love unknown  
And I've got to get that message home."_

With one last glance I smiled.

"What… a wonderful… fairytale… to tell… before… one sleeps…"

**

* * *

AN: This chapter is dedicated to my cousin Hannah who left the world at 20 so suddenly. I'm sure that her wedding (which should've been in August) would've been a thousand times more wonderful than this was and that now, may she be in Paradise.**

**I almost didn't get to finish this even if I only had the wedding ceremony to write. I almost didn't want to. It's hard for me. But I did anyway. I now know that it was a good decision to include the wedding as I had a new motive to do so. **

**I don't know how I can ever console those who are most affected. **

**I know this story is about life and death and the beauty of love but when it's there staring at you, you go as blank as shit. That's why I will push through with the ending because it's the only way I can contribute for Hannah. To imagine her having this wedding instead… to now be in eternal happiness…**

**To segue, just imagine a female version of the song to visualize Bella then back to Chris Martin's voice at the end with Midnight. And I recommend that you check out sky lanterns, and all the other lanterns I've mentioned. The sky lanterns are powered like hot-air balloons. It's really cute. **

**I really want to hear from you guys, just a little encouragement please. Thank you, as always.**

**Until the last chapter…**

**Last song: Parachutes**


	35. Chapter 32: Parachutes The End

**AN: HOLD IT! BEFORE YOU READ! Please please prepare this Coldplay playlist and listen to it as you read. You won't regret it, I promise! Here's the list in this exact order: ****Ladder to the Sun, Daylight, In the Sun (with Michael Stipes), Lovers in Japan, Sparks, Sleeping Sun, Careful where you Stand, Shiver, Parachutes, Strawberry Swing, Life in Technicolor ii, and Yellow.**** I call this playlist **_**"Icarus' Flight." **_**Just keep them in the background in soft volumes and adjust it whenever it seems appropriate.****Forgive the interludes of 'suggested soundtrack' for scenes.**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 32: Parachutes**

_**Almost sunrise…**_

_**[Ladder to the Sun, keep it in a low volume, then fade to Daylight]**_

**Edward**

I sat down above the breakwater and slumped back. I felt like crying or breaking into pieces or just feel like throwing myself in the water.

For the happiest day of my life, I'm feeling ten thousand miles away from joy. Why? Because I just said good-bye to my family for the last time…

I let out a deep breath.

"Why so glum, chum?"

I smiled. I was nine thousand nine hundred ninety-nine miles back instantly.

I heard her put down something before crouching behind me. She wrapped her arms around me and leant her head on my back. I could feel her wings close to me too.

Closing my eyes I sighed again as I gripped her hands gently. "I know I said they could see me off… but in the end, I took it back. I chickened out, love. It would be… incredibly hard."

"I'm sure they know that," she whispered. "They did agree, didn't they?"

I nodded. "They'll be waiting near though. They'll be waiting for you. Right now was the last time I'll ever see them like this."

She nodded against my back before resting her head on my shoulder.

I shook my head. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be talking about this. I forgot no hard topics. Forgive me."

Bella hugged me tighter. "Don't be silly. Just be yourself. Feel what you want, say what you want, and do what you want."

"Thanks. But I'm feeling better now, really."

"Hmmm?" she said unconvinced.

"They're happy, that's all that matters," I meant every word.

"Yes. And they're happy because _you're _happy Edward," she pointed out.

I laughed. "That's good to hear. Thanks love." I kissed her cheek then helped both of us up.

"What's that?"

On cue Bella picked up what looked like an outline of a bird cage covered in a white silk cloth. She held it up to me.

"Go on, take the cover off," she prodded.

When I pulled the cloth, it revealed a silver birdcage filled completely with tiny white paper cranes. I looked at her questioningly. "More cranes?"

She grinned. "Yes."

Cranes could mean a number of things. I wonder who gave this idea and what meaning she took. "Your handiwork, I presume?"

She tinkered with the lock. "Mmhmm."

"Do I get an explanation?" I smiled sheepishly.

She held the handle for me to take to which I took at once. Then as she took out one crane, she stepped near the edge and looked down at the crane on her palms. "They say that when you make a thousand paper cranes, you can get a wish…"

I almost sighed. Oh. I guess I figured that right.

She closed her eyes and very quickly, she refolded the crane into a paper airplane. As she opened her eyes, she aimed and threw the plane and watched it sail forwards. And because the sky lanterns were still lingering in the dusky sky, it seemed like the plane was chasing those blimps.

"Then why is one a plane now?" I asked her.

"Aside from 'releasing' a thousand during our wedding already, well, I just want to do another round, but twisting it a little," she paused. "Though Midnight did a gorgeous job of giving them flight as he twisted the stars to write our name, I want my wish to be granted so much that I had to do this."

It was true, just when the fireworks came, along with the skylanterns and the unnatural astral message, there were barely visible, if not for the bouncing lights, floating paper cranes.

"Take one," she said, cutting my thoughts.

I obliged and took one. As I examined it closer, I could make out writings. I looked at her and she smiled as she took it from me and proceeded to reshape it once more into an airplane.

"It's… a letter."

"Addressed to heaven?" I asked.

She nodded then proceeded to smooth the plane's edges. "You know my wish. I just want to make sure it hits home." She gave a light chuckle. "I… don't really trust cranes, to be honest. They're live creatures… you can only direct them so far… Planes on the other hand…

She pitched the paper plane forward. "They're man made. They can't fly without a pilot. Autopilots are still programmed, before you smart mouth me." She narrowed her eyes at me then grinned.

I raised a hand, laughing. "I wasn't going to."

"And plus, if a bird drops you, you're left for dead. Planes however, have parachutes. Yes, they'll technically _let you down_ but it's a good down," she smiled cheekily.

Chuckling I answered, "So you trust planes more. Then why didn't you make them planes from the start?"

She smiled sheepishly, "Because I had to try the cranes first, just in case."

I laughed, "My, you're quite the believer for a pseudo-skeptic."

She nudged me, "Yeah, yeah. Anyway, if the planes don't work then maybe the letters will. You've heard of petitioning right?"

I nodded. "My, you do things thoroughly."

Laughing she playfully pinched my nose to which I recoiled. "I learned from the best, right darling?"

I answered with another grin.

"Enough chit-chat, will you help me or not? We still have nine hundred ninety-eight left," she looked at the cage.

"Let's go pressure them so we can get your wish then," I answered.

We both sat down, remaking paper planes and watching them sail through the sea of clouds on the waking sky.

I knew what she was wishing for. And I pray with all my heart that it's granted.

She was wishing for heaven too. If not to be with me, then for herself or both. I'm not offended, not the slightest bit if she wanted it for herself. She paid her dues, well almost. I don't exactly know why she'll still be here after tomorrow, but I had an idea.

She could be in heaven, there was no doubt about that but, she could have some more time to enjoy living.

Regardless, my only wish is for her to be happy.

"Wow, the sun is up! I've never seen it so majestic! I've seen the _aurora borealis _in Alaska countless times but I've never seen anything as beautiful as this sunrise!" Bella exclaimed happily.

I was very happy for her but it also made me feel sad. I've had my fill of sunrise and sunsets… but her…

"Bella, not to bring the ire but, I find it hard to believe that you've never… felt this warm."

With her eyes still sparkling, I heaved a sigh of relief. She didn't mind the question.

"Don't feel bad. It's partly true. I consider only nineteen years of my time as the only time I was _living._ I got to see sunrises and sunsets during your human years. But all those time, I only lived for you so those things were trivial. You were everything to me even at that time. There were no second strings, just you and I was very content with that. But my…_reaping _years…" she shivered.

"Is… a different matter. Everything was in black and white. Yes, I got to travel the world. But there was a constant. Like I said before, our rotation consists of shifts through seasons. My constant was that of gray skies and cold climates. I couldn't feel cold but I had knowledge of it. So that's why I crave for warmth so much now. Cold is death for me. I don't think I can forget that. Ever," she said the last part softly.

I put an arm around her and she adjusted herself so that she was sitting between my legs, leaning her back against my chest. I pulled her closer mindful of her wings and kissed her cheek.

"To be just like this… to just see the plants in full bloom, birds in the sky, waves rolling… gorgeous warm sand. Everything is just so alive. And that makes me feel just rejuvenated. I can't describe the feeling. I love it here. And it's even more beautiful because you're here with me and we got to make such a wonderful memory here even," she gushed. "Thank you Edward." She kissed my cheek.

"You're more than welcome Mrs. Cullen," I crooned.

She giggled. "Mmmm… I love the sound of that."

I rested my chin on her shoulder and kissed her neck. I hummed in contentment.

The sun rose fully now filling this already glorious morning with more luster.

* * *

_**Noon…**_

_**[Daylight - keep playing and fade to In the Sun]**_

We were taking a walk along the shore after we ended up swimming for most of the morning. I couldn't help but smile when I remembered how we ended up like that.

_Bella stood up suddenly and stretched. "Ah! It's so humid, I bet the water's warm. It's a nice change." She looked at me with a mischievous glint in her eyes. She walked closer to the edge and looked down._

"_Edward, come here," she beckoned with her hand. "You have to see this."_

_Always happy to oblige regardless, I stood next to her. "What is it? Whoa-!"_

_She pushed me and I was swallowing water in no time. As I broke through the surface she was grinning down at me while laughing with her eyes._

_I narrowed my eyes at her and sent a huge splash her way to which she dodged as she flew out of its reach._

"_Hey cheater_, _the water _is_ warm! Get your precious derriere down here!" I called out._

_And of course, mocking me, she did an elegant swan dive and I do mean swan dive with the wings. Show off._

_As she resurfaced she gave a cocky grin._

_I rolled my eyes at her then in no time we were laughing._

"Hey Edward, you're spacing out and you're _smiling _while you're ignoring me," she said with a hard squeeze on my hand.

"Sorry love, I was just thinking about retribution," I nudged her.

She laughed heartily, "Good luck, good sir." She said with a mock salute.

I cringed. I was rubbing off on her too much. "Where'd my sweet, gentle angel go?"

She pursed her lips. "I resent that."

I just laughed loudly.

With a shake of the head she laughed with me. That's all we seem to do today. Laugh our arses off.

She sighed longingly, "Oh why couldn't we have met as mortals?"

"Well, technically, you did meet me when I was a mortal," I pointed out. "Ow!" I glared at her.

She stomped on my foot.

"You know what I mean _Mr. Technicality," _she said impersonating my voice. "I mean, why couldn't we have been mortals? We could go through all the stages without all this…complications. Why can't we just be…normal?"

"Because we both have tendencies to overcome dullness? Oh and you started with the _technicalities_" I offered.

She sighed. "Still, I'd take a boring normal generic human life over weird volatile supernatural immortal life."

I picked up a smooth stone and began tossing it on my palm. "All relationships have complications. Ours is just… very weird, fascinating, and unique."

She laughed. "True."

I half-smiled. "But I get your point. If that means a longer time with you, I'd trade this any day. But the thing is, Bella, despite wanting this to be longer, I've never felt so alive than the two years I had with you on – off. I don't have any regrets. And it's thanks to you."

She beamed, "Then I don't either."

I nodded then I slung my arm over her shoulder and felt hers on my waist.

"I wonder what it's like to be a human…" she murmured.

"You're not missing much… I think. Wait, I forgot all these years. Hmm… I guess I can't answer that anymore."

"Well, I get to come close right? With the family's help?" I beamed with pride when her tone softened adoringly at 'the family'.

"Yes, you'll have a blast living, though I can't promise not to be jealous…"

"You know it'll always be you. No one can replace you and I'll see you soon hopefully," she said while poking my cheek playfully.

I leaned my head away and chuckled. "I know that but I want you to know I'm reluctant, yes, but open for it. But one thing I'm sure to be jealous of is the family itself. They get to shower you with ridiculous presents and surprises. They get to love you every day."

She cringed at the word "presents" and "surprises." I chuckled.

"Then love me from where you are and I'll feel it anywhere you are," she whispered.

I kissed the top of her head. "I will, because you will too."

She sighed then she jerked.

"What?"

She stuck out her tongue. "I don't think I want to experience pooping and barfing, or getting sick."

I guffawed right then.

"But I want to – never mind, no. I'm content but if I have a chance to be human with you in another life if permitted then I'd go through all that ghastly things," she grinned.

I smiled back and nodded but her pause at the start unnerved me a bit. I knew she was thinking about a human experience that she will never have.

We can never have a child.

I sighed and she knew that we both didn't want to talk about that. We already had so much to want more. We may wish wistfully but we both knew that we were past expecting more than being reunited in heaven.

She paused and shielded her eyes, "The sun's so high up!"

I stopped and stared at it too then back at her. She unknowingly raised her wings longingly.

"_Hey Icarus_, why don't you stretch your wings for a while – Hit the sun? The wind is quite warm now. You'll enjoy it," I suggested.

She looked at me with a glint of anticipation but still unsure. "Yeah?"

I nodded. "Go. Explore the island some more from up high."

She tilted her head to the side. "How about you? Where would you go?"

I threw the rock on the water and watched it skip across.

"Edward?"

I toughened up, took hold of her hands and looked her in the eye. "Would it be too selfish to ask for an hour alone?"

Her gaze softened. "Take all the time you need Edward."

I grinned, "I'm sorry and am very grateful love, there're still some things I need to do."

She smiled, "Okay, when you're done, meet me back here. I'll come back in an hour. If I'm not, just call out my name."

"Thanks, be here okay love?"

She nodded, "You can count on it babe."

"Don't get burned okay my Icarus?"

She laughed as she shook her head. "I'll try."

I kissed her cheek and started running back to the villa. "Love you!" I called out to her.

"You too!" she called back.

Glancing back I saw her smiling as she watched me before she poised herself and sprung to the air in one graceful push and she was in the clouds.

I didn't want to tell her just yet because it was too somber. I went back to the villa because I had to do just one more thing.

I was going to write some letters.

* * *

_**Late afternoon nearing sunset…**_

_**[Lovers in Japan and fade to Sparks to fill in the night]**_

Bella and I met up hours ago. It only took me an hour to finish my letters. We were near the shore chasing the water.

Just when a wave came crashing the water over us, I half-grabbed, half-carried Bella with one arm and ran away from it while laughing and shrieking all the while. Our reward was we didn't get drenched. But we did get drizzled even if Bella used her wings as shields. Our laughing made it hard to move that fast and we didn't really care.

As the water retreated we ran forward and did the process all over again as another wave rolled in. Nothing tops this carefree moment, and I was having the time of my life.

In the middle of it, she pushed me so hard I fell on the wet sand just as a big wave swept over me.

When it was over I was sticky with sand and smelled like salt. I spit out some water and heard her now irksome loathing laugh.

She cocked an eyebrow and crossed her arms on her chest. "I believe its Bella one, Edward zero."

I glared at her. Okay, I hated losing.

She laughed before looking at me apologetically. At least she attempted to be.

I caved and we started laughing again. She held up a hand and helped me wipe off some of the sand.

"Cullen, I'll get you before the day is over," I threatened even though it gave me pleasure from using my name as hers now. I began splashing water at her to which she evaded as she flew in and out of the way.

"Sure, sure Cullen," she waved me off. "You know, for someone with superhuman senses, you failed yourself on that one." She smirked.

"Well I wouldn't have if I wasn't busy keeping you from getting drenched," I teased while flicking water at her.

She just raised her wings and shielded herself. The little minx!

She sighed dramatically. "Ah, forever the stereotypical chivalrous gentleman… _I swoon, I shiver, I desire! My he— eaah! Edwaaard!"_

I clutched my stomach from laughing so hard. As she mocked me with her daisy act, I dumped a handful of mucky sand on her head.

"Yeah, well taste this!" she began shaking so fast that sand kept accurately hitting me all over.

I dodged each hit easily.

"I just need one more win to tie but I figured I'll just give it to you because I don't like beating up women," I said in between dodges.

She huffed and narrowed her eyes at me but withdrew her witty comeback to get out of the new wave's way. I jumped after her. In no time we were laughing like children again.

We were a little far from the tide from where we were now standing that we noticed that it was getting darker.

Once we quieted down our laughing spree, we sat on the sand. She sat crossed-leg while I had one knee bent, and we watched the sun going down in silence.

I didn't want to ruin the jovial mood because it really was – _is _a blissful day, but I can't help but feel that this would be my last night.

My _last_ night…

"I love you," she said suddenly, effectively changing the mood back.

I reached out and stroked her cheek with the back of my hand. "I love you too."

She half-smiled then jerked her head towards the sky. "There's no color without the sun and the lanterns, aren't there?"

I shook my head. "Just the whiteness of the moon… Does it bother you?"

"No, no. I love how warm the sand is on my feet and the blinding sun but I'll tell you a secret," she said brightly.

I raised my brows in urging manner and smiled.

"Nights don't bother me as much now when you're with me," she said sweetly. "It's as if you chased the…nightmares away. You make me too happy to mind them."

I felt so warm and happy with that statement that I leaned down and kissed her, to which she responded all too willingly. I'm glad I've done something for her for once. I love making her feel safe and happy.

"Edward?" she asked in between kisses.

"Mmm?" I mumbled in response.

"Are you happy?"

If possible, I think I love her more. I peppered her with kisses and hugged her tight. "_Extremely so_," I purred. "I don't think I've _ever_ been happier." How can I not be? She gave me so much and I didn't even ask but she just keeps on giving. So I vowed even before to repay all that and more even if the very thing she asks of me is to _not _give her anything.

"And you?"

She kissed me again and nodded. "I'm sun drunk in euphoria, thank you."

I grinned. "This day was just… wow. I don't know how this could possibly get better."

She smiled impishly, while raising an eyebrow at me, "Mmmm… well, it's not over yet… and about your latter statement… I think I can think of a few things…" she trailed of suggestively until she was suddenly biting her lip in abashment. "Er…wait…ugh…That was embarrassing….Can you forget that last statement?" she pleaded.

Can she be more adorable?

"_Ah. _Was that an _invitation Mrs. Cullen_?" I said in a low voice.

She covered her eyes mortified. "Ah, stop it! I get it. That was terrible!"

I kissed her cheek. "On the contrary, I found the _awkwardness_…add to the appeal." I grinned wickedly.

She cocked her head slightly, "Was it that bad?"

I kissed her other cheek, "In case you've been too obtuse to notice… it's working quite well on me."

"Well, as long as it's working…" she winked.

Immediately I swept her off her feet, earning a yelp from her.

"Say no more!"

She locked her arms around my neck. And the way the moon shone on her face, made her so ethereal. The way she smiled though however was a different matter altogether. She looked so loving, it penetrates through me and sinks in my bones.

She'd never looked so lovely as when she's just filled with love.

The night would most definitely _not _be sad.

* * *

_**New dawn…**_

_**[Sleeping Sun]**_

I knew it was morning when I saw light streaming the room softly.

Bella's wings responded to the sudden rise in mercury as they rose up and stretched towards the light.

She snuggled closer to me and I wrapped my arm around her tighter then resumed tracing patterns on her spine.

I looked down and watched her hum with her eyes closed, her hair was a halo around her head, but her long lashes that fanned out over her lids stood out. She was so beautiful.

"Stop staring," she murmured lazily.

I chuckled, "I can't help ogling you."

"Close your eyes. That's what I'm doing, and it's effective," she whispered.

"So what do you want to do today?" I said changing the subject.

"Not let you go?" she said while clinging to me tightly that I had to laugh.

"Thank you. But don't tell me you're backing out?"

She shook her head not moving from her position. "No, of course not." Then she held on to me tighter.

I chuckled. "Okay let's just stay here then."

She opened her eyes and nodded.

"So…will you be staying with Carlisle and the family?" I asked.

She frowned. I knew she disapproved of all "after" topics.

I caressed her cheek. "Please indulge me. There's just so much I want to know about you."

She sighed and answered. "Of course I'll stay with them."

"Great. Ah, I think you will have to move but I'm sorry if it's Alaska or somewhere sunless…" I suddenly worried.

"It's okay. I don't mind, I won't be alone anymore," she replied.

"You can stay out in the sun though, so no problem when you globetrot with or without them. You'll be the most 'human' of them all," I said. Oh how I wish I could be there with her. There was so much I could show her on my own. But today we vowed no frowns so I shook that off.

I felt her smile a little though there was still a knot on her forehead.

"Emmett and Jasper would have to beat up a lot of guys for me especially in school," I said trying to lighten the mood.

She cringed, "Ugh. I still have _angelic wisdom _to whiz through school. Surely I could forgo that."

I gave a nod, "You could do that, but it would be easier to explain if you went to school to keep our charade."

"Yeah, I know…" she conceded. I chuckled.

"So tell me more about you. Tell me anything," I said while playing with her hair.

"When you were about a year old…" she started.

"Wait, this is about me?" I interjected.

She smacked me lightly. I laughed. "As I was saying, when you were a year old, you would play with me a lot."

Blame it on childhood amnesia to forget early memories of her, or rather – _the first time I ever saw her!_

"Seriously?"

"Seriously," she confirmed. "Babies have the purest souls. Only the innocent can _see_ truths, thus see everything. It started when I waved at you from your crib and you blinked at me. Then as you grew older, you started interacting with me more. People thought you were laughing at some random thing but it was me you were communicating to. You loved my wings. Don't you remember you loved birds? It's one of the reasons I went with the crazy cranes too at our wedding."

I scanned my memory hard and finally nodded. "That's amazing."

"Then of course you grew older and more knowledgeable that you weren't able to see me anymore. The more rational a person gets, more often he doubts immeasurable phenomena," she explained.

"I see," I answered. It made sense. "But somehow, I still sensed you. Not all the time, but I knew something was there…and my dreams…"

She gave me a squeeze and kissed my chest. "Because even then, you had immense goodness in you that you were able to feel me."

"I have you to thank for that," I said as I stroked her hair.

"I merely suggest, it's you – it's everyone who decides in the end. It's the person himself who chooses his good fate. A good life is given to everyone. You just have to reach for it."

"There's hope for us then," I said with conviction.

"There is always hope. But answers have their own time," she answered.

A moment of agreeable silence.

"Here's something to hope for," I piped out.

"What?" she asked earnestly.

"Hope that you can escape from Alice's eager ideas for your look," I joked.

She cringed. "Oh God."

So we spent the whole morning just talking in bed while giving each other short affectionate touches and kisses.

It was a good start.

* * *

_**Midday…**_

_**[Pause for a moment]**_

"Stop looking at the sun and stop worrying," I said to Bella playfully.

She shrugged and smiled but I knew that her anxiety was starting to build. "Why are you so calm? How do you do it?"

"Easy. I'm in heaven right now and I'm going to heaven later," I breezed.

She brightened again, "That's true. I'm being silly."

Bringing her closer to me, I kissed the side of her head. "You're not."

"Thanks."

"But now I'm worried. If you're like this then how can I leave you to fend for yourself?"

She puffed her cheeks and flexed her toned arm. "I'm tough, you know."

"Cheeky, but you're right. You'll be fine, you'll be great," I crooned.

She smiled and I continued my hunt with her keeping me company in the nearby woods. I was getting thirsty a bit.

* * *

_**Minutes before dusk. ..**_

_**[Careful where you stand]**_

We were kissing on top of a cliff we found after trekking a bit.

When we pulled away, we pressed our foreheads together and just let ourselves be intoxicated with each other.

"It's almost time…" she whispered with no trace of hesitation. We were both past that now. We were happy with our time and we accepted what had to be done now but nothing can really ease the sad tinges that continue to linger.

"I know. I'm ready," I answered. Then I remembered something.

Reaching out from my pocket, I handed her a key.

"What's this for?"she asked.

"It opens the vault in the white room. I didn't want to 'chicken out' more than I did already, so I kept it there and ran with the key," I explained.

"_It?" _she blinked.

"My last parting…Inside are my letters…and other mementos. Would you… see to it that it reaches the intended receiver please?" I asked slowly.

She nodded and smiled solemnly, "Of course." Then she started to frown. I couldn't have that so I kissed her again.

"No, you're not allowed to frown," I reminded her as I kissed her face some more.

When we pulled away and held her at arm point, I took one long look at her as if memorizing every inch of her as she was doing to me now.

I smiled. "Remember me like this, Bella. _Happy. _As I've always been since I met you. My life has seriously been divided into two parts. The first being, my life without Bella, the second with Bella. And I'll still be living the second part even after I've gone because this is not the end."

I cupped her face, not breaking eye contact then she covered my hands with hers, giving me her full attention.

"This is not the end. You hear me? We'll meet again. You've always been my personal parachute. You never failed to let me feel that you spent most of your life, for my welfare. You would never have been death if you didn't follow me in darkness. And you've waited with me in the darkness even apart until today came when you would finally lead me to light – to safety – to peace. I wish I could hang on to you a little longer yes but…

"That's just it. The only problem with parachutes…is that, the moment it helps you keep safe, eventually, you have to let go… always at the right time…" I paused as she was trying to stop herself from sobbing but she was still trembling.

"And I'll remember you like this too, happy and beautiful inside and out. Bella, my love…" I almost sobbed. "I agreed to this because I know that I won't truly repay you fully if I just handed the choice to you. I know I could do more. I just know I could find a way to get you to where you will send me while doing more for you until then. Let _me _be your parachute too…let _me_ love you from a far too just as you've always done for me… let _me _guide you too and cheer you on…"

I stroked her cheek and smiled at her. She closed her eyes and reveled in the feel.

"I will always be with you. It's my turn. I want to turn the tables and devote all to you my _sweet, selfless, beautiful angel_…"

She took my palm and covered it with kisses. Before flinging herself to me and we were wrapped in a flurry of heartbreaking kisses… our bodies clinging tightly, _tightly…_

Never really wanting to let go.

As I kissed her on what I knew would be the last time, I thought that I was grateful, so tearfully grateful for having been blessed with such a being as Bella and to be allowed precious time with her.

As I kissed her I looked back on all our guarded and unguarded times together…even times when we were apart and I knew right now that I wouldn't change a thing.

Some people only get so much time with the one person they meet that can alter their lives completely… I got a good deal of time already.

We'll always want more time but moments have their ends. Moments… just moments…

"I love you Edward. I love you so much. I may end up at world's end and back but all directions would lead to you and only you. It was a privilege to be your angel before and after your twilights. And as your angel, your wife, your Bella, I can't be happier," she said through kisses and sobs.

Bringing her neck, her hair, her waist, closer to me, I gave her one long kiss on the lips then on each eyelid, each cheek, her nose, and finally her forehead. Then I inhaled long enough to breathe her floral scent in for one last time as if I could take it with me to have of her as I leave.

Then I pulled away and we stared at each other finally smiling, aware that the sun just set.

"I love you Bella. I'll see you soon," I said at last handing her, her feather that she took.

She looked at me, then nodded. "Close your eyes, Edward. Don't move."

After memorizing her heart-shaped face, her gold and brown eyes, her brown hair, her whole profile, her smile, her voice, her scent, her radiance, I finally shut my eyes and recreated the last thing I saw as I am now.

I felt her move closer to me and she hugged me with one arm, while the other brought my head down to her shoulder. She gave me a squeeze and whispered in my ear while she stroked my hair gently.

"I love you too. Wait for me, and I'll wait for you. We could meet halfway. I love you, I love you, I love you, Edward. I'll see you soon…"

I smiled and nodded then it all happened so fast…

…and everything went black.

* * *

**Bella**

_**[Pause and no need to play Shiver. Just keep it in mind and play Parachutes in the end]**_

Letting my hand drop from his closed eyes, I caught him as his body collapsed and cradled his head on my chest after I sent him with the prayer. I could still hear the clinking as metal hits rocks and soil, when I threw the silver dagger away from my half-kneeling position.

I wept and for one last mercy as I was transforming once more, in this transition as the wind envelopes me in a spiral with all my feathers joining it, my hair and clothes swaying in tune, _tears slid down my eyes_…

When it was over, the wind died down into that of a calm breeze with me wingless and alone with what was left of my beloved.

I lifted my face to look at him and stroked his unresponsive face. He was still smiling handsomely, his crooked smile. There were no traces of hesitancy and unrest in his face, only that of peace.

"I'll wait for you…" I choked. "_I'll always be waiting for you… I'll always be waiting for you…" _I kept repeating over and over, my heart breaking into pieces.

I brushed his hair out of his eyes and with my trembling and cracking voice I didn't bother to fight back my tears as I sang the song that was in my heart from when I was still his guardian angel.

"_And it's you I see, but you don't see me.__"_

I clutched his dead hand to my face and shut my eyes. _  
_  
_"And it's you I hear, so loud and clear."__  
_  
Swallowing and choking, I continued as my body threatened to fall apart from shaking.

"_I sing it loud and clear.__And I'll always be waiting for you_…"

I sobbed loudly and hugged his lifeless body to me and I swear my cries were ringing in the now dead air of endless silence. I wept and trembled some more, my bells ringing madly with each movement… as if lamenting with me…

Right now I can't hear him.

I can't _feel _him.

I'm not _with him _anymore…

It's not supposed to hurt like this.

I shouldn't hurt like this.

_It hurts, it hurts, it hurts…_

I lift my head a little and caressed his face, traced his eyes.

_"So I look in your direction,__ b__ut you pay me no attention…"_ I can't see his loving gaze anymore. Is he watching me from above now? Does he now know how it feels to want to touch someone who can't see him? Was he singing this same song now? If Edward and I are really alike then he wouldn't want me to suffer like this, I'm fully aware of that but… I… I need him. He may have said I was his lifeline, his guide, his safety net…

…but he was the true clutch… _my _clutch.

"_And you know how much I need you,__But you never even seen me."_

I kissed his forehead one last time when something lightly landed on my head. With one hand still holding him to me, I reached for the object and smiled when I saw what it was.

Parachuting down my head just now was…

A white feather.

As I twirled the feather I thought, I didn't know what tomorrow would bring but, if there was one thing I'm sure at…

It would be that I fulfilled every angel's ultimate mission.

…_loving their guarded enough to never give up leading them to salvation._

And that somewhere, somehow, no matter how chaotic the world seems to be, there were others doing the same.

So even as I held on to Edward like a lover's _Pieta…_

I looked up the star-filled sky, gave a shiver and smiled.

You were always the parachute, Edward.

_In a haze, a stormy haze  
I'll be round, I'll be loving you, always  
Always  
_  
_Here I am and I'll take my time  
Here I am and I'll wait in line, always  
Always_

_~fin~_

**For Hannah**

**an angel who once walked the earth,**

**who now spreads her wings in heaven**

**the one real parachute.**

~o~

_[End with Strawberry Swing & the rest of the tracks whilst imagining Midnight doing the music video, yes the chalkboard video 3] _

**Thank you!**

**

* * *

**

**AN: *Sniff* Because I am clearly inarticulate at this point concerning the story, I would just like to start with the acknowledgements.**

**First though I doubt they'd see this, but what the hell, ****Coldplay****. Without which musical genius, I would never have thought of this story. It all started with a 'shiver' which I would now refer to as "the mother of all shivers" which resulted upon hearing their song "Shiver" (of course) for the first time. Can I get a shiver? **

**Now for those who **_**would probably **_**see this. Thank you ****shaelove, ****for being ever devoted to this and for the love you've shared. Thanks for the constant reviews and the mega one on the site you're contributing to. Love you dear!**

**My sister ****Faye****(lady-von-strife)**** who reviews when all else fails, whose original story inspired the character Midnight Breeze. **

**And **_**you **_**yes ****YOU**** reading right now and everyone who read, alerted, favorite-d, and reviewed! A lot of hugs and kisses for those who did all and more but I'm throwing enough for everyone!**

***Sigh* This was fluff but mixed with a little angst. So it took soooo much time and emotional investment! I know some were rooting that somehow something would happen so that they could be together still but I already had this 'borderline tragic' (you know the not really tragic, but not really happily-ever-after ending either) in mind because it suited the story more. if I went with the fairytale ending then I'd risk getting flogged with hate mail of how it's just another sappy story that makes it like it's deep and dark when at the end there're rainbows. That's just disappointing. But if I make it tragic head on then, I'll get more hate mail because of the emotional investment readers gave this story. Thus, I was left with an open-ended ending option, one with infinite possibilities.**

**This chapter was hard because I had to make it seem that they were happy for their last days together without discrediting the melancholic undertones of the impending separation. So I had to think "happy-but sad" and "sad-but happy" all throughout as if it were a tug of war of emotions…wait, **_**it freaking was! **_**I just want you guys to know and to feel that they really were happy, despite everything. They've been through so much already. So it was time to cut them some slack.**

**Oh and yes, the last lines were the lyrics of Coldplay's (who else?) song "Parachutes" from the album of the same title and most of Bella's last lines were the last lines of their song "Shiver." I love ending with the start of the story in mind. ^_^**

**I hope you listened with "Icarus' flight playlist" in the background and let it continue on… while you write your review? *sheepish grin* Kidding aside (though if you want to thank you!), it helps capture the mood. If you've noticed, from the titles alone you'll see that it all pertains to light and SUN. Totally serendipitious? **_**I KNOW! **_**And it made me giddy with joy. Icarus? Well, just a refresher in Greek myth, he's the kid who flew towards the sun… **_**aaaand cut**_**! Cut I said! **_**Cuuuut!**_

**(Stop, don't add the 'and the sun melted the wax keeping the wings together and he dropped dead.' No. Just kindly imagine him enjoying flying really really high up and enjoying it, thank you!)**

**So, that's it for now. I hope you enjoyed this story. It's been a long tough journey, and I'm glad I've gone full circle. (Approximately one year, five months, 28 days, a couple'a hours). **

**Thank you my darlings and as I've said before, after I do the epilogue, then it's a long hiatus for me and fan fiction contribution. Please take the time to review and let me know what you think!**

**What do you want to see on the epilogue or what do you think you'll see then?**

**One last thing, can't you just see Midnight doing the exact music video of Strawberry Swing? Well – top-hatted and coated, more than caped and masked that is. ^_^**

**Much love forever,**

_**Margaux**_

**

* * *

Margaux Q & A:**

**Okay, so I know there are still some who have scratched heads still so I'll give you the opportunity to ask me anything. I'll help you clear it all. You could use the review option, or add your question to your review (I want to know what you think about the ending first though if it's okay), pm me or you could drop your questions on this site (for faster answers):**

**www formspring me margzmallows (just fill in the blanks with ".") **

Before the epilogue, I'll update with the compilation of the Q&A's.

For a head start, here are some:

_*How did it start?_

- It started while I was enjoying Coldplay's new album that prompted my backtracking when eventually, I came across their old song "Shiver." On one of the long drives I had, three songs stood out. Violet Hill, Shiver, and Death & All His Friends. I know it's bizarre! So I thought what if Bella was an angel of death but she knew Edward? That would be cool. But how to connect them…? Then "Shiver" played, and I knew at once that Bella could be a former guardian angel. And there you go, plot formed!

_*Why use Coldplay all throughout?_

-At first I thought that one or two songs would suffice because I didn't want my writing to be limited to revolve around existing song lyrics. That's hard. And to commit to one band even, would be doubly hard. But because I sensed a writing challenge, I decided to try. I never expected that while reading all the lyrics of all their songs, the plot was already working at full speed in my head. I've always thought that all stories have soundtracks. I never expected though that it can come from only one band.

_*I don't get the reference to A Christmas Carol by C. Dickens in Chapter 16. Explain?_

-Okay, I know this part was very hazy but if you've read this whole thing and re-read that chapter, I bet you you'd say, I almost, if not, gave it all away from that point. So I'll explain the lines I used from Dickens.

Let's do this line-by-line:

- The first part's easy. Edward was feeling like Scrooge, all bitter and gloomy.

^ _"Hear me. I am not the man I used to be. Why show me all this when I am past hope?"_

-Easy again. Edward was a changed man when Bella entered his life and because she had gone then, he was distraught but struggled to be optimistic.

^ "_The ancient… tower of a church… whose gruff… old bell… was always… peeping slyly… down at Scrooge… out of a Gothic window… in the wall… became invisible… and struck the hours… and quarters… in the clouds… with tremulous vibrations… afterwards as if its teeth… were chattering… in its frozen… head up there…"_

-Now this one's revealing from Midnight's perspective. He basically said where Bella was hidden and that it was bewitched so that no one can see that's why Edward, who was passing by at that time didn't see it. The gruff old bell, of course allegorically referred to Bella who was also fighting for them. Used just to show how they were so close, yet so out of reach.

^ "_But why do spirits walk the earth, and why do they come to me?"_

- By now it's established that "Scrooge" is a reference to Edward and Bella, the "ghost". In this statement, Midnight wanted to let Edward know the answer why Bella and himself appeared to Edward.

^_ It is required of every man,_ _that the spirit within him should walk abroad among his fellowmen, and travel far and wide; and if that spirit goes not forth in life, it is condemned to do so after death._ _It is doomed to wander through the world - oh, woe is me! - And witness what it cannot share, but might have shared on earth, and turned to happiness!'_

- Another revealing statement. This speaks for both Edward and Bella but in different ways. Regardless, it's about unfinished business. Both were doomed to wander the earth after death still because they had fallen in love unknowingly or rather had the potential for a relationship, thus, a chance was given. But the crux is in the last statement. To 'witness what it cannot share, but might have shared' means just that, to witness. From here Midnight knew already and tried to tell them that they can go on loving each other, but they had little time to do so because after that, they would move on, or pass on.

^_ Again the spectre raised a cry, and shook its chain and wrung its shadowy hands."You are fettered," said Scrooge, trembling. "Tell me why?" __"I wear the chain I forged in life," replied the Ghost. "I made it link by link, and yard by yard; I girded it on of my own free will, and of my own free will I wore it."_

-Simply put, Bella chose to hold on, thus, chose out of her free will to become what she has become in order not to lose her connection with Edward.

_*Other references?_

- From the same chapter, I used J.M. Barrie's Peter Pan. As you know, Midnight calls Edward "lost boy" because aside from his confusion with events, it's more for his obliviousness to the choice. Midnight just joshed Edward's immortality by saying, he's not growing up. In actuality, he was prodding him to think more and dive deeper into his emotions.

- From chapter 26: You only live twice, Midnight and Wicker used some lines from Hamlet. If you all remember, it's from the very same soliloquy where Hamlet contemplates death. There were references about escaping with sleep so as not to face reality where it's very much relevant to the story. And of course, Wicker, being a death angel, would know fully well about this story. He also said that he understood why Midnight chose him. To be clear because it's a direct reference to my original story, as well as for my sister's story, Midnight Breeze needs to take on an apprentice for personal reasons.

**So again, if you want to clear some things up, I would be happy to answer now that it's over. Thank you again!**


	36. Epilogue: Life in Technicolor ii

**AN: Another long one, this is it good people. The last of the last… I hope this gives you some closure. Take a peek at ten years after and some glimpses of years before that. You'll know whose narration this is. I'll explain the timeline at the end in case you get confused but as long as you keep in mind that the present is ten years after Edward gets sent to heaven, you'll be fine.**

* * *

**Epilogue: Life in Technicolor ii**

_**After ten years…**_

The wings were the first to burn, followed by the body as white light shoots through the body, and consequently, all that remains were ashes.

_Ashes to ashes…_

"Dust to dust," my partner muttered while crouching over the mound of dust. He took a handful and gently let them slip from his hands back to the pile. He stood up, dusted his palms, and faced me.

"That's the last of 'em bloody bastards," he proclaimed, his night eyes gentle.

I nodded at him.

He had a crease on his forehead, as he examined me. "What's the matter boss?"

I sighed, "Don't call me boss…"

He laughed and I saw his easy smile, his cocksure grin plastered on his face. "Anyway, the mission's done." He trailed off, waiting for an answer.

True. I just stared at him.

He stretched his wings and ran a hand on his shaggy dark hair. A habit of awkwardness, as I have learned through time with him. He could never really be so brash and cocky with me. The man fears me.

Then he let out a deep breath, "What now?"

I flew overhead and sat on a nearby branch. "We wait."

He scrunched up his face then flew on a branch opposite me. "_Wait_? That's it?"

I tilted my head, "Wicker said, Max was the last of them. We get him, we're done. We just got him. So we're done."

Then I saw panic in his eyes, and he looked at me intently. "What about me?"

As I looked into his black eyes that were usually brimmed with overflowing confidence, now devoid of them, I asked myself that question too. What about him?

My eyes darted to the edges of his wings then back to his eyes.

Could I still see the sharp edges of his wings or the reds in his eyes? It's been four years since we started the hunt, was he able to change?

_**

* * *

**_

Flashback to four years ago…

Darting in and out of the trees, he runs.

He runs for his life.

Or rather, he runs for _their lives._

As if on cue, at least thirty men with guns and motorcycles go after him.

He smiles and licks his lips in anticipation. He lives for the chase.

He gains momentum.

Bikes roar in answer. They are closing in on him with bloodshot eyes and straining veins.

He stops. He has his back to them as they too screech to a halt.

"Give't up, boy," the biggest jeered. While the others grunted and laughed in agreement.

He remains stoic.

"S'te end o' the l'ne for yo'," the hook-nosed man added before spitting a wad of tobacco.

"Tch," he simply replied.

"Wossat eh boy?" the biggest asked in rage.

Then he started shaking.

The men grew agitated and looked at each other then back at him.

He threw his head back and started laughing.

The men took a step forward while locking their guns and aiming.

He shook his head still laughing and said in a voice that was deep but echoed like the feeling of being trapped in a deep dark cavern with coldness and darkness that know no sun, "I wouldn't take a step closer if I were you, kind sirs."

The men were suddenly stricken with fear that sent shivers through their spine, and made the hairs on their backs stand. The tables were turned, prey becomes predator.

He stopped laughing and glanced sideways at them, his handsome face obscured by his dark shaggy hair. "What's the matter gents? Feeling _numb_? Can't move? Do you feel _empty?"_

His words tumbled out of his mouth loud and eerily like thunder and ice that froze their muscles and sunk to their bones.

Fear replaced arrogance among the men. Soon after that fear was eclipsed with utter nothingness.

He chuckled darkly then in an instant his black eyes glinted like coals on fire as his face twisted into that of malice.

The men could do nothing but watch frozen as wings black as night with seemingly sharp pointy edges stretched from his back. He was devastatingly handsome, his face chiseled with sharp features and that devilish grin. The moon cast an iridescent glow on his already pallid skin, making him look less than a human, and more like that of an avenging angel.

With his eyes trained on them unblinking, he ascended.

"_Soon your souls will be mine!"_

The fire in his eyes burned harder, his handsome face brightened as he licked his lips. He pulled something silver on his back and once he did it extended into a giant scythe.

Poising to strike, he raised the scythe over his head and swung it.

But instead of hitting flesh it hit metal.

His eyes grew in shock as he struggled to gain control against this new attacker, then he sneered when he saw that straining against his long scythe was just a small silver dagger.

…_My _silver dagger.

We broke away from the clash and maintained our fighting stances, our eyes flashing – never faltering in contact.

He was bent a little, with his scythe ready whilst I was crouched with one hand on the ground, the other holding my upturned dagger behind me—both with wings ready for flight.

We held that position for a minute when he suddenly smiled and straightened up. I gripped my dagger tighter.

His scythe dematerialized and he held his palms up in surrender.

I craned my head at him in question.

He gave a shrug and crossed his arms in front of me. Waiting…

Fine. I'll play his game… _for now._

With my muscles still tensed, I straightened up and though still on the defensive, I relaxed my position to match his.

"Well, well, well… my _what a pleasant surprise!" _He crooned seductively. "It's a little too late for a social visit doll, but a definite _pleasure_." He was suddenly behind me with his head near my ear, my eyes trained on his every move.

He sniffed the air before chuckling darkly, his sharp-edged wings brushing lightly against mine. Then he was in front of me, lifting my chin delicately with his long white finger. I glared at him.

He laughed then moved his face closer to mine. _"Mmmm… _it _is _true. You _are _quite the _delight. _I knew I heard those ominous bells of yours._"_

I moved my head away from him and grabbed him by the collar. He just laughed loudly and that brought peals of thunder through the forest.

He half-grinned. "Touchy are we?" Then his coal eyes turned red. "What are you doing here _Black Bells?"_

I gestured to the men who were still frozen. "Release them."

He shook his head then looked at me with his black eyes reverted. "I can't do that, love."

I shifted our position in that my arm was around his neck while with my other hand, my dagger was poised on his back. "Don't call me love." I said through gritted teeth.

He moved to elbow me in the chest to which I had no choice but to release my hold on him to dodge his attack.

He threw his head back and laughed some more before facing me mockingly.

"What have you become? Why have you allowed yourself to become this?" I asked him.

"This? _This?" _he spat then he laughed. He tilted his head and pointed to his body._ "_We're not exactly polar opposites, Black Bells. Or so I thought. But now I'm confused…"

I maneuvered my dagger with my wrist.

"Enlighten me, my sweet," he chuckled, his velvet voice transitioning into that of rough quality. "Because, news traveled not too long ago that _you _lost your wings. _You _were no longer among our kind. Yet you stand here in front of me, as if you never changed."

His eyes glinted, "Everyone knows _the silvered ringing of both death and delight."_

He ascended and swooped around me. "Ringing Bella…Bella…_Bella_… light and _death _Bella." Then his scythe came at me, with a loud clang and a flash of lightning I parried.

He recoiled at once and came hacking at me, his thundering voice nothing close to human. "The Black Bells that know light in death, light of death, life of death… _Bella…"_

I dodged and flew out of his reach, meeting his advances, our blades sparking upon contact again and again.

Enough is enough, I lunged at him and kicked him square on the chest and swooped after him, my knife at his heart as I straddled him.

"No, you're wrong _Adam_. I was _never _among your kind in the same way _you _never were. _I _was _Death," _I lashed out at him.

"And _I'm _not?" he mocked.

I shook my head. "You may have been created to be a Death but you've been taking more than your fair share, or more aptly, you've been _reaping."_

"What of it? _Hmm? _So I'm an impatient guy. Big deal. What about you Black Bells? Hmm? But you're right about one thing Bella, I'll give you that. I was never among the league of Death angels. No. _I _could _feel. _I could feel each death, each look of fear, each screams of terror and process it. I don't just know because of knowledge, I know because of experience." He said with that cocksure grin and arrogance, but something in his tone faltered… almost bitter.

My eyes grew in understanding. I almost softened my grip on him. So rumors were true… Adam was the Heart of Death… the only Death born with feelings…

"He among bearers of black feathers, who come 'cross the _heart of death_, will have full understanding of the lives they take through the _heart's_ memories…"

He spread his arms wide, his wings flat on the ground, and closed his eyes. "Do it. Do it Bella."

"You didn't need to go this far Adam…" I whispered.

He chuckled softly. "I had to Black Bells. You knew what it was like, when you collected those last thirteen souls. You knew what it felt like to take each soul fully aware. But you haven't been doing that for two centuries."

I raised his collar and shook him over and over. "Why turn to be a reaper, Adam? Why didn't you seek me out? You should've tried harder!"

He didn't flinch and just continued smiling. "And _what_, Bella? I can't go through it anymore. No one welcomes Death. And if they do, they don't stay that long do they? I'm tired. And I had to find a way out… there was no choice but to be a reaper. And look, you're going to end this. My plan worked. It's ironic ain't it? I'm Death but I can't take myself? I'm a death-seeking Death."

I shut my eyes tight. "But you're not going to be left unpunished for a long time."

He reached out and patted my head. "I have been punished enough, Bella." he said in a tired voice. "The question is, why did you take on this task? If rumors are true, then the ringing of black bells signify the death of a reaper, whose scythe must lay to rest, whose soul must be purged. To kill a brother gone astray, why did you choose this?"

"Like you, my ex-brother, this is the only way I can stop my own suffering," I answered. "Now, it's time…"

"Wait."

I blinked. He held my wrist tightly, his eyes held warning.

"There are others who have gone astray for the sake of the high, Bella. They think it's the closest they'll get to _feeling. _That a multitude of souls could make them almost _taste _emotion. They don't know love, they don't know happiness. They only know intense fear. What you've witnessed of me was just that of a visage. I was the only one born of this who has the human's touch. I am the sole Heart of Death. There are others out there who are full-fledged reapers. While I have been reaping thugs and convicts, they do not choose their victims. You'd do well to remember that," he said in a serious tone.

I nodded.

Then he smiled. "You didn't come here to kill me, not really."

I released my grip on his collar, and he landed with a thud. I flew away and stood in front of him.

He grunted then sat up straight, loosening his tie.

"Release them, and we'll talk," I ordered.

He rolled his eyes and waved his hand at them then at once they collapsed.

I glared at him, he shrugged. "Will you relax now? I just erased their memories. They're sleeping like babies."

I took a deep breath. "Fine."

He grinned. "Now we're talking."

I looked at him warningly and showed him my dagger again. "No, _I'll_ do the talking. Now listen, if you agree to this, it's only temporary."

He shrugged. "Still, I can have a lot less pain that I would have to endure, now, won't I?"

"That's not up to me. Anyway, I need your help in catching all those reapers you've mentioned. I know you were chums and rivals with some of them."

He chuckled, "Hmmm. But it'll take years Bella. It's not an easy feat. It's not a robber-and-police chase sweetheart. It takes time," he said, his tone serious.

My eyes flashed. "I'm aware. That's why I tracked you down. I need someone in the know."

"Well, you got the right gangsta alright, sweetheart," He outstretched his arms.

"Drop the mafia act, Adam," I muttered.

He shook his head once, "Can't help it. It comes naturally with my perpetual naughty bedroom voice," he winked.

I scoffed at him. True, he did have that deep raspy voice going for him but he's playful candor was annoying when I was far from _funny _right now.

_**

* * *

**_

End of flashback…

I shook my head at him. "To answer your real question, you can relax Adam. There's no need to cull you. Your wings are no longer pointed, and your eyes have lost their red in them. Unless, of course, you still want me to?"

He relaxed as he thought it through. "I think I'll stick around for a bit." He grinned, "Besides, now I can go see Grace."

_Ah. _I laughed. "Yeah, but you will have to continue your duties." I pointed out.

He cringed but then waved it off. "Yes, yes. I know. But because of these goons, it's going to take some time before balance is achieved among the living and the dead. I think I'll enjoy this… extended vacation."

I smiled at him.

He looked at me again, "How about you Bella? What's going to happen to you now?"

I pursed my lips. "I don't know. I'll wait some more, I think. After all, this was a voluntary mission. No guarantees… so I can't really say."

He flew to my side and sat beside me.

"You remember what I told you right? About how this started?" I asked without looking at him.

"Right-o."

"You asked me, _why did you choose to get your wings back Bella?" _I said perfectly imitating his voice. He cracked up and whistled.

"Then you answered—"

"It's a long story," I said hastily cutting him off.

_**

* * *

**_

Flashback from six years ago…two years before Bella met Adam…

"Is something wrong, Bella?"

My consciousness slipped into that of the present when I saw Jasper looking at me with concern. We were in Carlisle's study.

I shrugged. "I'm sorry Jasper, I drifted off there. I think we're about to have a visitor.

He emanated alertness and was quickly on the defensive. _Who? How many? _He asked through his thoughts.

The smell of soot wafted in the room.

"Hello Wicker," I greeted and at once he appeared in front of us with a bow.

"Black Bells. Empath." He said in his usual monotone.

I laughed nervously. He never was one for using names.

Jasper smiled and nodded at him.

"What brings you here Wicker, and how fares your master?" I asked.

With his stoic eyes he answered, "He is not among the waking, but he sends his regards. But that is not why I am here."

"We're listening," I nodded at him. His eyes trained to Jasper. Jasper got the hint and stood up.

"I'll rally the troop. We need to do some hunting anyway…" he trailed off then he was gone.

When we heard them all leave, Wicker beckoned me to go outside. I followed him to the porch.

"You… are doing well? These four years?"

"Yes, thank you for asking. The Cullens are lovely. We've been travelling so much… they love me. And I love them…" my lips trembled.

He tilted his head, "But?"

I closed my eyes and reveled in the rain. "I miss him."

Silence between us.

I gathered myself. "Why are you here, Wicker?"

"There… has been a great imbalance on some parts of the world among the living and the dead. There have been whispers of rising reapers," he said, his voice having an edge.

My eyes grew in alarm that I faced him. "My God."

"The reason I'm here is that, usually, reapers stop reaping, the moment their shadows gain some control. Or when their shadows are killed. Because it was once thought that the only Deaths susceptible to being Reapers are those who fell with their guarded… namely, guardian angels who fell, exactly like your case," he explained. "Not all turn out like you did, Bella."

"'Once thought'?" I asked, then that must mean…

He nodded. "Yes." He looked at me grimly. "Those like me, who were created to be Death from the beginning, are turning to become _Reapers. _For whatever reason, we know not. But whatever it is, they must be stopped."

"You're Death's Flame, and mostly, you're the apprentice of Dream. Can you not stop them?"

He shook his head. "My purpose lies elsewhere."

"What does this have to do with me?"

"It has everything to do with you, don't you see? Only death can kill death. But that is taboo. To do so has consequences too dire to be deemed unmentionable. No one will dare try," he said firmly.

"Then what of me? I am not death anymore," I said confused.

"That is true. But you carried the death touch, did you not?"

I looked at him. "I did. Just after I lost my wings the first time… when Midnight came for me…"

"That kind of power never leaves, Black Bells. It just lies…dormant," he said.

I was shocked. Dormant? "What are you saying?"

"You aren't obliged to ferry mortal souls anymore, Black Bells. And you have sent the only immortal you _could _send. In that, you aren't Death anymore. But you can still wake your dormant touch if the call arises. You were Death's Black Bells, whose ringing brings upon remembrance of light and life in death, but foremost, all who have heard, must quake in warning. You're Black Bells still… whose ringing can bear a _new_ warning…" he explained thoroughly.

I looked down. No. I will not spiral back down to that dark path. No. Please don't tell me.

"We can't hunt another. Besides it not being an obligation, a _call, _to do so would be as if killing your sibling. The murder among murder. _The first _of its kind. Do you remember the first story among stories?"

I opened my eyes. "Cain and Abel…" Then I faced him. "So because I am not Death anymore, I just summon the touch and I won't have to suffer the consequences? What curse is this? I am not obligated to send any soul, mortal or otherwise. I have paid my dues."

He eyed me and shook his head. "Not curse, Bella." I stopped my ranting, surprised when he said my name.

"A _blessing," _he pressed. "A new purpose. Do this and you face not consequence but a possible reward. A possible _opportunity_. You have nothing to lose, only gain. Do you understand what I'm saying Black Bells?"

Could this be? Could this be my chance? I brightened at the prospect.

"Black Bells, you have been gifted with the touch and a medium to take control of it," he continued.

"Medium?"

"I'm talking about _The Waking Blade," _he said.

I averted my gaze. I knew which blade he was talking about. "It's not with me," I said flatly.

He took my hand and placed the exact silver dagger I threw out years ago. I pushed it away from me. No. That was meant to be used just once. Just for one. Just for _him. _I can't even look at it.

"My master has besotted you with the 'Waking Blade', the blade that was crafted in the realm of dreams, and brought to the waking world through a crossing dream. With this blade, it can awaken the power that sleeps in any bearer," he said slowly. "With this, you can use the death touch."

"I have no choice then, do I?" I said staring at the dagger.

Wicker actually gave a small smile. "It's not like before Bella. It's not an obligation. You can choose to walk away from this. Nothing holds you to it. No one is forcing you. This is but, a plea for help."

I half-smiled at that. "Then all the more, I have no choice but to answer that plea."

"Of your free will, Bella. Of your free will. No one will blame you if you don't take it," he added. "But… don't expect rewards just yet if you do. It is a voluntary mission. There can be other ways to stop them, but you hold all the cards that are most convenient without having to send for higher reinforcements. But one thing still holds true… it can still be an opportunity," he pushed his palm closer to me. "Who knows?"

I nodded at him finally. "So be it." I took the _Waking Blade_ and held it to my face.

"I can't assure you that you'll be able to be with—

I cut him off, shaking my head. "No. I know that."

As I saw my eyes, both perpetually golden now reflected on the blade, I hardened my resolve. "But it's a start."

_**

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End of flashback…

Adam leant back on his hands. I watched him as he enjoyed the feeling of rain on his face.

"Hey Adam, do you regret it?"

He shook water from his hair and raised his wings overhead. "What? Becoming a reaper? Or helping you track them down?" he said nonchalantly.

I half-smiled. "Both I guess." I raised my wings, same as Adam's to shield from the outpour.

"Nope," he said, popping the 'p'.

"Really?"

His easy smile spread across his face again, "Really." Then he winked briefly at me.

I smiled, and remembered when he finally agreed to help me, that same day I sought him out, four years ago after telling him about my mission.

_**

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Flashback from four years ago…

"Quite the story, my dear," Adam said after a huff.

I blinked from my reverie. "So will you help me or not?" I faced him.

He stood up and stretched his wings, no longer sharp-edged. "Death touch huh? So that explains the flight of your black wings then? And the whole 'ex-brother' thing?"

I sighed. "Yes, Adam. I'm not death, I'm still a fallen with the ability to cast death, and apparently, wings come as an accessory. Come on, help me? The sooner I get them, the faster this ends."

"You really love this bloke, don't you?" he asked.

I gave him a look.

"What? Pretty face Grace James is a lovely fallen friend of mine, well, before reaping season for me anyway," he shrugged. "She told me some things… but then, there were whispers of Black Bells and how you've lost your wings. Twice."

"Fine, I'll do this alone then," I said irked as I started to walk away.

"Love makes us do crazy things, Bella. There's no shame in that," he said.

I stopped walking. "Have you ever been in love, Adam?"

He sighed. "I can feel Bella, remember? Love is a feeling too…" he said sadly.

I glanced at him. "What happened?"

"Circumstances… I loved her too late. You never really know when someone is due…" he trailed off.

I shut my eyes. He must've been watching her for some time, grew fond of her, but then the _call _came.

"Ha. You can't really fall in love with Death now can't you? Fatal attraction and all… kiss of death… ha." He muttered bitterly.

"How many souls did you reap, Adam?" I started walking back to him.

He wrinkled his nose. "Not much… but still a lot. Close to fifty. How did you track me anyway?" he eyed me suspiciously

I grinned. "Grace tipped me off."

He laughed at that. "That girl, I swear that chick's got the hots for me. Or maybe she wants my ass kicked for not giving her attention."

I smacked his head. "Don't be too cocky and be grateful for this chance."

"Fine, fine. It's an offer I can't refuse right? I won't get this chance again." His black eyes glistened. "But I'm merely the wingman, 'aight?" I cringed at his pun, he laughed some more. "I can't kill a fellow flier, reaper or not. Rules and all. I'll just be the tracker."

"Fair enough, but you will have to send them too after I kill them." He nodded, I nodded back at him and stretched my hand at him.

He bit his lip and stared at my hand reproachfully. "Do you think that's a good idea? Death touch and all?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Haven't you been listening? A stab from the blade is what it takes."

"Hey, what of Wicker then? _Can _you ask help from me? Does he know?"

"There are no rules. I'm free. But I know there's merit in repentance. If I haven't talked to Grace lately then I would not have known about your plan of reaping. She worries about you, you know. She wants you saved. So you better be useful. Wicker…well, one way or another he will know and he… well, he never really minds." I shrugged.

"Okay, you cut a hard bargain, it's a deal. Let's go catch us some cullers," he shook my hand. "They won't come quietly, you know that right?"

I nodded. "I know…"

He stretched his neck and cracked his knuckles. "I'm ready when you are."

With a nod we both flew out into the night sky.

The faster we get them, the closer I get to _you…_

So just wait for me, Edward.

Wait for me.

_**

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**_

End of flashback…

"Sparkling Bell?"

I wrinkled my nose. "Don't call me that. You can't call me that."

He chuckled. "Yeah, yeah, only Mr. McDreamy can call you that. And a-one and a-two_… Dream, dream dream, dre-e-e-e-eam, dream. Dream, dream, dream, dream dreeeeam…_" He sang.

I chuckled.

"Hey Black Bells?"

I huffed.

"O-o-kay. Wicker calls you that – er – him and all of Deathdom. Too formal, eh?"

I said nothing. He was trying to get a rise out of me again.

"Hmm… what _do _I call you then?" he pretended to think hard, tapping his index finger on his chin.

"My name, for starters?" I suggested. "Like you've been doing for like, five minutes?"

He shook his head. "Tut, tut doll. Everyone calls you something."

I sighed. "Adam, you have a nickname for me. Actually, you have tons. Enough with the games…" Doll, sweetheart, my fair lady, ex-sister….but his formal nickname was…

He shushed me. "Ain't no such thing as games but pure business," he hissed. "So where to boss?" His face brightened, his eyes glinting.

"Adam, what are you still doing here?" I asked him exasperatedly.

He clutched at his chest. "I'm hurt boss."

"No seriously. You did your part. You're free again. And from what Wicker told me, you'll be resuming your post as a Death angel, but that's just your secondary purpose. From the moment you chose to aide me, Adam, you were from then on known as _Death's Watcher_."

He looked at me, still with laughter on his face. "And will henceforth sound the call whenever a Reaper rises, or whatever disruption there is among Deaths. I know but sweetheart, you know I don't really regard this as a job eh?"

He elbowed me playfully. "I'm your friend Bella, and I know how it feels to have the love of your life die by your hands. So I want to make sure you don't lose this chance. I want to see this through."

"Thanks, Adam," I grinned at him.

He winked again. "Anytime, babe."

"I'm curious though, you love nicknames. What do _you _call Grace?" I poked him.

He laughed loudly before giving me a face. "That was foul boss. I won't dignify that."

"Okay, okay. None of my business. Gotcha."

We settled back into easy silence. The rain was still pouring steadily.

"Boss?"

"Mmm?" I adjusted my wings.

"Thanks," he said that I had to look at him. Adam has a good heart and is a gentleman at some times, but he could be quite the arrogant bastard who rarely expresses gratitude directly.

"What for?"

He smiled sheepishly. "Well, for picking me for this mission. Learned loads."

"Thank you too," I beamed at him.

He nodded at me then stood up.

"Leaving?" I said as I looked up at him, suddenly sad.

He stretched his neck and cracked his knuckles. "Yeah. It's about time I high tail this and anyway…" he trailed off laughing.

"What?" I asked.

He winked at me as he flapped his wings. "And…_nothing. _So here's lookin' at you sweetheart." He made a gun with his thumb and index finger, and then he made a clicking sound with his tongue as he mock-shot at me while he flew higher.

"It's time I blow this joint. Catch you soon Bella. See you boss!" And with a final salute and grin, he was gone.

I stood up and watched his retreating form. "Bye Adam!"

"_Oh and one last thing… three's a crowd so… be happy Bella!" _came his resounding voice, followed by his chuckle.

Three's a crowd? I gasped and turned around swiftly.

I looked around nervous and excitedly for any signs… any trace…when…

"Hello love," came a velvet voice behind me.

I almost didn't want to for fear that it might not be real but after gathering my courage, I turned around for one last time to face the voice and I had to shield my eyes from the blinding white light at the sight. Sunlight came bursting through the trees… surrounding me along with a flurry of white feathers. I almost fell on my knees from this ecstasy.

In front of me was the most glorious being I have ever seen, that I had to clutch at my mouth from screaming as I trembled.

With his crooked smile, his messy bronze hair, his green eyes so soft and loving, he stretched his hand towards me.

"You – you've come for me?" I managed to choke up, happy beyond words.

He nodded.

"Bella…it's time to go love. It's time to go home," he said softly.

I nodded at him and as soon as our hands touched, a bright light engulfed me and from that moment on, I knew I would not fall again.

I would never have to fall and leave black feathers after me. I was going up.

I was finally going home.

In our wake, a trail of white feathers spiraled down.

Now my feet won't touch the ground.

…and everything was white.

_Oh love don't let me go__  
__Won't you take me where the streetlights glow?__  
__I could hear it coming__  
__I could hear the sirens sound__  
__Now my feet won't touch the ground__Time came a-creepin'__  
__Oh and time's a loaded gun__  
__Every road is a ray of light__  
__It goes o-o-on__  
__Time only can lead you on__  
__Still it's such a beautiful night__Oh love don't let me go__  
__Won't you take me where the streetlights glow?__  
__I could hear it coming__  
__Like a serenade of sound__  
__Now my feet won't touch the ground__  
_

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AN: Before anything else, I just want to make it clear that I really did change the status to Complete with the last chapter, chapter 32: Parachutes. It was purely intended even with the announcement of the epilogue. Why? Because I really intended to end the story how I ended it with the last chapter. This epilogue is merely a bonus… a glimpse for closure. What do you think? I'm sure you all know how it ended now. ^_^

**So you won't be confused, this was the timeline:**

**The present takes place ten years after Edward goes to heaven - Bella and Adam met four years before and have been hunting reapers since - Two years before they met, Wicker presented the mission. Bella accepted and started gathering data - Four years before Wicker visited, Bella lived at peace with the Cullens, travelling and trying to blend in with humans. The last lines are lyrics from Coldplay's Life in Technicolor ii. Of course.**

**My sister made banners for this story it's so cool you have to check it out. Here's the link, just remove the spaces in between: http: / fayerunsthecircus . tumblr . com / post / 646086034 / poster-1**

**And here's another one: http: / / fayerunsthecircus . tumblr . com / post / 646103893 / a-twilight-poster-i-made-for-my-sister-for-her**

**I like Adam. I just love him. He's my fifth OC. I hope you didn't mind their additions but I hope you liked them. I love Midnight of course. He's my McDreamy. But I think I like Adam's character more. He has the bad-boy-but-inherently-good thing going for him. Ah.**

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Hmm. I'm feeling generous here so… Here's a short character list and a brief lexicon at that:

**Purpose – this is the term used to mean the job, or mission every deity possesses.**

**Call – simply that of the feeling Dark Angels get when they are to send a soul, thus also called, "call of death/death call"**

**Guarded/Protected – the human assigned to be taken care of by Guardians.**

**White Angels – as mentioned in passing, they are divided into various classes depending on their purpose. There are five major classes:**

**- Guardians – commonly known as guardian angels. Their purpose is just that of their name, that is to guard each human soul they are assigned to. They are born and named the same time as the person they are to assigned to.**

**- Messengers – they are envoys sent to relay missions, warnings, and others as mandated.**

**- Retrievers/Seekers – they are dispatched to seek out deities or artifacts and at some times, ordered to fetch the item or deity.**

**- Warriors –they are Heaven's army. **

**- Chroniclers – they are also called the scribes or archivists that take into account reports of all kinds.**

**Dark Angels – most commonly known as angels of death. Some were born as death, some as a result of a transformation as in the case of Bella. Like White Angels, some Dark Angels are given special purposes as in the case of Bella, Wicker, and Adam as known in their names. **

**Reapers – Dark Angels that take any soul that wasn't called.**

**Celestials – Not much is known about the celestials, only that they are higher than angels among the deities and that their sustenance is the same as that of their given purpose. They are often anthropomorphic personification of aspects of humanity like dream and justice. Those mentioned in the story are the celestial of Dreams (Midnight Breeze) and Justice (Unnamed Blindfolded Woman with Orange hair). **

**OC's:**

**Midnight Breeze – The Celestial of dreams. He watches over the realm of the dreaming. He has complete power over dreams. He can create, destroy, project, and manipulate dreams. But his power over dreams have to be fueled by pure dreams, dreams he did not create or manipulate. That is the burden he must carry. He has raven black hair, startling midnight blue eyes, pale skin, and a physical shell that of a nineteen year old. He is often said to be often carrying a drowsy expression, through his half-lidded eyes and soft spoken demeanor. He walks slowly as if he was floating but it's his speech that sets him apart. He talks in a soft sing-song voice in long pauses, in his lulling voice. He talks in riddles and rarely says things directly as opposed to his straightforward mind. He is often seen wearing a top hat and he seems to enjoy human imagination.**

**Grace James – a fallen. She traded her wings for love of her guarded and led a human life with her guarded for five years until his untimely death. She tipped Edward about seeing Wicker before she moved for privacy's sake. She was said to have a relation to Adam and has seen Bella at some points.**

**Wicker – also known as Death's Flame. His task is to act as a reminder that Dark Angels were still angels in that they still carry light in them despite their life as shadows. He was also chosen to be Midnight's apprentice and assistant. He has pale blond wispy hair and aquamarine eyes. His physical shell is that of a lanky but lean sixteen year-old. He carries both a bored and serious expression, and rarely shows emotion. When on the defensive, he could easily be frightening. He is fiercely loyal to Midnight.**

**Justice – the unnamed blindfolded woman with orange hair appeared briefly to Edward to prevent Bella from completely erasing Edward's memory. **

**Adam – also known as the Heart of Death, the only death born with feelings to make it known among the deaths the knowledge of understanding the nature of the lives they take through his experiences. Because of his suffering from his fate, he had a period of rebellion wherein he became a reaper to lure out any deity that would end his immortality. Given a chance at repentance, he became Death's Watcher, tasked to oversee the balance among the living and the dead after joining Bella on her hunt for reapers.**

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There were those who wanted a sequel. I have to admit that I have entertained that thought. And this is the outcome.

**I won't make a sequel.**

**However, if time allows, I'm cooking up a story that could stand alone, or be a spin off or a pseudo sequel of this story. If you go back to their last day together, Bella asked why didn't they meet as mortals. Well, now I'm entertaining the thought of exploring what would happen if they were given a chance to become mortals again? The story brewing in my mind is an AH one, meaning no ties at all to the supernatural. It's the complete opposite of Parachutes, wherein, in there life keeps separating them, but in this new story, life keeps throwing them at each other but to no avail. It's a story that answers the question, will they ever meet? Scenarios keep playing in my mind where there are loads of missed chances that make you cringe. Why can't they see that they're perfect together? If they do meet, how? When? Where? What will come of it? The working title is "Passengers." I have a synopsis written out but I need your opinion. If you're interested, I'll send you a sneak peek. ^_^**

**So that's all my loves. I hope you liked this story. I want to do so much more with it, like spin-offs of my OC's like what Midnight is up to, what is the nature of Wicker's work, really? Or explore Adam's character more. But of course, these stories will be posted on Fiction Press. Okay, I'll reveal my account there, though the only thing you'll see there is the prologue of Midnight's story. Haha! Chapter 1 and 2 have been sitting on my hard drive for ages. I really focused on my fanfics. But he does appear on my sister's story. Look it up, it's cool, just google "P.S. : I Bite: The Vampire Social Club." As for my account, my username over there is "Margaux_Incarnate" and Midnight's story is "Wednesday Nights with Midnight Breeze." We'll see if I get the time because right now I have thick hard bound books waiting for me to peruse and cadavers to explore. Gulp.**

**Until the next one then.**

**Much love,**

**Margaux **


	37. What happens next

AN: Hello everyone! I just want everyone to know that I'm still alive and barely getting through the first semester of Med school. adgadgadfadgadgad it's soooo hard! Anyway, I've taken a breather to announce a few things.

First, thank you so much for reading Parachutes! I love reading your reviews and messages! But the decision not to make a sequel is still on. I wouldn't know what else to write about then next. Just fill in the blanks! You guys got the conclusion during the epilogue. But like I've mentioned before, I was planning on writing an All Human fiction that would have undertones of Parachutes. Remember when I asked you guys if you remember Bella and Edward's last day together when she asked him what if they met as mortals? Well, it'll somehow take on that premise. Just read on because in a short while you'll read the synopsis of that.

Lastly, because I love the plot so much and it seems like I can do more with it and not be bound by the Twilight premise, I have decided to rewrite it into an original story that would be posted on fictionpress soon, hopefully! So far, I have the drafts for seven chapters. It's basically the same plot line but I took out some parts and, I have to tell you, I added _a lot _of things and made major changes.

So far the tentative names are Belyss and Daniel. I'm sorry if Belyss is almost Bella but the name was chosen with purpose. Belyss, a form of Belle means "God's promise" and she _is_ Death's Black Bells so I need to use the name. If you read Belyss fast over and over you'll hear _"Bel'ss, Bel'ss, Bel'ss." _ Daniel on the other hand, means "God's judgment" so you see why I chose the names.

Oh and the concept for vampirism is completely different. I followed the premise set by my sister's original story that she's still currently writing that I'm also beta-ing for some chapters. (Vampire Social Club by LadyWinchester on fictionpress). For a long time, we've been bouncing off ideas and brainstorming. She created the world, and I helped her along with the inclusion of two major characters. Midnight Breeze and Wicker. We've been trying to connect our two stories together and that's why I wanted to do this crossover to original fiction to expand on her story.

To provide a short background, here's the teaser summary of her story:

Vampire Social Club by LadyWinchester

"Tickets to Pandora's live shows are the hottest. Spike's voice is to die for…literally. But what happens when Death's voice attracts Death's wings? Like the Moon everyone has a dark side but even the Sun can eclipse. It's all about opting the lesser evil."

The protagonist is Peter, the brooding college student who's alter ego was known as Spike, the lead vocalist of Pandora, and he's also a vampire. So in Vampire Chronicle fashion, his merry band is composed of vampires, pretending to be humans, pretending to be vampires… well, same applies to the lone wolf of the band and their all-seeing oracle/manager. Anyway to add to his already confusing resume, he is also known as the carrier of _Death's voice _that each live show is actually a dirge.

The vampires of this world don't necessarily feed on blood. Doing so is actually a rarity. The only major thing in common they have with the 'traditional' vampires is that they _thirst. _But what they thirst for varies depending on their mortal psyche before they were turned. Some thirst for luck, some for dreams, some for negative emotions, some for beauty, some for violence, among others. But Peter was actually one of the rare few that feed on blood. And in this world, there were other supernatural beings such as werewolves, grims, celestials, oracles, and a whole lot more but though they live among mortals, they do not make their true nature known as much as possible. They keep the soul count or the balance of life and death in check but could one failed dirge cost them a lot? And why are other supernatural beings suddenly appearing to them? Why is a higher celestial involved? Were there more? Read it to find out! There's love, passion, angst, and action for this story. (Vampire Social Club by LadyWinchester at fictionpress). Keep me on alert over at fictionpress, I'll make sure to upload soon! (Margaux_Incarnate is my username there).

Going back to my plan of story crossover, my new Parachutes, "Daniel and Belyss'" story would be immersed in this world. The new Parachutes would overlap with my original fiction, "Wednesday Nights with Midnight Breeze" and both stories would come before "Vampire Social Club."

Here's an excerpt:

From chapter 4.

Daniel.

_Who was that I dreamt of? I was again surprised that I was able to recall a dream from that far back. _

_That blurry haze of white and ebony haunted me all day but I knew of no one who bore that profile._

_I shook all thoughts away then proceeded to park my car. I was going to meet Sebastian at the hospital. My brother was working as a nurse there, though tending to mortals wasn't really his ulterior motive for doing so. But tell him that and he'll just deny it. _

_As I said, we haven't been mortals for such a long time. Though we would beg to differ, my brother and I are what you call vampires._

_But it's not the kind that's depicted in movies and books, although we do have one major thing in common with those. We __**thirst**__. But what we thirst for is not necessarily blood though it occasionally happens._

_Every vampire has a thirst somehow unique to him or herself. It all depends on one's strongest desire when one was still human, or at times, it depends on one's predominant skill. What matters is what we thirst for, is based largely on our mortal psyche. _

_Take Sebastian for example. When he was still human, he was weak and sickly. He lived a life of pain. Or more aptly, he never really escaped from that life because from the moment he was turned, he lived on pain. _

_Yes, he thirsts for pain. The only explanation I could derive from that was that it was intermittent pain that killed him, therefore in this new life, it's what makes him strong, sort of like a compensation. But I like his explanation more which is very much related to why he chose a clinical field._

_He said that he greatly desired for relief all his mortal life. And because he knew what it took to suffer, he didn't want others to go through what he had to go through. His want to find a cure, not just for himself and others manifested through his thirst._

_How? When he feeds, he sucks out all the pain from the source, thus, providing relief for both of them. _

_I smiled at that. How can you call such a being a monster? _

_Me on the other hand…_

_I was a different case. _

_I thirst… for death._

_As I stepped out of the car, I was suddenly taken aback as I heard chimes. Of course there were dozens of chimes that hung all around different rooms of the hospital. But the chimes I heard had a distinct sound._

End of excerpt.

I hope I get around to posting this soon. What do you think? Oh and because this overlaps with Midnight and Ana's story (from Wednesday nights with Midnight Breeze), updates would alternate. The nights where Midnight is gone from Parachutes, would pertain to his visits with Ana and vice versa. I'm really excited for this. But please let me know what you think! The transition from fanfiction to fictionpress of Parachutes is really difficult especially with their links to other stories but I feel that something good would come from it.

_When I was done Sebastian looked as confused as I was. "So, she's Death?"_

_"I think so…"_

_"But now… she's bound to you?"_

_What? She was bound to me? "I'm sorry, did you just say she's bound to me?"_

_He eyed me speculatively, "Yes Danny. I believe she is. She said that 'she can never leave you' and you told me you heard the linking of chains. She's bound to you."_

_I was… angry with myself. "But… how? That's not right. No one should be bound by anyone."_

"_But before that, Danny, this is important, were you drawn to her because she was death?" _

_I was momentarily stunned. I never thought of it that way. I need to feed on death to survive… and she was the personification of it. Was I attracted to her because of that?_

"_But…wait… if I was drawn to her because of what we think she is because of my thirst, then shouldn't I have been able to be drawn to her each time there was death, I mean, each time she fetches souls? Why is it only now?"_

"_Or maybe, Danny, that you seek death, because she is death?" he pressed._

"_What are you implying exactly? That I was always seeking her through each death I need to have my fill? That she is what I am actually looking for?" I said half-convinced, half-doubtful._

"_Think about the timeline. You were turned when you were nineteen. She knew you all those years before that. When you woke to this new world, you sought for death as sustenance. I really think there's a link to this," he explained._

"_And now she's bound to you. Why is that?" he continued._

"_You have a theory, don't you?" I said as I examined his suddenly lit face._

_He nodded._

_I raised my brows at him._

"_Do you believe in angels?" __He said with a smile._

_"Angels?" I repeated and suddenly all the pieces seem to fit._

Excerpt from Chapter 6. A piece of Daniel and Sebastian's conversation.

Now here's the synopsis for Passengers if ever it would really be written.

**Passengers**

Every minute, the world greets three new lives. Every minute, the world says farewell to three. Life is fast that way. Life is always moving. Somewhere, someone serves English tea with crumpets and scones then takes a leisurely walk across the foyer. Somewhere, someone grabs a hot soy latte, no foam, breve, a dapple of caramel syrup and a bagel to go. Students walk or ride bicycles to school for blocks on Kyoto in their uniforms. Students cruise through the streets with their top down mustangs or beaten up convertibles in California. Somewhere, someone hails a cab. Somewhere, someone chats from their limousines. Some may travel through sea or sky. But wherever one may go, they will always be surrounded by strangers. A faceless person in the crowded street, a nameless face on the stool next to you, wherever, whenever, and all you know is you.

Yet sometimes, strangers _will _meet. No matter how complicated the circumstances. Even if one is a touring concert Ballerina and the other a pilot. If they are fated to meet, life will find a way. After all, there is a saying. You only live twice. One for your life, and one for your dream. They already lived their life of careers. It was time to live their dream of finding someone to live their lives with.

In this story, Bella is a professional touring Ballerina while Edward is a pilot for LA International Airport. Their careers keep them up in the air for the majority of their lives which doesn't leave much for their social life but that doesn't mean they aren't looking. They don't know that life keeps throwing them at each other's path… starting with both living in the same neighborhood in sunny New Port. Bella's also been flying the same plane that Edward's commandeering. They both ride the same Metro link. They get on and off the same bus. They are the familiar strangers you just happen to always see on your commutes that you pay no mind too. Then there was this instance where they were invited by their friends for a company party that had a carnival theme where they each met with a fortune teller. Should they just dismiss her prediction? "You shall meet a person from your past life, whose soul is tied with yours that not even death could separate you from the other."

If in Parachutes life keeps separating Edward and Bella, here in Passengers, life desperately seeks to get them together. In the end of Parachutes they were able to _defy_ life and death thus be together, here in Passengers, will they be able to _accept _life this time around and meet?

So guys, really, some input? =)

Love as always,

Fighting-to-be-a-doctor-Margaux


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